Wedding Etiquette Forum

Serious dilemma

So a woman that I work with was laid off the same time as me (last November).  We both got roughly the same amount of severance, so I started on unemployment the end of January and she started around the beginning of February.  Anywhoo, I sent her a message on Facebook to see how she was doing and how her job search was going, and she said that "since they didn't pass the extention for unemployment she was starting the search today" and that she was stressed out because of it.  I asked if she'd been looking before or gotten any leads and she pretty much said that she had just been hanging out at home enjoying the unemployment and stuff.  She hadn't even gotten her resume together (she was in the process of starting to do it when I messaged her).  The only reason she's looking now is because they didn't extend the UI insurance in Congress.

So anyways, there's a part of me that wants to report her to the unemployment office for fraud.  I like her as a person and everything, but it kind of chaps my ass that she was so totally taking advantage of UI, and helping to run up a deficit for our state while not even bothering to look for a job at all.  Especially when there were people who really were looking for a job and are doing their best and neext the UI extentions for their families and whatnot, and her kind of behavior is, IMO, part of the reason people are starting to hesitate on being okay with extending the UI anymore.  On the other hand, she has two little girls and I know that she'd get hit pretty hard if they made her give it all back (they add in a 40% penalty too), and I'm really not the type to get all up in other people's business. 

So what would you do in this situation?  Not say anything about it, or report it to the UI office?
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Re: Serious dilemma

  • You know what?  I think the amount of time it's going to take her to find a job (which she clearly is not anticipating) will be a natural consequence to her actions.

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  • I personally wouldn't say anything.  I'm annoyed too though (as someone who has been searching for ages).

    Just enjoy your own good news and forget about her :).
  • I understand where you're coming from but I wouldn't report it. If only for the little girls.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_serious-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:14a4820a-9914-45a3-91d9-99803de50b2aPost:fe07b547-bbc4-4f64-af8b-d3f86f5600fd">Re: Serious dilemma</a>:
    [QUOTE]You know what?  I think the amount of time it's going to take her to find a job (which she clearly is not anticipating) will be a natural consequence to her actions.
    Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

    Yup.

    (Although I'd be annoyed too.)
  • People do this all of the time, and it is very very unfortunate; but seriously it's none of your business and I think it makes you look like an asshat if you report her.  You do not know what personal reasons she has for making the decision she did.

    I hear you though, that really sucks that she is being so irresponsible.
  • As an employment professional, I would personally report her. One of the stipulations of being able to collect UI is that you are actively seeking work during that time, which she is obviously not doing.

    That being said... at least in Michigan... reporting does nothing. We report people all the time who refuse work because (they actually tell us this) they would "rather collect unemployment." We've been meeting with a State Senator for months to bring some attention to this problem, but nothing is being done.

    I would still report her though. You should be able to do it online, anonymously.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_serious-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:14a4820a-9914-45a3-91d9-99803de50b2aPost:fe07b547-bbc4-4f64-af8b-d3f86f5600fd">Re: Serious dilemma</a>:
    [QUOTE]You know what?  I think the amount of time it's going to take her to find a job (which she clearly is not anticipating) will be a natural consequence to her actions.
    Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

    JK said it best.
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  • People do this all of the time, and it is very very unfortunate; but seriously it's none of your business and I think it makes you look like an asshat if you report her.  You do not know what personal reasons she has for making the decision she did.

    I hear you though, that really sucks that she is being so irresponsible.
  • I hate people who rape the system.  My cousin's BF was laid off, collecting.  But would only get a job that would pay him under the table so he could still collect.  Like wtf?!  I yelled at them and told them come tax season, they'll be fucked.

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  • I can see being pissed, but I wouldn't report her. It would negatively impact her kids, who are totally innocent in all of this.
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  • Yeah she's already done herself a world of hurt.  I feel so bad for her little girls.
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  • Like J&K said, she's going to be punished enough once her unemployment runs out.

    FWIW, I don't know if it varies by state, but I always thought it wasn't the state that pays the unemployment, it's the company that pays premiums into the Unemployment Insurance for each employee and then when they lay someone off, that person collects.  But I'm only about 0.038% sure of that.
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  • yikes. that's a tough situation. she sounds like a jacka55 though.

    I kind of agree with J&K, though. especially since you have no real evidence, it would be tough. she may have been sort of looking- don't you have to have people sign off that you're looking at at least a few jobs a month?

    I have a feeling you'd be opening a can of worms with this one. but yea- she sucks for doing that.
  • I agree with pp's. While what she did was crappy, she's clearly about to be in worse shape anyway, so karma will have already taken it's toll. I mean, it took you how long to find a job, and you were as prepared as a person can be. So the reality of her actions will hit her soon enough as it is.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_serious-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:14a4820a-9914-45a3-91d9-99803de50b2aPost:fe07b547-bbc4-4f64-af8b-d3f86f5600fd">Re: Serious dilemma</a>:
    [QUOTE]You know what?  I think the amount of time it's going to take her to find a job (which she clearly is not anticipating) will be a natural consequence to her actions.
    Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

    Seriously. It'll be really hard for her to find a job, let alone start one and get a paycheck, in the next month or two. Especially if she's in the same field as you, Nuggs.

