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Matron of Honor etiquette?

87THERESE87THERESE
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I have two best friends:  one who I have known the longest, but lives out of state, and another who is engaged and lives near me and will be doing most of the planning.  Is it ok for me to ask my friend who I've known the longest to be my maid of honor and my engaged friend (keep in mind she's been engaged for 4 1/2 years!) to be my matron of honor?

Thanks for your suggestions!
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Re: Matron of Honor etiquette?

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers

    There are no rules saying you can't have two MOH's.  However, you should not base your choices off of where people live or who can do the most planning for you.  The most that your MOHs have to do is buy the designated dress and show up looking presentable for your wedding day.  They also could hold your bouquet, fix your train and sign your marriage license if need be.

    Oh and if your friend is not married she would still be considered a Maid of Honor because, well, she isn't married.


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  • KellyBrian2013KellyBrian2013
    1000 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_matron-of-honor-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9f2fda6b-0d0a-4ce7-90a9-b487e11bd15fPost:297aaabd-133a-4b9b-b8b2-919e981e6645">Matron of Honor etiquette?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have two best friends:  one who I have known the longest, but lives out of state, and another who is engaged and lives near me and <strong>will be doing most of the planning</strong>.  Is it ok for me to ask my friend who I've known the longest to be my maid of honor and my engaged friend (keep in mind she's been engaged for 4 1/2 years!) to be my matron of honor? Thanks for your suggestions!
    Posted by 87THERESE[/QUOTE]

    That's great if she OFFERS to help plan, but please realize that it is not in any way, shape, or form required.

    I don't think being engaged qualifies someone to be a "matron" of honor... personally, I would just choose the person you are closest to (relationship-wise) as your maid of honor and leave it at that. Or make them both Maids of Honor.
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  • 87THERESE87THERESE
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_matron-of-honor-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9f2fda6b-0d0a-4ce7-90a9-b487e11bd15fPost:70d031d7-3a1f-4a99-96a3-89f895059ac7">Re: Matron of Honor etiquette?</a>:
    [QUOTE]There are no rules saying you can't have two MOH's.  However, you should not base your choices off of where people live or who can do the most planning for you.  The most that your MOHs have to do is buy the designated dress and show up looking presentable for your wedding day.  They also could hold your bouquet, fix your train and sign your marriage license if need be. Oh and if your friend is not married she would still be considered a Maid of Honor because, well, she isn't married.
    Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

    <div>Good point- I certainly wouldn't expect my friend that lives closest to me to do the planning- she DOES, however, want to be a big part of it.  Both of them are incredibly close to me in different ways.</div>
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  • gurrlballa10gurrlballa10
    500 Comments
    Why would she be doing all the planning when it's your wedding?
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_matron-of-honor-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9f2fda6b-0d0a-4ce7-90a9-b487e11bd15fPost:9f7e40c8-20d6-4c22-8084-0fa36fae7a24">Re: Matron of Honor etiquette?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Matron of Honor etiquette? : Good point- I certainly wouldn't expect my friend that lives closest to me to do the planning- <strong>she DOES, however, want to be a big part of it.</strong>  Both of them are incredibly close to me in different ways.
    Posted by 87THERESE[/QUOTE]

    That is great, but I will say that if she does decide to not be a big part of the planning process do not get mad at her for backing down.  She has a life too and that takes precedence over your wedding.  Many times on here we have brides who want to "fire" their MOH or BM because they said they would help but then didn't.  People are free to help you if they want but they are also free to not help even if they said that they would in the beginning.

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  • 87THERESE87THERESE
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_matron-of-honor-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9f2fda6b-0d0a-4ce7-90a9-b487e11bd15fPost:919e3672-aada-424a-9227-549b7ce3c9b5">Re: Matron of Honor etiquette?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Why would she be doing all the planning when it's your wedding?
    Posted by gurrlballa10[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>whoa- this was not the point of my post.  My friend LOVES planning and specifically said she wants to be part of it and I'm thrilled to have her help- it's not like I delegated my wedding on my friend or something.  I was simply asking a question about maids/matrons of honor.  Thanks for your input.</div>
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  • gurrlballa10gurrlballa10
    500 Comments

    You included it in your post, so obviously there was some relevancy for it. 

    Oh also, I 100% agree with Maggie.

