I need advice

kstirton · September 2012

I'm going to try and make the long story short. Basically, its 23 days before the wedding and stress is kind of setting in. Fiancee's family is coming in from Texas and wants to do something special for DF. Since they are coming in Friday (rehearsal night) they have decided to get together and go to shooting range Saturday (the morning of the wedding) as a sort of "bachelor" party ... at first they wanted to go golfing and I wasn't okay w/ that. Now that DF is planning this party ... that seems to be all he's talking about and quite frankly it's pissing me off. It's the day of the wedding and it seemsl ike that's all he's worried about. I understand that he's excited to be w/ his brothers and dad that he doesn't see very often, but it seems to be overtaking the day. Last night I had to suggest moving pictures up 1/2 an hour to 2 instead of 2:30 b/c we don't want to still be taking pictures when the guests start arriving at 4pm - and he flipped out, then ended up saying "Do you just want me to cancel this too!?" I don't really understand what's going on w/ him.

kstirton · September 2012

Your rude. And yes - an hour for the groomsmen, and an hour for the bridesmaids. We are trying to get as many pictures done as possible before the ceremony without seeing each other. Maybe an hours too much - I don't know - you can offer advice on that instead of being a sarcastic b*tch

KatWAG · September 2012

2 hours is way too much time for pictures. in 2 hours we did a first look, bridal party, family, and went to 2 different locationsto take even more pictures. With plenty of time to spare.

Chill out and let your Fi go shooting with his family.

cwaggoner07 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_i-need-advice-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e20c4c31-0069-45a5-bb7d-eee6b9d1a8e0Post:70a04280-e76e-4f7f-b9db-a2e80c5089f0">Re: I need advice</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I need advice : My rude what?
Posted by LingerLonger1[/QUOTE]

Thank you, Linger.

FI's entire family is from Kansas, Arkansas, and California, and our wedding was in Texas. It's a tradition in his circle of friends and family that the guys do a golf scramble/tournament that morning. My guy cousins and guy friends even ended up joining.
It was totally not a big deal. We worked it into our schedule, and it went off without a hitch. If the girls are going to spend hours and hours getting ready, why can't the guys do something together, too?

And yeah, two hours is a LOT of time for pictures. Probably more than you will need.

MoonlightSilver · September 2012

While you'll be getting your hair and makeup done, he'll be sitting around doing nothing if he doesn't go to the shooting range. Let him go. He hasn't seen his family in a while, it sounds like. Don't ruin his wedding day because you are jealous of how excited he is to see his brothers and dad.

That said, he shouldn't flip out over discussions about the wedding day timeline. Calmly stating that he doesn't want you to move the pictures because he'll be at the shooting range still would be much better.

Kdancy0805 · September 2012

HI! I dont know how large your wedding party is but we have 6BM and 4GM. We are doing all of our pictures before the wedding including "first look" and it's only supposed to take an hour and 45 minutes. So I think without you and the Groom seeing eachother before the ceremony you will be fine without moving your time.

Avion22 · September 2012

Learn to compromise NOW :-). It will pay dividends once you're married. Agree together on a time and location for him and the groomsmen to be ready for pictures. As long as he makes it to that location a) safely, b) ready, and c) sober, then what he does before that time is up to him.

samantha24p · September 2012

Let your FI go shooting or golfing with his family beforehand. It'll make him happy. Not to mention it shouldn't take the guys as long to get ready as the girls. I know that you are stressed but you will have plenty of time for pictures and it'll only add to being the best day of your lives. Just think he can start the day off with them having some fun and end it with you the love of his life. That being said it might be cool to get the photographer to get some shots of the boys spending time together before the wedding. Maybe get a good pic of him and his Dad?

kstirton · September 2012

Thank you guys! Great advice, and thank you for bringing me down a notch on the stress factor!!

I'm going to go ahead and keep the picture time at 2:30pm. We would probably do fine w/ starting at 3pm but I think if 2:30pm is said it gives everyone a little room to be late

Can't help that I'm a planner!

Avion22 · September 2012

We started pics at 4:00 for a 5:30 wedding...me and the bridesmaids, then him and the groomsmen separately ( while the girls drank champagne). We didn't do a first look. The timing worked out great. Your timing sounds good to me.

