Don't know why it bothers me...

Re: Don't know why it bothers me...

• Elle1036 member

  

  February 2012

  I got really annoyed when FI's sister announced her engagement.  This was before FI and I were engaged (and also before I understood the value of patient pants) so it was hard to hear.  Plus, she was several years younger than we were, had been dating her FI less time than my FI and I had been together, and we'd seen her break up with FI several times already.  So yeah, I have been in a similar situation.
  
  As her wedding got closer, though, I found myself feeling glad that it was her and not me.  I still have a wedding to look forward to.  Hers is long over now. 
  
  

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• Swazzle member

  

  February 2012

  I can't say I've been in a similar situation but there isn't really much you can do.  I imagine since you say you used to be close AND she's your BF's sister, you do care about her so your feelings are probably coming from a place of concern.  That is super young to get married & especially if their relationship has pretty much always been rocky.  Hopefully she doesn't go through with it if it's that bad. 

  
  
  

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• thejucheidea member

  

  February 2012

  I sobbed when my sister got engaged last year... but it was mostly because I hate the guy with such unbridled passion that the thought of him being in our family is completely and utterly devastating. There's a ten year difference between them (and my sister's only 22), he's a drug dealter, he's been engaged two times before, he's been married once before, he has an eight year old daughter, he doesn't have a job... he's a real winner. They got engaged six months after they met, and they wouldn't have met if she hadn't abducted my dog to take to a music festival. He came back smelling like PBR and American Spirits. We had to give him a damn bath because of that madness.
  
  At first I was also sad because she got engaged so much earlier than me, but now that I'm past that initial 'fuq that guy', I realize that Tyler and I really have it better. We both have (legal) jobs, we own a house, we drive dependable cars (unlike his nasty old Subaru that has to have the key taped into the ignition because if it doesn't stay in there, the entire switch will fall into the steering column), we make relatively good money, we can pay to go on vacations, et cetera. So what if she's engaged -- we have a great relationship and a comfortable life, and that's far more important than impending nuptuals.
  
  Also my ring is prettier than hers. So there.

  
  

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• xweddingbutterflyx

  

  February 2012

  I think part of the problem as well is that she thinks her relationship and her wedding is going to be "so much better" than me and my bfs. I know it shouldn't be a competition but it's really hard to avoid sibling rivalry. 

  
  

  I asked her why she was having such a short engagement ( I do admit...I thought she was pregnant) and with her 18 year old mind she came up with "we don't understand why couples are engaged for like 5 years"... I then explained to her that most couples (especially young ones) need time to find a place and actually plan the wedding itself...but she didn't want to listen. *sigh I just want to be happy for her. I honestly do, but I find myself being judgmental and critical about everything!! 

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• bethsmiles member

  

  February 2012

  I can't say I've ever felt the same. I'll admit twinges of jealousy when I hear of my friends getting engaged but I let that moment pass and I'm truely thrilled for them. My cousin just got engaged a few weeks ago and I'm so excited for her!
  
  Your weddings and relationships really shouldn't be a competition. So what if she thinks her wedding will be better, in her mind it probably will be no matter what because it's the day SHE got married.
  
  Also, I don't think getting married this summer (assuming she got engaged in January) giving them a 6 - 8 month engagement is really all that short. It's plenty of time to plan a wedding.
  
  You need to get over this.

  
  

  
  

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• doubleSS07 member

  

  February 2012

  Well if I'm brutally honest I have felt like that before, actaully I've felt like that 3 different times in the last 2 years.  It's because 3 of my closest friends all got engaged in that time and i'm still NOT engaged.  I was jealous.  I was also very happy for them at the same time...which is a weird feeling.  I love all of their Hubby's and FI's.  After a week or two I got over it and got in to the happy mode of helping to plan with them.  Every now and then the urge for a pity party comes up but I tell myself that my day will come and it won't be when everyone else is getting married too so there!