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  • AlexaNPAlexaNP member
    100 Comments
    Two Maids of Honor is fine.  If the engaged friend will still be engaged at your wedding she would be a Maid of Honor.  If she gets married before you she would be a Matron of Honor.  I think that was the original question you asked.
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  • 87THERESE87THERESE
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_matron-of-honor-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9f2fda6b-0d0a-4ce7-90a9-b487e11bd15fPost:336fbf31-0ac2-4ad3-861b-b16e433c1a57">Re: Matron of Honor etiquette?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Two Maids of Honor is fine.  If the engaged friend will still be engaged at your wedding she would be a Maid of Honor.  If she gets married before you she would be a Matron of Honor.  I think that was the original question you asked.
    Posted by AlexaNP[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>Thanks for the input, Alexa, I appreciate the positive response.  I'm going to ask them both to be Maids of Honor :)</div>
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  • lindsaynewbride10lindsaynewbride10 member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments 5 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_matron-of-honor-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9f2fda6b-0d0a-4ce7-90a9-b487e11bd15fPost:73eaac4e-45b8-45c0-823d-36aad7c67f5b">Re: Matron of Honor etiquette?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Matron of Honor etiquette? : Thanks for the input, Alexa, I<strong> appreciate the positive response. </strong> I'm going to ask them both to be Maids of Honor :)
    Posted by 87THERESE[/QUOTE]

    You're starting to get a little defensive here. Calm down. The questions that were asked were meant to help you realized, if you hadn't already, that it is your wedding to plan, not your MOH's. Please take everything said on these boards as constructive criticism.
    Anniversary
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  • sharp0099sharp0099 member
    100 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_matron-of-honor-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9f2fda6b-0d0a-4ce7-90a9-b487e11bd15fPost:07599bc3-865a-40a4-b9ef-3d9139a2831d">Re: Matron of Honor etiquette?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Matron of Honor etiquette? : You're starting to get a little defensive here. Calm down. The questions that were asked were meant to help you realized, if you hadn't already, that it is your wedding to plan, not your MOH's. Please take everything said on these boards as constructive criticism.
    Posted by lindsaynewbride10[/QUOTE]


    She's not being defensive, she's probably annoyed by people over analyzing her words instead of simply focusing on the question she asked.  She has clearly stated she didn't ask her friend to help her with planning, her friend offered. Let it go.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_matron-of-honor-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9f2fda6b-0d0a-4ce7-90a9-b487e11bd15fPost:0796f1fd-fc62-48ed-827c-4e50780224c1">Re: Matron of Honor etiquette?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Matron of Honor etiquette? : She's not being defensive, she's probably annoyed by people over analyzing her words instead of simply focusing on the question she asked.  She has clearly stated she didn't ask her friend to help her with planning, her friend offered. Let it go.
    Posted by sharp0099[/QUOTE]

    Then why even include all that extra information?  Why include where they live, what their relationship status is, how long one has been engaged, how the one close to her can help plan, etc?  Typically when brides list all of that extra info they are using that as a factor on who to pick which is an incorrect way of picking out her bridal party.  Also when a bride mentions that the one living near her can help plan and doesn't fully explain that the MOH stated that she wanted to help, well you can be rest assured that we are going to make sure that the bride isn't just expecting people to drop everything and help her.

    No one was rude.  We were just trying to make sure that her expectations of her bridal party weren't too high or ridiculous.

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  • gurrlballa10gurrlballa10
    500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_matron-of-honor-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9f2fda6b-0d0a-4ce7-90a9-b487e11bd15fPost:0796f1fd-fc62-48ed-827c-4e50780224c1">Re: Matron of Honor etiquette?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Matron of Honor etiquette? : She's not being defensive, she's probably annoyed by people over analyzing her words instead of simply focusing on the question she asked.  She has clearly stated she didn't ask her friend to help her with planning, her friend offered. Let it go.
    Posted by sharp0099[/QUOTE]

    People can only respond to what someone posts.  Like Maggie said, if none of those things were a factor, then why include them in the OP at all?
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  • sharp0099sharp0099 member
    100 Comments
    Then why not ask her to clarify before assuming the worst of her, like she is demanding or something.  I read OP wrote and did not assume is telling her MOH with planning.  She was letting us know that they are both close to her and mentioned that stuff to say why it's important to have both of them as her MOH.  Her concern was if it was proper to have 2 MOHs.
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