What are you guys doing for your bridesmaids and groomsmen as far as wedding party gifts?

coachgurl050705 · February 2010

Hey everyone! My wedding still awhile away (May 7, 2011), but I am already starting to think about the gifts I want to give my wedding party just because I want them to know how much I appreciate them!

With that said I was thinking either Coach wristlets, nice jewelry, a sweat outfit for the day of and later in the reception...and then I have no idea for the groomsmen so please HELP!!

Thank you all in advance and hope your planning is going well

-Jessica-

trix1223 · February 2010

There is no need to have them all receive matchy-matchy gifts. In fact, it's better if you don't. What would you get each member of your WP if it was their birthday? What would you get them for Christmas? That's what you should get them for being in your WP.

emilyinchile · February 2010

Jessica, as a newbie you will benefit from reading the post at the top of this page. It talks about how you don't need to get your BMs all the same gift, how you should shop for them as you would for their birthdays, and how GM gifts are your FI's responsability since they're his friends and presumably he'll have a better idea of what they'll like.

Also, if you haven't asked your BMs yet, for the love of god please wait. Read the posts on this board for stories of the kind of drama that asking early can create.

aerinpegadrak · February 2010

I've just now purchased the last of my attendant gifts for my April wedding. Push this one down your to-do list for a while.

mbcdefg · February 2010

Ditto PPs. Wait a while ... I'm also marrying in April and I have just been picking up things for my BMs as I've gone along. FI hasn't really even thought about his groomsmen's presents yet.

Also ditto that the gifts don't need to (and probably shouldn't) match. Also, stuff for YOUR wedding (jewelry, sweatsuits to wear while getting ready, etc.) isn't really a gift for them. The Birthday/Christmas comparison is a good one.

And for what it's worth, my local board was actually having a discussion about Coach wristlets yesterday and a bunch of people said that they don't like them and that they're "out." Of course, if YOUR friends would love them, then get them ... but to me it seems like a lot of brides have been giving their BMs wristlets because it's the "in" thing to do. I've never seen a girl use a Coach wristlet in real life unless she was going to a club, because you can only fit so much in those little things.

CTGirl30 · February 2010

This can definately wait awhile. :-) I'm marrying in 3 months and haven't bought a single BM gift yet (GMs are my FI's responsibility).

I AM starting to think about it now, though, and am basically following the guidelines above - thinking abotu each girl and her individual tastes and style...and shopping for her as if it were her birthday.

One peice of advice - don't buy things that are monogrammed with things like "Maid of Honor!" and "Bridesmaid!" That ensures they'll never get used after your wedding day and will be a waste of money for you.

bablingbrooke · February 2010

I bought my BM gifts 3 days before the wedding. DH didn't get his GM gifts at all because they just don't do that in his circle and he would never have lived it down if he had.

stina93446 · February 2010

I hope you haven't asked people already. It's not even a year out.

coachgurl050705 · February 2010

Thank you everyone for the great advice! We have not asked any attendants yet but are thinking about asking within the next few months. We have had a long engagement (1 year 2 months) already so I am gettin antsy but understand the reasoning for us not asking too early and completely agree with it! When did you guys ask your attendents to be apart of this special day with you?

Thank you all again I do truly appreciate it!

bablingbrooke · February 2010

I asked mine at about a year out. DH asked his at about 6 months.

emilyinchile · February 2010

I asked right after I got engaged, which was 7.5 months out. I think a year or under is fine, so start thinking about doing it over the summer.

nmill349 · February 2010

I asked my bridesmaids as soon as I got engaged which was 13 months out. My time went fast I now have 4 months left (June 26).I wanted to give them enough notice just in case they had to work overtime or save up for the wedding. I also have an account set up for them to make payments on all of their items to be purchased(gown, hair, nails, shoes). The theme of my wedding is the Night of the Pearl. I am the pearl of course. So I bought all my girls real pearl bracelets but in different colors. I picked a color to match the girls personalities. I did this early on too because I put them on layaway. Then I also purchased little jewelry boxes that match my color scheme to put the bracelets in. The last thing I plan on getting is t-shirts that have bridesmaid, etc on there. I left the groomsmen gifts up to my fiance I don't think they care as much! lol. Good luck in your planning!

banana468 · February 2010

Nmill, I truly hope that you're not requiring that they buy any more than the gown and shoes and that's it.

