Newborn at the wedding???

JennaLyne · November 2010

My fiance's sister-in-law is pregnant and due 2 months before our wedding. Since we are having an adult only reception, is it ok to ask her to find childcare for her newborn? I don't want a crying baby at my wedding, but am I being bridezilla by asking her not to bring the baby?

akhensley81 · November 2010

Newborns are typically the exception to the "no kids" rule at weddings. The baby will likely sleep through the ceremony anyway.

[Deleted User] · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_newborn-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a3d38b82-2423-44d5-bd9a-01858113c84dPost:d475062f-1292-4534-ae3f-91c939fb1432">Re: Newborn at the wedding???</a>:
[QUOTE]Newborns are typically the exception to a no child rule. Chances are a baby that young will sleep through the whole thing anyway. And if the baby cries who the heck cares? Don't worry...the attention will still all be on you.
Posted by salt78[/QUOTE]

<div>I was pretty much going to say this. </div>

Wrkn925 · November 2010

Newborns are the exception to adult only receptions. If the baby become fussy, the mother can step out with her.
I doubt you will notice.

And to answer the question, yes, it would be rude to ask a new mother to leave her child at two months old, especially if she is uncomfortable with it.

ETA: Down low, too slow...

mkrupar · November 2010

Newborns are usually allowed even at an adults only wedding. Have you been around many newborns? I find the people who make the assumption that they're just big piles of screaming poop haven't really been around them alot. They'll probably sleep through the entire thing. No one will mistake the crying baby for the bride. All eyes will still be on you. Is it really worth upsetting your FSIL by asking her to find a baby sitter for her 8 week old baby?

brookelynpaisley · November 2010

Yes, it's zilla of you to ask her to leave a nursing newborn at home. I know there are a few dissenting opinions out there, but I firmly believe a newborn should be the exception to your rule.

andy71781 · November 2010

Agreed - I had a 1 month old at my wedding. he was a perfect gentleman and slept the whole time.

[Deleted User] · November 2010

Yep, newborns are usually the exception. Address the invitation to the parents only, and see how they respond. If they say they are coming anyway, you got what you wanted. If they RSVP no, you may want to make a phone call and let them know that if if is because of the infant, they are welcome to bring the baby.

If asked, excuse (not that they are advocated) can be that the baby was not born yet, and you were not inviting other children, it was a small oversight. This obviously depends on your relationship with the child's parents.

squirrly · November 2010

If you do, you should expect that it's highly likely she won't attend.

I really don't see how the newborn is going to wreck your wedding. If there's a quiet room she can take the infant to should it cry, have someone let her know where it is before the ceremony starts, and that should be sufficient.

If she'd prefer to get a sitter, she'll do that on her own. But a lot of new parents aren't up for sitters quite that early.

tenofcups4me · November 2010

I wouldn't have wanted a newborn at my wedding. And in my crowd, they're not "typically the exception." I've never seen a newborn at a wedding. Ever.

Does the mother-to-be have family in the area that could take care of the baby? If not, then I would think either she won't attend or you'd have to make that exception.

sister2groom · November 2010

Let her bring the baby. You SIL isn't dumb, presumably, she knows that if the baby starts wailing during the ceremony, she'll have to step out or whatever.

Also, pretty sure at 2 months old they may never have used a babysitter before and wouldn't necessarily want to use your wedding to try it out. People are pretty persnickety about who babysits their newborns (not that they don't care about older kids).

FutureMrsTR · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_newborn-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a3d38b82-2423-44d5-bd9a-01858113c84dPost:8ba68209-269d-45d6-9429-08c9134e4339">Re: Newborn at the wedding???</a>:
[QUOTE]I wouldn't have wanted a newborn at my wedding. And in my crowd, they're not "typically the exception." <strong>I've never seen a newborn at a wedding. Ever.</strong> Does the mother-to-be have family in the area that could take care of the baby? If not, then I would think either she won't attend or you'd have to make that exception.
Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]

Maybe there have been, but they're so tiny and quiet you didn't even notice ;)

mkrupar · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_newborn-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a3d38b82-2423-44d5-bd9a-01858113c84dPost:8ba68209-269d-45d6-9429-08c9134e4339">Re: Newborn at the wedding???</a>:
[QUOTE]I wouldn't have wanted a newborn at my wedding. And in my crowd, they're not "typically the exception." <strong>I've never seen a newborn at a wedding. Ever.</strong> Does the mother-to-be have family in the area that could take care of the baby? If not, then I would think either she won't attend or you'd have to make that exception.
Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]

And I've never been to a wedding where kids weren't allowed, but I guess it happens all the time. Just because you haven't seen it doesn't mean it's not an exception for some people.

