Can we just NOT register??

Jdomanus_9200429 · February 2010

We're in the process of looking for a house and we'd prefer not to turn our small apartment into a storage room plus we're not sure what we'll need for our house when we move in. Also we'd prefer not to do a honeymoon registry. Can we just not register??? What do you think are the chances of getting cash and gift cards? At weddings I've been invited too in the past I've gotten them things off their registry but if I didn't know where they were registered I'd just give cash. Thoughts?

MyNameIsNot · February 2010

It's ok to not do a registry. The thing is, some people aren't comfortable giving anything other than a physical gift. Some people will give you cash/GCs, and some people will just go pick something for you. You will probably end up with a fair amount of white elephants if you don't. It's a personal preference, but I'd rather store good china/nice cookware than random lamps/candle sticks.

Also, if you don't have a registry, you can't do showers, so that's something to consider.

Galaxy8227 · February 2010

I personally would register just so you don't end up with 3 toasters and some ugly ceramic bowls and whatnot.

AmoroAgain · February 2010

You may not know what you'll need for your house when you move in, but how nice would it be to already have a nice set of pots and pans? Or not having to run out and buy a nicer set of daily dishware or something?

Now, if your whole point of this post is to disguise that what you're after is cash only to help with your house, then don't register, and don't have any showers.

duckie1905 · February 2010

Ditto. Register for some upgrades and things you know you'll need when you move into a house. There are people that just aren't comfortable giving anything but an actual, physical gift.

I always give cash for weddings, regardless of the existence of a registry, but that is just me. I don't know very many others that don't at least go out and try to buy a gift. If you don't register some or most guests (depending on the gift-giving norm in your social circle) will buy cash/gift cards or ask a member of the family or WP what the couple wants. But, there are some that will go out looking for a gift they think you'll like but in reality, you have no use for.

Ditto also on the showers. No registry=no showers.

[Deleted User] · February 2010

I also prefer not to get random crap. Not everyone wants to give cash, it's just a fact.

Get some nicer sheets, towels, kitchen stuff, curtains, vacuum, get creative.

elyse.mike · February 2010

I agree with PP's. It would probably be a good idea to register for some things. Unless you have all top of the line housewares & dinnerware that you just can't bear to part with, I'm sure you could stand to upgrade a few things. Yes, you will probably still get cash but having some form of a registry will help you avoid the "white elephant" gifts that MyNameIsNot mentioned. I know a couple that is getting married in a few months that doesn't live together yet but she has a fully furnished house, they have nice cars, etc. and they are registering. They're upgrading their cookware and dinnerware then picking out some things that neither of them has. It's not a huge registry but it is something. Chances are, they'll end up with a fair amount of cash/ gift cards but they definitely aren't asking for them.

Go ahead and register and have some fun with it!

HayTay81 · February 2010

Honestly if you just don't register, you will probably end up with a bunch of stuff you don't need or want and then you will have the same problem. The place we registered (myregistry.com) lets you make cash gift funds that you can name different things. So for example, you could have a kitchen fund, bedding fund, decor fund, etc. so that at least people would know what their gift will be used on once you move. You could even make a welcome page explaining your situation if you're worried people will think it's weird you only registered for cash funds. Or you could just register for tons of gift cards to different stores you like. I think this will make it more likely you get cash instead of things you'll have to return later.

Calypso1977 · February 2010

we did not register, and got none of the picutre frames and vases everyone said we would get. we got 95% cash and home depot cards. we had just bought a house, had everythign we needed (we are older and had fully stocked apartments prior to getting engaged and getting our house) and we felt no need to register for gadgets and useless crap (popcorn machines, ice cream makers, etc.) just for hte sake of registering. you should, however, forego a shower as well if you dotn register, IMO.

wld4ubabay · February 2010

We registered at Target and the beauty of that is we could register for odd things that people don't usually put on the registry. FI and I have been living together for 2 years and have everything we need, we put some nicer matchings dishes, and new towels (ours are getting dingy), and some kitchen appliances I don't need but WANT. LOL But we also put a PS3, video games, movies, and other fun things on there....FI even put a box of honey nut cherrios as a joke, and everyone we tell says "oh I am so getting you that".....so yeah.

