please let me elope

Re: please let me elope

• arbolita

  

  June 2010

  You do know it's your fiance's wedding too, right?  I think it's pretty rude of you to nag him about completely changing how he visualizes his wedding day.

  

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• TheDuckis member

  

  June 2010

  No, you can't elope if that's not what your FI wants. Sit down, use your words, and figure out a plan and a budget that you can both agree on.

  
  Crap...I Mean Crafts

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• JesskaLynnLove member

  

  June 2010

  So, you've told him you want to elope. Did you tell him WHY? More importantly, does he understand why?
  
  Ask him to describe his dream wedding for you. Maybe you can come up with something that works for both of you- ie: the ceremony at his parent's home with a reception in the garden?
  
  I don't know the situation with you and your father, but I hope you work things out in whatever way is best for you. Don't feel you need to invite him if you truly don't want to, but ask yourself if you're simply not inviting him as a way to punish him. (You can always invite your sister, whether she ends up coming or not. It's a gesture that could mean a lot to her.)
  

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• Heffalump member

  

  June 2010

  I'm just wondering:  do you understand how marriage works?  Hint:  compromise is key.

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• awesome-sauce member

  

  June 2010 edited June 2010

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_please-let-elope?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:b6f0e44e-4ce1-492d-8fb3-3c60340cfb03Post:dd5ddb9e-cb05-4916-b66b-c037da17e9c9">please let me elope</a>:
  [QUOTE]okay so recently after many years of a really bad family life i finally got the guts to cut ties with my dad (which ended up cutting ties with my stepmom and little sister--she's 7 i don't have a say) after a really horrific event. he was paying for the wedding, but obviously i cancelled everything and i haven't even decided if i'll invite him or tell him when the wedding happens.  part of me is relieved because i have never wanted a big wedding at all...i always just wanted a little thing on the beach with immediate family and then call it a day...or to elope!! problem is...my fiance will not budge  when it comes to not eloping. i mention it several times a day and he always says "you don't mean that" or "we can't elope". i keep telling him how serious i am and how at this point...it would just be better. i just want the marriage, i'm not interested in the 4 hour party so people can see us get married. it's sticky because we had sent out save the dates but i'm sending out postcards saying the wedding isn't happening as planned.  should i just give it up and compromise with 30 people in some small wedding? i know it's normal to want to throw in the towel on the planning, but i just feel like after everything that's happened i deserve to have a happy relaxed day without all the stress so we can start our new lives together!
  Posted by dessy.williams@gmail.com[/QUOTE]
  
  "I mention it several times a day" = nagging to most. Ask your FI to find out his ideas for the wedding. Then compromise. Set a budget. Plan a small intimate affar. That sounds like meeting in the middle.
  
  I have to wonder what the "horrific event" was to cause the falling out, before commenting on if you should invite your father/step-mother.
  
  Edited: Meant to put "The<strong>n</strong> compromise."

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