NuggetBrain · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_newborn-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a3d38b82-2423-44d5-bd9a-01858113c84dPost:8ba68209-269d-45d6-9429-08c9134e4339">Re: Newborn at the wedding???</a>:
[QUOTE]I wouldn't have wanted a newborn at my wedding. And in my crowd, they're not "typically the exception." I've never seen a newborn at a wedding. Ever. Does the mother-to-be have family in the area that could take care of the baby? If not, then I would think either she won't attend or you'd have to make that exception.
Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]

This has almost nothing to do with the situation, but isn't your crowd fairly high-class? Maybe they have an easier time with leaving their newborn with family members.

mandysmear · November 2010

It's not the 2 month olds you have to worry about. It's the 2 year olds.

squirrly · November 2010

Or, maybe they're like me. If my H's family had a wedding in July, I'd have to take the baby or stay home. My family is all 1000 miles away, and his would be at the wedding.

Which is more important - SIL has the OPTION to attend, or the newborn doesn't?

Mrs.B6302007 · November 2010

I wouldn't have left Baby Bee with a sitter at 2 months. I'm not even ready to leave her with a sitter now.

tenofcups4me · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_newborn-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a3d38b82-2423-44d5-bd9a-01858113c84dPost:6254caac-9387-4d3b-ae00-d9130987ab8b">Re: Newborn at the wedding???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Newborn at the wedding??? : This has almost nothing to do with the situation, but isn't your crowd fairly high-class? Maybe they have an easier time with leaving their newborn with family members.
Posted by NuggetBrain[/QUOTE]

I don't really get what "high-class" has to do with leaving a child with a family member? (FWIW, I'm prety sure I never said any of us are "high-class"! But yes, I am accustomed to attending weddings that are pretty nice.)

I'm not saying newborns are never an exception. I'm simply saying that when I read here that newborns are typically an exception, it doesn't jibe with my experiences. Which makes me wonder how "typical" this exception really is.

Bubbalub · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_newborn-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a3d38b82-2423-44d5-bd9a-01858113c84dPost:bba6b138-6b5e-4000-bc9b-8dba2a3651e0">Re: Newborn at the wedding???</a>:
[QUOTE]It's not the 2 month olds you have to worry about. It's the 2 year olds.
Posted by mandysmear[/QUOTE]

WORD.

andy71781 · November 2010

I think the bigger problem is the amount of thunder that gets stolen from these little monsters. See Exhibit A.

I rest my case.

tenofcups4me · November 2010

Just wanted to add that OF COURSE I'd be far more willing to make an exception for a close family member, like the groom's brother and sister in law, than I would for a more distant guest.

Wrkn925 · November 2010

Come to think of it, I've never seen a newborn at a wedding I have attended. But I also didn't see a guest who left a 2 month old with someone else to attend.

jess9802 · November 2010

The last wedding I attended had two infants in attendance: the bride's 18 day old nephew (his parents were both in the wedding party - I watched him and took him outside toward the end of the mass when he started getting hungry) and the bride's cousin's 6 week old baby.

Honestly, I think most parents are concerned about their kid crying, and they'll try and schedule naps, meals, and diaper changes to avoid a problem during the ceremony. I've seen a lot of babies at weddings, and not one has disturbed the bride and groom or the ceremony.

strlzfan11 · November 2010

My sister was barely able to leave my nephew (who was almost three months old) with me for 2.5 hours to go out to dinner on Valentine's Day with her husband without texting me to check on him every 20 minutes, let alone be gone longer than that for a wedding and/or reception.

I've never seen a newborn at a wedding, but that doesn't mean I would tell a family member that the newborn wasn't allowed to come.