StephBeanWed61502 · September 2012

If you are planning to take pics separately anyway, why not just start with you and the bridesmaids at 2 and have FI and the groomsmen take their pictures at 3? The photographer isn't going to be running back and forth between the two of you for 2 hours, he's going to do all of the pics with one of you first, then switch to the other anyway. This way, you still get your early start time and FI doesn't have to cut his time with his family short.

zitiqueen · September 2012

Why weren't you okay with them going golfing?

beardo1111 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_i-need-advice-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e20c4c31-0069-45a5-bb7d-eee6b9d1a8e0Post:94032618-e67d-4149-9f5d-96fe5ea83a5f">I need advice</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm going to try and make the long story short. Basically, its 23 days before the wedding and stress is kind of setting in. Fiancee's family is coming in from Texas and wants to do something special for DF. Since they are coming in Friday (rehearsal night) they have decided to get together and go to shooting range Saturday (the morning of the wedding) as a sort of "bachelor" party ... <strong>at first they wanted to go golfing and I wasn't okay w/ that.</strong> Now that DF is planning this party ... that seems to be all he's talking about and quite frankly it's pissing me off. It's the day of the wedding and it seemsl ike that's all he's worried about. I understand that he's excited to be w/ his brothers and dad that he doesn't see very often, but it seems to be overtaking the day. Last night I had to suggest moving pictures up 1/2 an hour to 2 instead of 2:30 b/c we don't want to still be taking pictures when the guests start arriving at 4pm - and he flipped out, then ended up saying "Do you just want me to cancel this too!?" I don't really understand what's going on w/ him.
Posted by kstirton[/QUOTE]

Um....why no golf?? It's not like they were going to a brothel the morning of the wedding. Maybe it's just the stress but you're coming off as extremely controlling in your post....

KellyBrian2013 · September 2012

In Response to Re:I need advice:[QUOTE]Why weren't you okay with them going golfing? Posted by zitiqueen[/QUOTE]
I'm curious about this too. It's quite common in our circle for the groom to do a round of golf prior to the ceremony. DH didn't, but he also doesn't enjoy golfing. He and his GM got together, had lunch, had some beers, and watched some tv before heading to our venue. FWIW we did as many pics as possible prior to the ceremony without seeing one another. I did all of the BM, my mom and stepdad, my dad and stepmom, my aunts and uncles from both sides, my grandparents, my cousins, various combos off all of those, AND all of my individual photos in about 45 minutes. We started at 3:30ish with getting ready photos, then went outside and I was back in the bridal suite well before 4:30 when DH showed up. He was done with photos and sitting at the bar when our guests started arriving a little before 6.

mandi195 · September 2012

I'm disgusted seeing all of this "LET him go." Is he not his own person? Can he not do as he pleases? I get so frustrated when I hear people say they will "LET" their S/O do something... they aren't property, nor do they need your permission... Example, I don't "let" my FI do anything, he does as he chooses to do, though he is considerate and often asks if I would mind, or if I had something else planned, etc... which is when I tell him to go do xyz, as I don't mind.

courtski2004 · September 2012

I agree with PP's. Do the bridesmaids pics first, then the groomsmen and combined WP pics after. If you are using an experienced photog, they should know how to get people moving and through the pre-ceremony pics with time to spare, regardless of how much time you have alotted. As long as everyone is on task and not dilly dallying, it will not take as long as you think. Our first look is what took the longest and was only about 15 minutes. I say let him go golfing, shooting or whatever he wants to do with HIS family and then show up to do the pictures.

mcda04 · September 2012

Men don’t need the entire morning to get ready like we do. They still have time to have drinks and mingle before the ceremony begins. I think you’re out line pulling him from his day activities with his family for pictures that by the way don’t take two hours. Breathe, Stretch, Shake, Let it go.

SJM7538 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_i-need-advice-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e20c4c31-0069-45a5-bb7d-eee6b9d1a8e0Post:6c2870e5-f73f-49ed-87ce-154601e6728a">Re: I need advice</a>:
[QUOTE]Why weren't you okay with them going golfing?
Posted by zitiqueen[/QUOTE]

I can probably shed some light on this. My fiance is a golfer. Golfing involves drinking. Rarely does he come home from the golf course 100% sober. Drink during the first nine holes, stop at the clubhouse for few, then golf the last nine holes.

I'm going to agree with her on this one, I wouldn't be okay with the golfing the morning of. WIth that said, lay off a little and let your husband to be have his fun in the morning with his family. As long as he shows up on time, sober and excited you're fine.

GoodLuckBear14 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_i-need-advice-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e20c4c31-0069-45a5-bb7d-eee6b9d1a8e0Post:1ee712de-30d9-4b06-a24b-f7f740a02a5f">Re: I need advice</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I need advice : I can probably shed some light on this. My fiance is a golfer. Golfing involves drinking. Rarely does he come home from the golf course 100% sober. Drink during the first nine holes, stop at the clubhouse for few, then golf the last nine holes. I'm going to agree with her on this one, I wouldn't be okay with the golfing the morning of. WIth that said, lay off a little and let your husband to be have his fun in the morning with his family. As long as he shows up on time, sober and excited you're fine.
Posted by SJM7538[/QUOTE]

DH also golfs and he's never come home less than 100% sober. He still talks about his sister insisting that he, their brother and their dad take her then FI out for 18 holes the day of the wedding so that he wouldn't be in the way and could relax.

sonya+adam · September 2012

I'd really like to know why you're opposed to golfing as well.

