Wedding Etiquette Forum

What is so wrong with having kid free weddings anyhow?

I see this issue come up a lot, where a lot of people wonder how could anyone have a wedding with out children.

But just curious, what is so wrong about having a child free wedding anyhow?

I mean, if you are invited to an evening black tie event, you wouldn't even think about bringing children. So what is it about weddings that people feel kids must be included as well? 

I mean, if people are having an afternoon wedding, then yes children would be more appropriate. 

However, if one was to have a very formal evening wedding beginning at 6pm or later, I dont know why it is wrong that children would not be invited. Especially if the wedding couple doesnt even have any kids in their family, like nieces and nephews.


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Re: What is so wrong with having kid free weddings anyhow?

  • I think nothing is the right answer here.

    Either that or D) Blue Moon.
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  • Most people don't have a problem with it.  However, there are a select few who can't imagine going an evening without junior.
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  • I don't have a problem with kid-free weddings per se.  If your thinking is that it's inappropriate for kids to be at an evening wedding with booze, fine.  If it's a budget issue, fine.

    I do have a problem with the logic behind a lot of kid-free weddings, though.  SO many people, I think, assume that having kids at your wedding means they are going to scream through the ceremony, poop all over your dress, and take all the attention away from the bride, which is why they want to have a kid-free wedding.  And I think that's shiitty.  I've never been to a wedding where kids weren't welcome, and I've never once seen anything bad happen.  Yeah, it's your wedding, exclude kids if you want, it's not rude when handled correctly...I just don't get the logic behind this decision sometimes.

    It also bugs me that nobody ever talks about the benefits of HAVING kids at your wedding.  I am not really a kid person, but having children at our wedding was awesome.  Kids have such enthusiasm and joy, it's really contagious--they were responsible for getting guests up to dance and some of the sweetest moments of the day.   You never hear that side of the story, though--it's all, "kids will cry and ruin the ceremony" and that's it.
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  • I think the issue is, at least in my circles, weddings are family events, and families include kids. Even for a later wedding, there's no way kids aren't going to be invited. But there's nothing really *wrong* with it.
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  • Nothing's wrong with it. Most weddings I attend are kid-free or just a handful of nieces and nephews. I'm not sure I've ever attended a wedding where all the kids were invited, certainly not a formal evening wedding.
  • There is nothing wrong with it, if that's what you want. Plenty of people have kids free weddings.
    I think you might be confusing having a kids-free wedding with the the fact that people have issues with <em>how</em> the bride and groom go about writing it on the invitations, though.


    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wrong-having-kid-weddings-anyhow?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e4deb8b0-5e2c-42cf-a2c3-1b130482754cPost:6d8ab41e-a94a-4052-ac3d-f4dc0ffc2618">Re: What is so wrong with having kid free weddings anyhow?</a>:
    [QUOTE]The parents who can't let go of their precious little children for one night might have a huge isssue with it.
    Posted by Champagne Supernova[/QUOTE]
    This made me giggle.
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  • What is wrong with hitting the post button once and then waiting five seconds instead of repeatedly hitting the post button?
  • I secretly can't wait for the day when someone posts the same thread 4 times. 3 is getting boring.

  • Nothing, if that is your preference, as it is for many people. However, I couldn't have imagined getting married without my nephew there - he even served as a ring holder/deliverer (yes, the real rings). The officiant called his name and asked for him to bring the rings - he took his job very seriously.

    My wedding was very small and our reception was a cake and punch one in my parents' hotel suite (we were married at the Luxor in Vegas), then my parents hosted the guests at dinner.
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  • edited July 2010
    dammit, I clearly posted to the unpopular one of this thread.
  • Haha kathryn sometimes the first one gets the posts... sometimes the middle one... sometimes the last one. It's hard to tell.
  • We are having a "mostly kid free" wedding...just flower girls and ringbearers at the reception. Ours was mainly a bugetery/location issue. If we'd invited all the kids in our families it would have amounted to another 30 people (can't afford that or fit in our reception site).

