AHHHH HELP!!!! (long)

jostina2010 · March 2010

So I haven't gone bridezilla yet, I mean not even close - but I'm about to get all prehistoric on someone!!

FI is having to groomswomen - no problem, love both girls, completely ok with it. When he first chose them we had a little discussion as to what they would wear (I didn't want them in the same thing as the bridesmaids) and FI jokingly mentioned them wearing tuxes. We agreed to black cocktail dresses with sashes that match the guys' ties/vests. Great, cool, no problem.

He's in Portland visiting on and I just got a text from him saying (I'm paraphrasing) "Talked to L about wearing tuxes and she loves it. K is really excited too." Now, if these two girls were girly girls who would invest in a nicely tailored, cute tux, I'd be OK with it (not thrilled, but accepting)... but they aren't - they're talking about just renting tuxes with the guys. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

What do I do?! Has anyone ever seen this before? I'm picturing baggy and really awful looking. OMG, this is the first big wedding meltdown I've had.

jennlin · March 2010

what is the formality of your wedding? i think that if it's more formal, then having girls in tuxes will look kind of silly. if it's more casual/fun, it will be fine..there are some guys skinnier than girls that they have tuxes for...it will work. however..my vote is for black cocktail dress (or same style as BM), with a sash of the wedding color.

KST_ · March 2010

Never seen it and frankly, I agree with you. The fit will be all wrong for them unless they are that rare percentage of women with almost no hip-waist ratio, and no boobs. Otherwise it will pull in some places and sag in others (men's pants being cut for their junk in the front, not our junk in the back). It's not bridezilla and I think black cocktail dresses would look better. Not everyone is like one of my friends who got married on Halloween and HE wore a shot black cocktail dress and SHE wore a tux.

jennlin · March 2010

kst~ you have interesting/entertaining friends.

kinmir30 · March 2010

Wow, I would probably be getting pretty angry too. I see your frustrations. I definitely wouldn't want them wearing tuxes. Black cocktail dresses will look really good. Did you say something to your FI? I mean hadn't you already discussed that the black cocktail dresses was the decision? I think if you have, then it should be his responsibility to reconcile the issue. However, I can see how this can come across bridezilla-ey...

A suggestion....if they are all really set on this whole tux idea, you could compromise with the girls wearing like skirt suits. with the shirt underneath being the wedding color? That's kind of middle ground.....

Eek! Sorry your having to deal with that.

Tygirljojo · March 2010

Actually, my MOH wore a tux when she was a groomswoman in her brother's wedding 10 years ago. It was fitted and I thought looked pretty good. Sure, it's not a dress, but as long as it's fitted, it should be fine. Think of a woman's pant suit vs. a guy's - tends to be a little bit curvier so it fits better, but overall, they're pretty similar, right? Same concept.

Kahalagurl · March 2010

I agree with Tygirl. A fitted black suit will have the same look as the tux, but will be more flattering.

Perhaps those girls who want to rent tuxes will realise once they try one one that they are fitted to make men look good and not women they will come to their senses.
One can only hope.

sarack · March 2010

i like the idea of a fitted black tux. but i like the black dress with same color sash as ties MUCH better. i'd just let him know your concern.

cupcakepirate · March 2010

Have you seen those tuxedo style dresses? They have them lots of places, they also have them in several different styles depending on the formality of your wedding. I like the idea of the black tailored suit, and it could be something they would wear again.

jennuinne · March 2010

I agree with pp. I black suit could work, but I like your idea better. And, you're the bride. If you feel strongly about it, let FI know. You can be a bridezilla every now and then.

melissa82 · March 2010

Are you sure he wasn't joking?

If not, I think it might look fine once it's tailored for them. I'd prefer a black cocktail dress, too, but I'd really ask them what they feel more comfortable wearing.

melissa82 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_washington-seattle_ahhhh-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:104Discussion:0ab6cae9-4ef1-43c2-a0f0-b0c405f108c8Post:3417417e-8d56-4176-98f3-e42ba76596d8">Re: AHHHH HELP!!!! (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]And, you're the bride. If you feel strongly about it, let FI know. You can be a bridezilla every now and then.
Posted by jennuinne[/QUOTE]

While I agree that OP should talk with her FI, somehow I doubt people would have this same reaction if it were the groom dictating what the bridesmaids were to wear. The bride is not any more important than the groom, and shouldn't be going bridezilla over what his attendants wear, IMO.

amandasw · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_washington-seattle_ahhhh-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:104Discussion:0ab6cae9-4ef1-43c2-a0f0-b0c405f108c8Post:9ac4ad25-6eb3-401f-93f5-5f539df94318">Re: AHHHH HELP!!!! (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: AHHHH HELP!!!! (long) : While I agree that OP should talk with her FI, somehow I doubt people would have this same reaction if it were the groom dictating what the bridesmaids were to wear. The bride is not any more important than the groom, and shouldn't be going bridezilla over what his attendants wear, IMO.
Posted by melissa82[/QUOTE]

I agree with this.

While I completely agree that the original idea of the dresses is way better, I don't really think it's ok to throw a bridezilla tantrum - seriously. In the end, the girls are on his side so why wouldn't he get to decide what they wear? Just talk about it with your FI and the girls, maybe he was joking like pp said.

carrieoz_76 · March 2010

Tell your FI that's not gonna work, and he needs to tell them to wear or buy black cocktail dresses. He gets to decide what they wear (i.e. not them), so he just needs to rein them in.

But be careful here - if you start micromanaging them, you can get into treacherous waters, so it's really best if your FI handles this. He needs to assert himself sooner rather than later and nip this in the bud.

But I don't think you're being a bridezilla. It's a silly idea (to wear a men's tux and not a fitted women's suit), and would be akin to a GM thinking he could wear something other than what the groom picked for him. Nope. Basic rule about the wedding party - they don't have to do much, but they do need to stick with the clothing selected for them (assuming it's reasonable)

jostina2010 · March 2010

Thanks for all the tips ladies!! As seems usual - you guys got to see/read my initial knee jerk overreaction. Better to vent here then freak out on FI, right?

We talked about it last night and I was able to express that my concern/discomfort wasn't that they wanted to wear tuxes, it was that I was worried they'd become almost a side show. It would turn comments such as "their vows were really beautiful" or "wasn't that a lovely ceremony" into "wow, did you see the girls in the tuxes?!" Essentially I'm worried it would take the focus/attention off FI and I - yes, I realize that's super AW of me.

So end story is - we're going to go to a couple tux stores just he and I and see what they have to offer. If they have something acceptable then we'll be all good, otherwise it's black cocktail dresses.

Thanks again for all the opinions and support in my bridezilla moment

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