Am I being ridiculous?

klwithers · March 2010

I have a similar issue with my mom's outfit. She found a suit that she looks amazing in and didn't want to buy it because it was cream with gold detailing ie too close in colour to my dress. Honestly do I wish it was a different colour, yes. But, I don't think I've ever seen my mom put on something that made her look and feel that fabulous. She's got to look at the pictures too, and I would hate for her not to look her best.

sboone84 · March 2010

My mother is wearing an ivory and gold dress as well. My wedding gown is ivory

She won't let me see it. God knows what it is, but she loves to be the center of attention and I have better things to think about

Trae021 · March 2010

I'm really not some controlling bride here like some you guys might think. All I wanted was another opinion about this, my mother doesn't like weddings or planning them she just wants it to be over so it's hard to talk to her about this stuff. Sorry if I stirred up somethign here. She bought the suit because she got it for $18. She said yesterday that she doesn't have to wear it if I don't want her too. I love her very much and just want her to be happy with whatever she decides. It's done and over with and I just wanted an opinion...that's all.

emilybraile · March 2010

I don't think you're blowing it out of proportion at all. It's your day and you should be the center of attention. There's a reason why so much importance is placed on the dress! It's meant to make you stick out, not you and your mom.

Maybe you could tell her how much you like it but ask if it comes in a different color... say something like "It looks beautiful on you, but I think this color would compliment your skin color better". Good luck

mi19shelly · March 2010

I think you should have her come over. Buy two shirts that are the exact same color and have your FI take a pic of you both. Then you can show her how bad it will look in a photo if you are both in the same color. It takes away from you. It is common sense that the bride is the only one in white at a wedding.

mi19shelly · March 2010

I just read through some of your responses that you got. WOW I think you are right and because it is your day you should have the things you want. She is your mom, she should understand if this is upsetting you. Maybe offer to pay her outfit and go shopping together. I don't think its about who's going to confuse you as a bride, but more about what you will be looking at after the wedding (the PICS!)

Karabella531 · March 2010

I don't know if "ridiculous" would be the word I would use to describe the situation! I understand where you're coming from, but remember she's your mother. Everyone at your wedding will know her as your mother- and not as the bride. Plus, she got a pant suit! It sounds really rich & fabulous. If she's comfortable in it and it makes her happy- she deserves to wear it. After all, she is your mother. I told my mother to pick out whatever she wants to wear & she did, and she will look great!

vallgirl88 · March 2010

Just think it could of been worse!

Alanda1318 · March 2010

Why are people so caught up in this petty stuff. Your mom has made sacrifices her whole life. I think you can let this slip. What you should be focusing on is this should be the happiest day of your life. It is about you and your future husband and it does not matter what other people wear or think or say... they should be honored you want them to share in part of a huge moment in your life. When did weddings start being about material things and showing other weddings up than the relationship and loving bond you share. Would you care if your mother wore the same color top when you are having a baby or that her outfit clashed with the hospital wall color... of course not. when you look at your wedding pictures in years to come do you really think you will be picking apart what people are wearing or will you be remembering the wonderful time and moments you shared with people you love? If you think you will be criticizing people for wearing things that make them comfortable... maybe you are not mature enough to be giving yourself wholly to another individual. It is one day, one outfit and your mother. I think you owe it to her to let her feel comfortable.

trix1223 · March 2010

I think I love Alanda.

Alanda1318 · March 2010

thanks :-)

Britty2010 · March 2010

I have to be honest.. i would NOT want my mother or to be mother in law for that matter to wear the same color as my wedding dress. Everyone's heard that nobody should wear white if the bride has a white dress so shouldnt this be the same for any other wedding dress?! It is your wedding, so if you would rather her not wear the same color as you, that should be your choice!

DAHIRA20 · March 2010

My mother wanted a white dress for my wedding also and wouldn't allow it. She isn't getting married, I am, so why should she wear white? We compromised and we chose a light silver gown for her instead with ivory detail... I say if it does bother you then let her know and change her outfit, if it's not a big deal for you then let it go. It's your wedding day, have it your way.

Steph570 · March 2010

aww. im surprised at all the responses saying that you ARE blowing it out of proportion. most brides are very particular about how they want their wedding, and most people know to expect that. im really laid back, but i think that any part of a bride's wedding, its just a common courtesy to ask her about it first. just out of respect. i do see how your moms outfit is not THAT big of a deal, so really it just depends how she will respond, what you do ab it. (i do think its understandable not to want her wearing the same color as you though, thats why the old etiquette rule that ppl shouldnt wear white to weddings!) i would calmly explain to her that you would really prefer she not wear the same color as you. (its your day- even if u were being a little ridiculous, your wishes should come first). if she doesnt respond well and it does become an ordeal, thats when it becomes not really worth it, and its better for your blood pressure to try to forget ab it. but you should never feel too guilty to at least bring up what you want. bottom line, its your wedding.

jaqueen001 · March 2010

I understand that the issue you once had is now resolved, however, I think if she knew that your dress was a champagne color before she purchased her dress, then she should change it. It will look odd in your photos that you and mom are in the same color. Everyone's eyes will be on you, it is your day, and your mom should have thought about that before purchasing the dress. Oftentimes, stores will allow you to return the dress for store credit or will have the same dress in more than one color.

I'm glad you're okay with your decision, but I didn't think it was ridiculous at all. This is the only day that you have that will be about you and your future-husband. No one should rain on your parade.

dandelion17 · March 2010

there is a saying that you don't wear white to someone else's wedding. Your not being reidiculous because if my mom would wear ivory on my wedding day when i am, i would be pissed!

loving2011 · March 2010

I don't think you are being ridiculous about this. It isn't a huge issue, and it doesn't sound like your being a Bridezilla about it, but your mom should have considered your feelings about the dress while she was looking, and after she purchased the dress.

