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June 2012 Weddings
Meeting Recaps
So today FI and I got a lot of wedding stuff done. We had our first meeting with our priest and with our florist
Church meeting:
Let's just say it wasn't great. The meeting went well and the priest was nice but the FOCUS "test" we took really bothered both of us. FI left pissed because he's not Catholic or religious and he felt like we were having to get approval for our marriage. Some of the questions really bothered me too. It was 165 questions and we filled out a bubble sheet. We were separated to fill it out. There were quite a few about sex and sexuality. They really rubbed me the wrong way and made me uncomfortable. I understand the standard "are you open to children and rasing them Catholic?" blah blah blah but there were some weird ones. Like one was do you think you'll feel uncomfortable being nude in front of your future spouse. I just wanted to be like um that ship has sailed haha. Then there was another like do you think you'll feel uncomfortable with the sexual requests or preferences of your future spouse. I was like WTF? FI said he left all the sexual ones blank and if he had a problem with that he could talk to him haha. I finished before FI and I'm the Catholic one in the relationship. I turned my stuff into the priest and he was like oh I have something for you to sign. This just says you'll raise your children Catholic and you'll sign here since you're the Catholic future spouse. It was so casual. I know it's required if one is not Catholic but I don't think it should be taken that lightly. FI aren't sure if we will (most likely yes) but I think it's dumb I had to sign it and everything.
Overall, it was annoying but I know it's progress and a step closer to the wedding.
Florist meeting:
This was the fun one lol. I love the florist we have and I'm really happy with our meeting.
Breakdown:
Bridal bouquet: all ivory roses, stems wrapped to the bottom with ivory ribbon (minimum of 2 dozen roses) $125
They also give the bride a free toss bouquet. I was really happy to hear that but I made a toss bouquet already haha. Good thing I got if 50% so it was cheap and I'd prefer the real bouquet.
Attendant flowers:
Bridesmaids: white lisianthus, medium pink roses, and green hypericum berries. Stems wrapped to bottom with pink ribbon to match the pink roses.
4 Bouquets at $42.50/ea. = $170
Flower girl: petals, shades of pink with some white $9
Corsages: medium pink sweetheart roses, small lisianthus, iridescent ivory ribbon
2 corsages for the mothers at $19.50/ea. = $39
Boutonnieres:
Groom: standard white rose, green leaves, stems wrapped in ivory to match bride
Groomsmen and Ushers: medium pink standard rose, stems wrapped pink to match
Ring bearer: like groom's bout but smaller
Fathers: white lisianthus, stems wrapped with ivory iridescent ribbon to match mother's corsages; small and simple
10 bouts at $9/ea. = $90
Ceremony: one arrangement to be placed in front of altar then moved to reception and put in front of WP table
Large clear vase
green hydrangeas, medium pink roses, two toned white/pink roses, green buttom poms, and white peonies
1 arrangement = $125
Reception:
Wedding Party Table: clear cube, limes cut up in the water
medium pink roses, two toned pink/white roses, green hydrangeas, green button poms
Similar to ceremony arrangement but no peonies
4 arrangements at $65/ea. = $260.00
Half of guest tables: clear cube vases, pink and green hydrangeas, white standard rose
6 arrangements at $75/ea. = $450.00
Total: $1365.76
We put down our deposit today and payment is required 2 weeks before the wedding when they order the flowers.
I'm so excited to have that done! Sorry this got long just wanted to share. Also the knot decided to post this after I typed ceremony for flowers
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Meeting Recaps
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RSVP Date: 5/15/12
[QUOTE] FI left pissed because he's not Catholic or religious and he felt like we were having <strong>to get approval for our marriage</strong>.
Posted by Zimsgirl[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>You kind of do have to get approval for your marriage if you want to get married in a Catholic church and one of you is not Catholic (or religious at all). It's one of the many reasons I am no longer a Catholic. I know a few Catholic churches that will only allow Catholics to be married there. I have a friend who was married at the Cathedral in Baltimore and they practically had to jump through hoops to even have it held there even though they are both practicing Catholics AND both went to Catholic University of America.</div><div>
</div><div>But the whole situation could have been handled differently. I know when we met with our possible officiant he asked many of the questions I imagine were on the test (raising the kids spiritually ect.). But I can also see that the Catholic Church is HUGE and they need to have some way of finding the answers to these question; although, it might not be the most personable way to do it.</div><div>
</div><div>Either way, you got some great checks done and I love your choices of arrangements. :)
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THANK you for posting all of that information about your florist appointment. That is some seriously informative information for me. I was considering having limes in the vases with flowers for some of my centerpieces. Very pretty. I wonder why the hydrangia arrangement is $10 more...seems like cutting up a ton of limes would be more labor intensive
Congrats on all of the checks!! I wish I was more on top of things to get some wedding items out of the way this week....I'm having a hard enough time being orgainzed about Christmas stuff!!
