I forewarn you this could get long.....
Because of the size of the wedding we chose to have in Maui FI and I opted to not have groomsmen and bridesmaids. I do however have a core group of girls that are somewhat of "honourary bridesmaids" - they are planning the stagette, have been to my fittings and all other planning every step of the way. One of these girls is my cousin, who I was a bridesmaid in her wedding last August. She is the one who is pretty much taking charge on all of the stagette and shower planning and has promised she will be there for me on the day of my wedding.... I've had some close family members bail on me (I completely understand it's a financial thing and I'm not upset with them) but obviously I was a little sad about it - my cousin was the one I went to and cried about it and expressed my feelings on it. She again promised me she'd be there for me for sure.
Last night I went for a workout with her and she tells me that she went off the pill last month and is going to try and have a baby...... in my mind I'm thinking she's willing (and trying) to get preggers now which means if she does, she won't be attending.... my wedding is in 5 months and you're not supposed to fly in the final trimester- that's cutting it a litlte close. In an even more selfish part of my mind I'm thinking - this is the person in charge of my bridal parties as well....... I"m no crazy partier but I certainly don't want to be sitting around drinking tea and watching her belly. All that's reeling through my mind is all these things I did for her for her wedding..... hitting the gym with her daily to help her lose the "dress weight", go for drinks with her to get away from the planning stresses, planned her stagette and made sure she had a great time.......etc. and not to mention she was upset with another bridesmaid in her wedding party for doing the EXACT same thing!
Am I being a bridezilla? Am I way over the top on this? A part of me feels really silly and selfish (and embarassed to admit all of this to you) but another part feels really sad about it