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Critical FSMIL

erin7264erin7264
First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
FI's stepmother is a piece of work, I'm told. I haven't actually ever MET the woman, because she can't be bothered to fit a family gathering with FI into her busy schedule and seems to have no interest in meeting me. She has adult children of her own and definitely favors them over FI. From my vantage point, she seems to have a little bit of Evil Stepmother syndrome going on - FI's dad has to sneak out of the house to see him, or wait until she's out of town, and she regularly tries to cause drama or criticize FI (to his own father). Every time FI attempts to make nice with her, she feigns ignorance and tells him he's the only one with a problem and the only person he's hurting is his father. FI's father has suggested he talk to her and try to repair things, but refuses to stand up to her when she starts in with the manipulative behavior. There have been a number of 'episodes' in the time FI and I have been together, and in that time I've not seen or heard her say one cordial thing to him.

Regardless, for some reason it got passed along the grapevine (FSMIL to FI's dad, FI to me)  that she was heavily criticizing the way I addressed the invitations, and that theirs should have been addressed to "Mr. and Mrs. HisFirstname Lastname" and what poor etiquette that was to do it any other way, and that there was no inner envelope and it just looked sloppy. Now, I'm all for admitting mistakes, but she's NOT "Mrs. HisFirstname Lastname", she kept her maiden name and we addressed the invitation accordingly. She filled out the RSVP as "Mr. and Mrs. HisFirstname Lastname", and I'm sure will have something to say about the fact that we aren't assigning seats or setting out place cards. 

This woman is supposedly coming to the wedding, which is in just a few weeks. We were originally concerned with FI's parents having to coexist, as they don't really get along...but this woman has sort of elbowed her way into the limelight and FI is pretty sure she will try to be an AW and cause some sort of scene.

OK, so I'm not sure there is really a question here. Kind of a vent. We're getting down to the wire and dammit, I don't need this biiitch's drama! Anyone else have an evil FSMIL? Maybe you can placate me with stories of weddings that have happened succesfully with evil FSMIL's in attendance? Ways to detain the AW'ing evil FSMIL?

I'm secretly hoping she will have some important business meeting to attend that week.
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Re: Critical FSMIL

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    aragx6aragx6 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    I would stick your hands over your ears and stop listening to the drama about a woman you've never met. It'll be easier on everyone that way.
    Lizzie
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    MyUserName1MyUserName1 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    Honestly, by letting her get to you, she's winning.  Let it roll of your back.  People like her thrive on upsetting others.  Just smile blandly at her and move along.  It'll drive her nuts.

    There isn't really anything you can do to stop her being an AW.  But you can just ignore her.  Her behaviour will only reflect poorly on her.
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    mkruparmkrupar member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
    Thank her for coming and move on to the next guest.
    image
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    brilibby4brilibby4 member
    First Comment
    I'm sorry she is bothering you.  If she causes a scene at the wedding it will only make her look bad, not you or your fiance.  Try not to worry about it so much and stop listening to drama/gossip.
    image
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    erin7264erin7264
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_critical-fsmil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:45fd73cd-ddbb-42ca-8041-b29399202838Post:07b3673d-734d-4228-af0e-698e59284c81">Re: Critical FSMIL</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'd punch her right in the boob.
    Posted by cfaszews25[/QUOTE]

    This made me giggle.

    Thanks ladies. It doesn't usually bother me... I don't really give a rat's arse what she thinks of me or my family. I just have a lot to do in the next few weeks between the wedding and trying to close on our house, so it was extra-annoying today.
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    SKPMSKPM member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer Name Dropper
    I don't have much advice to add, but is is possible that she used her married name socially? Brides here talk about that option all the time. Maybe she keeps her legal paperwork in her former name and prefers to be addressed socially by her married name?

    photo fancy-as-fuck.jpg
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    OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    If you think she is going to want the spotlight on her at your wedding, make sure you speak to your DJ!  Don't let him turn the microphone over to FSMIL!  And PP have great advice about just smiling and thanking her for coming. Just let all of her antics roll off your back.

    And did you say you weren't going to do assigned seating or place cards?  Is it free seating at your wedding?  How many people are attending?  You may want to have a few extra tables and place settings if this is the route you are going.  There are bound to be a few seats open at some tables with the way people seat themselves.  You can easily make a seating chart and assign people to a table.  Just have your parents host their own separate table.
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    MangoSongMangoSong member
    First Comment
    I feel like if you had addressed the envelope, "Mr. and Mrs. HisFirstname Lastname" she would have complained that it was not addressed properly because she kept her maiden name. Regardless of the reason, she likes the drama, she's looking for a reason to start up. Kill her with kindness and don't let her interup or stress you out. "Oh, I'm sorry for the mistake, we'll correct it." I personally don't think it's a big deal. My boyfriend has a very Italian last name, and you wouldn't believe how many of his CLOSE friends get it wrong... ALL The time. So to put her maiden name? I don't think it's a big deal. 

    At the wedding, just try and keep his mother and his step mother apart. Maybe even designate a bridesmaid to run interference. Worse comes to worse she will embarrass herself.  
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    erin7264erin7264
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_critical-fsmil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:45fd73cd-ddbb-42ca-8041-b29399202838Post:5056a616-3763-4723-aeba-8ee7f0136146">Re: Critical FSMIL</a>:
    [QUOTE]If you think she is going to want the spotlight on her at your wedding, make sure you speak to your DJ!  Don't let him turn the microphone over to FSMIL!  And PP have great advice about just smiling and thanking her for coming. Just let all of her antics roll off your back. And did you say you weren't going to do assigned seating or place cards?  Is it free seating at your wedding?  How many people are attending?  You may want to have a few extra tables and place settings if this is the route you are going.  There are bound to be a few seats open at some tables with the way people seat themselves.  You can easily make a seating chart and assign people to a table.  Just have your parents host their own separate table.
    Posted by OliveOilsMom[/QUOTE]

    Yes, free seating. There is space for 225, and at the moment we are expecting less than 120. I do plan to have a few extra tables.

    As far as she has made it abundantly clear to FI, she has maintained her maiden name both professionally and socially. I, too, thought she would be pissed if we addressed her as Mrs. Hisname Lastname, since it was her decision to keep her maiden name. Apparently not. Oh well. ;)


    She's back at it, now - FI told me last night that she wants him to come over for dinner so she can "talk" to him, without me, and then she wants us to come over for dinner another night after that so she can meet me before the wedding.

    No offense to this crazy self-centered broad, but I don't have TIME for her, even if I did want to meet her - our wedding is in exactly three weeks, we close on the house in just two weeks, we have an OOT wedding to attend this weekend, Father's Day next weekend, and an OOT engagement party the weekend after that. In addition to meeting with the florist, caterer, baker, DJ, officiant, venue staff, and seamstress to finalize all the last minute details.

    It must be nice to think you're so important. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-tongue-out.gif" border="0" alt="Tongue out" title="Tongue out" />
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