  
  

  
  

  

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• DanieKA member

  

  February 2012

  I've felt twinges here and there. It's hard when you've been dating someone longer or they are younger than you. It's not pretty, it's probably not healthy to dwell on it, but it can SUCK! Human emotions and all that. They don't always make sense, as much as I wish they would. 

  
  

  I have two things to say to you about this. 

  
  

  1)Yes, this sucks and the guy sounds like a d0uchenozzle and she's younger than you and been dating less time than you and your bf, BUT think about if you'd really want to spend your life with that guy? My guess is probably not. She may get to her wedding day faster than you, but a wedding is just a day. Then she's stuck with her "winner" for a while (sounds like their relationship isn't exactly stable, and it's not 1950, so getting married super young doesn't bode well for her divorce prospects). Whenever I had pangs of jealousy with my friends I always looked at their partners. Most of them are good, nice, solid guys, but not guys I want to be with forever. They may be getting married, but what I (and I suspect you want) is a lasting meaningful relationship. Is that what she's getting? Probably not. So let her have fun on her pretty princess wedding day that will be awesome for her because it's hers. Reality will slap her in the face soon enough and I'd rather have a crap wedding and an awesome life with a solid partner, than the opposite. 

  
  

  2) This is purely superficial, but you can go to the wedding, check out all the things that went right and wrong at hers and make yours better!! Seriously! I know it sounds shallow, but I've been to nearly all my friends wedding now and I've seen the range of events. From ballroom, to beach, from buffet to seated plated dinner, from wedding cake to cupcakes only, from the cold of winter weddings to the so hot you can fry an egg Atlanta in July weddings (WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO US! And OUTDOOR WEDDING IN JULY IN THE SOUTH IS CRIMINAL! Haha!). From bad Dj's to good DJ's, bad food, good food, dancing, awkward no dancing. You'll see.

  
  

  Anyway, my point is that you get to go through the motions of a wedding without actually being the bride and really see what works and what bombs. And something always goes wrong. It really helps give you ideas of what you'd like in the future when it's your turn to plan and what you'd rather avoid. And I'm sure like someone else said, your BF's sister will always think her wedding was better because it was hers, but really, you'll be able to really see first hand how things go and improve on it to your taste. Trust.

  
  

  Bottom line, try not to get too worked up about it. You'll get your wedding eventually when you guys are ready. 20 years from now you won't lok back and say,  "Oh, I wish we'd beat SIL to the altar!" You'll be married and happy and that's what matters. 

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• Peaseblossom55 mod

  

  February 2012 edited February 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_dont-bothers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:b398d9ad-3312-49f7-8bb3-092e8a1eeadePost:def1436c-67d7-47e5-9bd0-b6154c1bb44c">Re: Don't know why it bothers me...</a>:
  [QUOTE]Well if I'm brutally honest I have felt like that before, actaully I've felt like that 3 different times in the last 2 years.  It's because 3 of my closest friends all got engaged in that time and i'm still NOT engaged.  I was jealous.  I was also very happy for them at the same time...which is a weird feeling.  I love all of their Hubby's and FI's.  After a week or two I got over it and got in to the happy mode of helping to plan with them.  Every now and then the urge for a pity party comes up but I tell myself that my day will come and it won't be when everyone else is getting married too so there!
  Posted by doubleSS07[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>I've felt exactly this way double. </div><div>I've had these feeling come up before- twinges of envy, I wouldn't even say jealous because I am 100% happy for them.  My younger sister is getting married later this year and many of my BF's & I friends are too.  It seems most of them are younger than us and have been together a shorter time than us.  </div><div>With now I think 6 weddings to go to this year our time will come some when we can just focus on us getting married.  </div>

  
  

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• jaycee7389

  

  February 2012

  I find it weird to be upset, especially when it isn't for a reason like stillwell's. How can you judge whether they are ready to get engaged/if they are moving too fast? This is directed at a general you.

  5/27/12
  

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