Semi Dumb - Cost to get married in a church?

jrkjpf · May 2011

So as of now, we are getting married in the same venue as our reception. Only catch is that we will have to pay for the additional hour or so, as well as the cost to have them set up chairs, which i still have not heard back if she will allow FI and I to do that the day before to avoid the cost. Anyways, I was looking for routes to save a little money, and my family really wants us to get married in a church, but a few friends told me the cost to get married in a church is around $1,000? Really?
We aren't a religious family, and I seriously can't recall the last time i went on a Sunday service, is doing this acceptable?
Should I just drive around, pick one i like and hope they won't charge me a hand a leg. We would like just a small ceremony, about 150 people, and I'm not worried about decorations. I assumed that the cost to get married in a church went to the preist or whoever was running the service. Ideas?

opalsky007 · May 2011

The cost varies from church to church, and doesn't always cover the officiant--often it pays for the utilities used, security, a coordinator, or any other organizational work involved.

My own church only asked for a donation to cover those costs, but I have seen churches where the costs go up into the thousands. If getting married in a church isn't super important to you, I'd just do it at your ceremony site. It will likely be cheaper, and less of a logistical headache.

lmg1115 · May 2011

Yes, that cost is about average...

The Church we are getting married at is Catholic. It costs $900 for the ceremony, then there is a suggested $200-$300 offering for the priest who performs the ceremony. All together, our church is between $1100-$1200

jrkjpf · May 2011

To have the ceremony at the venue, about $200 ($100 per extra hour) extra for the additional time, plus $3 a person per chair, and we are looking at about 150 guests. $650, give or take depending on the number of guests.

NcsuPsych · May 2011

As pp said, I'd stick with the same venue so that you don't cause yourself more headaches with planning and transportation.

When DH and I were planning we weren't members of a church at that time. So the church we had been attending for about a month or two, was our choice to look into. We were told that since we weren't members yet, we couldn't use it for the service.

Point is, some churches wont allow non-members to use their facilities. However those churches that do allow non-members, I think the average cost I've heard is about 500-600 just for the use / set up/ cleaning. As far as officiants at the church go, I've also heard that many recommend donating to the church, for their services.

Overall, I think you'd be safer sticking with the same venue. Plus, if you have a lot of OOT guests, they'll probably highly appreciate not having to drive around more. It's totally your choice though

)

opalsky007 · May 2011

Do you really need two additional hours? Just have a short ceremony and send everyone straight to the reception.

And if you negotiate the price down on the chairs (either by setting up yourselves, or just talking the price down) you'd probably get a big savings.

baystateapple · May 2011

I work for a church, and we charge $500 for non-members and $350 for registered members (who have been attending church here as registered parishioners for at least a year prior to the ceremony).

If getting married in a church is not that important to you, and you're balking at the cost, then I would just scrap the whole thing and get married at your reception location to save the money.

Also, the cost of "renting" the church (at least at our church) doesn't go to the priest. It goes toward the upkeep of the church, maintenance and fuel costs, and to the sexton (who cleans the church thoroughly before each wedding). Our priest does not take a portion of the fee for the church, as he considers it going against the "nonprofit" aspect of the church itself. But that's my church, and it might not be yours.

specialk84 · May 2011

My church charges $200 to members and $400 to nonmenbers, plus a "donation" of $300-500 (for nonmembers) to the minister. She donates it back to the church.

My bigger question is why you want to get married in a church even though you aren't religious and don't go. I'm not trying to be bitchy or anything, but I think it's disrespectful to say, "Hey, the place where you worship is really pretty. Let me use it for my pictures."

If you don't go to church and don't plan/want to go, don't get married there.

kristeno90 · May 2011

My FI's parents church is 800. We are not getting married there because FI and I are not religious but that is where his parents wanted us to have the wedding.

Meg1036 · May 2011

Ditto pps. A church wedding is going to run you several hundred dollars, at least.

And many churches won't marry non-members (although many will), so you'll be introducing yourself to a problem of finding one that will.