Is there a way that it can be dyed without ruining the material? This of course would need to be done by a professional, but if it would make all parties happy, it might be something to consider. The other thing to consider: the pictures you will be taking together. These will last forever. Do you want to be standing next to your mom...in the same color? If nothing else, make sure not to stand to close together! Good Luck!

JMejia1972 · March 2010

It's great to see that there are such confident brides to be on here who have NO problem at all with people showing up wearing white to their weddings. The truth is that in general it IS in poor taste to wear white to a wedding. Although in this case you may have people wearing similar color to your gown since it is a gold/champagne and many guests may not be aware of your gown's color. I completely get being upset with your Mom for choosing a color you specifically asked her to NOT choose. Perhaps you can suggest that she use her lovely champagne/gold pantsuit for the rehearsal dinner if it's appropriate. Not being ridiculous.

lindseroo · March 2010

LOL I don't think you're being ridiculous! I'm not picky or "bridezilla" about almost anything, but darn it if there is someone else wearing white at my wedding I'm gonna be pissed! Call me ridiculous. I'll wear it with pride.

PrettySue · March 2010

I don't think it's ridiculous to not want your mother wearing the same color dress as you on your day, it's your opinion and your preference and it is your wedding. I would definately not let mine wear the same color and she would understand because she is my mother so I know I won't have to stress about it.

Myroni03 · March 2010

I just went shopping for dresses with my mother yesterday for her dress.... and let me tell you that finding an age appropriate, beautiful, non-frumpy gown, in any color is a hard task. The mothers section of the bridal stores are miniscule, the dresses look like the great-grandmother of the bride should wear them, and most are in horrendous colors (think bad curtains). Unfortuneatly we did not find a dress for my mother but I truly believe that any color she wears would be gorgeous and I would be happy she found something she felt confident and pretty in.

llcooldre · March 2010

I don't think you are being ridiculous at all - everyone else is being very mean to you! I wonder why your mom would even pick the same color as you - and you did NOT by ANY MEANS give her too many restrictions.

I would let it go, though, because my mom and sister had a bunch of clashes before my sister's wedding and it marred the whole bride experience for my sister.

My mom got a black dress which I haven't seen yet, but I am not worried. And my future mother-in-law still has not gotten anything and we have about 47 days to go. The only ones who will look dumb on the big day are them if their dresses match mine or look totally ridiculous.

JenPhil6212 · March 2010

My mom is wearing a buttercream kind of colored dress. I was slightly offended at first. But I saw the look on her face when she told me she got a dress that I just didn't care anymore. I am just happy she decided on one. My dress is white with pink accents so it's not like they would be to close in color. I think if she were wearing a ball gown dress in the same color then there would be issues. Maybe ask her to have some color accents so no one confuses the two of you.

I don't think you are being ridiculous when my FSIL told me she was going to wear white I noted to myself to spill something on her dress. (She was being sarcastic but I'm not).

abromanello · March 2010

I gotta say, I feel the same way as you. I just don't think anyone else should wear white (or a similar color to the wedding gown) to the wedding. Even if people won't "get you confused," it just seems disrespectful - there is something special about being the one in the white dress that day! My future MIL asked me what color dress she should get, and I said I don't care at all - except not white! She went and got an "off white" dress! I genuinely was upset, even if it is silly. Luckily she changed her mind on her own, but if it was my own mom, I'd have no problem telling her I'd prefer if she wore a different color!

obeach8 · March 2010

i don't think you're being ridiculous; i think that it's normal for you to want your mom to wear something different than you or your bridesmaids. however, since it is a suit and not a dress, i don't think that anyone will think your mom was trying to jump on the 'bridal' look; if anything, most people will probably think it's sweet that you're wearing the same color. all eyes will be on you, so i wouldn't even worry about it!

ericalee13 · March 2010

I think it is your day and you should get what you want. But you do need to think if it's worth arguing about when there's so much else to do and to worry about. Good luck! I hope you have a great wedding day!!

xoxob · March 2010

There is a rule that you have no say in what your Mother or what FI's mom wear to the wedding, you don't get a say. That being said, my mom and FMIL, asked that I go shopping with them for what they wear - because they care about my opinion. I'm just lucky that way.

That being said...

I think you're completely justified with wishing her suit were a different color. I think you're handling the situation maturely and I think a lot of people on here are being unecessarily snarky or judgemental. Your post wasn't frantic or bratty, it was honest. Just because you accept things doesn't mean you have to love them. But, in the long run, it's true: you probably won't even notice.

AutumnFair · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_am-being-ridiculous?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:a329528e-9413-425e-b353-7a6ea97f92bePost:053f2eb6-e4dd-4663-b536-0e03f032f50a">Re: Am I being ridiculous?</a>:
[QUOTE]This is another one of those innocent questions that gets people torn to shreds for no reason whatsoever.
Posted by pokepoke27[/QUOTE]

<div>I read all the post and I don't think anyone tore her to shreds. This is a question that is debatable because its still a pretty old fashion rule to many. I think more modern brides know that its not a big deal on what colors people wear to weddings (heck even some groom are in white tuxes). You really just can't win when it comes to clothes and color, some people believe that wearing black is poor taste, some say that they do or don't want to match the BP, it really just depends on how people were raised into believing. Really, as long as the person looks and feels great then no color should be forbidden (as long as its not a bridal gown). :O) </div>

ELauder · March 2010

I don't think you're being ridiculous at all. My mom wanted to wear something similar to my dress and I said no but when I explained everything to her she understood where I was coming from. .

Brittany&Chris · March 2010

I agree that there are bigger issues, however, it is your day and if it really bothers you then your mom should understand. Good Luck!

Am I being ridiculous?

Re: Am I being ridiculous?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards