6 years... And she waits for a ring.

526SadieSadie · June 2010

betrothed, why single me out? i wasn't the only one who said it was weird that they lived so far apart for so long. obviously no one knows all the details about this situation except the two people involved, I was merely commenting on the information that the OP gave, just like everyone else.

kd.joseph · June 2010

My DH (Now) and I have been together for 6.5 years. Up until a year and a half ago we were in LDR. When we met we were 1 hour away from one another.After about 8 months he informed me that his job was transferring him 3 hours away.
We discussed it and decided it was worth keeping our relationship, so we drove 3 hours every other weekend, each of us taking a weekend.
I didn't move because I had a teenage son in school, a job, and my own house. And really he wasn't ready. And I understood that because we had had that discussion. When I lost my job and my son grew up we made the decision I would move up, and put my house up for sale. I found another job within a month.

LDR's don't work for everyone.But you need to have that talk, it all comes back to communication.

betrothed123 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_6-years-she-waits-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2b440fb8-6776-457a-9894-648630c8aab0Post:65e85ec8-abd7-42b7-9195-fb9170843f61">Re: 6 years... And she waits for a ring.</a>:
[QUOTE]betrothed, why single me out? i wasn't the only one who said it was weird that they lived so far apart for so long. obviously no one knows all the details about this situation except the two people involved, I was merely commenting on the information that the OP gave, just like everyone else.
Posted by 526SadieSadie[/QUOTE]
I singled you out because you're the only one coming back to defend ripping on LDRs (because yes, you did say "What would bother me if I were your friend's sister is that they don't live near each other and see each other "when they can". That sounds like way too casual a relationship to me." which condemns all LDRs where the members don't have the time to see each other a lot).

MarriedInAFever · June 2010

I think I'm doing it wrong, Cew. Maybe I should get off BCP now and surprise my FI for Father's Day? Yes?

J&K10910 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_6-years-she-waits-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2b440fb8-6776-457a-9894-648630c8aab0Post:cb763e09-2977-4a1e-8fa4-0f1041503bd1">Re: 6 years... And she waits for a ring.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: 6 years... And she waits for a ring. : Yes, really. While it worked for you, I think we can agree that six years is different than 3 years and the OP doesn't mention anything about school. If they were both in school, then fine, you live apart until graduation. In this case, it sounds like neither of them has decided they take the relationship seriously enough to make the next move, the literal move or the figurative one.
Posted by 526SadieSadie[/QUOTE]

There are SO many other reasons for someone not to move though. Like, for instance, my FI couldn't move because he was in a contract and his company paid for school and he wasn't in a place to pay them $80,000 up front if he quit. I hate this phrase, but in this economy, it's NOT easy to pack up and move and find a new job several hours away. I'm well qualified education and experience-wise, and I was unemployed for 9 months after grad school. And not for lack of trying. So it's not like someone can just up and move and get a new job.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · June 2010

There are plenty of reasons that can keep people from moving to be closer to the SO - case in point: long distance relationships.

But from what I can tell there really isn't anything keeping either one of these people from moving, other than their jobs. He's a deputy, and she's a nurse. Of course it's not easy to just pick up and relocate and get a new job - but it doesn't sound like either one of them are willing to at the very least LOOK for a new job.

It doesn't sound like she wants to move. It sounds like she feels it's HIS responsibility to move closer to her. And I'm sure he thinks the same thing; like, maybe why should he move when nurses are in such high demand, she could get a job easier than he could?

Course by now I'm just speculating again so I'll shut up about that.

At any rate - there's nothing wrong with a long distance relationship as long as it's working for both involved, and from what I've heard - it may be working for him, but it's not for her. He's fine to drive four hours to see her when he's able, but she's tired of it and wants them to get married. So then they're at an impasse.

526SadieSadie · June 2010

I didn't condemn all LDR's. I said if I were in that situation, it would bother me that my boyfriend didn't make an effort to be near me, or encourage me to be near him.

If I got your dander up, I apologize but geez, I only stated my opinion.

betrothed123 · June 2010

You really are freaking out over nothing, Sadie. Chill out.

Lenore2010 · June 2010

A lot of people judge a burning desire to get married at some point in a relationship-I do not. It is what it is.

I hate to see people sticking around in relationships where they are never going to get what they want-whatever it is they want. people do it all the time, though and you can't talk anyone out of it. i do not believe in marriage untimatums either-because if you have to issue one you are not on the same page and odds are it will not last.

I differ with a lot of people here in saying that no, at least for me marriage is not the same as living together. I thought it was. This almost 45 year old woman was single/shacked up/whatever for a very long time and I use to think it was all the same, too.

When we were roommates, i had in the back of my head that anytime it got to annoying I could just hit the road- or he could. Now, I feel we are truly committed to each other. Sure, either one of us could file for divorce any 'ol day of the week, we know that. It is still somehow really, really different. I would never encourage anyone to settle for eternal shacking up if they wanted marriage. Move on, find what you want, life too short. I saw something over on the Not Engaged Yet board about some girls waiting years and years for the proposal. Good luck with that is all I can say.

There is actually a study out there now (sorry I can't site the source just for interest) that claims people who live together for longer then 3 years prior to marriage have a somewhat higher divorce rate. Not sure why, just thought it was interesting.

[Deleted User] · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_6-years-she-waits-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:2b440fb8-6776-457a-9894-648630c8aab0Post:ac40c9f5-bb12-4d31-bc3c-4bca1e9ab634">Re: 6 years... And she waits for a ring.</a>:
[QUOTE]I think I'm doing it wrong, Cew. Maybe I should get off BCP now and surprise my FI for Father's Day? Yes?
Posted by MarriedInAFever[/QUOTE]

Yes! 60% of the time, it works every time.

J&K10910 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_6-years-she-waits-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2b440fb8-6776-457a-9894-648630c8aab0Post:6df45bfc-16fd-4cda-95db-95e80cd58a93">Re: 6 years... And she waits for a ring.</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't condemn all LDR's. I said if I were in that situation, it would bother me that my boyfriend didn't make an effort to be near me, or encourage me to be near him. If I got your dander up, I apologize but geez, I only stated my opinion.
Posted by 526SadieSadie[/QUOTE]

I'm not sure why you're apologizing. OP wanted a discussion, and a discussion she got. It wouldn't be much of a discussion if we all sat around saying "What a tool, she should leave him!" The differing viewpoints are part of what makes these boards what they are.

J&K10910 · June 2010

For the record, I'm not judging her FOR wanting to get married either. I am, however, judging her if she's pestering the bejeezus out of her BF (since that's the way the OP made it sound) when they're clearly not on the same page about it.

Lenore2010 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_6-years-she-waits-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:2b440fb8-6776-457a-9894-648630c8aab0Post:44e315d3-12aa-48bd-9a27-49592970367a">Re: 6 years... And she waits for a ring.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: 6 years... And she waits for a ring. : I singled you out because you're the only one coming back to defend ripping on LDRs (because yes, you did say "What would bother me if I were your friend's sister is that they don't live near each other and see each other "when they can". That sounds like way too casual a relationship to me." which condemns all LDRs where the members don't have the time to see each other a lot).
Posted by betrothed123[/QUOTE]

I have done LDR. I think that sometimes they become a fantasy scenario. You live apart and when you get together it is like one big sweet date and big treat. You do not get so much of the dull old day in and day out with each other-in fact in most LDR's you hardly get any of that at all. I would hesitate to marry someone I had spent a bunch of time only in an LDR with, speaking for myself.

kd.joseph · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_6-years-she-waits-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:2b440fb8-6776-457a-9894-648630c8aab0Post:f4422277-63b0-475a-8d44-e360b42a7982">Re: 6 years... And she waits for a ring.</a>:
[QUOTE]For the record, I'm not judging her FOR wanting to get married either. I am, however, judging her if she's pestering the bejeezus out of her BF (since that's the way the OP made it sound) when they're clearly not on the same page about it.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

This. My DH was very up front with me when we first started dating. He had just been left after a 20 year marriage, no warning no nothing.He was on a business trip when he got home, she was gone along with half the stuff and the dog.
So he definatly was not ready for a commitment, but we talked about that.
She probably doesnt want to have that conversation for fear of the answer. Which is sad.

J&K- I love your kitty, she reminds me of my Pooky.

