Bridesmaid problems...

AshleyR3 · August 2010

Me and my FI have been engaged for about 6 months and we have about a year to go. First thing I did was get my dress(of course) and 2 out of my 3 bridesmaids got there dresses about a month ago( I know it was early). My 3rd bridesmaid has yet to get her dress. She is a college student and jobless so she said her mom is going to pay for it. Davids Bridal has been calling me every month to remind me she has yet to order her dress and if they should happen to discontinue it she will have to pay for it in full within 48 hours. Everytime I ask her about it she hasnt even said anything to her mom. I have even discussed the facts that davids takes payments. Even though I only ask her once a month(when davids call) I feel horrible like I am bugging her about it and I dont want to be that girl but at the same time I would feel horrible if they should discontinue the dress. How should I handle this??? She is not the maid of honor plus the maid of honor has the same dress as the other girls(her choice) so I just think it would look weird if she had something different. We were thinking of gifting her dress for her bridemaid present but I dont feel that is fair to the other girls and we are already tight on budget. Also isnt fair to the girl who I would ask to be a bridemaid if this girl would be unable to get her dress (we have talked about this. I didnt ask her because she lives 10 hours away and I only knew her for a month when we picked our wp) to have 48 hours notice to order her dress.

vsgal · August 2010

You have a year until your wedding. She has plenty of time to order her dress.

David's Bridal, along with every other vendor you will come in contact with, will make you believe that you have to order and pay way earlier than necessary. Of course they are calling you every month. They want their money. The longer she waits to pay, the more likely she will buy something somewhere else. Don't be fooled by the wedding industry. They only care about your money. If they discontinue the dress, then you have to go to plan B. Post on the trash to treasure board and try to find the dress. Let her get a dress in the color you want, but in a different style. Nobody is going to slight you because two members of your bridal party have different dresses on.

You can tell David's to quit calling you every month. You have everything under control and your BM will order by the latest date possible in order to receive the dress in time.

By the way, if she doesn't get the dress and is not in the wedding, do not ask someone else to take her place. That is really rude to the person you ask and the person who's place she takes. Just have the other 2 BM's and the MOH and call it a day. You don't need to have even sides.

mysticl · August 2010

Actually a friend of mine couldn't get the dress to be a bridesmaid. She didn't drag her feet they just didn't have it in her size. So she got simular dress in the same color (she was not the MOH). They arranged her between the MOH and the other BM and it looked fine. I doubt anyone really noticed. I only did because she is one of my best friends and told me about the fiasco.

You've explained the situation to her now let it go. Either she will get the dress or she won't. Don't replace her.

tldh · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:27ff518d-4ac4-4d85-a5c9-45d734c4bd66Post:b7f9f165-6681-4b08-a1a9-dd2291a8603d">Bridesmaid problems...</a>:
[QUOTE]She is a college student and jobless so she said her mom is going to pay for it. ... We were thinking of gifting her dress for her bridemaid present but I dont feel that is fair to the other girls and we are already tight on budget. Also isnt fair to the girl who I would ask to be a bridemaid if this girl would be unable to get her dress (we have talked about this. I didnt ask her because she lives 10 hours away and I only knew her for a month when we picked our wp) to have 48 hours notice to order her dress.
Posted by AshleyR3[/QUOTE]

First, why did you pick someone you had known for only a month to be a BM?

Second, Don't replace her with someone else, That is just bad form all the way around, especially if you are doing it because she can't afford the dress.

Third, I've been both so I can say with authority that there is a huge difference between being employed and on a tight budget and being a broke jobless college student. Cut her some slack. If you are really that worried about it, pay for the dress yourself and if you really need to, tell her she can pay you back when she can.

RosenB · August 2010

If you're a year out... DO NOT WORRY. David's Bridal only takes 6 weeks TOPS to get a dress in. They told me 6 I got my BM dress in 4.5 (and I only knew that because I called to check on my shoes and asked about my dress and they said it had been there for a couple of days) Thanks Davids Bridal..YOU FAIL...

She can wait it out...

OH and the BM dress I bought was from last year (the wedding was this May) and they kept pushing me to order because it could be 'discontinued' at any given moment..well I ordered in Feb when I could afford it (which they require payment in full at the time of purchase) and the dress came in towards the end of March.

Stop trying to micromanage your WP. They are grown women and will get it done.

melissamc2 · August 2010

If it's that stressful on everyone, you could just order the dress in her size (checking with her on all of this, of course) and have her pay for it when she can. That way you know she'll have that dress, time becomes less of a factor, and you can stop worrying about it. I know you said you're on a tight budget, but half now and half when it comes in is usually doable for most people.

I'd like to pretend that I believe everyone WILL get things done just because they are adults, but that's not always the case and, unilke a lot of people, I don't see any issue with taking fairly non-intrusive steps to ease your mind.

Good luck!

suz62984 · August 2010

This is all a selling tactic from David's Bridal. I have used them too and they are just trying to make money off of this. Give the poor girl a break.
The way their system works:
1) They put your dress style and color in their system, along with your BM names & sizes.
2)If some of the party has ordered, and the others haven't, then they are required to notify you if the style is going to be discontinued.
3)They will notify you two weeks before the discontinue date so that you have time for people to order. That is when I would call her to order. Until then leave her alone. If this happens, and she doesn't order, she has excused herself from the WP.

EDIT: Rosen is right. It takes no time to get a dress from DB. One of my BMs ordered her dress and picked it up 13 days later.

MairePoppy · August 2010

You have created this problem by ordering the dresses too early. You could solve the problem by being more flexible. The bm doesn't have to get the exact same dress as the other bm and moh. David's Bridal will have similar styles in the same color. So you could just wait and see what happens with the bm.

You say your budget is tight, but it sounds like your friend has a tighter budget. Did you check with everyone before you went dress shopping to make sure you were within their budgets? The most gracious thing to do would be to pay for her dress, so that she can order. There is no need to tell the other girls about this, since the bm's financial situation should be a private matter.

heyimbren · August 2010

1) You're right, you ordered your dresses too early.

2) Did you even ask the girls their budgets before picking out the dress? Sounds like you didn't if this girl is now saying she couldn't afford it. She probably figured she had a few months to save up for a dress. Don't expect her mom to cover for her, unless she's a young teenager. If you're that worried about it, talk to her and see if you can pay for it now and she'll pay you back or let it go for a while.

3) Don't have a replacement BM on "standby" in case you kick this BM out. Don't have a replacement BM at all.

Manwaithiel · August 2010

Oh my gosh. You are really jumping the gun on this one.

Don't listen to DB. They lie. A lot.

Ignore this for a few months and come back to it later. I'm sure you'll have new perspective.

marisah83 · August 2010

Why did you have them order dresses so early?

I have a friend who wanted me to order a BM dress last December for her October wedding. I'm planning my own wedding and just had to buy a car, so the extra money was not there when she wanted me to get it. Plus, I was in the middle of trying to lose weight, so no way I was going to order a dress that would end up not fitting at all. I ordered it last week, and it is supposed to be in three weeks from now. The same dress has been there the whole time.

DB styles do not change that often, and if it is going to be discontinued, they'll let you know. Cut the girl some slack. Sounds like finances are tight, and honestly, getting her bills paid is a lot higher on her list than getting a dress to wear a year from now. If you are really that worried, buy it yourself like a pp said and have her pay you back when/if she can.

HeatherBob · August 2010

Maybe she doesn't want to be in the wedding party anymore? I am just guessing - but I would talk to her more in depth about it. Ask her whats going on and if there's anything you could do to help her out because you'd really like her to be in your wedding. It's your decision what to do from there.

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