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Moms and Maids

MOH is a big ole bittie

For the past 3 years, every time we've ever talked about weddings, my friend has always said "you're going to be my MOH!" This past summer, one of her friends from high school reemerged in her life first time I met her was when my friend got engaged. It's worth noting, her fiance amp; I were the ones who did all of the work as far as planning the engagement it involved using my horse, and surprising her the fiance and I both suggested things for the friend from HS to do, and she refused. However, after the engagement, the girl totally took credit, which made me pretty upset, but what was done was done.Fast forward 6 months, and my friend decides she wants her friend from HS to be her MOH; I accepted that fact just fine to her face, was polite, etc. This past Saturday, we set out to search for her dress. In attendance were the MOB, MIL, MOH, MOH's mom no clue why, bride, and myself.Before we were even out of town, the MOH was being a complete biatch to me, but I let it slide. We ate before the fitting, and the MOH would look at me as I asked her a question, then completely ignore me, or just start talking over me. This went on for most of the day. The bride was aware of it and said something to her mom, who in turn said something to MOH's mom, and I was told that the MOH had been "spoken to". She continued to be extremely rude the rest of the evening.nbsp;At the end of the trip, the bride "apologized" to me, but wasn't at all upset with her MOH acting that way today I learned the MOH apologized to the bride, but nothing towards me. I've seen this girl twice before dress shopping, there is no way I've done anything to her to warrant her behavior. Today, I asked the bride what the MOH's issue was the bride said she "didn't know" I'm 75 sure she was lying to me. It's worth noting that before the trip occurred, the bride assured me that she had spoken to the MOH and that she would not be an issue.nbsp;Needless to say, I wanted to beat the girl silly once we were home and done with dress shopping the whole time we were looking for stuff for the bride, I was polite, and drew no attention to the fact that the MOH was being a little snotty brat.nbsp;The issue at hand is that I cannot deal with this for another year, and if she acts the same way when the other BMs are here, that certainly won't be a nice time. I told the bride today, that if she was okay with it, I wanted to have lunch with the MOH without the bride since the bride already spoke to her, and the MOH agreed to one thing and still acted like an asshole. I'm attempting to get opinions from a few people before I commit to dining with her. By having lunch with her, my goal is to figure out what the hell her issue with me is, what she needs to solve it, and to talk about the other BMs.nbsp;The girl is no angel, as we were looking at dresses, she insisted the one she tried on be the one picked, because she looked SO good in it, she's an all around AW.Just to note, the bride is 20, MOH is 21, and I'm 24; so far I have handled the situation in a very adult manner, and I am all for putting my feelings aside for the bride, the MOH is clearly not however I can't let someone disrespect me for over a year every time there's a fitting or outingnbsp;with no consequences.Edited to add:nbsp;I completely understand with a 'standard' timeline, there wouldn't be very much contact, and BMs wouldn't be doing much at this stage. However, the bride is intent on having things done sooner, rather than later. Also, the bride has said to me and I'm quoting her word for word, "I want y'all to be friends"

Update thanks for all of your answers; I told the bride today that I wouldn't be contacting the MOH, that it wasn't my place and I hoped next time we were all together things would go better. She replied that she thought it was a good idea that I contact her, I told her I had conferred with a few people and established that it wasn't my place, to which she replied "if that's what you want to do, fine". Regardless, I'm not contacting the MOH, next time I see her will be when BM dress shopping occurs and I guess we'll see how that goes when it gets here.

Thanks again.