Requiring more is not appropriate. Those are things YOU pay for if you want them a certain way

And if you set up accounts for them? I just wouldn't go for it if I was an adult an in your WP. I'll take care of my own finances thank you very much.

If you're giving them jewelry great - but I hope it's their taste. If it's for your wedding then that's not a gift and you really do need to buy them something else.

To the OP, just think of your BMs unique likes and dislikes. What would make a great birthday present makes a great BM gift too.

emilyinchile · February 2010

Ok, I am now certain nmill is a troll. No one can be this wrong all the time.

bablingbrooke · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_guys-doing-bridesmaids-groomsmen-far-wedding-party-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:97993c60-d6b9-4b45-9b95-47b835e2b797Post:2475f097-bc03-48a7-a478-82bf1da010f6">Re: What are you guys doing for your bridesmaids and groomsmen as far as wedding party gifts?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, I am now certain nmill is a troll. No one can be this wrong all the time.
Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]

<div>Me too. Otherwise we'd need an exorcism to rid her of these horrible bits of "advice".</div>

nmill349 · February 2010

Ok emilyinchile....i can show you a troll. I dont have to defend what i say on here because it is for coachgurl. You guys must sit on here all day and night because you seem to post on everything I post on...hum funny. I set up ONE account which was in MY name so my bridesmaids can put the money in for the dress when they can. They are paying for their DRESSES, HAIR ($20 oooh so expensive), MAKE-UP, and SHOES. My mother bought their wedding day jewelry and I bought them the pearl bracelets. I am sorry that my ideas do not live up to emilyinchile and bananas ideas but I dont really give a fly f***. These are my opinions stricktly to help someone else. If YOU dont like it hey dont comment and move on with your life....I have wonderful friends that are willing to do whatever because they are FRIENDS. You two are some catty bitches....its funny thought. Thanks for the late night entertainment. I look forward to your next post!

MyNameIsNot · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_guys-doing-bridesmaids-groomsmen-far-wedding-party-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:97993c60-d6b9-4b45-9b95-47b835e2b797Post:3a551160-77f9-476e-9963-9d4706b86059">Re: What are you guys doing for your bridesmaids and groomsmen as far as wedding party gifts?</a>:
[QUOTE]When did you guys ask your attendents to be apart of this special day with you?
Posted by coachgurl050705[/QUOTE]

I asked pretty early. We had a 19 month engagement, and I asked everyone before the year mark. I'm 30 years old, and with the exception of my SIL, my girls have been my friends for 10+ years, and we're all really drama-free, so it was fine. Even still, if I could do it over, I would have waited. It would have been nice to ask and have that excitement in the air when the time came to look at BM dresses.

budgetbride34 · February 2010

I got all my bridesmaids picnic backpacks that come with dishes, wine glasses and cheese cutting boards, and then I'm getting them each a bottle of her favorite wine and non-perishable goodies (olives, chocolates, cookies) to go in them. To me this was the best of both worlds because I knew no one's fellings would be hurt because of a perceived inequality between the gifts, and I could still personalize it to include the things I know they each enjoy. Plus, I think it makes for a great date night, and they all have great significant others, so I know they will get use.

