Bridal party at the head table? Yes or no?

rvaobxbridetobe · April 2012

I have heard a lot of people lately saying that it's tacky and outdated to have your whole bridal party at the head table with you. I think it's a great way to include everyone. Thoughts?

DeannaCW · April 2012

I'm doing a head table too (though combining the American and the English). The tables are likely so long we'll need to split it into two, one on a small riser, which will also make it easier to talk to everyone.

I'm going to fall in the "it depends what your culture is" category. If your culture says it's rude to not have SO's at the head table, then you should have them there. But personally, I've never seen a wedding that did that, it was always BP only (or parents with best man at one English wedding). My FI was the best man at the English wedding, and I wasn't upset I wasn't seated with him. To be honest, it would have been weird if I was. They were worried it would offend me, but that was just because they didn't know what my cultural norm was about weddings, but I had assumed that was the way it would be. So if it's the norm, it's what people will expect. I guarantee you, I wasn't pi$$ed nor did I think either of the couple was a d1ck.

Ashes_3 · April 2012

Perhaps the brides to be who see no problem with seperating couples need to go over to the etiquette board. Learn your manners.

AdeleDazeem · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_bridal-party-at-the-head-table-yes-or-no?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:306b1ebd-8dae-49db-8ec5-d5c01dd8a3b0Post:fbbda523-4e2e-4f11-a42a-5a3ad9ac4ca6">Re:Bridal party at the head table? Yes or no?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Bridal party at the head table? Yes or no? : Just remember sweetie, I'm not the one still posting on a forum for weddings almost a year after I married. Sounds like you need a new hobby.
Posted by rvaobxbridetobe[/QUOTE]

You've deeply wounded me and I see the error of my ways. I'll stop helping girls who are planning their weddings from making mistakes. Since I've planned one and know what I'm doing that certainly means that I should not offer advice. Only those who've never planned one should offer advice. That makes a lot of sense.

(wtf)

NOLAbridealmost · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_bridal-party-at-the-head-table-yes-or-no?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:306b1ebd-8dae-49db-8ec5-d5c01dd8a3b0Post:edd10dda-b056-43e0-87cb-4bd1fc604696">Re: Bridal party at the head table? Yes or no?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>oh jeeze . is it the end of the world if she has so at different tables? get off it.</strong> if it aggravates people they're not going to hold it against her for the rest of her married life ... and if they do ... honestly girl .. they arent worth your time because thats ridiculous my suggestion is ask your bridal party what they feel comfortable with and then they dont have an excuse to be annoyed with you because they couldnt spend one night without sitting beside their so :o
Posted by laurenoliveira23[/QUOTE]

<div>It's going to be a really long 2 years if you always play the Captain Save-a-Newb card. </div><div>
</div><div>No, it's not the end of the world if SOs are asked to sit in a different table. Just like it's not the end of the world if you make guests stand at the ceremony, have a cash bar, register for cash, or any number of rude things. The world will continue. She'll just look like a jackass.</div><div>
</div><div>She asked "bridal party at head table, yes or no?" And everyone (well, almost everyone) gave her an answer<em> that comports with etiquette</em>: yes, sit the bridal party at the head table and include their dates. If there's not room, sit them separately with their dates and do a sweetheart table. Or sit with both sets of parents. Or sit with just the MOH and Best Man with their dates at the head table. Why are any of those options so undesirable that it's worth separating couples? Seriously. </div><div>
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ceh789 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_bridal-party-at-the-head-table-yes-or-no?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:306b1ebd-8dae-49db-8ec5-d5c01dd8a3b0Post:52942a44-83ca-4f11-89a8-867704378287">Re: Bridal party at the head table? Yes or no?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridal party at the head table? Yes or no? : I may have to be, 'cause I don't like the idea of couples at the table. Too crowded!
Posted by rvaobxbridetobe[/QUOTE]
I know, right! Will your husband mind being seated elsewhere? I mean - no couples - that would be awful!<div>
</div><div>Ridiculous, right? It's just as ridiculous to split up the couples in your WP.
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</div><div>Also - read up on the TOS - personal attacks are prohibited.</div></div>

toothpastechica · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_bridal-party-at-the-head-table-yes-or-no?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:306b1ebd-8dae-49db-8ec5-d5c01dd8a3b0Post:fcb78783-0aa4-4ec3-a6dc-fa71c52333d2">Re: Bridal party at the head table? Yes or no?</a>:
[QUOTE]Do what you want to do.... I've been to tons of weddings here in Canada - and there are NEVER couples at the head table.... the SO's just usually sit together so they have someone to talk to, and then they are all in the same boat. besides, here, if you are in the bridal party, you generally expect to sit at the head table with the rest of the bridal party and not their SO. I'm sure they will survive the 2 or so hours they need to be apart...
Posted by AllieHysh19[/QUOTE]

We are having a head table. SO's are all sitting at a nearby table together. Also the only seated part of the evening (for us anyways) is eating the meal itself, so really maybe max 1 hour. I have been the SO many times in weddings over the past few years, and dont mind this at all. HOWEVER, there have been a few times that I was placed at a table near the back with people I dont know, and that was aweful as my FI who was the best man felt obligated to stay near the rest of the wedding party and I was so far away. So honestly, I think physical distance of the tables is more important then being seated beside each other. When I can go up and talk to my SO in the wedding party or am only steps away from them seated with others who were at the rehersal dinner (since I was there), it was much better. (another reason to have a rehersal dinner, then SO's of the wedding party have already met.).