    Plus, how would they REALLY investigate fraud? They could contact the companies she claimed to apply to, but as far back as February, they might not have that record anymore (I know some only keep resumes on file for a few months, or a few weeks). And I'm sure they're getting tons of resumes right now, anyway.
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  • I probably wouldn't report her, but I'd probably say something to her.  Like, I'd respond to the FB message and be like, "I'm confused.  Aren't you supposed to be looking for a job the WHOLE time you're on unemployment?  Why are you just starting to look now?"
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_serious-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:14a4820a-9914-45a3-91d9-99803de50b2aPost:affe18ff-a29a-4359-af73-f2204fbf8db0">Re: Serious dilemma</a>:
    [QUOTE]Like J&K said, she's going to be punished enough once her unemployment runs out. FWIW, I don't know if it varies by state, but I always thought it wasn't the state that pays the unemployment, it's the company that pays premiums into the Unemployment Insurance for each employee and then when they lay someone off, that person collects.  But I'm only about 0.038% sure of that.
    Posted by FutureMrsTR[/QUOTE]


    I don't know how it works in other places, but in NY the state 100% pays for unemployment.  Which means those of us who are working are paying for the millions of people who aren't.
  • Where I live you have to go to UE office once a month and talk to them about your job search.  You have to bring your resume and other things you have been doing in your job search to even collect.  I didn't realize all places didn't do this. 
    Anyway I wouldn't report her but this makes me upset to read.
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  • I agree with J&K.
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  • I really don't want to put her in a situation where her kids would suffer because now mom owes thousands of dollars in UI overpayments.  And if the economy wasn't so bad I probably wouldn't even think about reporting her.  But more people need UI than the state has money for and it really chaps my ass that she's taking advantage of the system.  I'm also coming from the personal stance of busting my butt to find a job so I'm definately biased.  Gross.  I wish she hadn't of told me any of this.

    I am leaning towards J&K's thinking on this though. 

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  • In MN, the employers pay into the Unemployment fund.

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  • I think in most states employers pay taxes that go towards the unemployment fund.
  • NuggetBrainNuggetBrain member
    5000 Comments
    edited July 2010
    Here in Minnesota everything is done online.  I haven't had a single person call and ask me to provide proof of my job search, and I haven't had to provide anything via e-mail or anything either.  I just go online each Monday and apply for the previous week's UI and get it.  It's kind of disturbing how easy it is.  I'm guessing that with the large amount of people claiming UI they don't have time to check everybody, and I know that they do random audits but I don't know how often that happens.

    The employers pay into the UI fund, but when that fund goes dry the state has to pick it up.  If I recall my news stuff right, the employer-funded UI was pretty much tapped out halfway through the recession (at least in MN) and now the state is picking up a big portion of the tab, because you now have more people claiming than there is money to pay out.
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  • I would just stop being friends with her if her behavior bothers you that much. 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_serious-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:14a4820a-9914-45a3-91d9-99803de50b2aPost:c1095c1e-9517-4b1b-9947-ed1a049897d8">Re: Serious dilemma</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would just stop being friends with her if her behavior bothers you that much. 
    Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]

    I'm not really.  I haven't spoken to her in person or on the phone since we got laid off.  I just happened to notice her on my Facebook friends page and had one of those "Huh, I should drop so-and-so a line just to say hi" moments.
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  • My brother had to check in once a week in VA to show how many resumes/interviews/applications (I think it was once a week - I vaguely remember being there on a Sunday evening and him doing that online). It was one of the reasons he was able to continue his unemployment benefits.

    In NC, I think the company pays for it, because my ex was arrested for fraud - he applied, saying he'd been fired and collected I think 15 weeks (there were 15 counts). The company said hell no, you quit (it was a thing of if you don't quit, we'll let you go). He apparently got notices (he says they were sent to the wrong address - who knows if that was true), didn't respond, and on Labor Day, the cops came and got him, taking him away in handcuffs. We'd been married less than 9 months. That should've been a BIG FAT sign for me right there. But I still was dumb. He (meaning basically me) had to pay it all back, AND pay taxes on it. Stupid dumbass.

    IDK what I'd do in your situation, simply because of the children. But karma IS a bitch.
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  • I would be frustrated, irritated, angry, etc as well.  But I think reporting her is only going to make you MORE frustrated, irritated, angry, etc if they do nothing.  Which is probably what will happen.  (Not that you've said anything since your OP to make us think you're really going to report her, I just wanted to throw that out there).

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  • kick her in her beavermuffin, that's the only solution
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_serious-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:14a4820a-9914-45a3-91d9-99803de50b2aPost:49154b07-0829-46d6-8f3f-371e484fedc7">Re: Serious dilemma</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would be frustrated, irritated, angry, etc as well.  But I think reporting her is only going to make you MORE frustrated, irritated, angry, etc if they do nothing.  Which is probably what will happen.  (Not that you've said anything since your OP to make us think you're really going to report her, I just wanted to throw that out there).
    Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

    Yes all of that AND I would feel so guilty if she had to pay back that money with interest when she's out of work trying to take care of two little girls, even though she was wrong in the first place for doing it.
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  • Dani, I totally agree, her girls don't deserve to suffer because their mom is lazy as hell.  I don't think I'll be able to report her just on that alone, I would feel absolutely horrible if they had to deal with the backlash. 
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