Wedding Etiquette Forum

Are apps needed?

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Re: Are apps needed?

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_apps-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3c3dacba-f562-4eef-93c0-39cf654f2e10Post:a755bdf0-4bb5-45a8-95ca-a76e6534017a">Re: Are apps needed?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Are apps needed? : I know.  I told FI it would be fine, but he's sort of panicking.  His sister's wedding was this weekend, and she had all the stations, top shelf liquors that aren't offered at our venue (in the Poconos, BTW, so it's a different "standard" I think), like 8 choices for the entrees, etc.  I also said that while his family might think it's weird NOT to have those things, <strong>my family would think it IS weird to have so much food before the food.  </strong>
    Posted by yaga13[/QUOTE]


    My first time at a wedding with a full on cocktail hour was a few years ago in NJ.  The amount of food was insane. I thought it was dinner, and sincerely thought the groom was kidding when he said dinner was still coming.  I could barely walk at the end of the night.  The sad thing was, so much food wasn't consumed during cocktail hour and it all went to waste. I could've fed my fiance's national guard unit with the leftovers, and that's just sad to see so much food wasted.  My family saw the pictures and thought it was so strange to fill up so much BEFORE dinner.  There's a happy medium in there someplace!!!
  • Wow cindy kind of sounded like a twat in her post, but so did you burnt
  • edited January 2012
    OP...Definitely try and serve some type of food during the cocktail hour. Even if it's a few cheese and fruit trays as pp's have said. With the costs of weddings, I'm sure your venue would be willing to work something out with you.

    Cindy...While your execution may seem 'harsh', I get where you're coming from. I'm from Jersey and had a 'Jersey wedding'. The menu that you described is pretty standard for Jersey weddings and we've come to kind of expect it, but this may not have been the appropriate thread to outline the entire cocktail hour menu, especially given the circumstances.
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  • Here's my problem with Cindy...

    We get it.  You are from New Jersey, and you had a wedding that is "typical" for New Jersey.  Awesome.  Yay for you.  But at some point, you really need to stop talking about it on international boards where no one cares how it's done in New Jersey.  I'm from Long Island, and LI weddings are similar to "Jersey weddings."  I don't run around telling everyone about how great my LI wedding is going to be and how we have so much more food/guests/whatever than people would have in other places because it's not helpful or useful information to posters who don't live on Long Island.  It feels like you come into threads approximately four hours late, just to brag about your wedding.  It's annoying.  Stop giving the tri-state area a bad name.
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  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_apps-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3c3dacba-f562-4eef-93c0-39cf654f2e10Post:586df896-c65e-4225-8d77-b63ce73be64e">Re: Are apps needed?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Here's my problem with Cindy... We get it.  You are from New Jersey, and you had a wedding that is "typical" for New Jersey.  Awesome.  Yay for you.  But at some point, you really need to stop talking about it on international boards where no one cares how it's done in New Jersey .  I'm from Long Island, and LI weddings are similar to "Jersey weddings."  I don't run around telling everyone about how great my LI wedding is going to be and how we have so much more food/guests/whatever than people would have in other places because it's not helpful or useful information to posters who don't live on Long Island .  It feels like you come into threads approximately four hours late, just to brag about your wedding.  It's annoying. <strong> Stop giving the tri-state area a bad name.
    </strong>Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]

    Thank you!  I'm getting married in NJ, but apparently I'm not having a "Jersey wedding" because I'm not living up to Cindy's standards. . .
  • First of all, please stop putting words in my mouth and saying that I said things I never said. I never told the OP in my post that she should elope if she couldn't provide a cocktail hour with all of that food. I never said that my family would prefer if we eloped if we couldn't provide that kind of cocktail hour. I also NEVER said that I'd rather die than have my shower at someone's house. That was not me and I have no idea what you are referring to.

     My advice to the OP was:
    At the very minimum, some kind of food needs to be served during the cocktail hour, whether you are serving alcohol during it or not, and I think that appears to be in line with what many others here have suggested as well!

    I apologize if I made the OP feel bad for not having the same cocktail hour as myself - that was not my intention at all. I explained that in MY FAMILY that is customary and expected, and that's what we did, not only because it is customary, but because we WANTED to.