Re: MOH is a big ole bittie

  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited January 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-is-a-big-ole-bittie?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:8d1cd85a-9370-4e39-be31-8add139863aePost:28a161d7-48c0-40fd-88ae-90f7067d0bd1">MOH is a big ole bittie</a>:
    [QUOTE]For the past 3 years, every time we've ever talked about weddings, my friend has always said "you're going to be my MOH!" This past summer, one of her friends from high school reemerged in her life - first time I met her was when my friend got engaged. It's worth noting, her fiance & I were the ones who did all of the work as far as planning the engagement (it involved using my horse, and surprising her) - the fiance and I both suggested things for the friend from HS to do, and she refused. However, after the engagement, the girl totally took credit, which made me pretty upset, but what was done was done. Fast forward 6 months, and my friend decides she wants her friend from HS to be her MOH; I accepted that fact just fine to her face, was polite, etc. This past Saturday, we set out to search for her dress. In attendance were the MOB, MIL, MOH, MOH's mom (no clue why), bride, and myself. Before we were even out of town, the MOH was being a complete biatch to me, but I let it slide. We ate before the fitting, and the MOH would look at me as I asked her a question, then completely ignore me, or just start talking over me. This went on for most of the day. The bride was aware of it and said something to her mom, who in turn said something to MOH's mom, and I was told that the MOH had been "spoken to". She continued to be extremely rude the rest of the evening.  At the end of the trip, the bride "apologized" to me, but wasn't at all upset with her MOH acting that way - today I learned the MOH apologized to the bride, but nothing towards me. I've seen this girl twice before dress shopping, there is no way I've done anything to her to warrant her behavior. Today, I asked the bride what the MOH's issue was - the bride said she "didn't know" (I'm 75% sure she was lying to me). It's worth noting that before the trip occurred, the bride assured me that she had spoken to the MOH and that she would not be an issue.  Needless to say, I wanted to beat the girl silly once we were home and done with dress shopping - the whole time we were looking for stuff for the bride, I was polite, and drew no attention to the fact that the MOH was being a little snotty brat.  The issue at hand is that I cannot deal with this for another year, and if she acts the same way when the other BMs are here, that certainly won't be a nice time. I told the bride today, that if she was okay with it, I wanted to have lunch with the MOH without the bride (since the bride already spoke to her, and the MOH agreed to one thing and still acted like an asshole). I'm attempting to get opinions from a few people before I commit to dining with her.<strong> By having lunch with her, my goal is to figure out what the hell her issue with me is, what she needs to solve it, and to talk about the other BMs. </strong> The girl is no angel, as we were looking at dresses, she insisted the one she tried on be the one picked, because she looked SO good in it, she's an all around AW. Just to note, the bride is 20, MOH is 21, and I'm 24; so far I have handled the situation in a very adult manner, and I am all for putting my feelings aside for the bride, (the MOH is clearly not) however I can't let someone disrespect me for over a year (every time there's a fitting or outing)  with no consequences.
    Posted by hattie+lou[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I would just have limited contact with her. If the wedding is in a year, there isn't a lot the bridesmaids need to be doing yet. </div><div>
    </div><div>To the bolded: I'm confused. You want to get together with her to talk about the other bridesmaids?  Ummm...why?</div><div>
    </div><div>

    </div>
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • The lunch sounds like a really bad idea. I think so far you've handled it well, but I would stop talking to the bride about her MOH; don't give MOH any more reason to treat you badly.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-is-a-big-ole-bittie?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:8d1cd85a-9370-4e39-be31-8add139863aePost:a098f2a4-a16d-4e3c-9437-897aaae25497">Re: MOH is a big ole bittie</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to MOH is a big ole bittie : I would just have limited contact with her. If the wedding is in a year, there isn't a lot the bridesmaids need to be doing yet.  To the bolded: I'm confused. You want to get together with her to talk about the other bridesmaids?  Ummm...why?
    Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

    <div>Sorry, I should've worded that differently, I don't mean talk about as in gossip; 2 of the BMs are flying in the weekend before the wedding, and the bride isn't sure if the MOH is going to treat them the same way she's been treating me. I moreso meant discuss how to deal with their arrival, basically try and let her know what manners are.</div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-is-a-big-ole-bittie?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:8d1cd85a-9370-4e39-be31-8add139863aePost:d19eb504-6119-4257-a555-a0720667debf">Re: MOH is a big ole bittie</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH is a big ole bittie : Sorry, I should've worded that differently, I don't mean talk about as in gossip; 2 of the BMs are flying in the weekend before the wedding, and the bride isn't sure if the MOH is going to treat them the same way she's been treating me. I moreso meant discuss how to deal with their arrival,<strong> basically try and let her know what manners are.</strong>
    Posted by hattie+lou[/QUOTE]

