Surprise wedding shower date causing scheduling problems

allychase · January 2013

So my bridal shower is a surprise even though my FSIL asked me if I wanted it to be and I said no.. and now I'm having trouble scheduling meetings with vendors. I literally can't plan anything for any weekend in February-March cause I have no idea when my shower is and I don't want to waste my vendors time by not showing up. I have a centerpiece mockup, dress alterations, reception venue meeting, hair & makeup trial, and more I'm sure will come up.

I don't understand why they couldn't just tell me the date and keep everything else a surprise. How do people with surprise showers handle this? Ugh..

[Deleted User] · January 2013

Have you mentioned this to FSIL? She may just be thinking that you said no surprise because it made you nervous to be surprised or something but she thinks you'll actually love it. Maybe if you explain that you don't know when to make vendor meetings and that's a big problem, she'll reconsider.

That or just start telling her when you've made meetings. When it starts to mess with her planning, she may get the idea

allychase · January 2013

Unfortunately both of my FSIL have made my shower planning process about what they want and aren't too interested in what I like

Both my aunt who is my matron of honor and one of my friends who is a BM have said they keep trying to offer things to do cause they want to be involved and my FSIL won't let them. They try to keep me out of it but asked for my help on how to approach her. Every time I try to bring up something that will benefit everyone such as timing they tell me to stay out of my shower. Keep in mind I'm not trying to dictate details, location, or the date.. All I want to know is when the date is. I hate to sound snarky but I feel like if you're throwing a party for someone it should be about what they like and not benefit yourself... meh. I hope I'm not crossing into bridezilla territory...

chinofiesta93 · January 2013

Make your appointments anyways. That's sucky for her if you have a previous commitment! Tell her when your appointments are and she'll work around you.

ChiGirl2013 · January 2013

Yup. I'd tell her "I have appointments on this date, this date, this date, and this date. I need to make more appointments, so you either need to tell me when the shower is, or you are taking the chance that I'm not going to be able to make it to the shower because these vendor appointments need to get done and there's no time to reschedule them."

I think it's very inconsiderate of them not to even share the date of the shower with you. I'd rather not have a shower at all than to have to deal with that mess. Ugh!

dandelionsgirl · January 2013

My shower was supposed to be a shower too but my MOH lives OOT so I know the date and that is it.

Hopefully they will at least agree to give you the weekend it is so you can schedule some appointments.

allychase · January 2013

It's not just one FSIL it's both of them and my FMIL. The date, location and time are already picked so it's not like they're gonna choose it based on my availability, I have to somehow make all these appointments and hope they don't fall on the date they picked.

I am thinking of just asking if they can tell me if its a Saturday or Sunday so I can make all appointments on a certain date based on that. But I'm sure they won't tell me that either

adawn1981 · January 2013

Yes, ask them what day it is on or at least maybe they can tell you the time. With the time, you can schedule all appointments before or after the time your shower will be. If it is at 2:00pm, schedule all morning appointments... That might work.

[Deleted User] · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_surprise-wedding-shower-date-causing-scheduling-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:766e6496-a006-469a-ab0b-bf51da9935a3Post:7387c01e-100f-4283-a98a-fcc3c4cdb523">Re: Surprise wedding shower date causing scheduling problems</a>:
[QUOTE]It's not just one FSIL it's both of them and my FMIL. The date, location and time are already picked so it's not like they're gonna choose it based on my availability, I have to somehow make all these appointments and hope they don't fall on the date they picked. I am thinking of just asking if they can tell me if its a Saturday or Sunday so I can make all appointments on a certain date based on that. But I'm sure they won't tell me that either
Posted by allychase[/QUOTE]