kellyw09 · February 2010

Yeah I think you are much better off registering, just choose the basic's if your'e moving into a new home. You will very likely need lots of things once you move. Also I agree that lots of people like to give physical gifts, so if you don't register you may end up with lots of things you don't like. I know some registries give you the option to register for gift cards, so you can alsways add that option to your registry too.

ag2037 · February 2010

i agree with previous posters that you're better off registering - if you don't, you'll end up with a ton of stuff you don't want or need, and chances are you won't be able to return a lot of it because people will forget to include a gift receipt. my guess is you would end up with a lot more junk if you don't register than if you do. that said, a couple of suggestions. most stores will allow you to register for gift cards, which is one way to indicate to your guests that that's your preference. however, there will still be plenty of people who will want to buy you a physical gift, so it may not resolve the issue. you might want to consider registering for a combination of gift cards and some physical items at a store that gives you cash back rather than store credit for returning items. that way, you can keep anything you might want to keep, and get cash for the stuff you're not as interested in.

depiaml · February 2010

Register and then just take everything back : ) Bed Bath and Beyond gives you cash back for items on your registry that you return (vs. in store credit)... just make sure to take them back AFTER the wedding because the returned items show up as available again... you never want to explain to the guest who bought it for you why it is no longer "fulfilled"!

Also - we are doing a honeymoon registry through Traveler's Joy and it is fabulous. Our guests have really enjoyed it - and I will say more people are willing to spend big money for a "massage, swim with the dolphins or dinner on the beach" kind of thing than they are a toaster. What we don't use for the honeymoon we're using to put new flooring in our kitchen and towards a new car.

On a side note, would like to state for the record that I am not returning things to BBB for the cash - I really need the dishes and pots, etc. : ) Though I may have taken a duplicate gift back to Belk and used the credit for some new shoes... for the honeymoon, of course!

KatieBug2966 · February 2010

My soon to be brother and sister in law put very few things on their registry in the hopes of getting money and gift cards. They ended up getting a bunch of junk and gifts that were really not their style (a set of 3 cut crystal candy bowls anyone?). Plus, a lot of the time people won't include gift receipts, so you're stuck with the junk. I'd say you're better off registering for upgrades to stuff you already have.

lindseroo · February 2010

Ditto what wld4u said. FI's friend's registry had weird stuff on it; soda, wine, actually baby food for their child lol. I thought it was a little strange, but it was stuff they would need! They, too, had owned a house together for several years and didn't really need much. Are there any movies you would like to own? Seasons of your favorite show? Books? Are you missing pieces to your favorite game? Do you need a new camera or GPS? You can just go through at Target and scan whatever you want. Get cleaning supplies, those are always needed. Also, don't be afraid to register for something big like a PS3, like she said. FBIL registered for a fancy surround sound system as an after thought, like "no one is going to get us this but I want it," and his coworkers ended up pitching in to get it for them.

WFH · February 2010

In Estonia it is very popular to write on invitations that the gifts should fit to an envelope:)

JMU_Bride09 · February 2010

I think if you want to not register, that would be fine, but just expect that many guests will probably want you to register somewhere. My parents weren't going to register at all either, but then family members pushed the issue and my parents ended up registering at Macy's and Bloomingdale's. Maybe a good compromise would be to just do a small registry at one place...pick out only the things you absolutely know you'll want (i.e. pots and pans). Also, maybe try registering for individual things, not sets.

