Your feelings on...

Purple&7 · November 2010

going a little weekend trip with your FI? We want to take a little weekend get away trip over Thanksgiving. I'm an adult, but I'm a little nervous about telling my parents that we're going away. I'm just afraid that I'll disappointed them.

I hope I don't get judged for this; I'm just looking for honest opinions. TIA!

iamjoesgurl · November 2010

I felt the same way when we were dating and engaged. There were a couple of times that we went away together and stayed in a hotel room together. My parents were not happy but as you said, as an adult you need to be able to make your own decisions so they had to understand that it was my decision to make. I would just ask yourself why they would disapprove and then ask yourself if their concern is warranted. Ultimately it is up to you. I will tell you that if you are concerned about physical contact and temptations that you might give in to, it is difficult when you are alone together (not impossible, but difficult). You could always stay in separate rooms if that's what you need to do to not give in.

GJones27 · November 2010

I know your concern. My mom doesn't like the idea at all, and I got a lot of lectures about it from a young age. I have only been on one trip with my fiance in 4.5 years of dating... we visited Boston for a weekend to attend admitted students' weekend for his grad school. I had to go to, as I wanted to see Boston as I knew we'd be married and living there. We stayed in separate hotel rooms, which seemed to go okay with my parents. But I felt kind of bad while I was there, wondering what others were thinking.

I'd love to just travel with my fiance, but we're waiting until marriage. I know that if we traveled together, I would feel guilty somewhat. I don't think I could truly enjoy it otherwise. But if you feel comfortable, you can go ahead if you get two separate hotel rooms. If you wait until marriage, it's an added thing to enjoy about married life.

JoyMatt424 · November 2010

FI and I have gone away together before - and we trust each other and in essence our parents trust us too. It wasn't an issue for family because they knew we wanted to stay pure.

fpaemp2011 · November 2010

We've only ever "gone away" to each others' homes on breaks from school, and we have always stayed in separate rooms. We've never actually been in a bedroom together. Personally, I would not be comfortable going away somewhere, just the two of us, just to have together time. If we were going with another unmarried couple, I would be fine with staying in a room with the girl from the other couple, and FI staying with the guy. But not just the two of us. I would be more comfortable with the added accountability, and avoiding the apperance of anything going on that could damage both of our witnesses. Again, those are just our feelings on it.

kellya01 · November 2010

Mom always says "appearance is truth" in regards to staying on a trip somewhere. It may be more money now, but can you get 2 separate rooms for the sleeping arrangements, or a suite room that has two separate sleeping areas (usually a sofa pull-out and a bedroom)?

sessionswedding · November 2010

I have a recommendation: FI and I just go on day trips if we want a getaway. We live on the Gulf Coast, so we are never more than an hour or two's drive away from a beach. And this past summer with the oil spill, we used his sister's pool at her house. She was usually there inside the house for almost all of the time. Why not see if you can find some interesting thing to do that's maybe a 2-hour drive away, so that way you can avoid a hotel altogether. It's cheaper anyway!

Soon2BeMrsTing · November 2010

I personally agree with the last three posts. DH and I never went away together just the two of us before marriage, and we never slept in the same room. I do believe Christians have a special obligation to lead a pure and holy life- and that that includes thoughtfully avoiding the appearance of evil.

Remaining pure until the wedding day is really hard, and none of us achieves it perfectly. If a friend came to me with the same question as the OP, I would gently questions her on her reasons for thinking staying in the same room was the right idea. As the couple who provided DH and me our premarital counseling said, the more we can set aside until after marriage, the better! They meant even really mundane things, such as brushing our teeth together, or lying down on the bed together. We took their words to heart (again- not perfectly) and their advice really has blessed us!

dordtgrl4 · November 2010

I would agree with the PP but from experience, my fiance and I received free plane tickets to Cancun for Spring Break one year during college and we jumped at them! Although we stayed in one room, it was split and we made sure to be out and about rather than staying in the room. We went swimming, went to the Mayan ruins, out to eat...anything to get us away from the temptation, even if it was just a walk to the hotel lobby to get some coffee. I'm sure many people thought things about us and judged us tremendously. However, my dad, a pastor, said that that we know the truth, that he and my mom know the truth, and that whoever truly knows us, knows the truth. I felt a lot better and could spend my time enjoying the history and beauty of Cancun. God knows your heart. But I wouldn't suggest walking into temptation for the heck of it.

Do I feel any less pure about it? No. Would I do it again? Probably not.
That's just how I feel about it.

jenn.daniel · November 2010

FI and I have gone on many trips together, even before we were engaged. I don't think my parents were particularly thrilled the first time, but his parents actually helped us plan (and booked 2 double beds)! We've slept in the same room many times. However, in the interest of full disclosure, FI and I now live together, though we have our own rooms.

bleumoose · November 2010

We have been dating for over 3 years and wanted to visit NYC (I've never been) and DC (he's never been). We decided to stay in a hostel, which worked out GREAT! In NYC we stayed in a co-ed room (you change and stuff in the bathroom) and I was on the top bunk- this was in Harlem so I was a little nervous about staying by myself even in a girls only room. In DC (we ended up cancelling this trip because of money) we found a hostel that was run by Quakers- very safe and very friendly.
The nice thing about staying in a hostel is that it is SO CHEAP (about $30/person/night) and you are still able to live with complete propriety. The bad thing is it limits you to the major cities, and you have to shop around a lot more to make sure the hostel doesn't require you to be from another country.

RNShellyF · November 2010

I would say no. However, this is just coming from my personal views. I know personally, my FI and I could not resist temptation going away on a trip together. As PP said, I think saving these special moments for marriage makes them even more fantastic!

squeakyduck · November 2010

Honestly, my FI sleeps over at my apartment in my tiny single bed with me when he visits. We have chosen to not have sex until our wedding night. But we both love to just cuddle up in bed together.

We recently went on a cruise with my family and we had separate beds in a room with my little brother as a chaperone. That seemed to make our parents comfortable.

If you're really worried about temptation- go for separate rooms or separate beds. If you're more worried about what the parents will think/say remember that you're an adult. At some point the parents have to let go and trust you. Economically, it's far cheaper to get one room. But ultimately it's about what you and your FI feel comfortable with.

Soon to be Mrs. ting- That's a neat thought. I had never thought about things like that. brushing teeth together and the like. So far the thing to me that made me feel the most "married" that we've done while engaged was when he prayed over our dinner that I had cooked. That was a really special moment.

wheatney22 · November 2010

FI and I have gone on trips together. They have been times when we shared a room and times when we got separate adjourning rooms (one door separating us). It almost always comes done to our budget.

I think it is dependent on how much self-restraint you have. One of the times where FI and I had separate rooms, we still ended up going further than I wanted (didn't have sex but hands were going places that they shouldn't). FI was the one to put a stop to things and tell me "you'd regret this in the morning". Which was completely true. In other words, separate rooms doesn't necessarily mean nothing will happen.

I say pray on it and let the Holy Spirit be your guide. You know if something is right or wrong deep down inside.

HTH!

Purple&7 · November 2010

Thank you so much ladies! I'm not worried about resisting tempation, we've together for 3 years and have been alone many times. I'm more worried about upsetting my parents. I still live at home, so I'm just afraid of the consequences.

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