awful weekend...

alyssa324 · April 2010

okay like I didnt already have enough stress on my shoulders. Then my dad comes over and throughs a fit. My dad was supposed to come over for the last week and give me $2700 for a few vendors. He parked in my drive way and yelled for me. I came saw that all my nieghbors were out and he just started yelling at me. The first thing he said was that our prior arrangement was off because I didnt lose any weight and was still a fat bitch. I told him he needs to except me for who I am and right now who I am is over weight. He then proceeded to tell me that I need to grow up and he hates me everybody else hates me told me repeatedly over i was fat and a bitch and he didnt want to pay for the wedding. So I finally got a word in and told him i didnt want him to pay for the wedding either and to get off my property. He threw the checks at me and drove off. It was awful I have been crying stright for two days. I am not reaching out for a pity party but I dont really have anyone right now to talk about it too. FI and moh out of town. When I told my mom she freaked. So it wasnt that easy to talk to her she kind of just turned it into told you so and about her. But not really on purpose she was just very very angry. So do i cash the checks? My whole family (dads side) said he said all of it just to hope i cancel the wedding so he dont have to pay. Because he is and always has been just about money. I just cant believe he would hurt me that bad just to get out of paying. He could have just told me he wasnt going to pay anymore. Oh and trust me he can afford it. As a example her has five bikes. One of which made by jesse james company

melissa82 · April 2010

Wow, I don't even know what to say. I am so sorry. If he were my dad, I would be cutting him out of my life--I'd rip up his checks and make sure he couldn't come to my wedding. I'm the type who would rather pay for something myself than "owe"/be indebted/have to give credit to someone like that. But I don't know if this is par for the course for you or if he has mental issues or you've come to accept this kind of behavior. ::hugs::

dreamwinds · April 2010

That's just awful.

On one hand, since he did give you the check and threw a big fit at you and made you feel awful about yourself just so he doesn't have to spend money, I say cash it. On the other hand, like melissa, I don't like being indebted to jackasses and I certainly wouldn't want him to feel like someone like that has any hold over me or is automatically invited to the wedding because he paid. It really comes down to how you feel and like melissa said, if this is normal behavior from him.

I hope things work out.

sarack · April 2010

cash them! do it today. he is a f*ucking jerk. i can't believe that! i'm so sorry. i say cash them and forget about him. you need the money, use it.

Tygirljojo · April 2010

*hugs* I'm SO sorry!!! That's horrid! I'm like Melissa - I'd mail him back the check with "Fvck you" written on it in Sharpie to void it with a long letter telling him he is out of your life and basically chew him out in the letter. And cut ties there. That was completely unacceptable for him. Don't invite him to the wedding. And have a few friends act as bouncers in case he tries to show up. You deserve to not have him in your life. Just because he biologically is your father doesn't mean he's really your father. I'm so sorry he's such a selfish as$wipe.

KST_ · April 2010

God, I just feel awful for you! I want to run over right now and give you a huge hug, and then get the rest of the Knotties together and go over and kick his A$$!!! There is NO excuse for his behavior to scream at you, to scream what he did, and even less for out in public!
As for the money, I'm torn. On the one hand, I know that money is a big help to you. He can afford it and sounds like he's just being a cheap bastardd. You now DESERVE that money just for having to hear that abuse! So I am partially of the mind to take the money and run. On the other hand, I really like Tygirl's method of returning the checks. I guess it would come down to, can you swing it without his money? If so, then sharpie the MF out of those and mail them back. If not, cash them quick.

BrandyL10 · April 2010

I'm so sorry! I'm torn between what everyone else has said. Cashing the check because you know he doesn't want you to spend the money sounds like really nice payback, but also sending it back or ripping it up sounds almost even better. I guess it depends on your money situation, and if you can deal with your father. Just think on it, maybe wait till FI gets home? Unless you already have an idea of what you're gonna do, my thoughts are with you!

MrsWalters2Be · April 2010

Im sorry you have to deal with such a prick. My dad has all but refused to help me out for not particular reason at all.. so I know it hurts when its your dad causing the issues!!