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[QUOTE]Interesting test you had to take. Hopefully you will have more positive experiences for the rest of the wedding steps you have to take. THANK you for posting all of that information about your florist appointment. That is some seriously informative information for me. I was considering having limes in the vases with flowers for some of my centerpieces. Very pretty.<strong> I wonder why the hydrangia arrangement is $10 more...seems like cutting up a ton of limes would be more labor intensive :)</strong> LOVE your centerpieces though they will be beautiful. Congrats on all of the checks!! I wish I was more on top of things to get some wedding items out of the way this week....I'm having a hard enough time being orgainzed about Christmas stuff!!
Posted by laurabub[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I think because the lime arrangement had more greens "fillers" and less buds than the hydrangea arrangement.
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I wouldn't worry too much about the FOCUS test. Just put it behind you and move one.
[QUOTE]Wait, they made you sign promising to raise your future children catholic? That's the biggest piece of BS I've heard yet!
Posted by Megbo2012[/QUOTE]
<div>It not really BS at all. What it states is that you are aware that you are marrying a non catholic and that you vow to still celebrate the catholic religion and to share that religion with your children. I signed it and had no issue. </div><div>
</div><div>I do agree that people who are uncomfortable with it shouldn't sign it but fi and I had no issue with it.</div><div>
</div><div>We also took the focus test and I hated some of teh questions.</div>
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[QUOTE]Wait, they made you sign promising to raise your future children catholic? That's the biggest piece of BS I've heard yet!
Posted by Megbo2012[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>When you marry in the Catholic church you're partaking in one of the church's sacraments. Part of the marriage ceremony involves an affirmative answer from both spouses to the question "Will you accept children lovingly from God, and bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church?" For Catholics, "his Church" is the Catholic church. There's nothing wrong with choosing to raise your children outside the Catholic church, but you shouldn't be married in the Church if you're not committed to raising your children Catholic. Otherwise, you'd be perjuring yourself on the alter and not fully entering into the sacrament. Just my two cents and I don't mean this to be offensive to anyone.
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[QUOTE]Well, this is 9one of the reasons) why we aren't getting married in a catholic church. It just seems very Rumpelstilskinish to me. <strong>What if you wanted your children to make their own decision about which religion they choose, rather than "forcing" them into something just because you believe it? </strong> I get that most people who get married in the catholic church will want to raise their children catholic it just seems very controlling to me.
Posted by Megbo2012[/QUOTE]
<div>I think it is great to let your children choose their religion. However, young children are unable to choose their own religion. I will be raising my children or "Forcing" them to be Catholic. When they are older they may choose to become a different religion and that is their choice. </div><div>
</div><div>I was raised Catholic and never though that I was forced to be anything I wasn't. </div>
[QUOTE]Well, this is 9one of the reasons) why we aren't getting married in a catholic church. It just seems very Rumpelstilskinish to me. What if you wanted your children to make their own decision about which religion they choose, rather than "forcing" them into something just because you believe it? I get that most people who get married in the catholic church will want to raise their children catholic it just seems very controlling to me.
Posted by Megbo2012[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>But it' not controlling to the Catholic church. It goes way back to when the church began. Originally, just like Judaism, if the mother was Catholic then the kids would be too. Through out the years the church has grown away form the mother religion of Judaism and now has the 4F's as it would be called of marriage. On the alter you promise to:</div><div>1. be married Forever</div><div>2. Be Faithful to each other</div><div>3. Be Fruitful and open to children and raise them within the church</div><div>4. You are coming into the marriage Free of all addictions. </div><div>
</div><div>It's not controlling, it's just how the church is, and me, as a Catholic, I do not see it controlling at all.
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As for the uncomfortable meeting with the preist...I am sorry you guys felt that way. I am not Catholic so I do not know the normal protocol, but if that is the norm then you can't really be upset with it. A church as rules and protocol and if that is the way it is then you either have to deal with it or get married somewhere else.
Our pastor asks couples who live together to sleep in separate bedrooms if they plan to get married by him. Some people dont agree with that and go elsewhere. It is part of the standard that our pastor expects from people. If you want no rules, then you shouldn't be getting married in the catholic church.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Meeting Recaps : I think it is great to let your children choose their religion. However, young children are unable to choose their own religion. I will be raising my children or "Forcing" them to be Catholic. When they are older they may choose to become a different religion and that is their choice. I was raised Catholic and never though that I was forced to be anything I wasn't.