J&K10910 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_6-years-she-waits-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2b440fb8-6776-457a-9894-648630c8aab0Post:8b900483-05ec-4a7d-b653-3844ff63c7fd">Re: 6 years... And she waits for a ring.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: 6 years... And she waits for a ring. : I have done LDR. I think that sometimes they become a fantasy scenario. You live apart and when you get together it is like one big sweet date and big treat. You do not get so much of the dull old day in and day out with each other-in fact in most LDR's you hardly get any of that at all. I would hesitate to marry someone I had spend a bunch of time in an LDR with, speaking for myself.
Posted by Lenore2010[/QUOTE]

While I agree that it can be tricky going from an LDR to living together (it surely was for us, but we worked it out), it's always tricky when you start to live with someone. Do I think they should go straight from LDR to married and living together? Well, no.

J&K10910 · June 2010

Thanks, kd! She loves you too. Especially if you'll pet her at 4 am and play fetch with her and bring her kitty treats.

shannonalise · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_6-years-she-waits-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2b440fb8-6776-457a-9894-648630c8aab0Post:6ed62709-77da-4446-b968-805cb0955122">6 years... And she waits for a ring.</a>:
[QUOTE]One of my best girlfriends from childhood (who I love, but is a mess for a different story) is upset with her sister's boyfriend. Her sister graduated from nursing school a year ago and has a great job. Her sister's boyfriend is a sheriff's deputy and he lives several hours away. They see each other when they can. And they've been together for six years. From what my friend tells me, her sister is constantly on her boyfriend's ass about getting engaged and getting married. After all, they've been together for a very long time, and have great careers. The next logical step is getting married. But this guy just isn't interested. I think that's ok. I mean, if he doesn't want to, then he won't ask. I really don't see any point in bothering him with it. My friend says her sister will not, under any circumstance, leave this guy. And she says that the boyfriend wants to ask her to marry him, but, he wants to do it on his own terms and when no one expects him to. Problem is, the longer he waits, the more people expect it. Personally I probably would have left the guy a long time ago. I mean, if you love someone, you stick by them... but if she doesn't want to be someone's girlfriend for the rest of her life, she should grow a pair and get out. Of course, these are all my opinions, and there is no use in talking to her about this - nor is it exactly appropriate. What makes a woman stay in a relationship that really isn't going anywhere? I mean, if both parties are FINE with not getting married, that's great. But I feel like if one wants to move forward and the other wants to stay put... well... then what's the point?
Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]

I'm not going to read the pps yet. But DH and I were together for 6 years before he proposed. I never felt like we weren't "going anywhere." Their relationship must be moving in <strong><em>some </em></strong>direction, even if it's not apparent from the outside. I see what you're saying, but it's not anyone's place to pass judgment on the merit of their relationship, or make assumptions about why she may or may not be "sticking by his side" if you're not her or him.

What's the point of even worrying with it? If she hangs around, maybe it's because being with him unmarried is better than not being with him at all? Focus on your own life? I mean that with all the love in the world. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-kiss.gif" border="0" alt="Kiss" title="Kiss" />

BecW2be · June 2010

Well, I'm married and in an LDR. I'm fucking doomed, apparently.

I don't "get" people who can't "get" situations other than their own. It irks theshit out of me, in fact.

kd.joseph · June 2010

Anytime! I had to put my Pooky down a year and a half ago, I still miss him very much. He was 14 and diabetic,he did well when he was first diagnosed. But his liver failed him. Now I have my Tobie.

As for LDR. I was surprised how easy it was for DH and I to get into a grove. And even now he says to me that he expected a big change after marriage,but there hasnt been.We are who we are.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · June 2010

Haha thanks shannon

I was more or less just opening up the topic for discussion though - it's been pretty interesting!

