Demoting Bridesmaids

Kylie Gaulding · November 2010

Honestly, I've always worried about this.

There have always been 2 girls whom I have wanted to be in my wedding. I'm a sr in college and my best friend here is my Knottie/wedding planning buddy. Even before we were engaged, we decided we would have each other in our weddings. Then there's my bff from back home who has stood by me through thick and thin. I can't IMAGINE not having her in my wedding.

However.

I have 2 younger sisters (19 and 16), who are my dual MOH's.

My fiance has three sisters (25, 21, 19), one older and married, and two younger (one of whom was my friend before I ever even met her brother). My fiance really wants all three sisters to be in the wedding party.

I'm an art student, and so are my bff's, so I really want their expertise for my >$10k-DIY bride wedding.

But SEVEN girls?? Am I just creating more stress for myself? Is there a job that I could "demote" someone to to cut down my numbers?

HELP!!

Beachy730 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_demoting-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e1860561-3f14-49a4-9fe4-0f3a02f79867Post:30c4fe5d-2694-4b69-8764-7fca8e8f2b36">Demoting Bridesmaids</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly, I've always worried about this. There have always been 2 girls whom I have wanted to be in my wedding. I'm a sr in college and my best friend here is my Knottie/wedding planning buddy. Even before we were engaged, we decided we would have each other in our weddings. Then there's my bff from back home who has stood by me through thick and thin. I can't IMAGINE not having her in my wedding. However. I have 2 younger sisters (19 and 16), who are my dual MOH's. My fiance has three sisters (25, 21, 19), one older and married, and two younger (one of whom was my friend before I ever even met her brother). My fiance really wants all three sisters to be in the wedding party. I'm an art student, and so are my bff's, so I really want their expertise for my />$10k-DIY bride wedding. But SEVEN girls?? Am I just creating more stress for myself? <strong>Is there a job that I could "demote" someone to to cut down my numbers? HELP!!
</strong>Posted by Kylie Gaulding[/QUOTE]

No, there are no jobs that should be asked of friends, unless you are paying them. Other ways to honor people though are asking them to do a reading in the ceremony.

Your FI can have his 3 sisters stand on his side. You shouldn't feel obligated to make anyone a BM, and he can have them as groomswomen.

Ghoti · November 2010

Why doesn't your FI's sisters just stand on his side?

doctabroccoli · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_demoting-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e1860561-3f14-49a4-9fe4-0f3a02f79867Post:30c4fe5d-2694-4b69-8764-7fca8e8f2b36">Demoting Bridesmaids</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly, I've always worried about this. There have always been 2 girls whom I have wanted to be in my wedding. I'm a sr in college and my best friend here is my Knottie/wedding planning buddy. Even before we were engaged, we decided we would have each other in our weddings. Then there's my bff from back home who has stood by me through thick and thin. I can't IMAGINE not having her in my wedding. However. I have 2 younger sisters (19 and 16), who are my dual MOH's. My fiance has three sisters (25, 21, 19), one older and married, and two younger (one of whom was my friend before I ever even met her brother). My fiance really wants all three sisters to be in the wedding party. I'm an art student, and so are my bff's, so I really want their expertise for my />$10k-DIY bride wedding. But SEVEN girls?? Am I just creating more stress for myself? Is there a job that I could "demote" someone to to cut down my numbers? HELP!!
Posted by Kylie Gaulding[/QUOTE]

Well, if you've already asked them, you can't demote them. Have you already asked them?

If you haven't, maybe you can have them do readings or something, but no bullsh!t jobs like guest book or personal attendant.

smokeybailey · November 2010

Did you already ask? No demoting.

If your FI wants his sisters in his wedding, they can stand on his side. That leaves you with 4. You can deal with that.

And I really like how you plan to use these supposed friends for their art skills. That's nice. I wish I had a friend like you.

Nebb · November 2010

You shouldnt have let your FI pick your bridesmaids, is what.

laurenclaire1386 · November 2010

Were you Snow White in a play in high school? If you were, I found that out by googling your screenname, just FYI. You might wanna change it.

Beachy730 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_demoting-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e1860561-3f14-49a4-9fe4-0f3a02f79867Post:c301613a-9439-45a7-a413-e812f1c99ad9">Re: Demoting Bridesmaids</a>:
[QUOTE]Were you Snow White in a play in high school? If you were, I found that out by googling your screenname, just FYI. You might wanna change it.
Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]

Haha wow stalker! Thats awesome though.

Seriously OP- take LC's advice. And be happy you can change it before a real stalker finds your name.

laurenclaire1386 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_demoting-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e1860561-3f14-49a4-9fe4-0f3a02f79867Post:2704c131-9cb8-42fe-b5f7-bf1cf8492625">Re: Demoting Bridesmaids</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Demoting Bridesmaids : Haha wow stalker! Thats awesome though. Seriously OP- take LC's advice. And be happy you can change it before a real stalker finds your name.
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]
I figured throwing in a real detail might hammer my point home. FI is an IT security person. It rubs off.

notquiteblushing · November 2010

This is a really serious problem. I'll pray for you.

