Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

Seeing Groom before wedding?

Are you going to see your finace before you walk down the aisle? I have this magical thought in my mind that the first time I want him to see me that day is when I am walking down the aisle that night. However, the more that I think about it....the more I am hesitant about it. This is only because it will be difficult to get pictures in after the ceremony and before the reception! What are you girls doing?

Re: Seeing Groom before wedding?

  • We are going our seperate ways the night before. He doesn't want to, but I do. We will see each other the first time at the ceremony. I think that it is a personal choice. I know some ppl see their fi that morning and etc, but I just want it to be special & with us not spending the night before together, it will seem like an enternity!!!
  • I always thought that I wouldnt see him before I walked down the aisle.  Now that I am actually planning a wedding we have decided to see each other and do a "first look"  We are going to be alone (except a photographer so that we still get that moment of seeing each other all dressed up)  I actually got a lot more push back on this from friends and family than I thought I would.  I also decided to sleep at our apartment the night before the wedding so that on the morning  of we will wake up together.  We are not exactly a traditional couple and are not superstitious so we are doing what makes us happy.  My mom of course absolutely flipped out.  But i simply said  that it was my wedding and this wasnt a fnancial issue so she needed to respectfully disagree.  she finally stopped talking about it and has moved on to other issues.  :)
  • We are waking up together that morning and then, doing a first look before the ceremony.  It's easier with pictures and all that.  This is something you and your FI need to discuss and either agree or compromise on. 
  • we have lived together now for almost two years, I can't imagine not waking up with him the morining of our wedding, I'm not sure if we will see each other before I walk the aisle, depending on what we are both doing, but we won't avoid seeing each other
  • I like the tradition of not seeing each other before the wedding.  We will be staying separately the night before, but that part is not as important to me as him seeing me in my dress for the first time as I walk down the aisle.
    Married 10/2/10
  • no i want the traditional moment but it is convenient to get the pics done before hand
  • I always thought I would stay somewhere else the night before and see him at the ceremony, but I think I've changed my mind. It seems silly for me to stay somewhere else the night before the wedding since we have lived together for almost four years. Plus, who wants to sleep on an air mattress or couch the night before? So we may see each other that morning, but FI really wants to see me walk down the aisle. I'm trying to talk him into a first look, but he's being stubborn.
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  • i know some people that are seeing the groom before the wedding to get the pictures in... but like you, i wanted him to see me first when i walk down the aisle, id rather haev the cmera get his reaction there, than the reaction before the wedding..
    it means more to me for him to see me at the ceremony

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  • I don't know if we're staying in the same place the day before. That depends on when appointments are and all that. Too soon to say. 

    My FMIL hates it, as does much of his family but with the 100+ out of town guests we aren't going to miss them as much as we can. First look then the pics before the ceremony. We also just want that first moment to be ours. We're rather personal people anyway. 
    Wedding planning land is not friendly to feminists.
  • My wife and I slept together the night before, rode over to the ceremony venue together, decorated the synagogue together, had our hair and make-up done together, got dressed together, and walked down the aisle together.
  • There was never a question about whether or not we would do a first look. We wanted to maximize our time to get photos, and our time with our guests by attending our CH. I honestly think that seeing each other before the ceremony was one of the best decisions we made for our wedding.

    We had plenty of time to get all of the photos we wanted, and any nerves about the day disappeared when we saw each other, which allowed us to be happy and relaxed at the ceremony.

    H (who is a photographer) actually ended up shooting some of the details/getting ready shots himself, so he saw me first thing in the morning when I was getting my hair and make-up done. It wasn't a big deal, and I certainly don't feel that walking down the aisle was any less significant because he had already seen me.
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  • We are sleeping seperately, getting ready seperatly and riding seperately... but we will be doing a reveal at our photo shoot before the ceremony. It was not our original plan, we wanted to wait until the ceremony, but we need to take pictures before, there is not a lot of photo-worthy spots at our venue that will not have people(ceremony and recpetion at the same location)
  • We are doing a first look before the ceremony, and I am really excited about it. I think it will definitely help calm my nerves.
  • I think it's also worth noting that I don't think I've ever heard anyone who did a first look say that they regretted it.
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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • DH and I did a first look and it was the best decision we made regarding the wedding.  We have some seriously sweet pictures and we got all portraits done and out of the way. 

    It took NOTHING away from my moment of walking down the aisle.  It's totally different.  You have all your loved ones watching you while you walk towards your groom.  Yeah, DH already was my dress.  But is that what's supposed to leave him breathless?  Uh, no.

    The wedding was finally for real and DH and I bawled like little babies the whole time.

