Facebook Engagement Etiquette

nhelene · March 2010

http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/article.aspx?cp-documentid=23633773&GT1=32023

Did anyone read this article today? Did Facebook have anything to do with how your friends found out about your engagement?

Personally, I told the girls I wanted to be my bridesmaids and one friend who was about to go into the peace corps and be out of the country for a few years to try to sort out if she could come. A big group FI's and my college friends had a Thanksgiving potluck, so I held out and 'announced' our engagement to them then and let everyone fawn over me. A few days after the party, I changed my fb status to let the rest of my friends know.

I'm not really the type to call everyone I know and gush for hours. Or email everyone I know. I hope most of my friends realized that not getting a personal message from me didn't mean I don't care about them.

salt78 · March 2010

Facebook was how the majority of people we know found out. I wasn't going to sit there and call every single person in my phone and let them know. My family and best friends got phone calls.

KatyRoseM · March 2010

I told most of the friends I talk to on a regular basis on the phone or in person. The only people who found out on face book were people I knew very little in college or through going on a tour in Israel but who I keep up with a tinny bit through things like that. Basically anyone I might invite found out from me directly (or my mother in the case of some family and her friends).

[Deleted User] · March 2010

I told my family myself and some of my friends, the rest were told by word of mouth. No way was I going to call everyone. I didn't have a FB account at the time, and now that I do people keep asking me if they are invited, people I haven't seen in years. The wedding is in 3 weeks and you didn't get an invitation yet, figure it out people.

nyrek · March 2010

I was already engaged by the time I go on FB...so wasn't really an issue for us. I guess people who found me and didn't know I was already engaged found out through FB.

I wouldn't have used it as a formal tool for announcing...then again, I wouldn't have and didn't do anything to formally announce it anyways.

SarahPLiz · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_facebook-engagement-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:cd101936-7be4-4609-b3b0-f50fa4c0fa8fPost:0794036d-24c2-454c-8a32-82e2ebceef3d">Re: Facebook Engagement Etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]Facebook was how the majority of people we know found out. I wasn't going to sit there and call every single person in my phone and let them know. My family and best friends got phone calls.
Posted by salt78[/QUOTE]

This is how we did it too. We called immediate and close family, I texted my close friends, and then put it on FB.

jennifermarie1224 · March 2010

I called my 2 best friends directly, and emailed a few others that I knew would want to know sooner rather than later. FB was the easiest way to let all of our other friends know. I have a bunch of friends in other college that I don't get to see as often, so FB was the quickest way of letting them know.

CaptiolBride · March 2010

FB spread the word for me too. Only thing is I had many people writing to me asking for an invite. hahaha

mica178 · March 2010

I didn't change my status, but people who found out started writing congratulations on my wall, which basically let a bunch of other people find out. Also, I sneakily posted a picture of my FI, his parents and me where my ring is fairly noticeable. People noticed!

mwhitson14 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_facebook-engagement-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:cd101936-7be4-4609-b3b0-f50fa4c0fa8fPost:22cdc3e6-171d-4809-8807-ff4dc139534b">Re: Facebook Engagement Etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Facebook Engagement Etiquette : This is how we did it too. We called immediate and close family, I texted my close friends, and then put it on FB.
Posted by SarahPLiz[/QUOTE]

Yep. This is how we did it.

Lenore2010 · March 2010

I called my mom, but seriously I did not think it mattered how anyone else found out. Most people found out about our engagement on Facebook, and no one seemed to mind.

I hope I did not hurt anyones feelings by not making more phone calls, but we got no complaints. Everyone was just happy for us.

ElleTR13 · March 2010

Like previous posters, I called my family and best friends before we put it on FB.

It was pretty amusing. He made 2 phone calls---to his parents. Sent out 1 mass text to his best friends and he was done.

I made at least a dozen phone calls and was on the phone for an hour

quotequeen · March 2010

I called a few people, told more people on IM, and I'm sure some people found out from facebook. I think Miss Manners is off base on this - changing your facebook relationship status to engaged in no way means that you are suddenly going to become an AW and post a zillion status updates about your wedding details. I'm not sure she understands how facebook works.

Lenore2010 · March 2010

I admit I have posted on Facebook about the wedding (just one liners with stuff like "found the dress!" but when I stopped, people started posting on my wall that they wanted more updates!

Some people have a lot of Facebook friends that they don't know. I do not, everyone on my Facebook is a real time friend or relative, and my profile security is also very restricted. So, it is not like I am boring strangers with my wedding.

Facebook, is suppose to be fun. People get their undies to much in a bunch about it..

banana468 · March 2010

I didn't join FB until we were about 3 months from the wedding.

At the time, for our circle IM was the big way people kept in touch. I called those (and DH called those) he wanted to call. Then I added the engagement to my IM message.

doubleH2010 · March 2010

I contacted close friends and family before posting on Facebook. I started getting wall posts congratulating me before I had notified everyone and my MOH posted on my wall asking when I was changing my status. The engagement wasn't a big surprise to anyone so a lot of people figured it out before I actually posted anything.

krmabojo · March 2010

If you have a FB then I would suggest telling the people that are closest to you before you cvhange your relationship status online.

anne.azano · March 2010

You can tell from that article that miss manners doesn't like it... but look how old she is! Of course she wouldn't. For better or for worse, the internet has changed the way we communicated and I don't think that most people would think finding out that way is rude. Ditto what the other girls have said, as long as you tell family and close friends first, then go ahead with facebook.

