fiance keeps adding more groomsmen!

defstar82 · May 2010

I have 3 bridesmaids. My fiance originally had 3 groomsmen, and then he felt bad and asked my brother to be one too, which I was really touched by and didn't mind the "uneven" factor, since it wasn't that bad. Then he decided he wanted to ask ANOTHER friend. I hesitantly okayed it, because he said it was really important to him. So now we're up to 3 bridesmaids and 5 groomsmen. Well, one of his best friends/groomsman is getting married 2 weeks after us, and HE has a particular childhood friend they all share as a groomsman, and now my fiance wants to add HIM as well! I already suggested him doing a reading or being an usher, which he shot down. If I let him add this guy, we'll have 3 bridesmaids and 6 groomsmen! Which I think is weird, besides the fact that he just keeps ADDING PEOPLE! He's not very close with his half brother, (hardly talks to him or sees him) but his dad mentioned something about adding him as well! this has to stop somewhere!!!!

I need to think of something, besides doing a reading or being an usher for this other friend and possibly half brother to do, and I'm drawing a blank. help!

http://erinandnicholas.ourwedding.com/

stina93446 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_fiance-keeps-adding-groomsmen?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:e27467e9-0c74-43f6-ba04-a9486e760f69Post:656a7c4c-4ec7-452e-ad9b-7dd7c3da2d90">fiance keeps adding more groomsmen!</a>:
[QUOTE]I have 3 bridesmaids. My fiance originally had 3 groomsmen, and then he felt bad and asked my brother to be one too, which I was really touched by and didn't mind the "uneven" factor, since it wasn't that bad. Then he decided he wanted to ask ANOTHER friend. I hesitantly okayed it, because he said it was really important to him. So now we're up to 3 bridesmaids and 5 groomsmen. Well, one of his best friends/groomsman is getting married 2 weeks after us, and HE has a particular childhood friend they all share as a groomsman, and now my fiance wants to add HIM as well! I already suggested him doing a reading or being an usher, which he shot down. If I let him add this guy, we'll have 3 bridesmaids and 6 groomsmen! Which I think is weird, besides the fact that he just keeps ADDING PEOPLE! He's not very close with his half brother, (hardly talks to him or sees him) but his dad mentioned something about adding him as well! this has to stop somewhere!!!! I need to think of something, besides doing a reading or being an usher for this other friend and possibly half brother to do, and I'm drawing a blank. help! <a href="http://erinandnicholas.ourwedding.com/" rel="nofollow">http://erinandnicholas.ourwedding.com/</a>
Posted by defstar82[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Sides don't have to be even. He can have as many as he wants. And 6-3 is not bad. Have 2 gm escort one bm.

</div>

skippylouwho · May 2010

Try 8 bridesmaids and 11 groomsmen, 3 ushers. (It was 9 bridesmaids, one had to drop out due to military commitment). My DD's wedding.

Originally the only thing I asked for was to have my son escort me to my seat at the start of the wedding. As the wedding party grew, I'venow asked that any pictures I'm in be taken immediately after the ceremony. Then I'm headed to the cocktail hour. I know I couldn't take watching the photographer try to get that many people in one place at the same time, not running their mouths, all looking the right direction and smiling. I know my stress limits and that would make me crazy. SO I'm hoping I get in the first pictures and then am excused and of to cocktails for me!

mbcdefg · May 2010

I see your point if he keeps adding more and more people.

But on the other hand, it would be wrong of you to tell him to not have his friends as groomsmen JUST because of the uneven sides thing. (And a 3:6 ratio works out well anyway, because then you have two guys escorting each girl, instead of having a solo groomsman or some in pairs and some in triples ... not that that matters, but it just makes things easier to figure out.)

I would just sit down with your FI and explain that you are fine with uneven sides and that you want him to have his friends included, but I also might say something like, "Please tell me right now who you want those people to be. We need finalized numbers for boutonnieres and rehearsal dinner meals and for the ceremony program, so we can't be adding more attendants a month or two out. I absolutely want your best friends standing up there with you, but I think we need to draw the line at some point, otherwise we won't have anyone left as guests. So is there anyone else you want to add, or will 6 be the final number?"

emilyinchile · May 2010

I don't think the uneven-ness is a problem. As Stina said, you're fine to have 2 GMs for every BM. But I do think it's potentially a problem that he just keeps adding people as he "remembers" them. Can you talk to him about a) what being a GM means (ie. doesn't have to be every friend you've ever had, should be, as Aerin put it yesterday, the people you'd call at 3am to help you bury a body) and b) about setting a date by which you'll have your WP finalized? Even if he decides to add these extra people - which is fine - it wouldn't really be appropriate for him to be adding guys 2 weeks before the wedding as an afterthought.

If you're really worried about things being lopsided, why not ask your brother if he'd like to stand up for you on your side instead?

aerinpegadrak · May 2010

Ditto the others. Uneven sides are fine, but you should sit down with him and make sure he knows that you will need to finalize the wedding party soon.

526SadieSadie · May 2010

You said you were fine with 3 BM's and 4 GM, why is 3 BM's and 5 or 6 GM's bothering you? I agree it is annoying that he keeps adding people but, no offense, it really doesn't have anything to do with you, it's what he wants.

defstar82 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_fiance-keeps-adding-groomsmen?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:e27467e9-0c74-43f6-ba04-a9486e760f69Post:49d7b072-eb29-48e6-8dd4-ac5565c7a9df">Re: fiance keeps adding more groomsmen!</a>:
[QUOTE]You said you were fine with 3 BM's and 4 GM, why is 3 BM's and 5 or 6 GM's bothering you? I agree it is annoying that he keeps adding people but, no offense, it really doesn't have anything to do with you, it's what he wants.
Posted by 526SadieSadie[/QUOTE]

doesn't have anything to do with me? no offense, but that's pretty idiotic. it kind of does... seeing as how its my wedding too. a relationship is a compromise, not "whatever he wants goes".

as most of you said, I'm not too concerned with the uneven sides. it is a good point that 3-6 is actually pretty convienent. Its the matter of him wanting to keep adding people. I HAVE asked him, but then he keeps "feeling bad about so and so". He's a very sweet guy who doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings, which is why he keeps adding people who he thinks MIGHT want to be included.

skippylouwho, that's a lot of people!

mbcdefg, I really like what you suggested I say. I'll try and have another talk with him.

aerinpegadrak · May 2010

Well, it's his wedding party, and he's the one who will have to pick attire for them and make sure they have the information they need. So no, it doesn't really have anything to do with you, unless he wants their boutonnieres to cost $200 each and that's not in your budget. The bride and groom have very, very little interaction with each other's attendants.

fiance keeps adding more groomsmen!

Re: fiance keeps adding more groomsmen!

Choose Another Board

Search Boards