Are Weddings a Spectator Sport?

cat1121 · August 2010

I'm reading the boards, watching too much wedding TV (not feeling well) and revising my guest list and I'm wondering.... How many people actually care about the commitment that the couple is pledging?

Between the comments from the cnn article about cash bars and some of the threads about invitees...it doesn't actually seem like a lot of people like to be a guest at weddings....that they go for more than a party....that they actually care about the ceremony....The show Four Weddings seemed awful to me at first, but isn't it just a reflection as to where we are a society? Whose got what, how did they look, etc?

Is it just me? As I'm thinking about adding a few to my own invitation list, I'm looking at my motivation behind it. Do I actually like that person? Or do I feel obligated? Are they are person who would support my marriage? I've had people automatically assume they were invited and now my wedding is feeling bigger than I want it out of obligation.

Is this pre wedding funk?

squirrly · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_weddings-spectator-sport?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4b8a1cfc-d09c-4ba3-bf8b-d90209d19a5bPost:a40ec10a-edf3-4d10-aa05-b0f00c6a3013">Are Weddings a Spectator Sport?</a>:
[QUOTE]Is this pre wedding funk?
Posted by cat1121[/QUOTE]

Yes. You're over-thinking it. You can't get inside people's heads and sort out what their motivation is. Some will really enjoy the ceremony. Some will really enjoy the reception. Some won't care, but love you enough to want to be where you want them. In the end, invite the people who YOU and your FI want to see on your wedding day. Then make the wedding enjoyable for ALL of you.

FutureMrsTR · August 2010

All our best man's parents can talk about is how drunk they're going to try to get FI's parents. Really? That's why you're coming to our wedding? Awesome.

I think sometimes people (including some brides and grooms!) do forget what the day is really about, but as long as you and your FI remember you'll be ok

temerityjane · August 2010

I think that being involved in wedding planning - which skrillions of people are - makes it seem bigger than it is.

I worry sometimes about my wedding not being unique enough or not being special enough or having some of the things that people here claim are "overdone," and then I realize that normal people don't spend day in and day out thinking about weddings, and normal people don't go to a wedding every weekend or even every month, and if you have a candy buffet or something, none of your guests are going to come up and tell you how many other weddings they went to with the same thing. Most will be seeing it for the first time.

As for wedding TV, it's big for the same reason that other reality TV is. Either it's people spending a shit-ton of money (like the same reason people watch Cribs or whatever) or it's people going absolutely off the rails.

I mean, can't the same thing be said about cakes and cupcakes right now, about them being spectator sports? It's just reality TV and it's trendy right now. It just looks like more than it is because you're involved in it to your eyeballs right now.

mysticl · August 2010

Turn off WE and TLC. Anything that ends up on a reality show isn't real. Certain things have been staged, sometimes scripted, and definately edited for your viewing pleasure. Every wedding I have gone to as an adult I have gone to because I cared about the bride and/or groom and was truly happy for them.

Remeber on 4 weddings those brides are not friends they didn't know each other before the show, they were "hired" to do a job. The cattier they act the better tv it makes.

ohwhynot · August 2010

Weddings are many things, and frankly celebrating/supporting the marriage of the bride and groom is only one part of it. Weddings are also often family reunions (in our case, a high school/college reunion), parties, a night dancing, date night for couples with kids, a chance to show off your partner and/or kids . . . you get the idea.

M&R7111 · August 2010

I am starting to feel this way.

My whole focus is really on my FI and I getting married and to have family and friends celebrate party-style afterwards. For this reason, I am trying to plan something simple and fun. All I care about is a simple, short ceremony, music, food, and, of course OPEN BAR with shuttle to take people back

I am struggling because I didn't pick colors, BM dresses (I just told them to show up in a little black dress), I don't want to fuss over wedding favors and centerpieces...but, and I know I should just ignore them, in-laws are making a huge fuss over the little things.

I made very simple decisions over the "fluff" parts of the wedding to save on stress and keep what is important about that day paramount. But all I keep hearing is "you can't do that, you have to pick a color, you need to have BMs in dresses, you can't do black ... you have to ...you can't." What they don't understand is that I can make those decisions, and they have no impact on the fact that I'm marrying their son.

Sheesh!

[Deleted User] · August 2010

I'd stop watching wedding TV, they suck the life and soul out of weddings because most shows are about spoiled brides.