    We just told our guest with kids ahead of time and none of them care. In fact a lot of them are looking at this as a night date night without the kids. They're excited.

    Its the parents who can't cut the umbilical cord that get mad...and my philosophy is that if they don't like they don't have to come.
  • I haven't been here in a while but I never thought it was the general consensus of this board that one or the other way was the ONLY way. Some people want kid-free weddings, some people invite kids, but it's up to the couple and that's fine.

    We considered our wedding to be a family event so we invited kids. Seeing them scoot across the dance floor was one of my favourite moments of the day.
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  • Nothing- and that is further cemented by my friends wedding where her god son SCREAMED through the whole ceremony, toasts, first dances, ect.  His mom that it was funny and laughed through it.  Terrible  parenting...
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  • salt78salt78 member
    5000 Comments
    edited July 2010
    YOU HATE CHILDREN!?

    No there's nothing wrong with it.
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  • akhensley81akhensley81 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments
    edited July 2010
    OH and to answer the OP's question... I'm not having any kids except for the flower girl. It's not really a "I don't want rug rats to ruin my day" thing as much as it's a "I'm paying for this whole wedding and I had to get slicey with my guest list" thing. If I invited all the children of family members, we would have no budget left for any of our friends to be there.

    But I don't have a strong opinion either way... if you want kids at the wedding, awesome. If you don't, just as awesome. It's a personal preference I think.
  • Kathryn, wanna move your post here? 
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  • Actually I disagree that it's parents who can't cut the umbilical cord that get mad. Yeah, sometimes, maybe. But I can't imagine telling my cousin that has a one year old that she would've had to leave her in Chattanooga to attend the wedding. She has no problem leaving her for a short amount of time, but asking her to find a sitter for an overnight wedding is, IMO, asking a lot.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wrong-having-kid-weddings-anyhow?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e4deb8b0-5e2c-42cf-a2c3-1b130482754cPost:9ef0da67-3cc7-4ccc-884b-1c31cf4bcfdf">Re: What is so wrong with having kid free weddings anyhow?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Its the parents who can't cut the umbilical cord that get mad...and my philosophy is that if they don't like they don't have to come.
    Posted by stacy&tige[/QUOTE]
    You see that a lot with the attachment parenting.
    Especially with breastfeeders who insist on using the actual breast, and won't pump into a bottle to leave with a sitter for the night.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wrong-having-kid-weddings-anyhow?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e4deb8b0-5e2c-42cf-a2c3-1b130482754cPost:32b1c1ef-112e-497e-aad5-955f737f0a82">Re: What is so wrong with having kid free weddings anyhow?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Actually I disagree that it's parents who can't cut the umbilical cord that get mad. Yeah, sometimes, maybe. But I can't imagine telling my cousin that has a one year old that she would've had to leave her in Chattanooga to attend the wedding. She has no problem leaving her for a short amount of time, but asking her to find a sitter for an overnight wedding is, IMO, asking a lot.
    Posted by mwhitson14[/QUOTE]
     I was doing sleepovers since before I was 1 year old with grandparents and family friends. So I have little sympathy for those who can't leave their kid for one night.
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  • I don't think anyone has a problem with it.  I think people have a problem when the bride is all, "My MOH just had a baby and my wedding is kids free, how dare she!"  You can choose to have a kids free wedding and people can choose not to attend.  
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  • Kids give me a rash.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wrong-having-kid-weddings-anyhow?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e4deb8b0-5e2c-42cf-a2c3-1b130482754cPost:64a5ab07-a4c1-4ecd-9f52-037fa7b1394c">Re: What is so wrong with having kid free weddings anyhow?</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>I don't have a problem with kid-free weddings per se.  If your thinking is that it's inappropriate for kids to be at an evening wedding with booze, fine.  If it's a budget issue, fine. I do have a problem with the logic behind a lot of kid-free weddings, though.  SO many people, I think, assume that having kids at your wedding means they are going to scream through the ceremony, poop all over your dress, and take all the attention away from the bride, which is why they want to have a kid-free wedding.  And I think that's shiitty.  I've never been to a wedding where kids weren't welcome, and I've never once seen anything bad happen</strong>.  Yeah, it's your wedding, exclude kids if you want, it's not rude when handled correctly...I just don't get the logic behind this decision sometimes. It also bugs me that nobody ever talks about the benefits of HAVING kids at your wedding.  I am not really a kid person, but having children at our wedding was awesome.  <strong>Kids have such enthusiasm and joy, it's really contagious--they were responsible for getting guests up to dance and some of the sweetest moments of the day.   You never hear that side of the story, though--it's all, "kids will cry and ruin the ceremony" and that's it.</strong>
    Posted by Brie2010[/QUOTE]

