HAVING A HEAD TABLE!!

SilverLining1 · April 2012

So like, no one actually likes to be separated from their date, and yet people continue to do this because "THAT'S HOW I SEE IT AT WEDDINGS!!!1!".

Well that makes sense. Let's just continue to blindly do things that most people don't enjoy and also make you look like a terrible hostess. When you include other people in your wedding, you have to host them well. It's part of being an adult.

NOLAbridealmost · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_having-a-head-table?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:2d6a8c17-03fb-455a-85e8-63e16295ddfcPost:bccad201-c8aa-48ed-a502-973b512306cc">Re: HAVING A HEAD TABLE!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I THINK THESE PEOPLE ARE BEING SILLY!!!!!!!!!!! IF YOU WANT A HEAD TABLE THE HEAD TABLE IS FOR THE WEDDING PARTY ONLY!!! <strong>HELLO PEOPLE GO TO WEDDINGS AND SEE THIS!!!!!! </strong>People should understand this when u ask them to be in the wedding party if they dont like it they dont have to be in the wedding party!!!! Plus even if the couples would be up there it would look odd. the bridesmaids are on the brides side of the table and the groomsman are on the grooms side. thats just how it is at normal weddings. I am tradition on this, but I do have the partners of my wedding party at a honors table because they are a little special. I have my 9 bridesmaids on my right and he has his 9 groomsman on his left, my personal attendent and ushers will be at a honors table and at that table will be the spouses, but I also have 3 family honor tables. Do what you want they will go along with what you want anyways, dinner is only 30 minutes out of the night!
Posted by trishshome23[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Oh honey. If we were to make "things we see at weddings" be the standard bearer for what's acceptable, we'd all be in trouble. There is no shortage of rude-asss things that people do at their weddings.

</div>

littleluckypenny · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_having-a-head-table?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:2d6a8c17-03fb-455a-85e8-63e16295ddfcPost:bccad201-c8aa-48ed-a502-973b512306cc">Re: HAVING A HEAD TABLE!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I THINK THESE PEOPLE ARE BEING SILLY!!!!!!!!!!! IF YOU WANT A HEAD TABLE THE HEAD TABLE IS FOR THE WEDDING PARTY ONLY!!! HELLO PEOPLE GO TO WEDDINGS AND SEE THIS!!!!!! People should understand this when u ask them to be in the wedding party if they dont like it they dont have to be in the wedding party!!!! Plus even if the couples would be up there it would look odd. the bridesmaids are on the brides side of the table and the groomsman are on the grooms side. thats just how it is at normal weddings. I am tradition on this, but I do have the partners of my wedding party at a honors table because they are a little special. I have my 9 bridesmaids on my right and he has his 9 groomsman on his left, my personal attendent and ushers will be at a honors table and at that table will be the spouses, but I also have 3 family honor tables. Do what you want they will go along with what you want anyways, dinner is only 30 minutes out of the night!
Posted by trishshome23[/QUOTE]

Do not use a wedding as an excuse to treat your nearest and dearest like crap. Obviously if her MOH is upset about it, she needs to reconsider the seating. It's not like the MOH is asking her to change her wedding colors, or DJ, or cake. She wants to sit with her SO. Everyone shoud be able to do that!

ceh789 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_having-a-head-table?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:2d6a8c17-03fb-455a-85e8-63e16295ddfcPost:e5793afe-0e8a-486d-9c0e-18d09244e9f4">Re: HAVING A HEAD TABLE!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: HAVING A HEAD TABLE!! : This is one of the dumbest arguments I've ever heard. If your MOH is the one who desperately wants to sit at the head table with you, then she should understand that it might mean she's the only "single one" sitting with you because it would be rude to separate the best man from his wife during the dinner. It would be simple enough to do a sweetheart table and sit your MOH and BM/wife elsewhere; but if your reason for not doing that is because MOH wants to sit next to you during the dinner, then she should also be okay with BM having his wife up there too. Sheesh. Oh, AND PLUS ALSO, (and more importantly) there is nothing "shameful" or embarrassing about being single. So there's really nothing to "draw attention to." No one cares if your MOH is single...except of course the other hot, single people who might be interested to see that she's available. =)
Posted by NOLAbridealmost[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I'd like to add to this that if I were the MOH and found out that the BM's wife had been banished to sit alone to <em>keep me from being embarassed at my singlehood</em> I would be horrified. I would just die. How incredibly embarassing that someone else had to go sit alone because my supposed best friend thinks I'd be embarassed at not having a date. Jesus.