RamonaFlowers · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_bridal-party-at-the-head-table-yes-or-no?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:306b1ebd-8dae-49db-8ec5-d5c01dd8a3b0Post:715bd34f-a467-447e-a8ba-959ddb6e960e">Re: Bridal party at the head table? Yes or no?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridal party at the head table? Yes or no? : I'm not the one being rude. You are all being rude by telling me that I will be a d!ck or an ass if I omit couples from the head table.
Posted by rvaobxbridetobe[/QUOTE]

Well, you've been made more than aware at this point that it <strong>is</strong> rude to split up couples for your precious head table (Again, the day is about celebrating the union of one couple, it's incredibly hypocritical to split up others).

So ... yeah. You now <strong>know</strong> it's rude, and you've been given several suggestions to avoid being rude. Therefore, if you split up couples now, you are being rude on purpose.

Being rude on purpose makes you an ass. Hence, why people are telling you that you are an ass if you do as such.

Viczaesar · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_bridal-party-at-the-head-table-yes-or-no?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:306b1ebd-8dae-49db-8ec5-d5c01dd8a3b0Post:c6dd6eb5-186a-4325-a024-06450c90c6e4">Re: Bridal party at the head table? Yes or no?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm having a head table and I don't think it's anything wrong with it.<strong> That's what the bridesmaids and groomsman are there for to help you and experience your day with you. </strong> Why don't you have all the significant others sit at a table together, that's what I'll probably do. We all adults and I believe they'll be ok sitting by themselves for a while
Posted by mellow08[/QUOTE]
No, they're there for YOU to honor THEM and thank THEM for being an important part of your life. How is it honoring THEM to separate them from their loved ones, on a day that is specifically for the purpose of celebrating coupledom?

AbbynBrian13 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_bridal-party-at-the-head-table-yes-or-no?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:306b1ebd-8dae-49db-8ec5-d5c01dd8a3b0Post:97543424-b8f5-49f1-a276-7338bd0d6d07">Re: Bridal party at the head table? Yes or no?</a>:
[QUOTE]Interesting. I have been to a lot of weddings and have never seen significant others' at the tables with the bridal party. Must be a new thing! They would not be up there very long anyway, pretty much just during dinner and for a toast. Decisions, decisions! Thanks for the tip.
Posted by rvaobxbridetobe[/QUOTE]

Same Here!!!! Every wedding I have been to in my hometown was just the bridal party, and nobody was upset.. Thats why they are the bridal party. They dont have to sit there the whole dang night. Do what is custom to you! This is what we are doing! Good Luck

lyndausvi · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_bridal-party-at-the-head-table-yes-or-no?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:306b1ebd-8dae-49db-8ec5-d5c01dd8a3b0Post:fcb78783-0aa4-4ec3-a6dc-fa71c52333d2">Re: Bridal party at the head table? Yes or no?</a>:
[QUOTE]Do what you want to do.... I've been to tons of weddings here in Canada - and there are NEVER couples at the head table.... the SO's just usually sit together so they have someone to talk to, and then they are all in the same boat. besides, here, if you are in the bridal party, you generally expect to sit at the head table with the rest of the bridal party and not their SO. I'm sure they will survive the 2 or so hours they need to be apart...
Posted by AllieHysh19[/QUOTE]

I really hate this argugment. It's not "2 or so hours" they are apart. Most WP members have to attend pre-ceremony stuff, sometimes HOURS before the ceremony. SO's are not generally invited. Then during the ceremony they are not together. Then there are pictures after the ceremony where they are again not together.

It's just a weird concept that your WP are your nearest and dearest. They generally have to buy/rent an attire they will never wear again. They generally spend more time and money on pre-wedding activities than your average guest. They spend your wedding day running around helping you get ready, taking pictures, standing up and generally just making sure you have a great day. And for that they get the 'honor' of not even getting to sit with their own SOs. Which btw the plain old regular guests gets get to do.

lyndausvi · April 2012

I still don't get the need for all the WP members having to sit together. What's the point anyway? As the couple you don't even get to spend more than 15 minutes at the table. Why make your WP have to sit on display with their SO when you are not even going to be there yourself?