    And to the person who called my family a bunch of pigs - that was extremely rude. Just because this is what we are used to doesn't make us pigs.
    For the record, NONE of the food from cocktail hour went to waste. Our venue packed up all of the leftovers for us and we took them home - I got numerous meals out of the food for myself and DH over the last few months.

    I completely understand that this is not the norm all over the country, as I clearly stated in my post. I stated that this is the norm for my family and in my area. I understand that this may not be the norm for the OP. However, she is asking this question on an International board and she is going to get opinions from people all over the country - with different views on what is acceptable. We cannot possibly give her advice on what is right for HER family and HER area, because we are all different and we are all accustomed to very different things.

    That is exactly why my advice to her was that she should provide some kind of food during the cocktail hour. When I think of attending a wedding, regardless of who, what, when, where, etc, I personally would prefer to have some kind of food available during the cocktail hour, no matter what it is, or how much food.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_apps-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3c3dacba-f562-4eef-93c0-39cf654f2e10Post:8261520a-8ec7-4660-96cd-f81e674fa59e">Re: Are apps needed?</a>:
    [QUOTE]yaga, it is customary on LI to have cocktail hours like that, <strong>but no one in my circle would think bad of the couple if all that was offered was cheese and crackers</strong>, KWIM? Cindy, it just sounds like you're trying to make the OP feel bad about not having as much money as you, which is never classy. Have some class, please.
    Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]
    I never said my family or friends would think bad of us. But yes, if there isn't food served at the cocktail hour I do feel that they would be annoyed by it.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_apps-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3c3dacba-f562-4eef-93c0-39cf654f2e10Post:fa8a3fcc-f86a-4a75-b95a-780d6ed34255">Re: Are apps needed?</a>:
    [QUOTE]OP...Definitely try and serve some type of food during the cocktail hour. Even if it's a few cheese and fruit trays as pp's have said. With the costs of weddings, I'm sure your venue would be willing to work something out with you. Cindy...While your execution may seem 'harsh', I get where you're coming from. I'm from Jersey and had a 'Jersey wedding'. The menu that you described is pretty standard for Jersey weddings and we've come to kind of expect it, but this may not have been the appropriate thread to outline the entire cocktail hour menu, especially given the circumstances.
    Posted by 2010Bride2be[/QUOTE]
    I truly was just trying to explain how the idea of a cocktail hour varies drastically based on where you are from. That's why some people here say "you don't need to serve any food" and others feel that a lot of food should be served.
  • My gosh -- I was just looking at the knot for entertainment (you ladies on the e board always entertain me while bored at work) -- I thought this would be dead -- I was shocked at 54 responses and for THIS to be the entertaining one! To the point of the post -- I will see what I can do with the venue and thank you all for the advise AND entertainment!!!
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  • Where in Indiana are you from OP? I'm from southern Indiana :)
  • Lafayette -- but my wedding is actually in Michigan - ironically enough (given how this post went) I wanted to elope but my mom was really mean about it -- so my compromise was on the water -- lol!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_apps-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3c3dacba-f562-4eef-93c0-39cf654f2e10Post:7a1520d6-d3d8-48cb-bb49-a0d9fccb67f8">Re: Are apps needed?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Are apps needed? : I truly was just trying to explain how the idea of a cocktail hour varies drastically based on where you are from. That's why some people here say "you don't need to serve any food" and others feel that a lot of food should be served.
    Posted by cindyn9178[/QUOTE]

    I totally understood where you were coming from..no worries.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_apps-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3c3dacba-f562-4eef-93c0-39cf654f2e10Post:1d231cd2-7294-4dd6-9e4c-f7b7f511f7b4">Re: Are apps needed?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Are apps needed? : Are you saying you would not have food at your cocktail hour or only have M&M and peanuts?
    Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

