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what would you do?

laurie1518laurie1518
10 Comments
in Texas-Austin
hello ladies! well, we are a little over a month away from our wedding and the invites have been sent. we wanted this to be an adult affair and we are getting responses back with parents rsvp-ing with their small children. the invite was only dressed to mr & mrs blah, not mr & mrs blah and family. we are getting married at the wildflower center and i am worried that the small children willl not be properly supervised and something bad will happen, like they see all the pretty flowers and want to go pick them. there is also a big pond in the middle that is not really childproof. my wicked stepmother in law to be is making me feel terrible and said that i should have put "this is an adult affair" on the invite. should i hire a babysitter to be downstairs in one of the rooms? most of everyone i know are not bringing their smaill children, there are just a handful that are. what would you do? as you can see i am up at 5:30 stressing over this!
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Re: what would you do?

  • pacificgalxpacificgalx
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm going to have this same dillema as well. I am going to just contact my friends individually via phone and let them know that this is an Adult Only Affair. Let them know exactly how you feel about small children at this location. If they still persists on bringing their small children and if it's only going to be handful, then I decided that I'm not going to stress out over it. Good Luck!
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  • FromPenceToPriceFromPenceToPrice
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Tell your wicked stepmother that putting a note on a wedding invitation that certain people are not invited is not proper etiquette, so putting "adult only reception" is not the best option.  Send her here if she resists http://www.theamericanwedding.com/blog/?view=plink&id=313

    What you did--not including the childrens' names on the invitation--is the most proper way to do it.  When your guest don't understand that only people named on the invitation are invited, then you have to get a little more direct.  Although it's not always the most pleasant conversation, the best thing to do is call each person and say that you're sorry, but it's an adult only reception.  Some people may end up not coming because they can't bring their kids, but that's just a risk you have to take.  The other option is to hire a babysitter and just let them bring the kids, but then you run the risk of other guests, who didn't bring their kids (because they weren't invited!) getting upset thinking that other people's kids were invited (even though they weren't) while theirs weren't.  Then you also have to worry about having childrens meals, activities to keep them occupied, and the worst, that one of them will throw a tantrum during the ceremony.  For your sanity, I'd just call the parents (or make your parents or fiancee's parents, depending on whose guest it is, call) and let them know.  Good luck!
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  • kellster22kellster22
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree you did it the proper way.  I am going to put an insert that gives additional information on vellum paper - and it is going to say "adults only event". I can't imagine having to coordinate a baby sitter. I agree with post above. Call your guests.
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  • SarahPLizSarahPLiz member
    10000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    The couple was rude to assume that anyone was invited except the people named on the invite. YOu are not rude for not inviting their kid, and it is not rude to call someone who RSVPs for univited guests and tell them that you cannot accomodate them. While it may be an uncomfortable situation, it is not proper etiquette to indicate that it is adults only, as it IS proper etiquette for only the named guests to RSVP.

    Call them yourself and tell them that you are sorry you can not accomodate an extra guest at your wedding. If they say they can't come in that case, then the proper response is' "We'll miss you, but we understand" Don't pander to other people's rudeness.
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  • reddie36reddie36
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011

    If there are a handful and you want those folks to be sure and be able to come  (and it's in your budget for a sitter, the extra space and extra food for the kids) then I think it's a great idea. If not, then simply call each person who added a kid to their RSVP and explain the situation. They will understand and make other arrangements for the kiddos or simply not be able to come.

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  • laurie1518laurie1518
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    thank you ladies! i really appreciate your input!
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  • chloetutorchloetutor
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    We're also doing the Wildflower Center (let me know how it goes!) Our SIL is hiring a sitter as one of our gifts to not only get her kiddos off her hands, but to get the kids away from the margarita machiene, the flower, and that pond.  The classroom is really a great space for placing the kids, and the weekend manager offered to put a tv and dvd player in there for us.  Plus, we're throwing a Chickfila fruit and nugget tray in there to avoid feeding the kids pricey food.
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