I've been a BM many times and I can say never, not even one time did I feel 'honored' being up at the head table. Quite the opposite actually. I felt like I was on stage and it was awkward. Let me sit at a regular table with my family and friends.

ceh789 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_bridal-party-at-the-head-table-yes-or-no?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:306b1ebd-8dae-49db-8ec5-d5c01dd8a3b0Post:0a6baf6f-8fc1-411e-84fd-0376bd49346f">Re: Bridal party at the head table? Yes or no?</a>:
[QUOTE]IMHO, couples should be comfotable being separated for the day's events and dinner and making polite conversations with the people they are seated with, it goes with the territory. Just my opinion.
Posted by carpediem27[/QUOTE]
Really? So you're going to sit separately from YOUR husband?<div>
</div><div>Your "humble" opinion is wrong and your plan is rude. Also, your link is broken. Seat people with their dates.</div>

lyndausvi · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_bridal-party-at-the-head-table-yes-or-no?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:306b1ebd-8dae-49db-8ec5-d5c01dd8a3b0Post:2a5f2e44-3932-4797-a7b8-6e238263711b">Re: Bridal party at the head table? Yes or no?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridal party at the head table? Yes or no? : Really? <strong> So you're going to sit separately from YOUR husband?</strong> Your "humble" opinion is wrong and your plan is rude. Also, your link is broken. Seat people with their dates.
Posted by ceh789[/QUOTE]

That's the ironic thing about this topic.

No one would separate the wedding couple. Not even 'regular' guests are separated. But the WP (their nearest and dearest mind you) have to suck it up.

It's a bizarre concept.

** I have attended dinner parties where the couple was separated. The couples were still at the same table, just not sitting directly next to each other. I've never attended a dinner party where they couples were separated across the room from each other.

ceh789 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_bridal-party-at-the-head-table-yes-or-no?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:306b1ebd-8dae-49db-8ec5-d5c01dd8a3b0Post:4d9d9970-01f1-4249-9623-048af74dcf8e">Re: Bridal party at the head table? Yes or no?</a>:
[QUOTE]** I have attended dinner parties where the couple was separated. The couples were still at the same table, just not sitting directly next to each other. I've never attended a dinner party where they couples were separated across the room from each other.
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Ditto. That's perfectly normal and polite. Seating couples across the room is strange and rude.</div>

GoodLuckBear14 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_bridal-party-at-the-head-table-yes-or-no?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:306b1ebd-8dae-49db-8ec5-d5c01dd8a3b0Post:9ea5d141-7cc9-4b8a-a628-0504c18d1775">Re: Bridal party at the head table? Yes or no?</a>:
[QUOTE]I still don't get the need for all the WP members having to sit together. What's the point anyway? As the couple you don't even get to spend more than 15 minutes at the table. Why make your WP have to sit on display with their SO when you are not even going to be there yourself? I've been a BM many times and I can say never, not even one time did I feel 'honored' being up at the head table. Quite the opposite actually. I felt like I was on stage and it was awkward. Let me sit at a regular table with my family and friends.
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

This exactly. I have always loathed being at a head table when a BP member. I do not understand this clinging to an outdated tradition that has always been rude.

stiletto06 · April 2012

Wow. People really amaze me. Get over yourself. I think your Idea of a small Bridal table is lovely and if my family was not as large as it is. I would have that as well... Pardon me I put a period instead of a coma. Hope I don't get stopped by the punctuation police LOL

pattib5 · April 2012

As the date of a member of the bridal party in the past, being seated at a seperate table than my date sucks. Like PPs have said, I've already been apart from my date for the entire day. I didn't get to get ready with him, I didn't get to sit with him during the ceremony, I didn't get to have a drink with him during cocktail hour, and then on top of it all, I didn't even get to eat my meal with him.

I kept a smile on my face and never said anything about it, but let me tell you, that sucked. Please don't split up your bridal party members' dates during dinner.

bride2be062013 · April 2012

Wow - I just read this thread and I will never get that time back. Apart from a few adult, non-inflammatory comments, what an epic failure at discussing a topic without villainizing those who have a different opinion.

hannahmassey · April 2012

Noo. It's rude to separate them and the head table is outdated anyways. It's like "Everyone look at us!" The bridal party and their SO's will be miserable.

cofkel · May 2012

I have to say, I have been a bridesmaid 11 times and a maid of honor 4 times. I am getting married next summer. I have sat in every way possible. Head table w/SO, Head Table without/SO's, bridal party table next to sweetheart table, head table with just bride groom, bm and moh, bridal party just sat with the friends they would have been seated with if they were guests (mixed throughout the room) and most likely every other combonation you can think ok. My personal (again my OWN personal opinion) was that my least favorite was head table no SO's. It just felt very cold up there staring off at everyone eating up front with my date somewhere else. My most favorite was the bridal party seated with the friends they would have been sitting with if they weren't in the bridal party. I think everything can be done nicely or rudely however. The worst I was in was a head table with the SO's were interdespersed to fill in empty seats at the reception (I.E. family table of 10, Uncle Pat passsed away so Aunt Joan is alone, score a single seat for a bridesmaids boyfriend) that was awful for my SO, but when all the dates sit together, I think it can be fun. Personally for my wedding we are doing a sweetheart table with two round tables on either side holding our bridal partys with their dates, that way they are near us (important for bride bathroom breaks and other issues) but can still sit, socialize and enjoy their time. This was my best compromise to make as many people (including me) happy as possible. I do agree with the statements that people are in your bridal party as an honor to them and the friendship you have together, NOT to honor you. My goal is to honor them as awesome friends, supports and loved ones on my special day.

Bridal party at the head table? Yes or no?

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