</div>

banana468 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_having-a-head-table?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:2d6a8c17-03fb-455a-85e8-63e16295ddfcPost:bccad201-c8aa-48ed-a502-973b512306cc">Re: HAVING A HEAD TABLE!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I THINK THESE PEOPLE ARE BEING SILLY!!!!!!!!!!! IF YOU WANT A HEAD TABLE THE HEAD TABLE IS FOR THE WEDDING PARTY ONLY!!! HELLO PEOPLE GO TO WEDDINGS AND SEE THIS!!!!!! People should understand this when u ask them to be in the wedding party if they dont like it they dont have to be in the wedding party!!!! Plus even if the couples would be up there it would look odd. the bridesmaids are on the brides side of the table and the groomsman are on the grooms side. thats just how it is at normal weddings. I am tradition on this, but I do have the partners of my wedding party at a honors table because they are a little special. I have my 9 bridesmaids on my right and he has his 9 groomsman on his left, my personal attendent and ushers will be at a honors table and at that table will be the spouses, but I also have 3 family honor tables. Do what you want they will go along with what you want anyways, dinner is only 30 minutes out of the night!
Posted by trishshome23[/QUOTE]

Ohhh that's it! I should go to more weddings so I'll see head tables.

Funny - I've been to at least a dozen and a half weddings in the last ten years and of those weddings, THREE had head tables. That's hardly what you can call the norm. And those three weddings were just not that fun.

The idea that dinner is only 30 minutes makes me wonder if YOU have ever been to a wedding. When I've been split from DH for one of those three weddings when he was a GM, dinner lasted well into the hour and a half range and I wasn't with him for the cocktail portion of the evening either.

Amazingly, he was supposed to feel "honored" that to talk to his significant other that day, he had to walk across the room to make that happen.

How much talking do you think you'll be doing to your BMs and GM at one of those tables anyway? The setup is hardly conducive to conversation.

So again, can you give any support for WHY having them makes sense other than 'that's how I want it' or 'that's what I've seen'?

jesslynn1012 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_having-a-head-table?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:2d6a8c17-03fb-455a-85e8-63e16295ddfcPost:d29ce4d4-4a5a-4a16-b7c2-036b4fd4633c">Re: HAVING A HEAD TABLE!!</a>:
[QUOTE]We are planning on a head table too for just the bridal party, no dates.<strong> All the weddings I've been to its been like this so hearing that people seat the dates with the bridal party is weird to me.</strong> My FI is in a wedding this spring and i wont be sitting with him. It's not like I cant dance with him or anything. It's just a seat. Honestly I'm okay with it too. I'm not going to get heartbroken over not sitting next to him.
Posted by babe915[/QUOTE]

I find it weird too.... I've been in 4 weddings, and all had a table where the bridal party sat apart from their guests. It's not that fun for the SO... but it's not for that long. Just to eat basically. It's not the end of the world if someone is mad bc they want to sit next to their SO. Just be nice when you state why you are having them separated. I'm sure your MOH will get over it.

Kate0558 · April 2012

I think its rude- If theres a head table then include their dates at the head table as well even if they arent in the wedding. My sister did this when she got married and it wasn't wierd at all. IF they are married or a couple then they should sit together.

Kids might become a problem for me since a few of the groomsmen and bridesmaids have kids they will need to be sitting with. So we are just goin to sit tthem all in a central location. We will share a table with MOH and bestman (and his date who isn't in the wedding) I have to invite her even tho i'm not really a huge fan of her.... - i can't just not let them sit together.... that would be rediculously rude. And I think it would come off as "bridezilla" like and very unlike me.

rondokye · April 2012

In my opinion, having a head table is an old wedding tradition that doesn't need to be followed any longer. It seems like people are more mobile now then they were in even our parent's generations. My FI and I had this discussion recently when I was ordering rentals for our outdoor reception. He wanted a head table and didn't see what the big deal was - that's the way his sisters and all of his other relatives did it. That's fine if its a small, intimate wedding where everyone knows everyone. But people don't live like that anymore.

For me, my family lives, minimally, four hours away. My friends, including my bridesmaids, are from all over the country. None of us are from the area where my FI grew up and where I now live.