    <div>Pretty sure that she's saying that if apps are really not in the budget, to see if the venue would let them do bowls of M&Ms and peanuts.  I think that was a decent suggestion.</div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_apps-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3c3dacba-f562-4eef-93c0-39cf654f2e10Post:839209fb-bc26-471f-992e-dab586ab0f5e">Re: Are apps needed?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Are apps needed? : I totally understood where you were coming from..no worries.
    Posted by 2010Bride2be[/QUOTE]
    I appreciate that.
  • I went to Purdue! I have family and friends still in Lafayette.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_apps-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3c3dacba-f562-4eef-93c0-39cf654f2e10Post:67f8947e-8345-44ef-b220-12c9d8d24250">Re: Are apps needed?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Are apps needed? : Cindy.  Please read the bolded and note that you would have eloped if you couldn't have provided a balls-out lavish cocktail hour.  Priorities. Guess what?  I'm having a Philly wedding, and I'm Italian, so I've been to my share of elaborate cocktail hours with stations and passed trays and themed displays.  Relax.  Jersey doesn't have the market cornered on ostentatious, but you're trying really hard. ETA:  No one said it was okay for her to not serve food.  Everyone told her to feed people SOMETHING.
    Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]
    You are misinterpreting my comment about eloping. What I meant, was if we couldn't provide what WE feel is appropriate for a cocktail hour and wedding reception, then we wouldn't have it at all. I never said ANYTHING about Jersey either. I was referring to my circle and family traditions. Yes, this is a regional thing as well, but I never brought up Jersey.
  • cindyn9178cindyn9178 member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited January 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_apps-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3c3dacba-f562-4eef-93c0-39cf654f2e10Post:7858bd58-d41a-4d3f-97e9-c3f065e42ea2">Re: Are apps needed?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Are apps needed? : Michigan bride here, so I'll chime in with the regional answer. Appetizers are certainly a bonus, but not required. It would be nice, though, since you're serving drinks. Most of the weddings I've been to are of the cheese/cracker tray variety. We love our cheese here.  Veggie trays are much cheaper, though. If veggie trays are still too much, you could (if the venue allows it) put peanuts and M&Ms in little bowls on the tables. I've been to a squillion weddings that do that.
    Posted by burntofferings[/QUOTE]
    I really do think that this type of question is more appropriate for a local board, because the customs and traditions generally relate to the regional location of the wedding.Seeing as I've never in my life attended a wedding where M&Ms were the only food during a cocktail hour.  People are going to get drastically different opinions on something like this on an international board.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_apps-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3c3dacba-f562-4eef-93c0-39cf654f2e10Post:cd15b718-eb66-410f-8b81-9aaefe9c1cff">Re: Are apps needed?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Are apps needed? : I really do think that this type of question is more appropriate for a local board, because the customs and traditions generally relate to the regional location of the wedding. People are going to get drastically different opinions on something like this on an international board.
    Posted by cindyn9178[/QUOTE]

    I will give you that. The majority of weddings I've been to have had a "cocktail hour" while the bridal party were taking pictures and most only served chips and crackers. Some didn't serve anything at all. But this is southern Indiana where our definition of "fancy" is not having a buffet and being told where to sit.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_apps-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3c3dacba-f562-4eef-93c0-39cf654f2e10Post:6713569f-5c22-4cbd-bed9-c42a745f8cbb">Re: Are apps needed?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Are apps needed? : You are misinterpreting my comment about eloping. What I meant, was if we couldn't provide what WE feel is appropriate for a cocktail hour and wedding reception, then we wouldn't have it at all. I never said ANYTHING about Jersey either. I was referring to my circle and family traditions. Yes, this is a regional thing as well, but I never brought up Jersey.
    Posted by cindyn9178[/QUOTE]

    Eagles definitely didn't interpret your comment about eloping incorrectly.  You are clearly saying (both in the original post and here) that you <em>would have eloped if you could not provide an "appropriate" cocktail hour</em>, and you described your own cocktail hour in the original post, so it's quite clear what is, in your opinion, "appropriate."  You may not like the conclusions Eagles (and, frankly, everyone else) has drawn about you based on this information, but it doesn't change what you've (now twice) said.

    Also, you are in Jersey.  The little line with your location under your name that appears every time you post says so.  So when you say "in my circle" it's the same as saying "Jersey."  Just like when I say "in my circle," what I mean (and what I assume most people understand me to mean) is "on Long Island, where I and my family and friends live."  It's not a stretch for folks to read "Jersey" when you say "my circle."
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_apps-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3c3dacba-f562-4eef-93c0-39cf654f2e10Post:cd15b718-eb66-410f-8b81-9aaefe9c1cff">Re: Are apps needed?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Are apps needed? : I really do think that this type of question is more appropriate for a local board, because the customs and traditions generally relate to the regional location of the wedding.<strong>Seeing as I've never in my life attended a wedding where M&Ms were the only food during a cocktail hour.</strong>  People are going to get drastically different opinions on something like this on an international board.
    Posted by cindyn9178[/QUOTE]