<div>This would drive me crazy. I would want to know at least what weekend it is for planning purposes. It's very inconsiderate of them. Can you get FI to re-explain all of this to them in a way that might actually make it through those thick skulls? It's not like you can schedule an appt and say, "Oh btw, I might not show up b/c my FILs are semi-psycho." What is this, fraternity hazing??? Sorry, I just got mildly worked up on your behalf lol.</div><div>
</div><div>My FMIL is throwing me a "french/english tea-themed" shower. I'm not really sure what that is but okay. I think it's going to involve lots of awkward small talk with FI's family and friends but none of mine, since it's in Pittsburgh. It's very nice of them to go out of their way to do this for me but seriously, I grew up riding horses, playing on boats and skinning my knees. I drive ships and dive for a living. I have no idea how to do a tea party. I'm extremely uncomfortable with this theme but who knows...maybe I can take a flask along with me ;-)</div>

[Deleted User] · January 2013

Can you have your FI talk to them? Like have him promise not to tell you when but give you dates/times that would work to make your appointments? I'm sorry but they're being a bit ridiculous. You need to be able to plan other things - you can't just not live your life for two months because they want to have a surprise.

If they really don't budge, book your appointments anyway (maybe try to do early mornings and evenings to accomodate, as most showers I know are late morning or afternoon events). Then tell them what you've planned. They can get pissed if they want - you tried to be as nice as possible.

orangehills · January 2013

That's ridiculous, that would make me mad! do any of your friends know when it is, since they'd obviously have to send out invitations? Have a friend tell you the minute they find out- and then just reschedule any appointment that would fall on that day, if any do.

allychase · January 2013

In Response to Re:Surprise wedding shower date causing scheduling problems:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Surprise wedding shower date causing scheduling problems:It's not just one FSIL it's both of them and my FMIL. The date, location and time are already picked so it's not like they're gonna choose it based on my availability, I have to somehow make all these appointments and hope they don't fall on the date they picked. I am thinking of just asking if they can tell me if its a Saturday or Sunday so I can make all appointments on a certain date based on that. But I'm sure they won't tell me that eitherPosted by allychaseThis would drive me crazy. nbsp;I would want to know at least what weekend it is for planning purposes. nbsp;It's very inconsiderate of them. nbsp;Can you get FI to reexplain all of this to them in a way that might actually make it through those thick skulls? nbsp;It's not like you can schedule an appt and say, "Oh btw, I might not show up b/c my FILs are semipsycho." nbsp;What is this, fraternity hazing??? nbsp;Sorry, I just got mildly worked up on your behalf lol.My FMIL is throwing me a "french/english teathemed" shower. nbsp;I'm not really sure what that is but okay. nbsp;I think it's going to involve lots of awkward small talk with FI's family and friends but none of mine, since it's in Pittsburgh. nbsp;It's very nice of them to go out of their way to do this for me but seriously, I grew up riding horses, playing on boats and skinning my knees. nbsp;I drive ships and dive for a living. nbsp;I have no idea how to do a tea party. nbsp;I'm extremely uncomfortable with this theme but who knows...maybe I can take a flask along with me ; Posted by lch0708[/QUOTE]

This is what I don't understand. Yes, it's a nice gesture but you're not gonna throw a rave for someone who hates partying. It's not really a nice gesture if you're just planning the type of party you would like to attend and not consider the likes of the person you're throwing it for. Hopefully its not too awkward for you lol.

allychase · January 2013

In Response to Re:Surprise wedding shower date causing scheduling problems:[QUOTE]That's ridiculous, that would make me mad! do any of your friends know when it is, since they'd obviously have to send out invitations? Have a friend tell you the minute they find out and then just reschedule any appointment that would fall on that day, if any do. Posted by orangehills[/QUOTE]

See I feel bad though if I ruin the surprise. Like, I don't WANT or need it to be a surprise. I know I'm having a shower, what is the purpose of the element of surprise? I'm not 6, I'm a grown adult who goes to school MonFriday and can only do things on the weekends and I'm really expected to walk on eggshells for two months hoping none of my appointments interfere with it. But if that's what they're doing ill feel guilty for finding out the date. The funny thing is, I have a good feeling that if I get a random phone call to meet for lunch or stop by someone's house in the next few months... I'm obviously gonna know that's my shower. Last I checked the point of a surprise party is to TOTALLY surprise the guest of honor in like, they didnt even know this was going on. I am aware who and what the party is about, hell I'm even making the guest list. It makes no sense lol

