2 MOHs?

Jilly5487 · May 2011

I have 2 "best friends" One of them I have been friends with since we were in 2nd grade, but while I was off at college and she was home, we didn't talk very often. While in college, I met my other "best friend". We were inseperable and, of course, always dreamed about our weddings and being each others MOHs. Since I've been home from college the past 2 years, my college friend and I are still very close but rarely see each other. My friend from when I was young have become even closer than ever. I asked my friend from college to be my MOH (it was already assumed anyway), but honestly, I regret the decision. She is really broke, which I 100% understand and would never hold against her, so I have gone out of my way to be sure the girls dresses are the cheapest I can find, pay for her daughter- my flower girl's- dress (even though I can't really afford it either), and my mom -who is mostly planning my bridal shower since she cannnot afford it-has not asked her to help with the bridal shower at all even though the rest of my bridal shower is helping. Also, she seems to negative opinions about a lot of the things I chose, like that she doesn't knwo if she likes the dresses I chose "because it won't make her boobs look good". She even told my mom she wouldn't help her talk to my FI's mom because "she didn't want to deal with her". My childhood friend, however, has been everything a MOH should be and then some. Helping me, my mom and whoever else, offering to do anything needed, compliant about dresses, just overall wonderful.
My problem is this: I feel as though my childhood friend is doing so much for me and really deserves the recognition of being my MOH... but I obviously can't take the title away from my college friend. Can I have them both? Other friends have told me no... but I don't think it's right that my childhood friend do so much and be so wonderful and not get the title of my MOH.

So, so sorry about the length...

mbcdefg · May 2011

Your closest friend should be MOH. It shouldn't be about what she will or won't do for you.

She's not required to help out with the bridal shower (and you are not automatically entitled to receive one ... it's a nice gift from whoever feels like throwing you one), and you said yourself that she's broke. It would be really wrong to want to award someone else the MOH title because she's not helping out with a party for you ... say that to yourself and realize how selfish it comes across. Be thankful for whoever's throwing the shower for you and leave it at that.

If your friend had no say in choosing the dress that she'll wear for your wedding, then of course she has the right to voice her opinion. She's the one who has to wear it, after all, even if you're the one who pays for it. If she is really unhappy with it, then look around for something else or offer her an alternative (maybe the same designer/color but a different style).

If her opinions don't affect her directly (like if she doesn't like the invitations you chose or the earrings you're going to wear), ignore her, and stop sharing details with her because then she'll have nothing to criticize.

I don't get why she would be asked to speak to your FMIL about something. Why on earth would this be her responsibility? Why is your mom trying to recruit "help" when talking to your FMIL? If your FMIL is unpleasant then I don't blame MOH for not wanting to get involved with her.

It's nice if your other friend is being extra-helpful. However, it'd be wrong to give her the MOH title at this point just to be a reward for her assistance. She's doing this because she WANTS to, not because your real MOH is "slacking." It'll be obvious that you're trying to name a new MOH because you think your original MOH sucks, and that'll be a giant slap in the face to your real MOH. You could've had two Maids of Honor in the beginning if you had two equally close friends, but you shouldn't be using the MOH title as a reward for the happiest helper.

If you think this other girl has gone above and beyond, of course it's nice to want to thank her properly. Take this girl out for dinner or drinks, buy her a small gift and give it to her privately, write her a heartfelt note of thanks, or just give her a hug and thank her for being so nice to you. But don't use the MOH title as a reward.

Kate61487 · May 2011

ditto malphabet, on all counts. If you wanted two MOHs from day one I would say go for it. But at this point it sounds like everyone knows who's who in the WP and changing something will be weird, and likely offend your current MOH.

peanutkls · May 2011

I had one MOH and then decided to make my other best friend who was a BM a second MOH. It worked out great because one is a little more crazy and planned the Bachlorette party and then my other MOH is more sophisticated and planned the Shower. It also worked great because she lives five min's from me and she was such a great help and offered to do a lot when I was making decorations.

thesequel · May 2011

I'm having two MOHs. I couldn't decide between two best friends. I have received criticism and just ignore it.

This is a case of doing what you want. If you want two MOHs, then go for it. Why do you need anyone's approval?

mbcdefg · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_2-mohs-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c2fb424f-6e71-4985-a4ad-1e1404620477Post:dce48a14-2dbb-4e53-80d6-7d4f412f43e0">Re: 2 MOHs?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm having two MOHs. I couldn't decide between two best friends. I have received criticism and just ignore it. This is a case of doing what you want. If you want two MOHs, then go for it. <strong>Why do you need anyone's approval?</strong>
Posted by thesequel[/QUOTE]

I don't know if her friends are giving her "approval," or if they're saying something like, "You know, this may hurt Original MOH's feelings if you promote Helpful Friend for being a more willing helper than her."

I don't think there's a problem at all with two MaidsOH from the getgo, but I think that making the other girl a co-MOH at this point is going to make it pretty obvious that OP is treating it as a reward for her help.

SharonA74 · May 2011

I don't think there is nothing wrong with having two MOHs. I asked my best friend whom I have known since high school to be my MOH. Her and her husband are team truck drivers so she does not have a regular 9-5 job. Aftter thinking about it for awhile I became a little concerned and thought how availble and reliable would she be. Not that she would not want to be. It is just with her being a cross-country truck driver her schedule is always changing and she is not home much. I have another friend I met right after college whom I am also really close to. My fiancee and I hang out with her and her husband a lot. I decided that I wanted to ask her to also be my MOH. I talked to my best friend first about this. Explained my concerns due to her job and asked if she would mind me also asking this other girl. She totally understood and was okay with it. In your case though it sounds like the MOH you have now does not even deserve to be one. If she is complaining and negative all the time and not very helpful, She sounds more like a bridesmaidzilla to me. Always remember that old friends are the best friends. They are like gold. I would definitely ask your childhood best friend to be an MOH. I know she would be honored. I was an MOH at my oldest friends wedding (the friend I have known the longest) and it was truly an honor to reprsent her in that role.

Jilly5487 · May 2011

Wow, some of you blew this WAY out of proportion. Wow.

cpnorman · May 2011

I have two maids of honor, but they have both went above and beyond and supported me through everything. Honestly, you have to remember that it is your day. You can either give the MOH title to someone else or have two MOHs. You could easily give recognition to the person who means the most by having her hold the ring, stand by you, and sign the witness line on the marriage license. That's what I'm doing to recognize the one who has put the most effort in. Do whatever you feel to be right. It's your day! You want to look back on the day with happiness and not look back at pictures with bitterness or regrets. I had to ask a bridesmaid to drop, but I am so glad I did. I would cringe at the thought of seeing her in pictures after everything she caused amongst my other bridesmaids. Best of luck!

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