I know that I wouldn't want to travel 4+ hours for a wedding only to be seated with a group of strangers. As half of a couple, I would want to be with my significant other. So we agreed to have a sweetheart table. I plan a lot of events - both for work and in my home. And my #1 goal is to make sure that everyone in my 'home' as a great time and feels comfortable. As the hostess, I'm applying that rule to our wedding as well.

jemmini6 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_having-a-head-table?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:2d6a8c17-03fb-455a-85e8-63e16295ddfcPost:cb6c304f-0bdb-4ec5-87fc-bbba126ac095">Re: HAVING A HEAD TABLE!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Personally, I don't see anything wrong with a head table just because I have never seen it done any other way, except once. Last month,<strong> I went to a wedding where the couple sat at a sweetheart table and other guests at my table actually made some pretty negative comments toward it (etc. it looked awkward)</strong>. However, just because it's tradition in my circle of friends/family doesn't mean it is everywhere. My FI has been in several weddings where he was in the WP and had to sit at a head table. I've had to sit at a table where I"ve known no one, and honestly, I couldn't care less. I'm adult and mature enough to be able to hold a conversation with other adults for a few hours without my FI by my said holding my hand.
Posted by Amanda1443994[/QUOTE]

Well they sound like real nice people.....

Belle0720 · April 2012

I've attended a lot of weddings recently and they've all had head tables with just the wedding party. I've actually never heard of having dates sit at the head table too. I personally would have found it awkward to sit at the head table when I wasn't in the wedding party just so I could sit with my fiance. I survived just fine making friends with people at my table when I couldn't sit with him (and vice versa). Not to mention the head table would have to double in size and in some cases, the venue would not have been able to accomodate such a long table.

For my wedding, I plan to have a head table with just the wedding party. And for those who have dates, their dates will sit at tables with their friends/family. They all do have friends/family also attending the wedding so it's not an issue for them.

However if anyone did have an issue with it(I can't imagine they would, since the few with dates did it at their weddings too), I would be happy to accomodate them and let them sit at the same table as their date and still have the head table without them (because I personally don't like sweetheart tables). If you want to accomodate your MOH's request then I say try that route or else go with a sweetheart table. While I don't think having a head table is rude in nature, if someone doesn't want to sit at your table, do you really want to force them to anyways?

Ultimately, don't let this stress you out, this is such a little detail and is not going to make or break your wedding. Good luck!

jenluedtke · April 2012

wow... i didnt think having a head table would start such a controversy! good luck in figuring it out! my advice is to keep other peoples feelings in mind when making the decision!

caterpillar85 · April 2012

This all made me laugh. It's like listening to little kids argue over which color crayon is best.

OP- I've been a BM where I was at the head table and my FI sat with my parents. FI has been a best man twice where I sat at the table with him at one, and where I sat with random people at the other. I've also been at one where there was no head/king/sweetheart table at all... the bride and groom sat with the guests, and the BP was scattered around.

If you have the head table like you want, your MOH will be pissed and you'll have to take care of that yourself. I have a feeling in the end you will do what you want to do and that's fine, just keep in mind that you will definitely piss your friends/family off and that's not a great way to start your marriage.

jacki8788 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_having-a-head-table?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:2d6a8c17-03fb-455a-85e8-63e16295ddfcPost:e3653557-dc0a-4d7e-a33a-2cf32e3d66f7">HAVING A HEAD TABLE!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I have always wanted to have a head table with my bridesmaids and my FI groomsmen! I was thinking of having a separate table for all of the bridal party's dates just during dinner. After that the bridal party can do what they want. My MOH is upset that she wont be able to sit with her date and thinks I am being rude.... Not sure what to do. This is the only situation that works for my FI and I and our families.
Posted by AileenK18[/QUOTE]

Oh boy. I was originally thinking the same thing as you--we decided to do a head table because we liked the idea of having our bridal party with us. It seemed like it would be awkward to have a random little table with just the two of us. But, one of my BMs asked me last night about seating and said her FI would really hate to have to sit with people he didn't know (he's not in our wedding party). Granted, my BM is a very opinionated person, and half the time you really do just have to brush off what she says. But if I was in their position and either me or my FI had to sit w/ people we didn't know, I know it would bother us too. And after reading all these crazy responses, I have to admit there are some good points in favor of the sweetheart table. So.. really leaning towards doing a sweetheart table now.

walgrrl · June 2012

Hey, I have a question relating to this topic for everyone. I am also trying to figure out the "head table vs. sweetheart table" debate. My fiance and I prefer to do a head table, but as others have mentioned, I don't want to have to separate my bridal party from their dates.