[Deleted User] · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_surprise-wedding-shower-date-causing-scheduling-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:766e6496-a006-469a-ab0b-bf51da9935a3Post:421b2ddc-2258-4d3a-8bf0-3b501986b22a">Re:Surprise wedding shower date causing scheduling problems</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Surprise wedding shower date causing scheduling problems: This is what I don't understand. Yes, it's a nice gesture but you're not gonna throw a rave for someone who hates partying. It's not really a nice gesture if you're just planning the type of party you would like to attend and not consider the likes of the person you're throwing it for. Hopefully its not too awkward for you lol.
Posted by allychase[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Yeaaaa...today FMIL emailed and called her family to see who was coming to the wedding. I haven't even gotten the invitations yet so the guests definitely haven't gotten to RSVP yet. The funniest part is that she sells the invites so she ordered them for me and the company screwed up and sat on them for a week or so before they realized they needed to print them. So anyways, the company hasn't even shipped the invites yet and she's calling everyone, trying to figure out who is coming lol....does that seem a bit out of order to anyone else???

</div>

redjellybean128 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_surprise-wedding-shower-date-causing-scheduling-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:766e6496-a006-469a-ab0b-bf51da9935a3Post:63746c7c-e190-4cc3-88c0-3aa668f95694">Re:Surprise wedding shower date causing scheduling problems</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Surprise wedding shower date causing scheduling problems : Yeaaaa...today FMIL emailed and called her family to see who was coming to the wedding. I haven't even gotten the invitations yet so the guests definitely haven't gotten to RSVP yet. The funniest part is that she sells the invites so she ordered them for me and the company screwed up and sat on them for a week or so before they realized they needed to print them. So anyways, the company hasn't even shipped the invites yet and she's calling everyone, trying to figure out who is coming lol....does that seem a bit out of order to anyone else???
Posted by lch0708[/QUOTE]

My Fmil has done the same. I just told her that even though we know some of them can't make it now we are still going to send them an invite out of courtesy. *sigh* I've decided to pick my battles at this point.

OP, sorry about the shower frustration. I'm so happy my mom is being up front about most of the details of mine.

orangehills · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_surprise-wedding-shower-date-causing-scheduling-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:766e6496-a006-469a-ab0b-bf51da9935a3Post:8d3ab6b1-c872-4921-ab9c-9e2d86806e76">Re:Surprise wedding shower date causing scheduling problems</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Surprise wedding shower date causing scheduling problems: See I feel bad though if I ruin the surprise. Like, I don't WANT or need it to be a surprise. I know I'm having a shower, what is the purpose of the element of surprise? I'm not 6, I'm a grown adult who goes to school MonFriday and can only do things on the weekends and I'm really expected to walk on eggshells for two months hoping none of my appointments interfere with it. But if that's what they're doing ill feel guilty for finding out the date. The funny thing is, I have a good feeling that if I get a random phone call to meet for lunch or stop by someone's house in the next few months... I'm obviously gonna know that's my shower. Last I checked the point of a surprise party is to TOTALLY surprise the guest of honor in like, they didnt even know this was going on. I am aware who and what the party is about, hell I'm even making the guest list. It makes no sense lol
Posted by allychase[/QUOTE]

Don't feel bad! Your closest friend who you could ask to tell you will get why you don't want it as a surprise. It's ridiculous it is a surprise, especially since you are having vendor meetings. So I wouldn't care about what they think at this point- use the it's about me excuse for this one! lol Then just fake a surprise reaction really well once you are there, and no one will be any the wiser except you and 1 friend!

Surprise wedding shower date causing scheduling problems

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