Irresponsible MOH??

ashzell · April 2010

My best friend is my MOH. She is the sweetest, kindest, most thoughtful person in the world... but she is also completely irresponsible. I live out of town and asked her months in advance if I could have the shower the day after her 23rd birthday so I could spend her birthday with her, and then have my shower the next day and she agreed. Now she is suddenly going out of town tonight to a comedy club nearly 2 hours away and spending the night there and saying that they'll get up early and drive back in time for her to decorate and set up for my bridal shower. She is upset with me for backing out (because I am NOT going to sleep on a stranger's couch the night before my bridal shower and first dress fitting), and I'm feeling kind of hurt by the fact that she is being so selfish this weekend.

Am I in the wrong for feeling this way? I can't help but feel like this isn't a special birthday (although I did take her out last night and DD for her and take her out for late night snacks) and this is my only bridal shower and I'd like it to be special. How do I get her to understand my point of view without stepping on any toes?

jagore08 · April 2010

She's not being irresponsible. She said that she would get up early to drive back to decorate for your shower. How will your shower not be special?

This is her birthday and IMO, every birthday is special. I really hope that you didn't say this to her. She's allowed to go where ever she wants to for her birthday and if you choose not to join then that's your decision. You can't tell her where to go and where to stay.

eav2c · April 2010

As a poster above said... not everyone gets a shower... so why not be thankful that she's even throwing you one? I was grateful for the $7 toaster that my best friend got me as an engagement gift. Seriously, not a big deal.

jenn.daniel · April 2010

I don't understand why you feel hurt about her celebrating her birthday.

banana468 · April 2010

Ditto - why is it selfish for her to celebrate her birthday??

felicia220 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_irresponsible-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:7a226574-71a8-4453-9190-7353daa7f315Post:dbadfefd-070b-49ce-8c12-701f263b7b03">Re: Irresponsible MOH??</a>:
[QUOTE]Wait, you wanted her to have the shower the day after her birthday so that you can spend it with her, then you bailed on her birthday and now you're mad that she is still going out for her birthday and still throwing you a shower? That is the craziest thing I've ever heard.
Posted by emilykathleen511[/QUOTE]

<div>Thank you, I can't believe you were the first person to say this. I was thinking this the whole time I was reading all these posts. OP you wouldn't be in this situation had you not requested that your shower be the day after her birthday. </div>

emilyinchile · April 2010

I also don't see the problem. She's doing what she wants for her birthday and then has committed to getting back in time to set up for the shower. Are you worried that she won't be able to blow up ballons or put cookies on plates if she's hungover? Since you don't get to plan your own shower, you can't dictate what kind of event it will be or how much set-up is involved. And as PP mentioned, if you generally would feel uncomfortable sleeping at a friend of a friend's house then fine, but if the issue is just that you have wedding stuff the next day then chill. Neither of the activities you have planned for the next day is particularly strenuous.

This post comes across as more than a little selfish. Tell your friend you're sorry for having a bridezilla moment and that you're excited to do something so fun for her birthday AND your shower.

ashzell · April 2010

I guess it was hard to get my thoughts across and explain the situation. I had no problem with her celebrating her birthday and had every intention of being there with her, but when the birthday turned from a small night in to a night spent overnight in another town, I could not do it because i had already scheduled my dress fitting early that next morning because I live three hours away. I couldn't be there, and I felt bad, and I did not have any hard feelings towards her for celebrating her birthday. My only problem with the situation was that I had discussed this with her earlier to make sure that things didn't overlap and they began to do so, even though we'd agreed it would be difficult if it did.

I also was not being selfish about my shower and about how it turned out. I could really care less if it was decorated perfectly or everything matched... it was more so the committment she made to me to be there for me. She had promised me this, and I felt like she was going back on her word and that's what hurt me. She was not necessarily hosting the shower, but helping my mother with it, and my mother was quite upset because she couldn't do it on her own.

She did end up showing up late and neglecting a few things, but she was there and everything turned out fine. I was just upset when I typed this thread and it probably came out harsher than I meant for it too.

banana468 · April 2010

I think you need to remember though that while that shower is an event FOR you, that birthday party is an event FOR her. So excpecting her to short change herself so you can have a grand shower can come across as a really self-serving request.

Whenever multiple events are planned for the same weekend, it can get dicey. I've left Saturday night parties early so I could attend ones that began on Sunday mornings. One weekend I had a bridal shower, baby shower, and bachelorette in a span of two days. I had to leave early from one or I wouldn't have seen my bed!

Irresponsible MOH??

Re: Irresponsible MOH??

Choose Another Board

Search Boards