surprisingly it is not that hard to be optimistic...

nottheonlydreamer44 · August 2010

Fi got laid off yesterday (along with 18 other employees) from his contracting position. His lay-off was extremely sudden and added to the seemingly endless merry-go-round of problems we've had.

I cried for about 2 hours but then pulled it together by that time FI was already doing everything he should have been doing. He's not going back to work; he returning to school to get certified in Civil Project Surveying and Construction Supervising. His UE is only $14 less a week than his previous take home pay and he's got tons of side jobs lined up.

My UE is still tied up and I'm just crossing my fingers my appeal goes through tomorrow and I can know one way or the other. My lawsuit is still tied up and even with my typical constant impatience, I think I'm handling all this well.

I hope this is a very strenuous test that is making sure we are prepared to be married since we haven't been together long at all. 5 months - September 4th, lol, crazy. We are going to come out on the other side with a lot of bruises and scrapes but it is bringing us together and forcing us to communicate more. We've had to lean on one another simply because we haven't shared this information (minus my job loss) with our friends or family.

I just want this month to end already, lol. Nothing needed from you ladies here it's just been a big pile up and I am determined to stay positive and think positive.

This is only a test.

jeanacorina · August 2010

This isn't a test. This is life. Sometimes it sucks. Sometimes it's great. You don't pass or fail because you're never completely out of the woods.

There are always choices, risks, mistakes, and consequences. There is no promise it will ever get better. You do the best you can every day, you make choices you can be proud of, you learn, and you keep on moving forward. That never stops.

There's just no such thing as a test.

nottheonlydreamer44 · August 2010

LOL Jeana- I was mainly saying it as a joke. Like the, "this is a test, this is only a test. in the case of a real emergency...." Lame I know but I'm loopy on Vicodin for my shoulder right now.

I agree there is no promise about anything getting better but I have to have hope that they will or that they will change to mold into something I wasn't expecting that still works for me and our relationship.

You make a great point about constant growth, I guess that's what I mean't by saying it's not hard to be optimistic. My life has changed and keeps changing every single day (big and small) I'm just happy that Mike and I are going through these things now because it's bringing us closer.

We've moved/lived in 3 places, bought a house, got engaged, had a miscarriage, lost both our jobs after buying a house and had 3 serious ER visits all within 4 1/2 months. It's been insane but interesting and it's definitely made me into a different person. New things always come along and I'm happy to have him by my side even though it can be ridiculously overwhelming sometimes. I'm just laughing and breathing.

Moving forward is all you can do.

Narwhal · August 2010

Do you end all your posts with cliches?

tafft1 · August 2010

Jeana has said it best. Though I understand where your point may have been trying to come from - it is part of life. There are unforseen circumstances we have to learn to overcome daily - some big , some small , some that make us want to scream and ask why me - but in the end , the length of your relationship should have little to do with how you approach such things. Hope things turn around soon.

jemmini6 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_surprisingly-not-hard-optimistic?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:2f6093eb-1fa1-4562-a310-247cec7ea073Post:9840fc4d-c0f9-465d-ac09-d199be56d4d3">Re: surprisingly it is not that hard to be optimistic...</a>:
[QUOTE]LOL Jeana- I was mainly saying it as a joke. Like the, "this is a test, this is only a test. in the case of a real emergency...." Lame I know but I'm loopy on Vicodin for my shoulder right now. I agree there is no promise about anything getting better but I have to have hope that they will or that they will change to mold into something I wasn't expecting that still works for me and our relationship. You make a great point about constant growth, I guess that's what I mean't by saying it's not hard to be optimistic. My life has changed and keeps changing every single day (big and small) I'm just happy that Mike and I are going through these things now because it's bringing us closer. <strong>We've moved/lived in 3 places, bought a house, got engaged, had a miscarriage, lost both our jobs after buying a house and had 3 serious ER visits all within 4 1/2 months</strong>. It's been insane but interesting and it's definitely made me into a different person. New things always come along and I'm happy to have him by my side even though it can be ridiculously overwhelming sometimes. I'm just laughing and breathing. Moving forward is all you can do. :)
Posted by nottheonlydreamer44[/QUOTE]

SLOW DOWN!!! Lol

nottheonlydreamer44 · August 2010

Thank you Tafft - you are correct, the length of the relationship shouldn't have anything to do with the approach to things. I think all these things happening (not just the last 5 months) have made me stop asking "why me?" and just go calmly go on with life. All of us have these moments and I'm just happy to say I'm not completely freaking out. Usually I would be.

FI being there too is only helping things and makes me realize even more how well we work together. I'm proud of myself (and us) for not just shutting down trying to fix everything alone. That's all.

This post wasn't intended to be anything other than a little relief of things going on in my mind since we aren't sharing a ton with our friends and families. I'm feeling positive about the changes going on for the most part - I think they will turn out being what we need in our own personal lives. (I'm thrilled for FI deciding to go back to school!)