Beachy730 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_demoting-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e1860561-3f14-49a4-9fe4-0f3a02f79867Post:5b600c26-4c4e-4aee-9614-6ef246124761">Re: Demoting Bridesmaids</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Demoting Bridesmaids : I figured throwing in a real detail might hammer my point home. FI is an IT security person. It rubs off.
Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]

Haha it worked. Its even got my a little creeped out, and its not even me you googled.

laurenclaire1386 · November 2010

There's always a possibility I'm wrong though. Snow White and OP may not be one and the same.

Beachy730 · November 2010

Very true. Should be enough to scare her though if not.

Ghoti · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_demoting-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e1860561-3f14-49a4-9fe4-0f3a02f79867Post:c301613a-9439-45a7-a413-e812f1c99ad9">Re: Demoting Bridesmaids</a>:
[QUOTE]Were you Snow White in a play in high school? If you were, I found that out by googling your screenname, just FYI. You might wanna change it.
Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]

Ok this slays me. Get it? Snow white and the 7 bridesmaids?

laurenclaire1386 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_demoting-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e1860561-3f14-49a4-9fe4-0f3a02f79867Post:685ea3d6-817b-46f6-815f-e50f25d7a87c">Re: Demoting Bridesmaids</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Demoting Bridesmaids : Ok this slays me. Get it? Snow white and the 7 bridesmaids?
Posted by Ghoti[/QUOTE]
Bwahahahahaha! I didn't even notice. That's pretty funny.

doctabroccoli · November 2010

Hehehe.

Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to wed I go!

vixey · November 2010

you could make your friends the fish checkers. I hear it's quite the honorary position.

salt78 · November 2010

Fish checker.

Soon2BMrsClay · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_demoting-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e1860561-3f14-49a4-9fe4-0f3a02f79867Post:685ea3d6-817b-46f6-815f-e50f25d7a87c">Re: Demoting Bridesmaids</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Demoting Bridesmaids : Ok this slays me. Get it? Snow white and the 7 bridesmaids?
Posted by Ghoti[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>LOL Amazing.

</div>

ThaWeddingSinger · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_demoting-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e1860561-3f14-49a4-9fe4-0f3a02f79867Post:b307432c-19d4-49df-89f7-a5254079ccf3">Re: Demoting Bridesmaids</a>:
[QUOTE]Did you already ask? No demoting. If your FI wants his sisters in his wedding, they can stand on his side. That leaves you with 4. You can deal with that. And I really like how you plan to use these supposed friends for their art skills. That's nice. I wish I had a friend like you.
Posted by smokeybailey[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Wow, SB's a real witch. Why not just help the girl and keep your apparent miserableness to yourself? You probably just wish you had a friend period.</div>

ThaWeddingSinger · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_demoting-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e1860561-3f14-49a4-9fe4-0f3a02f79867Post:c301613a-9439-45a7-a413-e812f1c99ad9">Re: Demoting Bridesmaids</a>:
[QUOTE]Were you Snow White in a play in high school? If you were, I found that out by googling your screenname, just FYI. You might wanna change it.
Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]

<div>LOL! You really have nothing better to do than Google people's sn's? I bet you're hosting your wedding reception in a chat room, aren't you. No, it doesn't count if the chat room lets you have virtual avatars. Just FYI.</div>

ThaWeddingSinger · November 2010

OP, I could be the 12th person to suggest you not let your FI pick your wedding party and state it in very unkind words as if I'm the most clever poster on theknot.com, but that stopped being original... well, that was never very original.

My advice is to talk to your FI about it, if there is no other way. It's likely he just feels an obligation to his sisters to have them in his wedding. It's very common in tight families for siblings to be included in the wedding party to make it more of a family affair. I've seen it at almost every wedding I've been to.

My only concern is that he probably has a lot a friends he'd like to have as groomsmen. Also, I just think the idea of "groomsmaidens" is lame. Then again, I'm rather traditional myself.

Furthermore, if it works out that you can have all 7, more power to you. The wedding is YOUR day, and you should include anybody who you want. All of these trolls are probably just upset that they couldn't think of 7 people who would actually say yes.

To everyone else who posted (particularly LC and DNB, and anyone else who contributed to their "helpful" advice), get a life. A few original ideas wouldn't hurt, either, if you're going to actually take the time to post.