Why are you not okay with him being excited about hanging out with his family? If they live in another state, he's obviously going to be very excited to see them. He should absolutely spend time with them on his own. He may be talking about how excited he is about this outing, but you shouldn't be angry or jealous that he isn't talking about the wedding more than seeing his family. He has probably been hearing and talking about the wedding so much during the engagement, and he's a guy; it's totally understandable that he's talking about going to the shooting range. This does NOT mean that he isn't going to be excited to marry you, or that the shooting outing is going to overshadow the wedding. Get over it, and over yourself. You will have enough time for your pictures, and everything will be okay. Going to a shooting range is not the end of the world. Breathe.

SJM7538 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_i-need-advice-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e20c4c31-0069-45a5-bb7d-eee6b9d1a8e0Post:e9d2913f-2554-489b-bb75-49d50705e358">Re: I need advice</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I need advice : <strong>DH also golfs and he's never come home less than 100% sober</strong>. He still talks about his sister insisting that he, their brother and their dad take her then FI out for 18 holes the day of the wedding so that he wouldn't be in the way and could relax.
Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

I guess it just depends on the guy. If your man go can go out and golf and relax and come home fine more power to him! Mine just can't :)

Either way, I agree with everyone else that freaking out about activities the morning of is a bit much.

KellyBrian2013 · September 2012

In Response to Re:I need advice:[QUOTE]I can probably shed some light on this. My fiance is a golfer. Golfing involves drinking. Rarely does he come home from the golf course 100 sober. Drink during the first nine holes, stop at the clubhouse for few, then golf the last nine holes. I'm going to agree with her on this one, I wouldn't be okay with the golfing the morning of. WIth that said, lay off a little and let your husband to be have his fun in the morning with his family. As long as he shows up on time, sober and excited you're fine. Posted by SJM7538[/QUOTE]

My FI doesn't golf and still imbibed several beers prior to our wedding ceremony, both at home and at the venue. Preventing her FI from going golfing does not prevent him from drinking. And more importantly if you cannot trust your fiance to stay sober for your WEDDING to the point of banning him from doing things, perhaps you shouldn't be getting married.

SJM7538 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_i-need-advice-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e20c4c31-0069-45a5-bb7d-eee6b9d1a8e0Post:d956cb35-8c30-4e8c-8ecc-df6f76e22dc0">Re:I need advice</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:I need advice: My FI doesn't golf and still imbibed several beers prior to our wedding ceremony, both at home and at the venue. Preventing her FI from going golfing does not prevent him from drinking. And more importantly if you cannot trust your fiance to stay sober for your WEDDING to the point of banning him from doing things, perhaps you shouldn't be getting married.
Posted by KellyBrian2013[/QUOTE]

WOW! I never said I couldn't prevent my fiance from getting drunk. All I meant was that he had a tendency to drink when he golfs. And when you're golfing with the boys its easy to put back a few more than you should. And I never said I banned him from golfing or would ban him. I just said I wouldn't be okay with it - I was trying to let her know she wasn't the only one that felt that way about the golf thing.

In fact, he agreed with me that golfing the morning of probably wasn't the best idea. But thanks for the relationship advice.

KellyBrian2013 · September 2012

In Response to Re:I need advice:[QUOTE]You don't find this concerning? I find that concerning. Posted by LingerLonger1[/QUOTE]

As do I. And given the defensive reply to my suggestion that being unable to trust your FH not to get plastered on the morning of the wedding being a bad sign, I'm thinking its REALLY a cause for concern.

RegallyBlonde · September 2012

I don't know what my FI is going to do the morning of the wedding, both his groomsmen are big drinkers and I wouldn't put it past them be get wasted before the ceremony, but I trust my FI to know when he has had enough.

I have to say though, I think it would be totally awesome if your photographer could go along with your FI and his fmaily to get shots of him at the shooting range, your FI sounds super excited for this, imagine the photos of your FI relaxed and happy and doing something he wants to do. I think this sounds like an awesome idea and would make for some great 'action' photos, it would certainly be different to your usual getting ready shots.

kstirton · September 2012

The problem w/ Golf, is that this is going to be his "bachelor party" It's the only time that all of his brothers and friends can all get together in one place, and it was either the night of (after) the rehearsal, or the day of the wedding. The problem w/ Golf, is that there would be about 12 guys there, and there would absolutely NOT be enough time to be ready and make it to the ceremony on time. Not only that but you are usually sore and worn out after golf. At least I know that my Fiance is... and while I trust him and his drinking I don't trust the other 5 in the wedding party and I'd like to not see a hot mess walking down the isle, I think that's pretty understandable. And like you Miss I have my panties in a wad for the word "LET" which by the way, is not mentioned in one of my SINGLE posts retarded dragon stapler remover person, he wants me to feel comfortable and agreed upon what we do in our time away from each other, exact same concept. So the gun shooting was a perfect medium. We've got everything sorted out and absolutely nothing changed, I was just getting concerned b/c my catering manager said people started showing up up to an hour early, and I had only planned for 30 minutes early. So anyway - thanks for all the input! I do think it'd be a great idea to take professional pics of them, but they will be done shooting around noon, and we've got our photographer from 2-10pm.

samantha24p · September 2012

Ohh.......

