Wedding Etiquette Forum

What do you/will you call your ILs? (after marriage)

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Re: What do you/will you call your ILs? (after marriage)

  • I answered other. I come from a super formal family, and I have a really hard time calling people I don't know anything other than "Mr./mrs. Last name. I've only met my future in laws once (they live a long way from us, we met in law school). They hated it and told FI to tell me to call them mom and dad. Umm, no thanks, for reasons already mentioned! Now I just call them "mr. John" and "mrs. Carrie" and that seems to be a pretty good compromise for now. My in-laws were also disappointed I wasnt ok with mom/dad. What's with that? Especially as we have only met one time! I really like them, but using mom and dad will just never work for me, haha.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_youwill-call-ils-after-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a03c8c02-6d45-4cd1-849d-6ff714dfd179Post:2f895637-9c8b-4dff-99ce-cea83706f9dc">Re: What do you/will you call your ILs? (after marriage)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Their first names. If I'm being funny I call them ma and pa lastname, but yeah. Usually just Gary and Kathy.
    Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]

    That is really weird. My in-laws names are Gary and Kathy as well. Spelt the same too. Cool!!!

    Random sorry but I just thought that was funny.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_youwill-call-ils-after-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a03c8c02-6d45-4cd1-849d-6ff714dfd179Post:225eae05-989b-4074-bc38-ba84111dc2d1">Re: What do you/will you call your ILs? (after marriage)</a>:
    [QUOTE]The first time I met them I was 16 years old and tried to call them Mr. and Mrs.  I was told about 1 second later to call them by their middle names (that's what they both bo by, not their first names).  So nothing will change once I have the same last name.
    Posted by crfb87[/QUOTE]

    Actually my FILs both go by shortened versions of their middle names! So I guess I don't call them by their first names after all.  

    What is funny about this is that FI goes by a shortened version of his first name to everybody BUT his family can't stand it, they always give me wierd looks when I call him by his "shortened" name.  FI gets all riled up about the double standard.
  • I don't get the whole mom dad thing.... but to each their own.

    At first, I tried not to call them anything :-) Now it's first names.
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  • I plan to call my FFIL dad, but he's 90, so...I won't have a MIL, she's gone.  For my first marriage, I called the ILs by their first names, because they told me to (I really didn't like either one of them, for very good reasons).  I don't know what my FI will call my mom and grandma, or even, my dad and uncle.  I never thought about it.  My mom and grandma came over yesterday, and I think he called my mom "mom" but he'd said that was his intention, especially since his mom is gone.  This is really a very awkward subject, lol.
  • EnamiEnami member
    100 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_youwill-call-ils-after-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a03c8c02-6d45-4cd1-849d-6ff714dfd179Post:0553f487-5f94-4c1e-a27e-97d35e041483">Re: What do you/will you call your ILs? (after marriage)</a>:
    [QUOTE]First names, but we just talked about this last weekend. I have avoided actually addressing them for 4 years because I wasn't sure what they wanted to be called. God I am weird.
    Posted by Rosie109[/QUOTE]

    I did this too, until they specifically said what they wanted to be called. I was fine calling them Mr. and Mrs. So-and-So, but they want to be called by their first names. My parents go by their first names or "Mom/Dad", whichever.
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  • By their first name. It's how we were introduced. Lucas's BIL calls them Mr. & Mrs Lastname, but that's because he and Lucas's sister started dating in High School. He had to call them that back then, and it just stuck.
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  • I call them by their first names.  Also, my parents are named Gary and Cathy.
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  • I call them by their first names as I always have, but sometimes I call my MIL Mama Firstname, and I call his grandma Gram.

    It feels strange to me to call anyone but MY mom and dad Mom or Dad.
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  • We call each other's parents by first names.  We also both call each other's grandparents "Grandma" and  "Grandpa."

    Of course, I'm not in good graces with my ILs, so for the past few weeks I haven't called them anything :-P
  • nzchick88nzchick88 member
    10 Comments
    edited April 2011
    I call his parents by their first names. If invited I would call his mum 'mum' but I wouldn't start that without an invite. I call her mum if she gets bossy eg. "yes mum!".

    My partner calls my mum 'mum' and my dad 'Sir'.

    ETA: I call his grandparents what he calls them, granny and grandad. He calls my nana 'nana' but calls my grandfathers by their first names unless talking to me about them.
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  • My MIL goes by a nickname, so I just use that. And I just call my FIL by his first name. They are pretty laid back, chill kind of people. They aren't concerned with formal names and all that jazz.
  • Mom and Dad. I love my FIL and they feel like my own family. When we got engaged my FFIL asked if I would call him Dad after the wedding, he was mostly joking but ever since it stuck. :)
  • By their first names - they aren't my parents, so I don't feel comfortable calling them Mom or Dad... My fiance's father said you can call me Dad in a prior conversation but I said no, I will stick with his first name and he didn't seem to have a problem - just go with whatever you are comfortable with, if you already call them by their first names, why change it to Mom or Dad ? jmo
  • I use to address my future in-laws as Mr. & Mrs. because that was just how I was raised.  My FMIL didn't like that very much she always told me that is her Mother-in-laws name that it was okay to call her by her first.  It took  me over 2 years to finally be comfortable calling them by their first names.  I won't be calling them mom and dad its kind of weird.  My FMIL to this day still calls her mother-in-law by her first name too.  I know both my parents called their in-laws mom and dad.
  • I call FIs parents by their first names.

    FI refers to my dad by his first name, but calls my grandmother (my mother figure) Ms. Dot. 
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  • Hepburn88 Hepburn88 member
    First Comment
    edited April 2011
    Even now, my MIL would like me to call her by her first name. I  will refer to my FIL as ''Dr. ...." He worked hard for his title. My future brother-in-law does the same. He attempted to call the FIL by his first name and it did not go well. I would just ask them what they would like to be called. It is much easier to respect their wished if you know what they are. Good luck!

  • I call my MIL by her first name, or occasionally "Ma" like everyone else does. My FIL I call "Pops", becase my FI is a junior so its just weird to call him the same thing. Pretty much everyone calls him Pops to avoid this, even if they aren't related.
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  • Both of my parents are deceased, but I'm close and comfortable enough with my in-laws that I call them mom and dad. 
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  • It's a combination for me.

    If the grandkids are around I call them Nana and Papa. When it's just us, I'll usually call them by their first names (Pat and Dana). Sometimes I'll call MIL "mom" in texts or e-mails, but it's still a little weird saying that one in person. ;)

  • I've called my future in laws by their first names for the last 4 years.  It gets a little confusing seeing how both go by Marti/Marty.  When we are all in the same household I have to refer to them as Little Marti and Big Marty.  Both are from Tennessee and love the idea of me calling them Mom & Dad, but it may only ever happen on occasion if ever.  They have been my second parents over the past few years, but my mom will always be my mom.  Laughing
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  • My FILs have asked me to call them mom and dad. They only have boys and my fiance is the first to get married so the way they see it I'm like the daughter they never had. It makes sense and I understand why they want me to call them mom and dad but it makes me uncomfortable. I would much rather call them by their first names. Oh well... I guess I'll just avoid situations where I have to address them. And I'm hoping for when we have kids I can just call them Grandma and Grandpa =]
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