As I said nothing needed besides maybe some good vibes about me (hopefully) getting a new job in my field.

nottheonlydreamer44 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_surprisingly-not-hard-optimistic?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:2f6093eb-1fa1-4562-a310-247cec7ea073Post:6a8036ab-1570-47e4-9a01-8d8448a79a06">Re: surprisingly it is not that hard to be optimistic...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: surprisingly it is not that hard to be optimistic... : SLOW DOWN!!! Lol
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

LOL - definitely with you on that one, Jem!

Narwhal - No i don't unless I'm KUI or the pain killers kick in before I finish a normal coherant thought.

<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-tongue-out.gif" border="0" alt="Tongue out" title="Tongue out" />

nottheonlydreamer44 · August 2010

Whatever comments come after this - I thank you ladies for being honest, caring, and always putting things into perspective (whether I like it or not).

We are leaving in the morning to visit FBIL and FSIL in Michigan so I won't be responding due to my lack of internet access. Everyone have a safe and happy rest of the week and weekend!

desertsun · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_surprisingly-not-hard-optimistic?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:2f6093eb-1fa1-4562-a310-247cec7ea073Post:26765256-3fc5-499d-b946-69a8dec55415">surprisingly it is not that hard to be optimistic...</a>:
[QUOTE]Fi got laid off yesterday (along with 18 other employees) from his contracting position. His lay-off was extremely sudden and added to the seemingly endless merry-go-round of problems we've had. I cried for about 2 hours but then pulled it together by that time FI was already doing everything he should have been doing. He's not going back to work; he returning to school to get certified in Civil Project Surveying and Construction Supervising. His UE is only $14 less a week than his previous take home pay and he's got tons of side jobs lined up. My UE is still tied up and I'm just crossing my fingers my appeal goes through tomorrow and I can know one way or the other. My lawsuit is still tied up and even with my typical constant impatience, I think I'm handling all this well. I hope <strong>this is a very strenuous test that is making sure we are prepared to be married since we haven't been together long at all. 5 months </strong>- September 4th, lol, crazy. We are going to come out on the other side with a lot of bruises and scrapes but it is bringing us together and forcing us to communicate more. We've had to lean on one another simply because we haven't shared this information (minus my job loss) with our friends or family. I just want this month to end already, lol. Nothing needed from you ladies here it's just been a big pile up and I am determined to stay positive and think positive. This is only a test. :)
Posted by nottheonlydreamer44[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry, but I do not subscribe to the belief that going through difficult times necessarily makes your relationship stronger.

I do however think that sometimes stressful situations can create bonds that don't necessarily last.

I really, truly am not trying to bring you down or make you feel judged.

But I don't see why you want or need to get married any time soon.

It would make more sense to me to take my time.

Then again, different strokes for different folks. :) Just something to think about.

How's that for ending in cliches, Narwhal? ;)

loves2shop4shoes · August 2010

Sorry for being MIA. Law school is sucking the life out of me.

Just wanted to say I'm sorry to hear about this newfound source of stress. Keep your chin up and learn from it what you can.

*Goes back under a rock with an enormous tome of a book.*

GreenPepperBurger · August 2010

Jiminy crickets, that's a helluva lot to endure in a short period of time. I hope that everything works out for the best for you.

nottheonlydreamer44 · August 2010

typing from my phone and TK is so slow, i apologize for lack of capitalization or spelling errors, just wanted to respond really fast to desert and shoes. i know you are not trying to bring me down desert and i appreciate that. i dont feel judged in the slightest and i mean that. i think you are very right that stress doesn't always make a relationship stronger - i think it's opened my eyes to see that i don't have to handle stress alone. With my EXH I was always alone in every decision and every problem... its nice to have someone to lean on and who i know I can depend on.

we try not to dwell on the issues we spend a lot of time doing things we enjoy both separately and as a couple. that might be why i'm calm - i don't feel complletely overwhelmed.

Haha we've discussed this "fast"" thing many times and i feel comfortable that we're not getting married for another 10 nths. I know whatt we're doing isn't for everyone nor do i think everyone will always support our choice but that's okay. My gut instinct is in overdrive and its telling me i'm making good choices so i'm going with it. lol. if its a total failure than I will own that too. :-)

Shoes- it's ok girl i wanted to PM you and tell you good lkuc with law school starting. I know from friends that it is rough at first (or the whole time I dunno they didn't finish lol) but you will be fine! Sorry to hear about your FSIL getting KU so young - i hope she makes thwe right decision for her. good luck with all your work and TRY to have some funn, Thank for all the support Cath!

p.s. desert your cliches are way better than mine, lol.

nottheonlydreamer44 · August 2010

thank u GBP--

didn't see your post til my phone slowly kicked over back to the orginal. A+ for using Jimney Crickets (sp?) - thats one of my faves.

surprisingly it is not that hard to be optimistic...

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