I need a pep talk

Beachy730 · December 2010

And as Stacks said, I don't want to sound preachy at all, or like I have it all together. I have credit card debt, and for the great teaching job I used to have I should have had a great savings account. But instead I liked to shop like crazy and buy new cars and live an enjoyable life before I met H. He is definitely better with money than I am, and he has taught me the error of my ways and is getting me back on track. This actually ties into Snippy's thread as well because without me working full time or making great money it has made me more aware of what I'm spending, and out of respect for H I'm not out clothes shopping every week anymore or wasting money on coffee and lunches out. But it took a while for me to get to this point, and I fully admit there are times when I hate it.

Stackeye210 · December 2010

Kiki - are you sure that you aren't getting bitter towards him as the option of this foreclosure gets closer? Since this is technically his mistake with the property and now you're left to help deal with it and have it on your credit as well? Sometimes you can be so angry with someone deep down and not even realize why. Maybe the TTC was just a distraction from all the unhappy thoughts of bills and debt and mortgages.

georgia_bride09 · December 2010

I don't have any advice, as I'm not a good advice-giver, but I will send you virtual hugs and Care Bear Stares up to Denver.

emilyinchile · December 2010

Oh Kiki, your H sounds like my H in some ways then. I'm in charge of our money and bills and everything, and sometimes it's hard to talk about his spending without him feeling like I'm yelling at him/me feeling like he's not cooperating. I would try making an Excel or something with all your monthly income and expenses, including how much you want to pay each month into savings and toward your debt, and sitting down and asking for his opinion on a potential plan so that he feels like it's a joint project and not just you telling him what to do. Maybe if he sees the supermarket costs written out like that, he'll agree that it might be better to plan menus around less expensive items.

doctabroccoli · December 2010

That sucks about your mortgage. What made you decide not to stick it out for a few more years?

kikibaby · December 2010

Don't worry, nobody sounds preachy at. all! Promise.

Stacks, the whole foreclosure thing was really my idea. So, yes, I'm upset that this is his mess that I have to help clean up, but... the credit card debt is a much bigger deal right now.

Thanks, georgia

annakb8 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-pep-talk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:85bd047c-8190-4b8a-8113-23445d72427aPost:fde085c6-8065-43a3-8fe9-7e42d3f3b16c">Re: I need a pep talk</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I need a pep talk : I grew up right outside Jacksonville - it's the greatest place ever =) H has an IT summit there in March, I'm hoping he falls in love with it even more to move there eventually (like after we have kids - MS schools aren't very good). You should totally move there =)
Posted by LDYGTR13[/QUOTE]

I'm lucky that FI already likes Jacksonville too. He actually lived there a few summers ago while studying for the bar and he has lots of friends there. I also want to move before kids, DC school are either horrible or horribly expensive. My second choice is Tallahassee.

kikibaby · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-pep-talk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:85bd047c-8190-4b8a-8113-23445d72427aPost:f0290023-c367-4ecd-b187-3f65a9fa0737">Re: I need a pep talk</a>:
[QUOTE]That sucks about your mortgage. What made you decide not to stick it out for a few more years?
Posted by doctabroccoli[/QUOTE]

It's a long story that I've talked about here before, but, in short form: H bought the townhouse 7 years ago when he was single at the highest price it's ever been; the neighborhood has gotten really bad, we're surrounded by rentals/bad neighbors, cars get broken into, stuff stolen, etc etc. We've been 'sticking it out' for the past 3 years. We are miserable there.

kikibaby · December 2010

K, I have to go to lunch, but I'll check back in when I get back.

doctabroccoli · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-pep-talk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:85bd047c-8190-4b8a-8113-23445d72427aPost:802db527-2847-4fe4-a95a-e26f8c50a8a9">Re: I need a pep talk</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I need a pep talk : It's a long story that I've talked about here before, but, in short form: H bought the townhouse 7 years ago when he was single at the highest price it's ever been; the neighborhood has gotten really bad, we're surrounded by rentals/bad neighbors, cars get broken into, stuff stolen, etc etc. We've been 'sticking it out' for the past 3 years. We are miserable there.
Posted by kikibaby[/QUOTE]