Bubbalub · November 2010

Jeebus, Andy! My ovaries are dropping eggs like mad now, damnit! That picture is ridiculously sweet!

My H held our friends' newborn (2 weeks) for all of 30 seconds while sitting on a couch with a bobby in his lap before the baby started crying and H decided it was time for baby to go back to daddy. :P Older babies, though? LOVE. HIM. Heh.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · November 2010

Before Daff comes in and yells at all of you...

No, you don't HAVE to make an exception for newborns if you're having a child-free wedding. However, I'm 95% sure that will mean your FI's SIL won't be able to attend, so the choice is up to you.

[Deleted User] · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_newborn-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a3d38b82-2423-44d5-bd9a-01858113c84dPost:d6508dc3-d042-43ce-8e2a-1fa38cc8ce5f">Re: Newborn at the wedding???</a>:
[QUOTE]Before Daff comes in and yells at all of you...
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]
meh, i'm not in the mood.

Simply Fated · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_newborn-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a3d38b82-2423-44d5-bd9a-01858113c84dPost:00d8f8d7-36d0-49da-946c-19707b7f2de1">Newborn at the wedding???</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance's sister-in-law is pregnant and due 2 months before our wedding. Since we are having an adult only reception, is it ok to ask her to find childcare for her newborn? I don't want a crying baby at my wedding, but <strong>am I being bridezilla by asking her not to bring the baby?</strong>
Posted by JennaLyne[/QUOTE]
The thing is, you should never mention who isn't invited, anyway. So even if this baby was 2 years, you shouldn't be telling her "don't bring the baby."
Just address the envelopes to the sister-in-law and her husband (or who ever) and that's that.

But you do need to keep in mind that if she asks to bring the baby or assumes the baby is invited, then you have to decide what is more important to you and your fiance.... his sister-in-law being there or not being there. Because there is a chance she might turn down the invitation.
There is also the chance that she might have a relative or close friend she feels comfortable with leaving the baby with.

What does your fiance say about this?

cm42878 · November 2010

How long have you and FI been together? Do you not think of this little one as your niece or nephew? I can not imagine not having one of my nieces or nephews at our wedding! I also agree that if I had a two month old baby and was not able to bring them to an event that all of my close family would already be at, I would not attend. I would not leave my 8 week old with a stranger to attend your wedding.

Calypso1977 · November 2010

im in the camp of "you dont have to make an exception". she chose to have a baby, she therefore put herself in a position to have to make choices abotu attending certain events or parties where kids may or may not be welcome.

i still cant underestand why ANYONE would even think of bringing a newborn to a wedding anyway. the germs, the loud music on its poor little ears.... just the right place for someone that small.

if i was the SIL, i wouldnt attend your wedding, not becuase i could or couldnt bring my newborn, but becuase i have a newborn. i feel i should be at home caring for my newborn and doing what i think is best for my baby. IMO, what's best is not subjecting it to loud noise adn germs, or not sujecting her to a babysitter.

jemmini6 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_newborn-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a3d38b82-2423-44d5-bd9a-01858113c84dPost:730fe36d-84c7-42f5-a4ac-d981aa20cab8">Re: Newborn at the wedding???</a>:
[QUOTE]im in the camp of "you dont have to make an exception". she chose to have a baby, she therefore put herself in a position to have to make choices abotu attending certain events or parties where kids may or may not be welcome. i still cant underestand why ANYONE would even think of bringing a newborn to a wedding anyway. the germs, the loud music on its poor little ears.... just the right place for someone that small. if i was the SIL, i wouldnt attend your wedding, not becuase i could or couldnt bring my newborn, but becuase i have a newborn. i feel i should be at home caring for my newborn and doing what i think is best for my baby. IMO, what's best is not subjecting it to loud noise adn germs, or not sujecting her to a babysitter.
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

Weddings are typically events for family, and a baby is part of that family. Yes, there are germs, and there is music, but there are germs EVERYWHERE and noise EVERYWHERE. Are you going to keep your kids in a sound-proof, germ-proof bubble? Newborns go plenty of places, including weddings that don't hurt them. It's like you think people should never ever leave home with their kids unless they are over a year old. That's just not realistic...

Newborn at the wedding???

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