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"Starting Over" question

KaitlynDeniseKaitlynDenise member
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hi, everyone!  My fiance and I got engaged almost two years ago, but have done nothing in the way of planning ANYTHING.  We've had a really rough time with what we've tried so far (a lot of pressure from everyone in both our families, to hurry up and get married, being very vocal about what they "really" think of the plans we've shared with them, etc.) It got extraordinarily frustrating, especially for me, and we completely stopped everything.  We haven't even had an engagement party, or had engagement photos taken.

We're trying to "reset" everything, and start planning again.  We're pretending nothing has happened yet and starting fresh.  That being said, I would really like to have an engagement party and photos taken, but is it too late?  Did we miss our opportunity?  I know there are tons of etiquette rules of when you can "appropriately" do things in the wedding planning process, so I don't know if announcing an engagement party two years after he popped the question will be seen as tacky.

I'd really appreciate any advice anyone has to offer on how to best reset the planning process, and about the party/photos.

Thanks so much!
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Re: "Starting Over" question

  • Katelyn89Katelyn89
    100 Comments
    I don't see an issue with getting engagement pictures done at this point, but I think it's too late for an e-party. You shouldn't plan your own e-party either way. That is my personal opinion, the other ladies can help you with what etiquette says. How much do you have planned and booked so far? That will influence how easy it is to start over.
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  • futuremrsbrunofuturemrsbruno member
    500 Comments 5 Love Its
    I agree with PP's. I think you can really do engagement pictures whenever you want. There is no set time for those.

    As for the e-party. I think it would be more well received by your families and friends if you maybe just threw a party. You could announce that you have decided to restart the wedding planning process and if you've set a date you could maybe share that with them.

    As far as planning, if you never set a date and haven't started anything, then you're not really re-starting, you are starting. Until you make any final decisions (think putting down a deposit, buying items you will use) then you haven't really made plans, you've just been thinking about what you want to do and have been getting ideas. Plans entail getting things taken care of for the day.
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  • MoonlightSilverMoonlightSilver member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    For the record, I was engaged for 2.5 years before we took engagement pictures. I highly suggest you find a photographer for your wedding day, and take your engagement pictures with them. It's a great way to get to know your photographer.

    We didn't have an engagement party.
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  • J&K10910J&K10910 member
    10000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    We were engaged almost two years before we did our e-pics.  No harm in that!

    As far as the e-party, the ship has sailed on that one.  Especially since no one has offered to throw you one.  Chances are good if they haven't offered in two years, they're not going to offer now.  What would you hope to achieve with the e-party?  If you just want to have a party, then have a party, but it shouldn't have anything to do with your engagement/wedding.

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  • kimandjosh22kimandjosh22 member
    100 Comments
    We did e-photos a year and a half after getting engaged, mainly because we felt we needed photos for STD cards. I don't thing there is any timeline on those. We didn't have an engagement party because no one offered to throw us one ( and I'd never heard of them til I started following boards on TK) I don't think te it any timeline on either etiquette wise, but I think I would find it weird to have an engagement party that disconnected from the time he popped the question.
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  • mbuckley85mbuckley85 member
    500 Comments Second Anniversary
    We didn't have an engagement party because no one offered to give one, which I'm happy about.  

    I second finding a wedding photographer and using them for an engagement shoot.  We used a picture from the engagement shoot for our save the date.  And it gave us an opportunity to work with our wedding photographer.
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  • SnippylynnSnippylynn member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Don't have an engagement party. Like JK said, the ship has sailed. It's not that big of a deal anyway. :)  Besides, if you start making a big deal about your engagement again, it's likely that it will get your family to start being opinionated again as well. Tips for this 'restart':
    - Don't tell anyone anything, other than the date.
    - Don't expect anyone to be as excited as you.
    - Realize that places like theknot and other wedding planning sites throw a lot of 'stuff' at you that is claimed to be necessary. It's not.
    - If you need an outlet for ideas and general talking, don't be afraid to come around. We're always happy to help- even if it's not what you want to hear.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    As PP have said, it's definitely too late for the e-party.  However, I am all in favor of the e-pics.  The e-pics are a good chance for you to work with your photographer and see how you all interact, etc.  It's a good pre-wedding trial.  We did ours last month and it was a good chance to get comfortable with the camera, etc.
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