J&K10910 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_6-years-she-waits-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2b440fb8-6776-457a-9894-648630c8aab0Post:8683913d-5f40-4d6e-8722-606367a4b369">Re: 6 years... And she waits for a ring.</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, I'm married and in an LDR. I'm fucking doomed, apparently. I don't "get" people who can't "get" situations other than their own. It irks theshit out of me, in fact.
Posted by BecW2be[/QUOTE]

No, love, you're not doomed, you're just free to have sex with other guys. Really, it's a win-win situation! Look on the bright side ;)

J&K10910 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_6-years-she-waits-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2b440fb8-6776-457a-9894-648630c8aab0Post:ee37d1f8-65a8-4d3c-a262-f88144c661b1">Re: 6 years... And she waits for a ring.</a>:
[QUOTE]Anytime! I had to put my Pooky down a year and a half ago, I still miss him very much. He was 14 and diabetic,he did well when he was first diagnosed. But his liver failed him. Now I have my Tobie. As for LDR. I was surprised how easy it was for DH and I to get into a grove. And even now he says to me that he expected a big change after marriage,but there hasnt been.We are who we are.
Posted by kd.joseph[/QUOTE]

Oh, that's so sad! I hate dying pet stories. Poor little Pooky.

BecW2be · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_6-years-she-waits-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:2b440fb8-6776-457a-9894-648630c8aab0Post:5a07cb8f-f0a7-4371-a810-2ccb74cd46d0">Re: 6 years... And she waits for a ring.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: 6 years... And she waits for a ring. : No, love, you're not doomed, you're just free to have sex with other guys. Really, it's a win-win situation! Look on the bright side ;)
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

Well good goddamn! I wish someone had told me this sooner! Whooopeeeee!

shannonalise · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_6-years-she-waits-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2b440fb8-6776-457a-9894-648630c8aab0Post:7bd51976-9e0b-4a24-b513-1805f9161cde">Re: 6 years... And she waits for a ring.</a>:
[QUOTE]If she's not happy, she need to talk to him about it and possibly re-evaluate the situation. But if she's not asking for advice, advice cannot be given and she'll have to figure it out on her own.
Posted by MarriedInAFever[/QUOTE]

This x 10.

shannonalise · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_6-years-she-waits-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2b440fb8-6776-457a-9894-648630c8aab0Post:3da8f45f-7575-416e-b3cb-8e2d0b30550e">Re: 6 years... And she waits for a ring.</a>:
[QUOTE]Haha thanks shannon :) I was more or less just opening up the topic for discussion though - it's been pretty interesting!
Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]

I agree! :)

shellydiane820 · June 2010

But Bec! Its too confusing!!!! How can people be happy if they aren't exactly like me?!

J&K10910 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_6-years-she-waits-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2b440fb8-6776-457a-9894-648630c8aab0Post:7d1e9931-fdae-4cbc-8be3-eff84c771d3d">Re: 6 years... And she waits for a ring.</a>:
[QUOTE]But Bec! Its too confusing!!!! How can people be happy if they aren't exactly like me?!
Posted by shellydiane820[/QUOTE]

I've often wondered how people can be happy if they're not exactly like Shelly.

526SadieSadie · June 2010

Betrothed, that wasn't me freaking out LoL, that was me holding up my opinion in a discussion.

I'm wikkid bored at work and this board was interesting me.

LDR's that turn into marriages generally result in one or both parties moving, yes? Can we agree on that? I'm sure there are oodles of circumstances that keep married people living apart, my cousin and her husband spent the first 8-9 months living in different states because she finished her Ph.D first and got a job and he stayed behind to finish his program. But that's a reason.
IMO, people in committed relationships don't live apart for 6 years without an extenuating circumstance. Is there one in this instance? Maybe, but the OP either doesn't know or just didn't say.

In any case, the woman in this scenario really shouldn't get her knickers in a twist about not getting a ring. It's only going to make him feel pressured and push him into either breaking up with her, or proposing before he's ready. Either way, it ain't pretty.

shellydiane820 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_6-years-she-waits-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:2b440fb8-6776-457a-9894-648630c8aab0Post:650022a4-2f51-4408-b8cc-db8fa422f377">Re: 6 years... And she waits for a ring.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: 6 years... And she waits for a ring. : I've often wondered how people can be happy if they're not exactly like Shelly.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

Seriously. You and me both. Ignorance is bliss.

[Deleted User] · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_6-years-she-waits-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:2b440fb8-6776-457a-9894-648630c8aab0Post:650022a4-2f51-4408-b8cc-db8fa422f377">Re: 6 years... And she waits for a ring.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: 6 years... And she waits for a ring. : I've often wondered how people can be happy if they're not exactly like Shelly.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

This is true. I only became happy when I started following her around and wearing her clothes.

6 years... And she waits for a ring.

Re: 6 years... And she waits for a ring.

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