Help us settle a debate :)

hollie1113 · August 2010

So, FI and I were talking about the whole "out of town guests at the rehearsal dinner" thing....he says we HAVE to invite EVERYONE from out of town, I say NO we don't...and here's why- that would be 85% of our wedding! I feel like, at that point, I may as well throw on my dress, have the wedding right there, and call it a day! I'm thinking just immediate family and the bridal party (which is already like, 40 people)....What would/are you all doing if you're in this situation??
*btw, it's totally okay if you point out the fact that I'm wrong in my side...wedding "ettiquite" already says I am

Dee729 · August 2010

Hollie -

I'm so with you on this. I am doing the EXACT same thing.

We have about 80% OOT town guests, so I think its stupid to have them all for dinner and then all over again the next night!!

Plus, that's a lot of money for FI parents to fork over.

Luckily our hotel is right outside a small upscale shopping area with 6 restaurants/bars, so our guests will be able to fend for themselves.

We are just having bridal party (which is 15 alone, plus their +1 = 30 alone) plus our family, so we are having about 50 people for the rehearsal dinner.

I've been to weddings where if you had a plane ticket, you got to go to the rehearsal dinner, but I've also been to imediate family/wedding party only dinners.

It really comes down to what you can afford....if you can afford it...go for it, but now-a-days....people are keeping it small.

xVWx · August 2010

I am inviting my out of towners, We have lots of family flying in and its important to us to not try to cram everything into one night. Its a huge financial commitment, that may or may not make our honeymoon happen. But to me its totally worth it. I may not seem someone of my dad's cousins again for years. If you can do it.. i say do.

MariMac84 · August 2010

I was planning on only having the immediate family and bridal party.

I don't have many out of towners at all, but even if I did, I don't think i'd invite them all either.

RU3234 · August 2010

We were in the same boat. We are inviting everyone and just making it a BBQ in the park. I felt like if people were traveling all the way in they should be invited since there paying to travel and stay. Also, how much time will we get to spend with everyone at the wedding? The RD will be more fun and let us hang with out our OOT guests and family.
Do what you want though! Im not sure there is a right or wrong!

xVWx · August 2010

We're doing a BBQ theme too

PhiSigFly · August 2010

So, at this point, our plan is to have a rehearsal dinner for immediate family and bridal party only. However, I am going to send out an evite to all of the OOT guests and invite them to meet us at the bar in the hotel after the rehearsal dinner to hang out. We were OOT guests at a wedding a few months ago and that's what they did, and we really liked it. A bar is more laid back than the actual rehearsal dinner and we want to use the rehearsal as a time to thank our parents and bridal party in private.

Natalie97 · August 2010

lol i know what you mean, just throw on the dress...you have the food and people there! It's a lot of people and you'll be doing it again the next night.

I like Karen's idea to have a bqq at the park and invite everyone. It's a great way to get to talk to and get to know your guests and it also serves as a welcome/thank you for coming all this way.

My FI's parents would like to have it in a restaurant, but are starting to think it will be too expensive to invite all the OOT guests, although they are 95% from their side of the family. And I have 25 people in the bridal party, including ring bearers & flower girls, OMG...I didn't even notice it was that many people. I think I am going to look into renting a community center so I can meet a lot of FI's family.

Whatever you feel is right and most doable, I say go for it!

anaroo87 · August 2010

We're having about 80% OOT guests, and they are all family and a couple close friends. Most of that family I only get to see once in a blue moon so I am excited to see them and feel like if I am spending a whole year of planning and this much money for one 6-hour day, I might as well spend a little extra and prolong the festivities, lol. We want to do either a BBQ in a park or at the beach and I am not bothering with many decorations or anything fancy so I think it will be even more fun since it will just be casual - getting to talk and hang out with people. (And I recently started looking up catering companies for BBQs and many of them are really inexpensive, like one was $15/pp)

brooklyngurl81 · August 2010

My fsil had a huge weekend wedding event because she lives in orlando and most of us live in So. FL. I don't know if your budget allows it but this is how her wedding weekend went. Thurs- rehearsal dinner at the in-laws house, Fri- Hawaiian party at the hotel we were all staying at, that party was for everyone invited to the wedding. Saturday night was the wedding, and sunday was a pool side bbq. It is a little too much but you have to also consider your oot guests are gonna probably be around for the entire weekend, and they have to do something besides stay in a hotel room all day. HTH

Natalie97 · August 2010

PSA: Shorty's BBQ has awesome catering prices in case you want to do a bbq style RD

http://www.shortys.com/carryout_takeaway.php

RU3234 · August 2010

It cost us $50 for a pavilion at a park and my BIL loves to BBQ so hes going to do it. Were going to get all the food from BJ's. It will cost us about $200 for 80 people.
We're not doing alcohol, mainly cause the park doesnt allow it but it also saves alot of money! Theres a bar at my venue everyone will go too after!

bears4life · August 2010

Hollie I'm with you on this one! Prob only inviting bridal party, immediate family and then guests who have flown in from out of the country only, not out of state

lisabill8 · August 2010

We are also only doing the bridal party (and their SOs) and immediate family. or else it would be like having 2 weddings because so many people are OOT. We are also kinda skirting around the whole thing by having the RD on Friday night, our wedding isn't until Sunday night, so most people will be arriving Saturday anyway.

NicoleJay312 · August 2010

We are in the same boat. My mother says we should be having OOT guests at the RD but FI and I are paying for it and we just don't have that kind of money. We are actually thinking of skipping the whole thing. I think we will probably end up just doing bridal party and immediate family with their +1. That comes out to about 30 people.

Karyan30 · August 2010

Im in the middle of this also. We are having it at a restaurant thats nice and popular in Miami, not fancy but very nice great food (52 a person). It will be bridal party and their spouses, parents, his gp and closests uncles, aunts and cousins (the few ones that are making it here) 80% of the wedding is OOT from another state and from my country, so doing more than that is another wedding. I rather do something smaller and nicer than something masive and cheaper. Also i think this is the only think FI parents do, might as well be nice. problem is my godmother that is coming from my country asked my mom when the RD was and she invited her?? wtf im so mad, shes going to have do un-invite her know bc we are limited to 40 ppl!! worst part is RD is not even a tradition in my country!
We are doing pre wedding gatherings (bars, dinner, boat ride) to show ppl that never been in miami, but everybody is paying their own, we are not made of money!

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