Wow, 7 years ago? That was even before the real estate bubble really hit. Have you thought about renting the place? Or do other places rent for significantly less than your mortgage payment?

kikibaby · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-pep-talk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:85bd047c-8190-4b8a-8113-23445d72427aPost:260a07ef-626b-4ee8-b97a-3f00fd2c7b76">Re: I need a pep talk</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I need a pep talk : Wow, 7 years ago? That was even before the real estate bubble really hit. Have you thought about renting the place? Or do other places rent for significantly less than your mortgage payment?
Posted by doctabroccoli[/QUOTE]

Yeah, our neighbors places rent for about $3-400 less than our mortgage. Plus, our HOA fees are over $100/month. And to top it off, our HOA only allows a certain % of units to be rented out, and they're already at the max.

salt78 · December 2010

I don't think you can ever be 100% financially prepared to have a baby. Unless you are like Paris Hilton or something. Not that I'm suggesting that she should have a baby because she really shouldn't.

mica178 · December 2010

My mother didn't have her first child until she was 34, and most women I know now wait until their mid-thirties. I think you can take another year or two to figure out your finances and living situation before TTC and be fine.

As for the wanting to move part, I don't know what to say other than my situation is the reverse of yours. My H wants us to move, and I don't. And everywhere he wants to move costs less than where we live, so his argument always trumps mine. But my family is here, and I just think our overall quality of life is better here than it'd be in most places. H has no idea how good he has it with all of the nice non-chain restaurants nearby, convenient stores nearby, etc. When we visit his family, we're only there for a few days, so it's okay that there aren't many restaurants in town or that everything requires tons of driving. But, I married him, so I realize that I don't get to do things just because I want to do them, we have to make joint decisions. Sigh.

doctabroccoli · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-pep-talk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:85bd047c-8190-4b8a-8113-23445d72427aPost:d95fb2b5-8c61-4132-a01d-e9cd9fbb3dfb">Re: I need a pep talk</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I need a pep talk : Yeah, our neighbors places rent for about $3-400 less than our mortgage. Plus, our HOA fees are over $100/month. And to top it off, our HOA only allows a certain % of units to be rented out, and they're already at the max.
Posted by kikibaby[/QUOTE]

Eesh, yeah, that sucks a whole lot :(. I'm sorry!

LDYGTR13 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-pep-talk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:85bd047c-8190-4b8a-8113-23445d72427aPost:f7ce68ec-eea8-4673-820d-8b4bf11b6797">Re: I need a pep talk</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I need a pep talk : I lived in Jacksonville for a couple of years- Mandarin, specifically. :)
Posted by kikibaby[/QUOTE]

My best friend lives in Mandarin - but we all grew up in Ponte Vedra. My whole family was born in Jax, it's so weird that everyone has moved away since my grandmother moved away. I literally haven't been since 2008 - that makes me sad.

LDYGTR13 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-pep-talk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:85bd047c-8190-4b8a-8113-23445d72427aPost:29493fa2-2683-4fd9-a3ee-7085fe17e59e">Re: I need a pep talk</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I need a pep talk : I'm lucky that FI already likes Jacksonville too. He actually lived there a few summers ago while studying for the bar and he has lots of friends there. I also want to move before kids, DC school are either horrible or horribly expensive. <strong>My second choice is Tallahassee.</strong>
Posted by annakb8[/QUOTE]

Tallahassee will NEVER be a choice for me lol. I had a friend have her car DESTROYED after a FL/FSU game. She had FL stuff on her car and some a-holes just decided to screw it up because FSU lost. It was stupid. Put a bad taste in my mouth. Plus, I just can't handle that much garnet and gold lol.

Is it sad that I would totally say "screw you" to a city because I hate their team? It probably is lol.

LDYGTR13 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-pep-talk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:85bd047c-8190-4b8a-8113-23445d72427aPost:d95fb2b5-8c61-4132-a01d-e9cd9fbb3dfb">Re: I need a pep talk</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I need a pep talk : Yeah, our neighbors places rent for about $3-400 less than our mortgage. Plus, our HOA fees are over $100/month. And to top it off, our HOA only allows a certain % of units to be rented out, and they're already at the max.
Posted by kikibaby[/QUOTE]

ack. That blows a big ole stinky one, Kiki. Wouldn't a foreclosure screw up your credit though? H's dad foreclosed on a house like 25 years ago and he says he'll never do it again because it screwed him so many times.

