Sensitive Dilemma (long)

Re: Sensitive Dilemma (long)

• erinlyn16

  

  February 2010 edited December 2011

  First of all I am so sorry to hear you situation. I will keep both you and your fi in my prayers.
  
  I would start by having a conversation with his parents being open and honest about your feelings and doubts. You may find that will fully support continuing on with the wedding planning.  I feel a little uncomfortable with the idea of postponing, you are going to be joining his family taking the good times with the bad. There will likely be sad moments at the wedding... but I think people may also appreciate the opportunity to get their minds off of the tough situations they are facing. I am curious what your family thinks as well...
  
  In the end whatever you and your fi are comfortable with is the decision you should make. If you are not comfortable postponing then I do not think you have to... but conversely if you feel you would be unable to enjoy yourself then postponing may be the best decision... hopes this helps a little!

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• ladybug7485 member

  

  February 2010 edited December 2011

  I agree with pp. At least have FI sit down with family and decide what people would be comfortable with. I think as there are a few family members that are currently sick, it may be hard to decide when to draw the line. What I mean is, what if you postpone and then get close to another date and one of the other family members who is sick takes a turn for the worse? It may not be possible to keep delaying the wedding.
  
  I'm assuming that there would also be some financial concern here with losing deposits and things like that if there are already vendors booked.
  Hard situation I would just sit down and see what people are comfortable with right now. As pp stated, people may find relief to be able to celebrate a marriage if there are a lot of things to grieve about.

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• duckie1905 member

  

  February 2010 edited December 2011

  I'm sorry for what your FI and his family are going through right now.
  
  With that said, unless his family specifically asks you to postpone I don't think there is a need to do so.
  
  At the risk of sounding insensitive:
  
  There is no way for us to know what will happen later today, tomorrow, or 4 months from now.  Putting off happy occasions in our lives waiting for everyone to be healthy and happy just isn't resonable most of the time.  I realize that your FI's situation is pretty extreme with multiple family members falling ill within a short period of time but it seems counterproductive to plan big events in your lives around situations that can't possibly be controlled.
  
  I've been there.  DH's grandmother died 3 days before our wedding.  We agonized over the decision to cancel or postpone.  In the end, however, it didn't make sense to plan our lives around things we couldn't control.  Bad things happen.  People get sick, hurt, and die.  That doesn't necessarily mean that we should stop living our lives.

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• Sparkette19 member

  

  February 2010 edited December 2011

  I'm sorry that your FIL's are so ill. I hope for the best for each of them.
  
  I have a slightly different take on this. I think that your FI's going through a hard time right now. Think about if the roles where reversed. You guys are going to be life partners and support is of the utmost importance. I can only say what I would do in that situation, and it's definitely easier said than done, but I would support FI with whatever decision he feels is best. IMO that's what spouses do for each other. It may not be what you want or think should be done, but it's his extended family (and yours too).
  
  That being said, I think a conversation between you and your FI is important where both of you can voice your concerns/thoughts. You're probably talking about losing out on money and deposits...all that jazz. That's definitely nothing to shake a stick at. However, do you want your wedding day to be shadowed by grief? It's a tough call.

  When you're born in Chicago you're blessed and you're healed the first time you walk into Wrigley Field. My Bio

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• WeberWedding2010 member

  

  February 2010 edited December 2011

  Talk to the family.

  I think it will be a different story if it was the parents.

  
  

  You can mention them at your ceremony to keep them in your prayers.

  
  

  Too much money is involved and I'm sure they will understand.

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• kmrazek member

  

  February 2010 edited December 2011

  Talking with his family would be my first move, as pp's have said. 
  
  My fiance's grandparents both died within 7 weeks of eachother.  We also got engaged in the time in between, and one of the things one of his family members said after learning of our engagement at the second funeral: "At least we'll have a happy reason to see eachother again soon."  A happy occasion might be just what people are looking for amidst the sadness. 
  
  4 months is still a long enough time away that you can wait two weeks and see what the time brings before making any big decisions - I don't think anything is going to change in terms of getting your deposits back, etc. in the next two weeks that would make making a decision now a requirement.  Just be there for your fiance and his family.  My thoughts go out to you and your family.

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• TheDohertys

  

  February 2010 edited December 2011

  I am so sorry for your loss. Some cultures have a one year period of mourning believe it or not. With that said, both of us have very large extended families and there are going to be illnesses and deaths that make us sad and those around us sometimes even more sad. The way I think of it is that those who died would still want you to celebrate and take positive steps to enjoy your own life and celebrate their legacy as well, rather than sacrificing or toning down your big day. After all, this is a once in a life time day.

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