I like the idea of writing on the checks with the sharpies.. but can you get away with not using his money?? If you can... do the sharpie idea!!

mergator · April 2010

You'd be happier having a scaled-back wedding without his money than feeling like you owed him anything in the long run. WHAT A F**KER! My sympathies.

jamers22 · April 2010

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.
I wouldn't cash the checks. He will only use it against you later on. I'm with tygirl and would be VERY tempted to mail them back to him with a big huge F-U on them. I would seriously reevaluate your relationship with him, and take appropriate actions. Personally, I would cut him out. There is no reason to call your daughter a fat bitch, or be so disrespectful. You don't need him in your life, and you definitely don't need that money. It has too many strings attached.

jamers22 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_washington-seattle_awful-weekend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:104Discussion:34395e5c-fa1d-4c5b-aa01-438669ad793cPost:2b012932-5969-473f-919e-eaa4b327afc5">Re: awful weekend...</a>:
[QUOTE]You'd be happier having a scaled-back wedding without his money than feeling like you owed him anything in the long run.
Posted by mergator[/QUOTE]

This. Exactly.

whatchamahu · April 2010

I'm so sorry dear. I agree that by his actions you more than deserve the money, but if it were me I wouldn't cash them. I hate the feeling that you owe anyone anything, and by his previous actions I think he would end up making you feel guilty for "taking" his money.

As a side note, my mom is the exact same way. Anytime I call her to talk about something the conversation is immediately turned around to revolve around her. It can make venting very frusturating, so I am sorry that you had to deal with that on top of everything.

jennuinne · April 2010

I am so sorry. What a freaking a-hole. I agree w/ Melissa and Tygirl. If my dad behaved this way I would not speak to him again, I would rip up the checks and make it perfectly clear that he was not invited to the wedding and I would kick him out if he dared show up. Someone so mean and hateful has no place in your life or wedding. And, I wouldn't want him to ever have something to hang over my head or come back and claim I owed him something.

I think you need a good girls night out and several martinis!

braveangel2 · April 2010

Oh geez...alyssa that's terrible! I'm so sorry he's your dad - no one deserves to be treated like that.

I've cut my bio dad out of my life because he was mentally unhealthy...sounds like maybe it would be a good idea for you too. Who the hell speaks to their daughter that way. I can't even imagine. My mom asked me once if I would let my (then) five-year-old sister around my bio dad, and I said no. Anyone who I don't think is safe enough for my child or my sister isn't good for me.

I don't know what to say about the checks...maybe for your own family's health, it would be better just to go cold turkey and cut him out of everything. I like pp suggestion of having a smaller wedding and doing it on your own. My bio dad was famous for checking up on us to see if he could still pull our strings. I'm sorry you have to deal with this...{{hugs}}

Tygirljojo · April 2010

You know if you need help finding info and vendors and whatnot to scale down the wedding that we're here for you.

braveangel2 · April 2010

Would this cheer you up?

http://karaspartyideas.blogspot.com/2010/04/carnival-party.html

http://karaspartyideas.blogspot.com/search/label/carnival

http://partyperfectblog.blogspot.com/search?q=carnival

kristend72 · April 2010

How do you feel about cashing the checks and then donating the money to a charity - in his name and have them send a thank you. That way he knows you didn't use the money towards the wedding and he's out the cash. Sorry, I'm really nice to a point of BS and then I stop the nice.

I do agree with all of the others to stop accepting money from him. If he sends you more checks, more money for charity. I agree that, ultimately, you'll be a much deeper, more genuine happier, if you scale back the wedding in order to do this. It's strange but especially on Say Yes to the Dress you see this - but it's like some parents take the wedding as the opportunity for their last stand and their last grasp at controlling you.

Tell him that you just don't have a place in your life for anyone who speaks to you like that and stick to it.

carrieoz_76 · April 2010

Yea, I don't think FI would let us use a person like that's money to pay for our wedding. I think he'd see it as tainting it, and allowing that person to affect us, when really you need to cut someone like that out of your life, and keep it that way.

If there's any way you can afford to have a wedding that will make you happy without that money, do it. But you should probably talk to your FI about it because it should be a mutual decision.

alyssa324 · April 2010

thanks for the hugs everyone I really needed them. FI came home early

So he has been making me feel better. I dont know what I am going to do about the checks yet. All your advice really helped. I like the idea of sending the cash to charity and then sending him the thanks. He would be sooo pissed. LOL If I send him a big FU on the checks he will actually smile. Bastard! I am in the mad stage can you tell. I do know I am defiantly writing him a letter though. Good news though my mom said she would pay for what he was supposed to

I am still really hurt though. I havent cried this much in forever. Thank you girls. I feel much closer to you all now. And I am sad I cant go to the next gtg to tell you all thanks in person.

Tygirljojo · April 2010

Hmm, well if it makes him smile for you to write FU on the check and send it back, then totally go with the charity thing. In fact, put it towards a charity that means something potentially to him so you sort of took the high road, but he's still out the $$. And send the "thank you" letter from the charity with your letter. HA!

Hooray for mom stepping in! I'm glad it sounds like it's working out. You'll do fine, in fact you'll be MUCH better off without IMO.

BrandyL10 · April 2010

I like the charity idea too! That would work much better, I'm glad your FI is home to comfort you!

awful weekend...

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