Can you rent out your place under the radar of your HOA? People sublease apartments all the time without letting the office know. Being out an extra 3-400 a month could be worth it if you feel safer/can move somewhere else.

doctabroccoli · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-pep-talk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:85bd047c-8190-4b8a-8113-23445d72427aPost:2aae4bf4-de37-4f6a-a32a-058345c59b1a">Re: I need a pep talk</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I need a pep talk : My best friend lives in Mandarin - but we all grew up in Ponte Vedra. My whole family was born in Jax, it's so weird that everyone has moved away since my grandmother moved away. I literally haven't been since 2008 - that makes me sad.
Posted by LDYGTR13[/QUOTE]

You grew up in Ponte Vedra? Maybe I have seen you at the beach :-D

annakb8 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-pep-talk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:85bd047c-8190-4b8a-8113-23445d72427aPost:9ce23c77-aaf1-4b8c-ac60-41190d834747">Re: I need a pep talk</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I need a pep talk : Tallahassee will NEVER be a choice for me lol. I had a friend have her car DESTROYED after a FL/FSU game. She had FL stuff on her car and some a-holes just decided to screw it up because FSU lost. It was stupid. Put a bad taste in my mouth. Plus, I just can't handle that much garnet and gold lol. Is it sad that I would totally say "screw you" to a city because I hate their team? It probably is lol.
Posted by LDYGTR13[/QUOTE]

I think (hope) that if I don't live close to campus this stuff won't happen. I just like Tally because it probably has the best job prospects for both of us. And it is in the middle of my family in Orlando and his in Pensacola. But yeah...it would be hard to live with so many Seminoles. Especially when they win.

[Deleted User] · December 2010

I know how you feel kiki. We are stuck here in a place that we both hate until H finds a job back home or transfer with the same company. This is the second Christmas in a row where we won't see family or friends until well after Christmas. I get so depressed and then H gets mad at me, even though he gets that way too sometimes.

While I would love to start trying to have kids next year, not only is H not ready, but he has a lot of student loan debt. And the job I have hear doesn't pay crap, I only get minimum wage which was a huge paycut for me compared to what I was making back in Ohio. I am so glad I didn't have any student loans. And it sucks bc I want a house before we have kids, and without being able to save more, it is really hard for me to see the light at the end of the tunnel if you kwim. And I want so bad to go back to school and finish my teaching certificate and Master's degree, but then we will just have more debt. And then I feel like we are getting older each day and by the time we have kids will be so exhausted and worn out, that it will be all the much more difficult to be good parents.

LDYGTR13 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-pep-talk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:85bd047c-8190-4b8a-8113-23445d72427aPost:28dba5d4-b256-47df-8ffc-68eaf6d83365">Re: I need a pep talk</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I need a pep talk : You grew up in Ponte Vedra? Maybe I have seen you at the beach :-D
Posted by doctabroccoli[/QUOTE]

Grew up right on the golf course in Sawgrass. =)

[Deleted User] · December 2010

My co-teacher has a house in Ponte Vedra, she tells me it is really pretty and that is where her and her husband want to retire bc they hate this place as much as my husband and I do.

annakb8 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-pep-talk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:85bd047c-8190-4b8a-8113-23445d72427aPost:da369968-139d-4e0e-8918-0dedd1ddde89">Re: I need a pep talk</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I need a pep talk : Grew up right on the golf course in Sawgrass. =)
Posted by LDYGTR13[/QUOTE]

I bet we know the same people. Weird.

emilyinchile · December 2010

I know everyone wants kids at different ages, and this probably won't make anyone feel better, but my parents were 38 and 47 when I was born, and I think there were certain advantages to that. Definitely certain disadvantages, like less time with them, but I also feel like a lot of the opportunities I had as a kid came from having parents who were more established in their own lives and sure, had more income than they did in their mid-20s. I never remember thinking my parents were boring, tired old farts

doctabroccoli · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-pep-talk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:85bd047c-8190-4b8a-8113-23445d72427aPost:da369968-139d-4e0e-8918-0dedd1ddde89">Re: I need a pep talk</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I need a pep talk : Grew up right on the golf course in Sawgrass. =)
Posted by LDYGTR13[/QUOTE]