    This exactly! Kids are so much fun and they make for some really awesome pics with the WP and everything. I don't think I have ever been to a wedding without kids, come to think of it.

    Another point is that most parents can make that call if they want to bring their kids or not. For example, my H brother's girlfriend has 2 kids from a previous marriage and while they were definitely invited, she opted to get a babysitter for them so <em>they</em> could enjoy the evening.
  • There's nothing wrong with it. But I'm biased. FI and I don't have kids, our siblings don't have kids. The only kids in my extended family belong to people not invited. However, we do have friends with kids and one set of parents do not say NO to their kids. Ever. Even that time when they were swinging toys around our brand new 42" HDTV. I tried to get them to stop. They wouldn't. When I told the mom, "If they scratch my screen you're buying me a new one today," she FINALLY made them settle down. But hearing me say "move away from the TV, put the toys down," etc. for 10 minutes, she did nothing. Saying "no" to a child will not damage them for life!

    So her hellions are my reason for a kid-free wedding. We initially were going to have FI's four younger step-siblings (the oldest is 13, the youngest is 10) in the wedding, but his dad and step-mom opted to leave them with their grandmother so they can have a kid-free evening.
    9.17.2010
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  • edited July 2010
    [QUOTE]Kathryn, wanna move your post here? 
    Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

    Huh, didn't realize you could do that! Unless you meant C/P.

    I didn't get into the advantages/disadvantages of the child-free wedding. I just said that there's nothing with them in themselves, only with the issues about exclusionary wording in the invites. Personally, that's pretty much my only care about going child-free for a wedding: just invite people properly.
  • [QUOTE]Haha kathryn sometimes the first one gets the posts... sometimes the middle one... sometimes the last one. It's hard to tell.
    Posted by akhensley81[/QUOTE]

    If these double post issues keep coming up, I'll certainly have enough practice at guessing <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-tongue-out.gif" border="0" alt="Tongue out" title="Tongue out" />
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wrong-having-kid-weddings-anyhow?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e4deb8b0-5e2c-42cf-a2c3-1b130482754cPost:64a5ab07-a4c1-4ecd-9f52-037fa7b1394c">Re: What is so wrong with having kid free weddings anyhow?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't have a problem with kid-free weddings per se.  If your thinking is that it's inappropriate for kids to be at an evening wedding with booze, fine.  If it's a budget issue, fine. I do have a problem with the logic behind a lot of kid-free weddings, though.  SO many people, I think, assume that having kids at your wedding means they are going to scream through the ceremony, poop all over your dress, and take all the attention away from the bride, which is why they want to have a kid-free wedding.  And I think that's shiitty.  I've never been to a wedding where kids weren't welcome, and I've never once seen anything bad happen.  Yeah, it's your wedding, exclude kids if you want, it's not rude when handled correctly...I just don't get the logic behind this decision sometimes. It also bugs me that nobody ever talks about the benefits of HAVING kids at your wedding.  I am not really a kid person, but having children at our wedding was awesome.  Kids have such enthusiasm and joy, it's really contagious--they were responsible for getting guests up to dance and some of the sweetest moments of the day.   You never hear that side of the story, though--it's all, "kids will cry and ruin the ceremony" and that's it.
    Posted by Brie2010[/QUOTE]

    Completely with you! 


    Other pro-kid thoughts. 