banana468 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_guys-doing-bridesmaids-groomsmen-far-wedding-party-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:97993c60-d6b9-4b45-9b95-47b835e2b797Post:67877d3d-a76f-4f89-a4c8-9f250aff4aea">Re: What are you guys doing for your bridesmaids and groomsmen as far as wedding party gifts?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok emilyinchile....i can show you a troll. I dont have to defend what i say on here because it is for coachgurl. You guys must sit on here all day and night because you seem to post on everything I post on...hum funny. I set up ONE account which was in MY name so my bridesmaids can put the money in for the dress when they can. They are paying for their DRESSES, HAIR ($20 oooh so expensive), MAKE-UP, and SHOES. My mother bought their wedding day jewelry and I bought them the pearl bracelets. I am sorry that my ideas do not live up to emilyinchile and bananas ideas but I dont really give a fly f***. These are my opinions stricktly to help someone else. If YOU dont like it hey dont comment and move on with your life....I have wonderful friends that are willing to do whatever because they are FRIENDS. You two are some catty bitches....its funny thought. Thanks for the late night entertainment. I look forward to your next post!
Posted by nmill349[/QUOTE]

Nmill, you're clearly new here. The comment about emilymichelle and me is NOT OK.

You may not know that doing so is against the terms of service here so <strong>THIS IS YOUR FINAL WARNING.</strong> Call either one of us a name like that again and I'll have to ban you. I'm the MOD here. I'm supposed to be here a lot.

As for what you're requiring. It's not how much it is. It's that if you are requiring anything above the dress and maybe shoes, it's not appropriate to ask your BMs to pay for it - period. Those are things above and beyond what a BM is expected to pay for and as such, the bride needs to absorb those costs if she is insistent upon her BMs having professional hair and makeup for her wedding. If your BMs are agreeing to it then that's great, but it's not technically appropriate to ask them to pay for that at all. These aren't just opinions. This is also about wedding etiquette and what is appropriate to expect of your BMs.

So PLEASE read the rules of The Knot and my post at the top. I think you could learn a lot by being here but comments like that will force me to not let you back.

banana468 · February 2010

BTW, budgetbride34, that sounds like a GREAT gift! As a wine lover, I'd jump all over a gift like that!!

megandjay · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_guys-doing-bridesmaids-groomsmen-far-wedding-party-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:97993c60-d6b9-4b45-9b95-47b835e2b797Post:67877d3d-a76f-4f89-a4c8-9f250aff4aea">Re: What are you guys doing for your bridesmaids and groomsmen as far as wedding party gifts?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok emilyinchile....i can show you a troll. I dont have to defend what i say on here because it is for coachgurl. You guys must sit on here all day and night because you seem to post on everything I post on...hum funny. I set up ONE account which was in MY name so my bridesmaids can put the money in for the dress when they can. They are paying for their DRESSES, HAIR ($20 oooh so expensive), MAKE-UP, and SHOES. My mother bought their wedding day jewelry and I bought them the pearl bracelets. I am sorry that my ideas do not live up to emilyinchile and bananas ideas but I dont really give a fly f***. These are my opinions stricktly to help someone else. If YOU dont like it hey dont comment and move on with your life....I have wonderful friends that are willing to do whatever because they are FRIENDS. You two are some catty bitches....its funny thought. Thanks for the late night entertainment. I look forward to your next post!
Posted by nmill349[/QUOTE]

Sorry nmill, but I disagree with you too, and I am fairly new on here too. I am speaking from the perspective of being a BM this spring (actually an MOH)- in addition to being a Bride.

I would be utterly offended if REQUIRED to put money into an account for hair/make-up/nail, etc. I am happily buying the dress as part of my role. The Bride has also offered us use of the hair/make-up people and I am going to CHOOSE to use them because I love getting done up, but I would be really put off if I had been required to do that. It is a matter of treating your friends like friends and not props, having some respect for them.

OFFER extras like hair/make-up/nails, and if they say they can't afford it, then you really should pay for it. Please be considerate of your BMs, they are not your servants.

emilyinchile · February 2010

Nmill, I was on for an hour or two last night working on our table assignments, and that happened to be the same time you were on making several posts that I disagreed with. And now I'm on working on ceremony music...FI's out of town, it's two weeks til our wedding, I don't think it's shocking that I'm working on wedding stuff and wasting time on TK. I neither stalked you nor insulted you. Why do they have to pay into an account rather than buying things themselves? That's a genuine question...I don't understand why it's easier for you to handle their money than for them to handle it themselves.