Ah. My grandma has had a Ponte Vedra Beach Club membership since before it was expensive to have a Ponte Vedra Beach Club membership :-D. Nowadays it costs so much money to join that all the little kids are SO bratty and entitled.

kikibaby · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-pep-talk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:85bd047c-8190-4b8a-8113-23445d72427aPost:38b9ccc9-8a44-44aa-945c-361ca5f83d8e">Re: I need a pep talk</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I need a pep talk : ack. That blows a big ole stinky one, Kiki. Wouldn't a foreclosure screw up your credit though? H's dad foreclosed on a house like 25 years ago and he says he'll never do it again because it screwed him so many times. Can you rent out your place under the radar of your HOA? People sublease apartments all the time without letting the office know. Being out an extra 3-400 a month could be worth it if you feel safer/can move somewhere else.
Posted by LDYGTR13[/QUOTE]

Yep, it's a huge credit hit. We'll be renters for a few years.

The HOA would definitely find out- it's not a big complex and the president lives nearby. We'd be out more like $500+/month. There's no way we can afford that.

LDYGTR13 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-pep-talk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:85bd047c-8190-4b8a-8113-23445d72427aPost:8850451c-44b6-435c-9e10-28f58c4d6014">Re: I need a pep talk</a>:
[QUOTE]My co-teacher has a house in Ponte Vedra, she tells me it is really pretty and that is where her and her husband want to retire bc they hate this place as much as my husband and I do.
Posted by MissySue20[/QUOTE]

It's gorgeous. Move with her - you won't regret it!

LDYGTR13 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-pep-talk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:85bd047c-8190-4b8a-8113-23445d72427aPost:0267d79f-0981-4044-bdf9-b819a4e196b9">Re: I need a pep talk</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I need a pep talk : Ah. My grandma has had a Ponte Vedra Beach Club membership since before it was expensive to have a Ponte Vedra Beach Club membership :-D. Nowadays it costs so much money to join that all the little kids are SO bratty and entitled.
Posted by doctabroccoli[/QUOTE]

Haha, we weren't club members - not my family's cup o' tea. But I was a nanny for 3 summers for kids who were members - they have some pretty good chicken fingers at the restaurant by the beach!!

LDYGTR13 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-pep-talk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:85bd047c-8190-4b8a-8113-23445d72427aPost:34da0a25-bf90-446c-8963-52d5386e2fbc">Re: I need a pep talk</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I need a pep talk : Yep, it's a huge credit hit. We'll be renters for a few years. The HOA would definitely find out- it's not a big complex and the president lives nearby. We'd be out more like $500+/month. There's no way we can afford that.
Posted by kikibaby[/QUOTE]

I just can't imagine taking that hit. Credit and credit scores are just so important. I think I'd try to sell - even taking a huge hit on the money put into the house. It's so much better than completely screwing everything up. Especially since you're going to TTC eventually. You don't want you kid to have to deal with that either. FIL's dad couldn't even get school loans with a good interest rate for H's sister because of the foreclosure which was, I think, 10 years prior.

kikibaby · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-pep-talk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:85bd047c-8190-4b8a-8113-23445d72427aPost:749fd6f3-a613-463d-9cdf-66d8bb90686b">Re: I need a pep talk</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I need a pep talk : I just can't imagine taking that hit. Credit and credit scores are just so important. I think I'd try to sell - even taking a huge hit on the money put into the house. It's so much better than completely screwing everything up. Especially since you're going to TTC eventually. You don't want you kid to have to deal with that either. FIL's dad couldn't even get school loans with a good interest rate for H's sister because of the foreclosure which was, I think, 10 years prior.
Posted by LDYGTR13[/QUOTE]

I appreciate that advice, but it's something we've already decided on. We've been considering it for almost 2 years, so we have done a lot of research. (As for your FIL's dad, almost anything that impacts your credit only lasts about 7 years- we won't have college-aged children for at least 19).

I need a pep talk

Re: I need a pep talk

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