Am I being disrespctful to our religious guests?

Audrey&Austin · April 2010

Some people have told me that it is disrespectful of me to have a spiritual ceremony because of the fact that I'm atheist. My fiance is more agnostic and he wants a spiritual but not religious ceremony. He would like to have the ceremony in a church or a chapel, even though its not something I want I'm willing to do it because its important to him. I'm more than willing to make compromises because this is one of the things he's really wanted out of the whole planning process. His mom knows someone that would be thrilled to officiate the ceremony and make something that would fit our needs.

Several religious people have told me that it is disrespectful of me to have a religious ceremony since I'm not religious. Is it disrespectful to religion and religious people for an atheist to get married in a church or chapel?

mbcdefg · April 2010

It would be very disrespectful if neither of you were religious, but if you were marrying in a church just because you liked the way it looked or wanted something "traditional."

It would be disrespectful if either/both of you lied to a church and said you were following their particular religion, when you're athiest and he's not following that particular religion.

But if your FI is spiritual and the church/chapel you find agrees with his beliefs, and if you respect his beliefs, and if the church/chapel is aware of your faith and says it's O.K., then that's between you and FI and that church.

Audrey&Austin · April 2010

Thanks for all of the opinions. I don't know if it makes much of a difference, but we were/are planning on a chapel, not a church. It's set up as part of the venue we're booking, not as a church where people go to church (if that makes any sense). I wanted to make sure that the ceremony isn't religious, but more of a spiritual ceremony. Thank you for all of your help, I know I don't want to offend anyone that will be attending, but I want my fiance to have a ceremony that means more to him.

Pirata13 · April 2010

No, if you are having a spiritual ceremony because your FI is spiritual, I think that is fine. I agree with PP that if you were both non-believers, it wouldn't make sense, but since FI is spiritual somewhat, I think it's fine. It would be like people saying we're being disrespectful to Catholics when we're getting married in the Catholic Church (I am Catholic, FI is Methodist). You are doing what you're supposed to in relationships--COMPROMISE--so IMO the people giving you a hard time can shove it.

CynikettE · April 2010

He's agnostic but he wants to get married in a church...?

Eri Paige · April 2010

It really depends on the church/chapel you will be getting married in and what their rules are, and since one of you has a spiritual background then in my opinion it is perfectly fine! Also it sounds like these people who are saying this to you are just trying to be difficult, I have found that the more you plan your wedding the more people feel to put in their opinions of how they would do this, they don't like that, etc. Ignore those people, it will make your life so much easier.

vparmley · April 2010

It sounds like the chapel isn't technically a place of worship, meaning there are no sermons there? If so, I don't think it's a problem at all.

People are probably saying it's disrepectful just because they're uncomfortable with atheism. My FI gets that all the time; religous people offering to pray for him and such. Kind gesture, just misplaced.

You and your FI should be fine at the chapel; just avoid direct references to God and Jesus and people shouldn't have an issue. Good luck!

Am I being disrespctful to our religious guests?

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