Budgetbride, that's a really cute idea! I like stuff like that where it's enough the same that there can't be any hard feelings but different enough that each girl will really like it.

bablingbrooke · February 2010

Don't feed the troll!

banana468 · February 2010

Brooke, sadly I don't think she's a troll.

Nmill, I am curious though how you have budgeted what hair and make up will be but in another post you're looking for stylists and there is no feedback.

nmill349 · February 2010

Since you must know banana......we currently have a stylist that is willing to charge the girls $20.00 per person to do their hair for the day of the wedding. My mother set this up. I believe the young lady moves quite slow and may not be able to get all of us done by the wedding. I have 9 bridesmaids, myself, my aunt (officiant), and my mother that need to be done in one day. We are looking for someone that may be able to work with the same price but is used to doing large bridal parties. I hope that answered your question. And if one more person decides they want to call me a troll....which is a poor choice of words to me( must be the knot lingo) I am going to go off. . Its funny though banana, how you can give me warning but let all these other women in here get away with calling me a troll because they do not like MY advice? It's that how it works in here? I am glad this is not face to face....

I discussed the prices of everything with my BM's FIRST. Before I said whether it is required or not. If I had trillions of dollars like all of you did, then I would like to be able to treat them to hair and make-up and nails. I asked them if anyone had budget issues then we could work it out. No one, and let me remind you, since none of you know any of my BM's how can you assume what they are saying, thinking, or how they are acting? You really can't. If any of my girls have complained about my prices then of course there would be a post about it. But there is not. We opened an account for the bridesmaids to make monthly payments so they would not have to pay one lump sum for the dress or shoes. They all liked the idea and had no problems with it and I was able to ORDER the dresses all at once so they came in TOGETHER.

I did not call and pester anyone about if they made a deposit because I know they would. They preferred being able to pay for their dresses a bit at a time instead of all at once! If any of you would be insulted by a bride doing this then that is your own personal problem. A stylist that I know in New Jersey when I lived there who WORKS with brides all the time suggested this to me. So I am NOT the only person who has done this. and it has proven to be successful.

Everytime my BM's come to I treat them to a meal. I am also organizing a trip for all of us to go to Atlantic City before the wedding. SO before you think you I am treating any of my wedding party like MAIDS (bridesMAID)...get the facts. They do not accompany me on any of my wedding planning, my mother and I do that. I do not call them with all my stressful wedding stories. I talk to them about it when they ask. I did not ask them to plan a bridal shower for me, they offered. They are getting put up in a beautiful suite for two nights free of charge plus other perks. Hair and makeup is something they can handle on their own. A mani/pedi is $32.00. Them having to pay for that alone or me having to pay for that times 9.

I do not need to explain myself to any of you.

One last thing, I came in here to speak my peace on the subject at hand, not to get scrutinized by the women that have been posting on this blog for years with nothing else to do......

banana468 · February 2010

Nmill, the point is that it's inappropriate to ask BMs to pay for hair and makeup and manis and pedis in the first place as a requirement. Period.

I didn't have a lot of money either. So instead, I paid for my BMs hair to be done and they took care of their own makeup. Nails they did on their own if they wanted - and they wore their own shoes.

It's great that your BMs are going for this. If a friend asked me to start giving her money, I'd say no outright. I'll manage my own finances.

And I've been a BM where I did pay for my hair, make up and nails. I took care of my own finances to do them. I'm a grown adult with a mortgage. I'm not about to ask someone to take care of my nail payments. However the big difference is that the hair, makeup and nails were all optional and I paid for them because I wanted to - not because I was required to.

If your friends are cool with paying for all of that great. However please know that I've also had friends who were BMs who did complain behind the bride's back about things but didn't want to ruffle her feathers by saying so to her face. They still loved the bride, but they didn't love all the strings that came attached to that honor of being a bridesmaid (which has nothing to do with being an actual maid by the way).

And there is a large difference between insulting me with expletives and other people thinking that some posts are so off that they are questioning if you're just here to stir up trouble.