    Can you seriously never post anything without including at least one condescending dig?
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_apps-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3c3dacba-f562-4eef-93c0-39cf654f2e10Post:9e97ff36-4c2e-4d30-9aea-9bd314c87ad7">Re: Are apps needed?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Steph, my grandfather has this saying that I love, and it applies beautifully to so many situations.  "Go shiit in your hat."  I think you should use that saying, if you get my meaning.  ;)
    Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

    <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" />  (I would've gone with the giant FB "Like" but I am too lazy to find and C&P it, so you're getting this smiley instead.) 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_apps-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3c3dacba-f562-4eef-93c0-39cf654f2e10Post:f50efddb-ecee-450c-9f36-d3bdd6abfbab">Re: Are apps needed?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Are apps needed? : WTF does that mean, exactly?  Go big or go home?  God forbid you (or your parents) had had a reversal of fortune prior to your wedding, you would have called the whole thing off and run away to Acapulco rather than serve less than 23 kinds of passed hors d'oeuvres?  <strong>Please tell me you realize how downright ridiculous this sounds.</strong>  Slow your roll there, Rockefeller.
    Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

    Eagles, having grown up surrounded by Cindys, I can pretty much guarantee you that she has absolutely no idea how ridiculous she sounds.

    (Side note, one of the best compliments I ever received in college was "I always forget you're from Long Island.  You don't act like you're from there at all!")
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_apps-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3c3dacba-f562-4eef-93c0-39cf654f2e10Post:168e520c-3859-4832-ad50-341a6822d0b8">Re: Are apps needed?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Are apps needed? : I'm sorry.
    Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

    <div>It's both why I understand her so clearly and why my patience for her is particularly lacking.</div><div>
    </div><div>And Yaga, your FI sounds cool (and also I love your Hunger Games countdown).</div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_apps-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3c3dacba-f562-4eef-93c0-39cf654f2e10Post:de3edbc7-e3af-4b5d-ae79-1d4ccdab7435">Re: Are apps needed?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Are apps needed? : Eagles, having grown up surrounded by Cindys, I can pretty much guarantee you that she has absolutely no idea how ridiculous she sounds. (Side note, one of the best compliments I ever received in college was "I always forget you're from Long Island.  You don't act like you're from there at all!")
    Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]

    <div>I'm from NJ, and having a NJ wedding that will be nothing like Cindy's. Her description of her cocktail hour reminded me of FI's cousin's wedding & reception that we went to in June in Yonkers (ceremony, also where FI is from) /New Rochelle (reception, both in Westchester County, NY). Ridiculous. We were so full I must have eaten literally three bites of the chicken breast that was my main course. It's definitely a northern NJ/metro NY thing. </div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_apps-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3c3dacba-f562-4eef-93c0-39cf654f2e10Post:a55a49ae-9fb2-4b0a-8cf9-676906151699">Re: Are apps needed?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Are apps needed? <strong>: I'm from NJ, and having a NJ wedding that will be nothing like Cindy's.</strong>Her description of her cocktail hour reminded me of FI's cousin's wedding & reception that we went to in June in Yonkers (ceremony, also where FI is from) /New Rochelle (reception, both in Westchester County, NY). Ridiculous. We were so full I must have eaten literally three bites of the chicken breast that was my main course. It's definitely a northern NJ/metro NY thing. 
    Posted by thursdaychild121[/QUOTE]

    This is exactly my point. I did not say this is a "Jersey thing" because not everybody in the state has the exact same wedding. I think that making the assumption that all Jersey weddings are the same as what I've described is actually a pretty rude thing to say. That's like saying all people from Pennsylvania are hicks. I said this is what my family does and is accustomed to.

    And yes, I still stand by my statement, which applies to everything I do in my life. If I cannot do something to the level that I FEEL is appropriate then I don't do it at all. 
    If I'm going to invite a bunch of people over to my house for a dinner party, I'm going to serve them what I believe to be appropriate amounts of food and alcohol. I am not going to serve them less than what I'd expect at someone else's house. And if I can't provide that, then I won't have the party.

     It has nothing to do with New Jersey. All of you here are making this about Jersey.
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