KD+BC · March 2010

We told our families in person since we all saw them the next day. I called my closest girl friends (who are now going to be BMs) and FI texted his closest guy friends (who are now GM). Everyone else found out through facebook. I agree that Miss Manners really doesn't understand that you can put that on your facebook and not be a complete AW. I got to tell pretty much all of my friends without needing to call tons of people and no one was left out. I only have 2 friends who are not on facebook so I texted them.

philbrickra · March 2010

There were some people that found out about our engagement via FB. I don't think it's that big of a deal. We are low key people, having a low key wedding. I'm not overly girly or traditional. I called a few close friends, family,etc and that's it. I didn't get any DIRECTLY negative comments about informing people via FB, but MINUTES after I posted a friend from college changed her status to an overly sarcastic statement about how she looooves hearing major life changing news from her closest friends via facebook. We aren't that close. Never were. Didn't really plan on inviting her.

lmp_dk · March 2010

I called my parents.. and FI called his parents! We sent texts to our close friends and then we changed our FB status! I think it's perfectly fine to do it that way, but I understand that some people can get hurt if they figure you guys weren't as close friends as they thought..

[Deleted User] · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_facebook-engagement-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:cd101936-7be4-4609-b3b0-f50fa4c0fa8fPost:5c5b7991-a81e-44e7-a71d-9a993312db9b">Re: Facebook Engagement Etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]I called my parents.. and FI called his parents! We sent texts to our close friends and then we changed our FB status! I think it's perfectly fine to do it that way, but I understand that some people can get hurt if they figure you guys weren't as close friends as they thought..
Posted by lmp_dk[/QUOTE]

Does your sn stand for limp diick? If not, I'm sorry, I guess I just have a dirty mind.

jenneth6 · March 2010

We still haven't told most of our friends that we are getting married (he wants to wait until we have the ring). We called our parents first, they told family, and we've been gradually contacting members of the wedding party.

My fiancee actually doesn't want me to post on facebook when we do decide to tell everyone, which is a pain, because I hate making phone calls. It just seems like the most painless way to do things! Also, I didn't want it to be a dramatic announcement. My phone calls thus far have been along the lines of "Oh, and by the way, we are getting married next summer. Would you be my bridesmaid?"

Does anyone else feel utterly silly telling people?

alinkchicka · March 2010

We showed all of our families the ring in person and I made a big deal out of telling my best friend. My best friend gave my FI a hard time because we had been together almost 8 years before he proposed. So she would always talk to him and tell him that he needed to get me a ring and propose, she actually gave him this talk on the day he bought the ring but he couldn't tell her because we were out drinking and he was afraid she would let it slip. I already had plans to hang out with her about 3 days after we got engaged, it was around christmas. I made a tee shirt that said bridesmaid and wrapped it up with a piece of paper that said "will you be my..." It was very fun and she was really excited for us. Other than that I sent text messages and called my other close friend before putting it on facebook. However i thought my FI had told our friend Mike (my Bridesman) and he had not told him and he told me he found out on facebook, and I felt bad about that. I said sorry and I think he realized it was a mix up. He knows he is important to us since he is in our wedding party and since we said we were sorry after the mix up.

riverjib · March 2010

Facebook was how I announced it, too. But I wouldn't get so bent out of shape if anyone was insulted. It's much nicer to explain that we're having a small wedding, even if that's not totally true, rather than say, "figure it out, people!"

Samwise16 · March 2010

I called or sent a picture of the ring to all my closest friends and family. Then while I was on the phone (for close to an hour, hah) with different people in that group, the FI changed his status and also relationship status.. While we were waiting to get seated for dinner I posted the same picture I sent to my friends on my Facebook wall... and goodness that sh!t BLEW UP. (In a good way!) I don't think anyone was offended, even the FI's friends were writing nice stuff on there.

cococabanagrl · March 2010

I told all my family and close friends before I made it public on FB. As my FI says, it was the only time FB was useful! One of my friends was offended that I hadn't told her but we grew apart. The other saw the post but never heard her phone ring because it was in a different room! Other than that, things blew in such a cool way!

btrflykate1230 · March 2010

I called my close friends and family, and then let word spread for a couple of weeks before changing my status. We both wanted to tell our close friends and family first before announcing it to everyone else. It worked well for us an no one's feelings got hurt.

goheels05 · March 2010

I called close friends and family and told them right away. I never did change my relationship status on FB, but I knew "congratulations" would eventually pop up on my wall, and I didn't want anyone I was close to to find out via FB that Mr. Heels had proposed.

I agree with Miss Manners. People need to stop using FB as a crutch and come back to the real world every once in a while.

melissadefelice · March 2010

A friend of my FI took pictures of him proposing, posted them, then 'tagged" us that night. So - I got a lot of messages saying "What is happening? What is this? What don't I know?"

So I changed my status and received many congratulations.

nicholssquared · March 2010

My FI and I were out of the country studying abroad when we got engaged. We had very little means of getting in touch with people stateside - in fact I managed to get a hold of a phone long enough to tell my parents and for him to tell his. Literally everyone else found out via facebook, because we simply didn't have the means to tell people personally when we were so far away. We recieved lots of contrats when we got back.

Personally, I'm very grateful. I was so excited to share my wonderful news, but without facebook I would have had to wait until I returned two months later. It was a little impersonal, yes, but also a relief.

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