Calling someone a 'troll' doesn't mean that they think you're an ugly doll from the '90s or that you belong under a bridge. It's internet slang for someone who is on a forum that isn't real. So the people here who are saying that you may be a troll are questioning reality.

That's not the same as hurling insulting expletives at me or other posters at all.

nmill349 · February 2010

All of my BM's are paying for their nails in an account because we are all going together. So when we get there my MOH who has the debit card for the account can pay the cashier when we are finished without 10 different transactions being made. We can all just leave. It friends complain behind your back then they are not friends. I have friends that have told me the truth whether it hurt or not and I know they will now I have no doubt. I have tried to make everything as cheap as possible for them so I can have extra money to actually buy them decent gifts and pay for lunches and other outings.. What mandated law says that it is wrong to ask a BM to pay for them to get their own hair and nails done? I did not know there was a wedding handbook. I did not know there was a President of Weddings who says it is wrong to ask a BH to handle their own make-up and hair since the parents of the bride are paying for the wedding and cannot afford that minor detail. Like I said, my wedding will be fabulous regardless. If a BM has to pay 20 bucks for a hair do so what? I would do the same plus more for one of them with out a porblem.

And since I dont know the internet slang for troll, it should not have been thrown at me in the first place. If you did not like what I said then oh well, thats how you all are treating my posts anyways.....And saying that I am "not real" is just as bad....all you had to say was I disagree and this is what I would of done different. Instead I read "ignore her and she'll go away". "She is a troll". "Don't feed the troll". If I find something offensive I will retaliate. If that gets me kicked out of here so be it. I do not want to make a living out of posting on here. I was bored beyond means and decided to see what this was about. Today I wanted to follow up. My life does not consist of posting on theknot.com.

bablingbrooke · February 2010

Right because it's totally incumbent upon everyone else to read your mind and totally impossible for you to figure out the meaning of "troll" in context.

banana468 · February 2010

nmill, the poinst is that asking your BMs to pay for anything aside from the dress and shoes is OVER and ABOVE what they should be doing. It's something that YOU want for your wedding so therefore that cost needs to come from you or someone else financing the wedding if that's going to be a requirement. If they're fine with paying then great - but please do know that it isn't appropriate to ask them to spend more than that. Hair and professional make up aren't a requirement. One can be perfectly dressed for a wedding without those being done.

As for the talking behind your back. It's great that you think that your friends won't do this. However that's an unfortunately naive way of looking at things. I've seen several people much older than you do this. Sometimes this involved friends and sometimes the BMs were family members. Either way, it's just something to be aware of. That your friends may talk behind your back does not make them bad friends. Sometimes it's because they're GOOD friends that they don't want to say anything but try to come up with a way to figure things out.

As for the troll vs. expletive-filled insults. I know I never called you a troll yet you did fire back at other knotties and me with expletive-filled insults. I'm happy to talk on here or even to debate a topic. But you need to treat me and the other posters on here with respect. You can find something offensive and respond while still in accordance of the rules. That's all that I ask.

nmill349 · February 2010

Bablingbrooke, this is the last post that I will make to you because you seem to touch a nerve with others on here as well. I just read a post of a woman who felt as though you were rude. So before you all label me, think about how you go about giving out advice to others. You can be rude over the computer when you dont have to see the person, but if we were face to face I doubt it would be the same story.

nmill349 · February 2010

To banana, I am sorry that my wedding is not the way yours was. You can get professionals to perform a task at a reasonable price where friends are willing to pay. Whether they talk behind my back is up to them but they barely talk to each other....My BM's do not have the type of hair you can just throw back in a bun and call it a day. You still have not shown me any evidence that says I cannot have my BM's pay for their make-up etc. Until I see a law that is in effect, I will not admit that I am wrong because I am not. It is your opinion.

What are you guys doing for your bridesmaids and groomsmen as far as wedding party gifts?

Re: What are you guys doing for your bridesmaids and groomsmen as far as wedding party gifts?

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