Finally, if you're not religious, having a wedding in a church just doesn't seem to make much sense. Some people may get offended that you are basically using the church as a pretty backdrop for a wedding, without believing in what the church stands for.

jrkjpf · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_semi-dumb-cost-married-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6478232f-4ef6-4fdd-b4b6-5ebe8a02c230Post:58eec327-b78b-4bab-9aac-9a7c40b28e47">Re: Semi Dumb - Cost to get married in a church?</a>:
[QUOTE]My church charges $200 to members and $400 to nonmenbers, plus a "donation" of $300-500 (for nonmembers) to the minister. She donates it back to the church. <strong>My bigger question is why you want to get married in a church even though you aren't religious and don't go. I'm not trying to be bitchy or anything, but I think it's disrespectful to say, "Hey, the place where you worship is really pretty. Let me use it for my pictures." If you don't go to church and don't plan/want to go, don't get married there.
</strong>Posted by specialk84[/QUOTE]

I am more trying to make the families happy. Mom is from a very strict religious old world Germany family. And although they are no longer with us (and i have not met 90% of them), I am trying to consider her wishes, but she was also unaware of the costs. We were planning on having our friend, who is a magistrate marry us, but the venue is only giving us 5 hours for everything, so i felt that including the ceremony in those 5 hours wouldn't be enough time.

hlq2011 · May 2011

If the only reason you want to get married in a church is to save money, don't do it. And not because it's not cheaper.

I'm not religious and don't regularly attend (and had never planned on getting married in a church - if I had my way, we'd be getting married on the 50-yard line) but it's important to FI, so that was our reason for the church.

Meg1036 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_semi-dumb-cost-married-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6478232f-4ef6-4fdd-b4b6-5ebe8a02c230Post:fb92de8b-557b-43ed-b169-a512c655b6b3">Re: Semi Dumb - Cost to get married in a church?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Semi Dumb - Cost to get married in a church? : I am more trying to make the families happy. Mom is from a very strict religious old world Germany family.<strong> And although they are no longer with us (and i have not met 90% of them), I am trying to consider her wishes, but she was also unaware of the costs. </strong>We were planning on having our friend, who is a magistrate marry us, but the venue is only giving us 5 hours for everything, so i felt that including the ceremony in those 5 hours wouldn't be enough time.
Posted by jrkjpf[/QUOTE]

Its your wedding, not your mother's. It should reflect your values. And if you truly wanted a wedding in a church, the cost of having a church for the wedding wouldn't matter. It's a drop in the bucket compared to the reception cost, and for religious people, its the most important aspect of the day. If you are using a church as a backdrop for pretty pictures or only to appease your mother/her family, that is fairly disrespectful IMO.

amycannova · May 2011

Yeah I was p/o'ed at my church for asking 900 for our wedding. It's ridiculous. I can't fathom paying a church 900 to use God's house. I don't care if they have bills and that, not 900 dollars worth of bills. We moved the location to an outdoor/indoor venue with 17 acres of land. For half the price!

hlq2011 · May 2011

Sorry, I posted while you were posting.

I agree with Meg. I'm not religious and don't care all that much for organized religion myself, and am ONLY doing the church wedding because FI wants it that way, and wants to raise our kids Catholic, but I have enough respect for the church that I wouldn't do it for any other reasons.

Meg1036 · May 2011

hlq: Thanks. And for clarity, I wasn't objecting to your use of the church (sounds like you realize this). It's important to your FI, and I think its great that you're supportive of it.

jrkjpf · May 2011

I agree, asking this question was more to give a little ammo to not do this. As i did mention to her that it can be very disrespectful to some.

opalsky007 · May 2011

Amy, it really can cost that much. Churches are some of the least energy efficient buildings around. It costs a lot to heat and cool them.

OP, I still think you could swing this, in either the five hours you've already got, or a single extra hour. A ceremony, unless you're having a full mass, usually only takes 20-30 minutes. Everyone goes straight to the reception, you snap a few pictures, and you still have 4 (or 5, if you buy the extra hour) hours to party. That's a lot.

You can save yourselves a lot of time at the venue by taking most of your photos before the ceremony at another location, and then just get some formal shots after the ceremony while everyone is enjoying a cocktail or two.

hlq2011 · May 2011

Oh, I know. It's just I posted over the OP, so I wanted to address what she added.

Granted, the pretty backdrop is a bonus (our church is absolutely gorgeous inside).

Meg1036 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_semi-dumb-cost-married-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6478232f-4ef6-4fdd-b4b6-5ebe8a02c230Post:eebcd858-83e0-4fbc-95f4-207ed4de5983">Re: Semi Dumb - Cost to get married in a church?</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh, I know. It's just I posted over the OP, so I wanted to address what she added. Granted, the pretty backdrop is a bonus (our church is absolutely gorgeous inside).
Posted by hlq2011[/QUOTE]

Haha. We're getting married in a Catholic church. And it's probably the ugliest Catholic church in America. So I am jealous of your pretty backdrop.

jrkjpf · May 2011

Mom is very excited. I am the last to get married out of 4, and the last wedding was over 9 years ago. So she is just going by what the other siblings have done, but only difference is FI and I are paying for the entire thing, not her, dad or any of his family. So this was pretty much my attempt on getting a few facts about the cost and "ethics" of getting married in a church. Not that i was 100% against the idea, but it just didn't feel right to me.

hlq2011 · May 2011

If it doesn't feel right to you, that's a good sign not to do it.

