My fiance is the one who insisted on buying an engagement ring. I maintained that it was an unnecessary expense and I would be fine with just wearing a wedding band, but he peristed. However, he procrastinates, and is horrible with money, and for several reasons, has to start over from scratch on saving up for my ring. Originally, he said I could pick out anything up to $1500. The very first time we went looking, back in November, I found a ring I loved that was on sale for $899. He stalled on buying it because he has issues making large purhcases, prefering to spend small amounts here and there, but not keeping track of his finances. While his savings dwindled, the rate of gold went up, increasing the price of the ring by $100. By the time I confronted him on this issue, he was not comfortable spending that much anymore. No problem, I said, and I downsized. I found a more modest version of the ring for $499. He was expecting a larger-than-normal paycheck that weekend and we made plans to go pick up the ring on Good Friday, but he complained he didn't "feel like it" that day. The next day I had a friend's birthday party to organize and he objected to squeezing in that errand on an otherwise busy day. Sunday the stores were closed, because it was Easter. I feard that once again, he would blow the money for the ring on smaller purchases. And I was right! We never could get it together on going shopping during that week, and had friends in town the next weekend, during which he frittered away all his disposable money on dinners, cocktails, and trips to the record and book stores. Not to worry, he said, it's payday next week. But when last weekend came, he said he had overspent and underestimated this check, and he had to pay the rent.
All of this time, I'm thinking, maybe he doesn't really want to marry me. He says he does, but his actions aren't lining up with his words. He doesn't want to tell his parents we're engaged before we have the jewelry to prove it, but he keeps stalling on buying the ring, spending money on other things. It doesn't sound like the behavior of someone ready to make a lifelong commitment to another person. It sounds like maybe he proposed because he felt like he was supposed to. We had gone ring shopping, talked about a wedding, all our friends and family were just holding their breath waiting for us to get enganged. We've been together five years. Maybe this is all he wants, and he's hoping that if he puts it off long enough, I'll just let the whole engagement ring/wedding situation drop. And I'm freaking out while I'm thinking all this. I'm not cool and calm. Last week my stepmother threw a but of a fit over the price of two weddings in three years (my little sister got hitched last year and they paid for about 1/2 of it), and my dad threatened to divorce her for acting like a cheap harpy. My fiance's solution to this was not a modest courthouse wedding and a postponed reception, but to postpone the whole thing, marriage and all, indefinitely, while my dad and stepmom worked their situation out.
I figured that was as good as proof- he was trying to use this as an out. So we had very stifled, difficult conversations over the past two weekends where he was angry with me because he felt like I was calling him a liar, and I was angry because he is not manning up. He admitted he needs some help saving up, needs me to keep tabs on his spending and saving, but that he wants to buy my ring, and soon. He put together a savings plan and I promised to help him as long as he promised not to get snippy with me when I reminded him of his savings plan.
So I'm thinking, since he has to save up all over again, can't he just save up a little longer so I can have the ring I wanted originally? And, after all this, don't I freakin' deserve it?