MyNameIsNot · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_can-just-not-register?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:13f8773b-a25d-426b-8c58-1e193d75cb58Post:7b8ea0dc-4e46-4da0-9596-7d096db1dd54">Re: Can we just NOT register??</a>:
[QUOTE]Register and then just take everything back : ) Bed Bath and Beyond gives you cash back for items on your registry that you return (vs. in store credit)... just make sure to take them back AFTER the wedding because the returned items show up as available again... you never want to explain to the guest who bought it for you why it is no longer "fulfilled"! Also - we are doing a honeymoon registry through Traveler's Joy and it is fabulous. Our guests have really enjoyed it - and I will say more people are willing to spend big money for a "massage, swim with the dolphins or dinner on the beach" kind of thing than they are a toaster. What we don't use for the honeymoon we're using to put new flooring in our kitchen and towards a new car. On a side note, would like to state for the record that I am not returning things to BBB for the cash - I really need the dishes and pots, etc. : ) Though I may have taken a duplicate gift back to Belk and used the credit for some new shoes... for the honeymoon, of course!
Posted by depiaml[/QUOTE]

Please don't do this. BB&B has such a liberal return policy and many couples appreicate it. But if you take advantage of it, they will change it. Besides, it's totally dishonest.

Honeymoon registries are generally considered tacky.

gad7 · February 2010

I empathize with your situation. We did end up registering, since there are items we need/genuinely want for our apartment - but I am not in favor of registering for things you don't care for just so that you "get something." Plus, I hate the mentality that as a grown individual this is my "only chance" to acquire "nice things." It's not. We didn't find china that we liked. If we want a nice set later when we buy a house, we will go ahead and buy a set.

Even though we registered, I've been told discreetly by future extended family in-laws that some of their family will buy random gifts for the shower. Who cares? If that happens, I will feel good about donating new kitchen appliances to a worthy organization that will find a good home for something I don't need.

alexislea · February 2010

My FH and I have been living together and don't need/want anything, so we're not registering and I'm not having a shower. Just because everyone/society says you "HAVE" to, doesn't mean you do. Have your MOH and BMs quietly spread the word amongst your guests that you'd prefer cash, and I bet that's what you'll get.

simplyeffie · February 2010

Register at Bed Bath and Beyond! I believe you can return things people get you for cash there - that way people don't feel like they've given you cash, but you can return for exactly what you wanted in the first place

tommyandy · February 2010

Why not set up a 'down payment' bank account/registry for your guests to contribute to? It would be similar to a honeymoon registry, but will go towards your future home instead of a trip. I would also register at Home Depot & Lowes for things like how-to books, paint, paint brushes, a lawn mower, & gift certificates. Even if you find a home move-in ready you'll be making trips to one of those stores every weekend for the first few months after you are there.

phut_action · February 2010

"Honeymoon registries are generally considered tacky."

Says who? I've never heard anyone say it was tacky. I think its a good alternative for the couple who may already own all the housewares they want but can't afford a nice honeymoon.

I agree with other people though, you can register for a minimal number of items you could want, basics that everybody needs as stated before. You can even register for gift cards, but don't put too many of these on your registry, that does look tacky.

fryks · February 2010

For the record, ladies: registering for gifts just to return them for cash is tasteless and down-right rude. Don't ask your loved ones to go out of their way to buy you something just so you can return it; it's disrespectful of their time and money, as well as a poor testament to your sincerity as a hostess/bride.

As PP's have said, register for some little upgrades (extra towels, higher thread-count sheets, a blue-ray player) and things you'd really enjoy (a wine club membership, tennis lessons, sports memorabilia). You don't have to register for 30+ items; your guests will get the hint. With at least a small registry, guests who prefer physical gifts will be able to get you something you'll use and enjoy. Accomodating your guests is always the most polite and gracious thing to do.

As for preferring cash, I would recommend waiting for a phone call from your most gossiping relative--we all have one. When he or she asks what your future plans are, mention your search for the perfect home and something about, "we would register for furniture, but until we find the right house, we really don't know what we'll need." Word will get around quickly and efficiently that you'd prefer cash towards the house and furnishings. Your bridesmaids, parents and grandparents are also great resources for spreading this info. It's also okay to mention your search for a home on a wedding website because websites are (generally) much more informal.

Can we just NOT register??

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