I'm not being snarky, by the way. I mean that 100%. If getting married in the church doesn't feel like what you should do, your family needs to understand that.

specialk84 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_semi-dumb-cost-married-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6478232f-4ef6-4fdd-b4b6-5ebe8a02c230Post:2e2266e1-bf21-4d38-a89a-b394e1396b0f">Re: Semi Dumb - Cost to get married in a church?</a>:
[QUOTE]If it doesn't feel right to you, that's a good sign not to do it. I'm not being snarky, by the way. I mean that 100%. If getting married in the church doesn't feel like what you should do, your family needs to understand that.
Posted by hlq2011[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree.</div><div>
</div><div>While I love my mother dearly, she and I do not agree on every aspect of planning a wedding. However, unless I'm attempting to do something unbelievably stupid, she goes along with it. She told me she already planned her wedding, and this one is up to me.</div>

jrkjpf · May 2011

I agree as well. It was just a little discussion and fact finder to make her happy.
I appreciate all the help, this wasn't the first time she prompted a discussion, and i know it won't be the last. I try and keep wedding talk to a bare minimum with her to avoid things like this.

hoffse · May 2011

You might also want to check to make sure your officiant will marry you at a non-church site... For some strange reason none of the Catholic priests in my area will do it without an altar (which requires a church), though I know some Catholic girls who have had priests at garden weddings and things. They said it's a local diocese thing. I have seen a few churches that have the reduced rate for members and then make it free if you have contributed a certain amount to the church over the last year (like $350-$500). I've considered using one of these because that contribution would be tax deductible whereas just paying for the facility probably won't be. I just thought you might want to talk to your officient... when you said, "Old school German" I immeditely thought "Catholic," (though I don't know if you are of course), and I figured I would let you know about the problems I have run into with that. My parents are paying and my dad said the only rule was that I be married by a priest. Where I've been looking, priest=church.

hoffse · May 2011

Can't believe I forgot to say this, but don't forget about the cost of the organist or pianist or whoever will be doing music. A lot of churches won't allow recorded music, so you're usually looking at $250 or so there for a musician, more if you have a cantor or soloist. Even if one of your friends is singing for you, the organist charge might go up because that will require extra rehearsals. Many churches require you use their organist because they have the keys to the organ, the music room, etc. It's too much of a liability to let your cousin who plays piano near the $30,000 instruments and the priceless pipe organ from the 19th century.

hlq2011 · May 2011

hoffse, a Catholic wedding outside a church requires special dispensation from the diocese. I have never heard of dispensation being granted for the sake of a preferred location; that is one thing the Church takes very seriously. The girls you know - are you certain they had active priests officiate? Retired clergy sometimes may, but that wouldn't be recognized as a sacrament by the church.

hoffse · May 2011

I was young, so I might have been wrong about them. They were wearing what I would have associated with a deacon's garb, so who knows. The diocese I've been exploring has all sorts of extra rules, and I assumed that was one of them. They have rules about what the dress can look like, wedding party, etc. If requiring a church is pretty standard anyway, then that's definitely something OP should know if she's Catholic.

EDIT: Now that I think of it a deacon wouldn't be able to do the sacrament would he? I must have been misremembering, but I know they are catholic now... very strange.

Birdie1483 · May 2011

All of these things are really drops in the bucket, but if you need more ammo, bring up the transportation issue. We're getting married at the same place as the reception so we won't need to rent a limo to get from the ceremony to the reception. I know not everyone does that, but it was a couple extred hundred $$ that we're saving by having it in the same location.

hlq2011 · May 2011

Hoffse, I am marrying in the church, and our officiant is a Deacon. He can preside over the ceremony itself, but if we were having a full mass, we would need a priest.

jrkjpf · May 2011

After hearing all this, I am strongly in agreement to keep everything in the same location. We will potentially have a lot of out of town guests, so not only will it be much easier on them, for us as well since they are giving us separate rooms to get ready in. I still have a long laundry list of questions for the venue.

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