    1 - If you are close enough with someone to invite them to your wedding, you should probably also be interested in getting to know their kids.  I see people post something like, "I invited so and so, but I barely know their kids..."  People's kids are the most important things in the universe to them.  If you like your friends, learn to like (or tolerate) their kids

    2 - If you are inviting people from out of town and not their children it can make it very difficult for them to travel.  Either A) They find someone to watch their kids for a weekend, or B) They have to get a sitter in a city they aren't from... so basically they can hire a stranger. 

    3 - I went to tons of weddings as a kid (with my 3 siblings).  And, shockingly, we were always well behaved. 

    We have invited about 25 children to our wedding. 
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  • LD1970LD1970 member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wrong-having-kid-weddings-anyhow?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e4deb8b0-5e2c-42cf-a2c3-1b130482754cPost:64a5ab07-a4c1-4ecd-9f52-037fa7b1394c">Re: What is so wrong with having kid free weddings anyhow?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I do have a problem with the logic behind a lot of kid-free weddings, though.  SO many people, I think, assume that having kids at your wedding means they are going to scream through the ceremony, poop all over your dress, and take all the attention away from the bride, which is why they want to have a kid-free wedding.  You never hear that side of the story, though--it's all, "kids will cry and ruin the ceremony" and that's it.
    Posted by Brie2010[/QUOTE]
    My desire for a childfree wedding has nothing to do with screaming through the ceremony or stealing attention.  My issue with it is more for the dancing.  I hate, hate HATE it when I'm at a wedding with kids because they take over the dance floor.  I like to dance, and I don't want to have to watch myself and worry that I'm going to step on some shrimp's head.  Much easier to avoid collisions with humans closer to my own height, especially in a fluffy wedding gown.  Plus, they have a tendency to spin or run around the dance floor, and I don't want to be having a good time dancing, and all of a sudden having some rugrat collide with me.  Not my idea of fun, that's all.
    You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. ~Mae West
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wrong-having-kid-weddings-anyhow?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e4deb8b0-5e2c-42cf-a2c3-1b130482754cPost:032132a3-bd82-449c-a00d-5218b506165b">Re: What is so wrong with having kid free weddings anyhow?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: What is so wrong with having kid free weddings anyhow? : Completely with you!  Other pro-kid thoughts.  1 - If you are close enough with someone to invite them to your wedding, you should probably also be interested in getting to know their kids.  I see people post something like, "I invited so and so, but I barely know their kids..."  People's kids are the most important things in the universe to them.  If you like your friends, learn to like (or tolerate) their kids 2 - If you are inviting people from out of town and not their children it can make it very difficult for them to travel.  Either A) They find someone to watch their kids for a weekend, or B) They have to get a sitter in a city they aren't from... so basically they can hire a stranger.  3 - I went to tons of weddings as a kid (with my 3 siblings).  And, shockingly, we were always well behaved.  We have invited about 25 children to our wedding. 
    Posted by ehathewa[/QUOTE]

    1. Of course I might want to get to know their kids, but that doesn't have to happen at the wedding, does it? If I'm that close to these people, chances are, I've already met their kids. I'm most likely not going to get a chance to get to know them better at a wedding.
    Just because they aren't invited to the wedding, doesn't mean they aren't liked or tolerated. It just means that children aren't allowed. I don't invite my friends kids to come every time we go out. If they don't take their kids with them every time they go to the movies, the bar, out to eat or other social events, then why would a another event, that happens to be a wedding, be any different?

    2. Or C) they can decline the invitation. Most parents don't like travelling with really little kids, anyway. And if they are older, then I'm sure they can survive the night at a friend's house or a relative's house.

    3. Not all kids are as behaved as you three are. It's unfortunate, but true.


    I think this is a personal choice that the couple should be able to make without being made to feel guilty.
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  • Well simply, the reason I brought my cousin up, she actually has no friends or family there she'd feel comfortable leaving the baby with. They transferred there 6 months ago (2 months at the time of the wedding) for her husband's job, so she literally knew no one. So it's not always as easy as just leave with her with friends or family.
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