    <div>This is a bad bad idea. People who have no manners don't take well to being told they have no manners. Just let this girl be a b*tch and stay above it all. If she treats the other BMs badly as well then the bride will see that. If the bride is concerned (which it seems like from the post I quoted) then she can talk to MOH about it herself.</div>
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  • This sounds like a sequel to Bridesmaids! I would take a leif from the MOH's book and just ignore her back and remain polite and a good friend to the bride. Do only what you have to do - get a dress and go to the wedding, and attend the shower and bachelorette party if you want. Stay cool, calm and collected and maybe she'll learn how to act like a decent person, too.
  • hattie+louhattie+lou member
    First Comment
    edited January 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-is-a-big-ole-bittie?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:8d1cd85a-9370-4e39-be31-8add139863aePost:ebe80abf-aee1-482d-a5ac-d621e88ff08a">Re: MOH is a big ole bittie</a>:
    [QUOTE]The girl is being immature and childish. You are being immature and childish if you care about it.  She's "disrespecting" you??? What do you care if someone "likes" you or not?? Don't sink to her level. You'll never see the MOH again after the wedding. This is not an issue. P.S.  Sorry, but it's "biddy."  "Bittie" means something small.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    I don't care if she likes me or not, however I would like to know her justification for treating me that way, when the other 4 people were treated with respect. It's about respect as a person, for one, also if every time I have to meet with them, she's wispering in the bride's ear (yes, this actually happened multiple times on Saturday) that's just taking it too far; it also poses an issue when the bride wants to discuss a certain detail with both of us, and she constantly interrupts me. <span style="white-space:pre;" class="Apple-tab-span"> </span>
    <div>
    </div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-is-a-big-ole-bittie?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:8d1cd85a-9370-4e39-be31-8add139863aePost:b968f0d8-f035-4f35-a08c-327586e92b1e">Re: MOH is a big ole bittie</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH is a big ole bittie : I don't care if she likes me or not, however <strong>I would like to know her justification for treating me that way, when the other 4 people were treated with respect.</strong> It's about respect as a person, for one, also if every time I have to meet with them, she's wispering in the bride's ear (yes, this actually happened multiple times on Saturday) that's just taking it too far; it also poses an issue when the bride wants to discuss a certain detail with both of us, and she constantly interrupts me. 
    Posted by hattie+lou[/QUOTE]

    There is no justification for it. She is rude. That's all there is to it. It sounds like you want to have it out with her, which will just lead to more drama. How do you think she will react to you instructing her in manners and how to treat the other bms? She'll go right back to the bride and tell her version of that story.
                       
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-is-a-big-ole-bittie?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:8d1cd85a-9370-4e39-be31-8add139863aePost:b968f0d8-f035-4f35-a08c-327586e92b1e">Re: MOH is a big ole bittie</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH is a big ole bittie : I don't care if she likes me or not, <strong>however I would like to know her justification for treating me that way</strong>, when the other 4 people were treated with respect. It's about respect as a person, for one, also if every time I have to meet with them, she's wispering in the bride's ear (yes, this actually happened multiple times on Saturday) that's just taking it too far; it also poses an issue when the bride wants to discuss a certain detail with both of us, and she constantly interrupts me. 
    Posted by hattie+lou[/QUOTE]

    <div>She doesn't have a reason, she's just rude. If the bride is complicit in her behaviour and you don't like it then step down. If you go talking to the MOH about her behaviour then you'll look like the crazy BM who can't deal with working alongside others. If the bride wants to discuss details and you feel like you aren't being heard then send a follow-up email teiing her your opinion of whatever was discussed. Just don't go questioning MOH about her motives/reasons. </div>
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  • I agree the lunch with the MOH is a bad idea all around.  Keep acting like the adult you have been.  She is the one seen as acting as a child.  I don't usually throw around the jealousy card, but perhaps the MOH is jealous of your current relationship with the bride.  The bride seems to value your opinion and that may be bothering the MOH.

    Don't speak with the bride about the MOH's behavior anymore.  If the bride tells you again, that she wants you all to be friends, just say "I don't think that's going to happen, I'm sorry."  The MOH seems to be shooting herself in the foot just fine.  When the other BMs come to town, again be polite and courteous to them and when the MOH acts like a brat again, then she will look bad and you will look like an adult.
  • Yeah, I don't think you should get together with her. To me, it comes off as if you are sitting her down for some kind of talking to and telling her how to behave. She is an adult, and that is not your place. If she were behaving poorly toward your children or someone else you needed to "protect" from her from, then OK. But to tell her how she needs to behave toward other grown women is out of line. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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