KellyBrian2013 · September 2012

In Response to Re:I need advice:[QUOTE]The problem w/ Golf, is that this is going to be his "bachelor party" It's the only time that all of his brothers and friends can all get together in one place, and it was either the night of after the rehearsal, or the day of the wedding. The problem w/ Golf, is that there would be about 12 guys there, and there would absolutely NOT be enough time to be ready and make it to the ceremony on time. Not only that but you are usually sore and worn out after golf. At least I know that my Fiance is... and while I trust him and his drinking I don't trust the other 5 in the wedding party and I'd like to not see a hot mess walking down the isle, I think that's pretty understandable. And like you Miss I have my panties in a wad for the word "LET" which by the way, is not mentioned in one of my SINGLE posts retarded dragon stapler remover person, he wants me to feel comfortable and agreed upon what we do in our time away from each other, exact same concept. So the gun shooting was a perfect medium. We've got everything sorted out and absolutely nothing changed, I was just getting concerned b/c mynbsp;catering manager said people started showing up up to an hour early, and I had only planned for 30 minutes early. So anyway thanks for all the input! I do think it'd be a great idea to take professional pics of them, but they will be done shooting around noon, and we've got our photographer from 210pm. : Posted by kstirton[/QUOTE]

Are your FI and his family experienced gun handlers? Shooting guns, especially for a few hours at a time can be exhausting both physically and mentally, especially if you're being safe. Not to mention the bruising and other injuries which are EASILY possible from a misfire, an unexpected kick or recoil, etc. As for your "panties in a wad..." comment, your use of the word "retarded" is COMPLETELY unacceptable and you have been reported for it. Adults who are mature enough to get married are mature enough to address strangers in a respectful manner and recognize that such hateful speech is not only derogatory, but completely inapproriate. You've lost any and all respect I could have ever had for you and I'm honestly surprised your FI hasn't left such a controlling and immature person.

eesh33 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_i-need-advice-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e20c4c31-0069-45a5-bb7d-eee6b9d1a8e0Post:b3a3811f-e7da-4638-a7b7-3847a7ea5493">Re: I need advice</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to I need advice : You need to chill the f**k out. You really NEED 2 hours of pictures?
Posted by LingerLonger1[/QUOTE]

Ok..everyone on this site knows what it feels like to be stressed! No need to pound all over her! If she's like me, YES she will need plenty of time for pictures! With flower girl and ring bearer running around and trying to get their pictures and all family members, ITS GONNA BE HECTIC!

KellyBrian2013 · September 2012

In Response to Re:I need advice:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I need advice:In Response to I need advice : You need to chill the fk out.nbsp; You really NEED 2 hours of pictures?Posted by LingerLonger1Ok..everyone on this site knows what it feels like to be stressed! No need to pound all over her! If she's like me, YES she will need plenty of time for pictures! With flower girl and ring bearer running around and trying to get their pictures and all family members,nbsp;ITS GONNA BE HECTIC! Posted by eesh33[/QUOTE]

We did ALL of the photos, except for bride and groom together, in under an hour and a half. That's 9 people on my dad's side: dad, stepmom, 1 cousin, 2 aunts, 2 uncles, and 2 SOs... 12 people on my mom's side: mom, stepdad, 2 cousins, brother, maternal grandparents, stepgrandma, 2 aunts, and 2 uncles... all of my 5 BMs individually and together... all of my individual photos... DH's mom, dad, 2 brothers, 1 sister, 1 sister in law, grandpa, grandma, 1 year old nephew who was the ringbearer, 5 GM, and 2 ushers and various combinations of all of those. So, what is that? Combinations involving 37 people, plus the bride and groom, including a VERY cranky one year old. And we were done in WELL under 2 hours. Including our combined photos during the cocktail hour, we were still under 3 hours total.

PrimRoseMama · September 2012

Dude, have a glass of champagne and chill the f00k out. Let your husband be excited to see his family. Everything will work out. You need 2 hours for all the pictures you'd ever want. Seriously, I don't say it often, but I feel bad for your fiance if you are being a monumental btch before the ring is even on your finger or the ink is dry. If you keep this up your FI will be seeking an annulment before your honeymoon is over. Either that or you will go mysteriously missing at sea...

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