RMacQueen · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_demoting-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e1860561-3f14-49a4-9fe4-0f3a02f79867Post:90b88277-9781-4710-ad4a-1045c4cf20b2">Re: Demoting Bridesmaids</a>:
[QUOTE]OP, I could be the 12th person to suggest you not let your FI pick your wedding party and state it in very unkind words as if I'm the most clever poster on theknot.com, but that stopped being original... well, that was never very original. My advice is to talk to your FI about it, if there is no other way. It's likely he just feels an obligation to his sisters to have them in his wedding. It's very common in tight families for siblings to be included in the wedding party to make it more of a family affair. I've seen it at almost every wedding I've been to. My only concern is that he probably has a lot a friends he'd like to have as groomsmen. Also, I just think the idea of "groomsmaidens" is lame. Then again, I'm rather traditional myself. Furthermore, if it works out that you can have all 7, more power to you. The wedding is YOUR day, and you should include anybody who you want. All of these trolls are probably just upset that they couldn't think of 7 people who would actually say yes. To everyone else who posted (particularly LC and DNB, and anyone else who contributed to their "helpful" advice), get a life. A few original ideas wouldn't hurt, either, if you're going to actually take the time to post.
Posted by ThaWeddingSinger[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Are you real? Cause this troll thing is getting kinda old.

</div>

Ghoti · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_demoting-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e1860561-3f14-49a4-9fe4-0f3a02f79867Post:46022d38-2ade-4278-b2e7-71ffbbc077aa">Re: Demoting Bridesmaids</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Demoting Bridesmaids : Are you real? Cause this troll thing is getting kinda old.
Posted by RMacQueen[/QUOTE]

No, you can tell she's a troll. A lame one, for sure.

smokeybailey · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_demoting-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e1860561-3f14-49a4-9fe4-0f3a02f79867Post:5cf80ca0-2e14-43f0-9091-d8738c7944a0">Re: Demoting Bridesmaids</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Demoting Bridesmaids : Wow, SB's a real witch. Why not just help the girl and keep your apparent miserableness to yourself? You probably just wish you had a friend period.
Posted by ThaWeddingSinger[/QUOTE]

Say that when I'm online, TWS. I'll show you a real witch.

ThaWeddingSinger · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_demoting-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e1860561-3f14-49a4-9fe4-0f3a02f79867Post:46022d38-2ade-4278-b2e7-71ffbbc077aa">Re: Demoting Bridesmaids</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Demoting Bridesmaids : Are you real? Cause this troll thing is getting kinda old.
Posted by RMacQueen[/QUOTE]

<div>Am I real? Hmm, good question. Shall we get existential?</div><div>
</div><div>I only troll the most deserving. And these gals deserved it. If they can dish it out, I assume they can take it.</div>

smokeybailey · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_demoting-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e1860561-3f14-49a4-9fe4-0f3a02f79867Post:90b88277-9781-4710-ad4a-1045c4cf20b2">Re: Demoting Bridesmaids</a>:
[QUOTE]OP, I could be the 12th person to suggest you not let your FI pick your wedding party and state it in very unkind words as if I'm the most clever poster on theknot.com, but that stopped being original... well, that was never very original. My advice is to talk to your FI about it, if there is no other way. It's likely he just feels an obligation to his sisters to have them in his wedding. It's very common in tight families for siblings to be included in the wedding party to make it more of a family affair. I've seen it at almost every wedding I've been to. My only concern is that he probably has a lot a friends he'd like to have as groomsmen. Also, I just think the idea of "groomsmaidens" is lame. Then again, I'm rather traditional myself. Furthermore, if it works out that you can have all 7, more power to you. The wedding is YOUR day, and you should include anybody who you want. All of these trolls are probably just upset that they couldn't think of 7 people who would actually say yes. To everyone else who posted (particularly LC and DNB, and anyone else who contributed to their "helpful" advice), get a life. <strong>A few original ideas wouldn't hurt, either, if you're going to actually take the time to post</strong>.
Posted by ThaWeddingSinger[/QUOTE]

And having groomswomen on the Groom's side is not original? If he wants his sisters to stand up for him, then they should stand up for HIM.

I hope you aren't a troll. I'd like you to expand on your thoughts.

ThaWeddingSinger · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_demoting-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e1860561-3f14-49a4-9fe4-0f3a02f79867Post:4cddf71d-7c97-472a-b23e-e63d9b6bc107">Re: Demoting Bridesmaids</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Demoting Bridesmaids : Say that when I'm online, TWS. I'll show you a real witch.
Posted by smokeybailey[/QUOTE]

<div>Oh please show me!!! Pretty please?</div>

smokeybailey · November 2010

Great, you're back. Let's talk about my "miserableness." I'd like to hear more.

ThaWeddingSinger · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_demoting-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e1860561-3f14-49a4-9fe4-0f3a02f79867Post:f64823c8-950d-4958-aad8-e90800759519">Re: Demoting Bridesmaids</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Demoting Bridesmaids : No, you can tell she's a troll. A lame one, for sure.
Posted by Ghoti[/QUOTE]

<div>...says the girl whose one contribution to this request for advice was "Snow White and the 7 bridesmaids." OMG, you are SOOOO clever!!! You should write for Letterman!</div>

smokeybailey · November 2010

I'm waiting to hear how I am miserable because I think it's shitty that OP wanted certain bridesmaids because they can help her DIY.

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