Personally, I enjoy watching the couple get married and start their life together. Receptions are usually boring because I don't drink or dance and neither does H, so we don't stay long. I'd rather just go to the ceremony (unless it's a family member and I can spend time with relatives I rarely see, if I don't know anyone then I get bored).

But the more your guests enjoy themselves, the happier you'll be at the wedding/reception. So yes, you do have to plan for them, as well as yourselves.

M&R7111 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_weddings-spectator-sport?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4b8a1cfc-d09c-4ba3-bf8b-d90209d19a5bPost:b797130b-f7c9-48ac-9028-c529120969fc">Re: Are Weddings a Spectator Sport?</a>:
[QUOTE]Turn off WE and TLC. Anything that ends up on a reality show isn't real. <strong>Certain things have been staged, sometimes scripted, and definately edited for your viewing pleasure. </strong>Every wedding I have gone to as an adult I have gone to because I cared about the bride and/or groom and was truly happy for them. Remeber on 4 weddings those brides are not friends they didn't know each other before the show, they were "hired" to do a job. The cattier they act the better tv it makes.
Posted by mysticl[/QUOTE]

I agree - I am very sure that if a well-balanced bride tried to get onto those shows, they would never make it. These shows are not meant to be informative, nor are they documentaries - they are entertainment to women. And what is more entertaining than drama??

I just feel that these shows promote drama - they promote brides to go off the deep end and make it "ok" to treat guests and attendants AND the groom like crap on the notion that this is "their" day. Then again, I guess you deserve the drama if you are going to let a show impact you like that.

Calypso1977 · August 2010

you are not crazy.
too much emphasis is placed on teh reception. way too much.
a couple with a $500 receptoin budget can celebrate and be happy just as much as a couple with a $50000 reception budget.

there used to be a saying that money cant buy happiness.

TNMurray · August 2010

I made a similiar post on my month board after reading the same somments you did.

M&R7111 · August 2010

Yeah, TN, I saw that! I was going to reply, but didn't feel like repeating myself.

tldh · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_weddings-spectator-sport?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4b8a1cfc-d09c-4ba3-bf8b-d90209d19a5bPost:b797130b-f7c9-48ac-9028-c529120969fc">Re: Are Weddings a Spectator Sport?</a>:
[QUOTE]Turn off WE and TLC. Anything that ends up on a reality show isn't real. Certain things have been staged, sometimes scripted, and definately edited for your viewing pleasure. Every wedding I have gone to as an adult I have gone to because I cared about the bride and/or groom and was truly happy for them. Remeber on 4 weddings those brides are not friends they didn't know each other before the show, they were "hired" to do a job. The cattier they act the better tv it makes.
Posted by mysticl[/QUOTE]

Agreed. I said on post a few days ago that if anyone ever asks you to be on a reality show you should be insulted. They tend to go for the biitchy, low class girls - and the shows prove that class has nothing to do with money.

deb84 · August 2010

I have such strong feelings about this that I did everything I could to keep our wedding invite list to only our immediate familiy and close friends. We are inviting 55 people to our wedding. The dinner and dance (reception) to follow we have 350 invited to. It's what most people really care about so that's all I am invitig them to. Our wedding is going to be in a close family friend's backyard so space is an issue (I planned it that way!) and I am SO excited that the wedding will be small and intimate. Then I am excited to party with all our other family and friends. For us it is a perfect situation.

wadingmoose · August 2010

I'm such a sap. I still cry at wedding ceremonies - even when I think the couple is...poorly matched.

Herbert wanted to keep our wedding small because he said he only wanted to share it with those he's actually close to. I think that made it a bit more meaningful, even if it was a bit silly and ridiculous in the end. Mainly because we expect huge, all out affairs, we don't know what to expect with a small wedding.

But, yes, in some ways I agree with you. The emphasis is placed on the party rather than the commitment that two people just made to each other.

stephdonjon · August 2010

I agree that media portrayals of wedding are way off-kilter, and shows like "Say Yes to the Dress," while a guilty pleasure, make me sick inside.

But I don't think everyone has the self-obsessed view when it comes to weddings. I for one, love weddings. I love th fluttery emotional feeling I get watching two people profess their love for each other. It's one of the few times I'll cry around other people.

Are Weddings a Spectator Sport?

Re: Are Weddings a Spectator Sport?

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