Posted by LOTON01[/QUOTE]
All of this. Myself and my siblings were all raised in the Catholic Church, even my dad converted this year, however my brother has chosen Catholicism isn't the exact religion for him and my parents are ok with that.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Meeting Recaps : All of this. Myself and my siblings were all raised in the Catholic Church, even my dad converted this year,<strong> however my brother has chosen Catholicism isn't the exact religion for him and my parents are ok with that.</strong>
Posted by ncd5015[/QUOTE]
<div>Ok that's cool. I just wasn't sure if that meant that your parents (having signed the paper) would have to continue to try and get their children to be catholic. Which seems wrong. YWIM?</div>
[QUOTE]Obviously you can't ask a 4 year old child what they'd like to be. But (again, my opinion) making people promise to raise their children something just seems weird. Do what you want. I'm a believer that a person can only control themselves. So, let the kids go to church but if at age 10 they don't want to because they hate it, then don't force them to continue to go because you signed a piece of paper.
Posted by Megbo2012[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>You're not promising what your future children will believe (no one can do that); rather, you're promising that you and your husband will take the action of raising your children in the church. It true you can only control yourself, but you can control whether you raise your children in the faith. If your 10 year old hates going to school, you don't not make him go. </div><div>
</div><div>But more importantly, you CHOOSE to sign that piece of paper. No one is forcing anyone to marry in the church. If it's your intention to dishonor that promise, then you should never make it in the first place if you're a person of integrity.
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If you were raised as a Catholic, you know the deal. I think you'll find that most Catholics have <em>something</em> about the Church that they don't like or with which they don't agree. Some deal with it. Some don't and fall away.
As you come into your own, you'll decide what is best for you.
[QUOTE] They really rubbed me the wrong way and made me uncomfortable.[/QUOTE]Talking about sex (and children, money, family, division of labor) is standard pre-wedding stuff. The assessments used by officiants are meant to facilitate those discussions. Clearly, many couples don't have them or are uncomfortable with having them. That can lead to problems with goals and expectations later on.
Tools like FOCCUS are meant to HELP you walk into marriage on the same page.
[QUOTE]That's exactly what you have to do if you want to get married in the Church. If you were raised as a Catholic, you know the deal. I think you'll find that most Catholics have something about the Church that they don't like or with which they don't agree. Some deal with it. Some don't and fall away. As you come into your own, you'll decide what is best for you. Talking about sex (and children, money, family, division of labor) is standard pre-wedding stuff. The assessments used by officents is meant to facilitate those discussions. Clearly, many couples don't have them or are uncomfortable with having them. That can lead to problems with goals and expectations later on. <strong>Tools like FOCCUS are meant to HELP you walk into marriage on the same page.</strong>
Posted by CvilleClaire[/QUOTE]
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</div><div>This</div>
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[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Meeting Recaps : Ok that's cool. I just wasn't sure if that meant that your parents (having signed the paper) would have to continue to try and get their children to be catholic. Which seems wrong. YWIM?
Posted by Megbo2012[/QUOTE]
The signing of the paper is only a signature, no one is tying you down or calling your name out before mass to make sure you're there. In the end, it is an individuals decision how they want to celebrate and practice their faith. I know so many people who only go to church for Christmas and Easter. They signed the paper but only go for main holidays. I have chosen to continue my religion and want to raise my future children Catholic. Unlike my brother, who will probably not doing anything with Catholicism, unless his future wife is Catholic and wants to pursue the religion for their children.
ETA: And like Jeannie said, there are beliefs in the religion that many, including myself, don't follow, it is all how you practice the faith.
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[QUOTE]I hope you're feeling better! If you don't agree with the teachings and/or requirements of the Catholic church, then why get married in the church? There are plenty of other denominations or secular options available if you don't like what marriage in the church entails. I don't think only taking your children to church twice a year will fulfill the promise to raise your children in the church.
Posted by jfellows82[/QUOTE]
Dang it I just typed my post and hit submit and it took me to a post on the Jewish wedding board ugh! <div>
</div><div>Anyways, we're getting married in the church I grew up going to with my family and through the parish church. We're getting married by a priest I've known for a while and did my confirmation, not the one we met with yesterday. I transferred from the Catholic school and so did my triplet sisters. The environment there was nothing like it should've been at a Catholic church and I'm not as strong a Catholic as I used to be because of that. I like the Catholic wedding and we're not doing a mass either.</div>
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[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Meeting Recaps : Dang it I just typed my post and hit submit and it took me to a post on the Jewish wedding board ugh! Anyways, we're getting married in the church I grew up going to with my family and through the parish church. We're getting married by a priest I've known for a while and did my confirmation, not the one we met with yesterday. I transferred from the Catholic school and so did my triplet sisters. The environment there was nothing like it should've been at a Catholic church and I'm not as strong a Catholic as I used to be because of that. I like the Catholic wedding and we're not doing a mass either.
Posted by Zimsgirl[/QUOTE]
I'm a bit confused. Is it the priest that you met with yesterday that you have a problem with, or is it thewhat you expereiced with that one school/church? I just feel that if you make a promise to do something,(this has nothing to do with religion, it's just me) you should try your best to follow through.