    Do the creep.
  • I think that as long as you are happy with your decision thats all that really matters.  I think a PP makes a good point about not being able to say it took nothing away from the walk down the aisle cause you wouldnt really know.  However I also think that as long as you feel like that moment is special then you certainly havent lost anything.  I also agree with another PP who said it is rather important to note that I have never heard a bride say that they regret a first look.  If anything brides always say they are so glad that they did do it  That's all relative however.  There are certainly brides out there who it would not be the right choice for them.  However those are the brides that are going to make the decision not to do a first look.  It's definitely a personal choice and something you have to decide for yourself as a couple.  The pictures are not why we are doing a first look although that is a nice bonus.  We are doing one because we want that private moment together because we are well aware that we wont have one until very late that night.  Whatever your choice it should be something you both want.  And as long as you are both happy with it then there is nothing for anyone else to say.  I have had some people that asked me why I would do that as if it was the worst decision I could ever make.  My response is always a simple "becauase we want to"  It usually shuts people up pretty quickly.
  • FI wasn't that into the idea of a 'first look' so we didn't do one, and I think it was the right decision for us. 

    The 20 minutes or so before the ceremony were pretty relaxing for me, just hanging out with the girls, and I feel like a first look would have been just another thing to plan and worry about.

  • I saw my H before the wedding.  We took first look photos and we took a lot of the formal photos beforehand.  It worked for us.  
  • We decided we will not see each other beforehand.  We are going to have the photos taken before wedding separately (him and groomsmen and the photographer will come see me and my girls) after the ceremony we will take the photos with everyone.  I wanted to keep the element of surprise for the aisle!

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  • We stuck to tradition and separated ways after the rehearsal and did not see each other until I walked down the aisle.  We did as many pics with our girls/guys/parents beforehand, and had a list of post-ceremony pics so we could move through photos quickly after. 

    The pictures of him when he first saw me coming down the aisle, our exchange when I reached him at the altar, and hearing him talk about how he felt when he first saw me coming down the aisle is awesome. Wouldn't trade it for the world!
  • We are seeing each other before the ceremony for two reasons.  I don't want the first moment that we see each other to be in front of two hundred people.  That is our private and special moment so we have set up a time before the photos to meet in the church.  Our photographer will be present to capture the expressions and the moment.  As I am a photographer myself, I obviously want plenty of time for photos.  Seeing each other before hand will allow us to take our time and get some really great photos.  It will give us enough time to have some fun photos just the two of us too!
  • Yes - we plan on seeing each other before the wedding.  We couldnt think of one good reason not to!  We are doing a destination wedding, so it would be odd to hide from each other all day...  Secondly, I love the idea of the first moment he sees me in my wedding dress to be our moment in private (well, with the photographer of course!).  Lastly, we wanted to get as many pictures in before the wedding so that we can attend the cocktail hour!  We want to spend as much time with our guests as possible. 
    If you're still on the fence about what to do, dont worry about 'tradition, etc.' and just do what feels right to you and your fiance.
  • We spent the night before at our parents house, and then did not call each other in the morning.  We planned to do a first look before the ceremony (that way if I cried my eyes out it would be just the two of us) and it gave us a chance to just relax with one another, before the rest of the day began.  It was SO wonderful to have spent that time with him.. and some of those moments have become some of the most beautiful pictures. The rest of the day goes by so quickly and is filled with other people that it is nice to know you had at least an hour alone with your soon to be hubby! 
  • My best friend just got married and I couldn't believe that she was going to see her groom before her ceremony! They decided to take photos together earlier so they could enjoy the cocktail hour later. I was disappointed until I witnessed the two of them in their very private moment. I wasn't suppose to be there but I was holding all of the bride's belongings and she told me to just stay there off to the side. I captured the whole moment on camera and now they have that intimate moment on film for the rest of their lives (and my sniffles in the background).
  • I was debating this as well. But after reading all these, I am going to go Traditional. I want us to seperate after the rehearsal dinner and see each other for the first time when I walk down the aisle. This will give me a chance to sleep in my old bed, "the most comfortable bed in the world"! :)

    We have approximately 2.5 hours to drive to the lake and get pictures. So I don't see having enough time for pictures as an issue.

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  • We will be seeing each other before the ceremony. We are having our pictures taken before hand so that we can have the chance to enjoy our cocktail hour.
  • We still haven't decided, but are leaning towards a "first look."  I'm not too worried about saving time afterwards with the pictures.  I had wanted to do it the traditional way, but we already live together and never thought I would do that.  I also think he will be able to calm me down and I can get the crying out of the way so my actual wedding photo's are not streaked with mascara!
  • I 'm a pretty traditional "plan your wedding since you were 5" type of girl so we didn't see each other until the aisle. I stayed at a hotel the night before with my BM's and got ready there. I do however agree it helps with timing to do first moments, its hard spending time away from the party to take photos, but it was worth it for me. My BFF and her FI spent the night before in their house together and parted ways in the morning. I saw him throughout the day but she didn't until the first moment. At first she was hesitant to see him before hand, but I know they ended up liking that they did the first moment.
  • I'm waiting until i walk down that aisle to see him. Someone on one of the other boards suggested a way to take the picture together through an open door without seeing the other person. I may try something like that. I'm just old fashioned. I feel like it'll be a lot more special this way. 
    Mrs. Married Lady
  • we'll be seeing each other part of the day until we part ways to dress.  we're not traditional by any means so this works for us.  i'll still be excited and he will too.  we have to sit down with our photographer to decide how many photos we're doing before the ceremony. 
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