So, even though we'd have to do a really huge table (including us, wedding party, and dates, it will be 14 people), we were thinking of including wedding party's spouses/significant others in the head table. The only thing that makes it a little weird is that all of the bridesmaids will have boyfriends/husbands, but none of the groomsmen will have girlfriends/wives. My bridesmaids are all either married or in long-term relationships, but the groomsmen are all single. I told the groomsmen they could bring dates, but they all said no. Basically, they don't want to bring some random girl just for the sake of having a date (which I totally get!).

My question is, would it look weird to have all bridesmaids plus dates on one side, and then groomsmen (all without dates) on the other side? Is there any good way to set this up, or should we scrap the whole idea and just go with a sweetheart table instead?

GoodLuckBear14 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_having-a-head-table?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:2d6a8c17-03fb-455a-85e8-63e16295ddfcPost:cf8beecd-d4ea-471b-9681-7db218eb0187">Re: HAVING A HEAD TABLE!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Hey, I have a question relating to this topic for everyone. I am also trying to figure out the "head table vs. sweetheart table" debate. My fiance and I prefer to do a head table, but as others have mentioned, I don't want to have to separate my bridal party from their dates. So, even though we'd have to do a really huge table (including us, wedding party, and dates, it will be 14 people), we were thinking of including wedding party's spouses/significant others in the head table. The only thing that makes it a little weird is that all of the bridesmaids will have boyfriends/husbands, but none of the groomsmen will have girlfriends/wives. My bridesmaids are all either married or in long-term relationships, but the groomsmen are all single. I told the groomsmen they could bring dates, but they all said no. Basically, they don't want to bring some random girl just for the sake of having a date (which I totally get!). My question is, would it look weird to have all bridesmaids plus dates on one side, and then groomsmen (all without dates) on the other side? Is there any good way to set this up, or should we scrap the whole idea and just go with a sweetheart table instead?
Posted by walgrrl[/QUOTE]

Walgrrl - Threadjacking is not good netiquette. Please create your own post to ask your question rather than dig up a thread that has been dead for a month and a half.

walgrrl · June 2012

The subject is "head table", therefore I posted a question about having a head table. I didn't really see a problem with that.

Thanks a lot for answering my question.

GoodLuckBear14 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_having-a-head-table?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:2d6a8c17-03fb-455a-85e8-63e16295ddfcPost:0aa223db-276d-4b2b-985b-c049a3efa8ca">Re: HAVING A HEAD TABLE!!</a>:
[QUOTE]The subject is "head table", therefore I posted a question about having a head table. I didn't really see a problem with that. Thanks a lot for answering my question.
Posted by walgrrl[/QUOTE]

How far did you have to dig to find this post? People don't go past the first page when they visit a board. The only reason I saw it is because it popped up as the most recently posted to thread.

Instead of getting an attitude (thanks a lot for answering my question - when I clearly didn't), try lurking and see how this site works. Creat your own post, ask your question and you will get responses.

MzMillie79 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_having-a-head-table?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:2d6a8c17-03fb-455a-85e8-63e16295ddfcPost:82ed98b6-dfb4-4955-aeca-8a6df482a3ea">Re: HAVING A HEAD TABLE!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: HAVING A HEAD TABLE!! : YOU may not find it rude, but I'm sure a SO separated (or the members of your BP) will, even if they don't tell you to your face. The reception is about the comfort of your guests. If there isn't any space for a head table and you don't want a sweetheart table, have your BM and MOH (AND their dates) sit with you and have the rest of the BP with the rest of your guests. I really don't get how it's not rude, would you like to be seated away from your husband? Why do that to those you care about (and then seat all other couples together just because they aren't in the BP)?
Posted by littleluckypenny[/QUOTE]

<div>When someone accepts your invitation to be in your wedding they accept that it's YOUR special day and most of them should know they will be away from their s/o until after dinner. However, the MOH has duties they accept they will do during the entire day and they need to explain this to their s/o and the s/o I'm sure will understand esp. if he is part of the family or a close friend. It is NOT rude to have them separate during any part of a Bride's wedding.</div>

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