Mother of Flower Girl drama

Cole&Kailee · July 2012

sorry guys, i have another one for you all

Ok so the flower girls are FH's little cousins. They are 4 and 6. I had asked them and their mother about 9 months ago. I check in with her once every couple month to see how shopping is going and if she found anything she likes. She said she hasn't had time. So I took the liberty of reseraching some flower girl dresses and local stores that were only $50 and less! (Since I figured money played into her decision since she had 4 kids)..she responded 2 weeks later saying that $50 was way too much on a dress. If you go to any bridal shop, the dresses start at $80 and go up to $200, so I don't think I'm being too expensive. So I started sending her ones from JCP, Children's Place and Sears for $35 dollars and she says even those were too expensive. WTF?

As our wedding slowly approches, I am getting worried she will never get a dress in time until yesterday when she emailed me and said she found a dress on Amazon--USED for 20 bucks. Um, I don't mean to sound snotty but I don't feel like being cheap and buying used dresses is appropriate for a wedding. If you say you will be a wedding, that means you compromise with the bride and get what makes her happy. Not shop consigment because you're stingy. GRR! What do you guys think? Is she being rude or am I just overreacting?

Summer2011Bride · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_mother-of-flower-girl-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:7ccd0267-0add-445f-b611-d46a60c25916Post:4839b5cf-914f-4959-bb68-e2eb419da095">Mother of Flower Girl drama</a>:
[QUOTE]sorry guys, i have another one for you all :) Ok so the flower girls are FH's little cousins. They are 4 and 6. I had asked them and their mother about 9 months ago. I check in with her once every couple month to see how shopping is going and if she found anything she likes. She said she hasn't had time. So I took the liberty of reseraching some flower girl dresses and local stores that were only $50 and less! (Since I figured money played into her decision since she had 4 kids)..she responded 2 weeks later saying that $50 was way too much on a dress. If you go to any bridal shop, the dresses start at $80 and go up to $200, so I don't think I'm being too expensive. So I started sending her ones from JCP, Children's Place and Sears for $35 dollars and she says even those were too expensive. WTF? As our wedding slowly approches, I am getting worried she will never get a dress in time until yesterday when she emailed me and said she found a dress on Amazon--USED for 20 bucks. Um, I don't mean to sound snotty but I don't feel like being cheap and buying used dresses is appropriate for a wedding. If you say you will be a wedding, that means you compromise with the bride and get what makes her happy. Not shop consigment because you're stingy. GRR! What do you guys think? Is she being rude or am I just overreacting?
Posted by Cole&Kailee[/QUOTE]

You are rude, as proved by not just this thread but the one below it. It is not anyone's job to just suck it up and "do what makes the bride happy." Yuck.

Here's an idea: if you are so offended by ::gasp:: a used dress, why don't you pony up the cash and buy the dress you really want her to wear? If not, you don't really get a say. Did you ever even ask her what her budget was beforehand? You have no idea what her finances are like. I would feel really crappy if a friend kept sending me what she thought were cheap dresses that were still out of my price point. I really hope you did not criticize this used dress to her face. Do not say anything. Say it is fine. If you have that big of an issue with it, you buy the dress yourself.

Girlie1030 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_mother-of-flower-girl-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7ccd0267-0add-445f-b611-d46a60c25916Post:4839b5cf-914f-4959-bb68-e2eb419da095">Mother of Flower Girl drama</a>:
[QUOTE]sorry guys, i have another one for you all :) Ok so the flower girls are FH's little cousins. They are 4 and 6. I had asked them and their mother about 9 months ago. I check in with her once every couple month to see how shopping is going and if she found anything she likes. She said she hasn't had time. So I took the liberty of reseraching some flower girl dresses and local stores that were only $50 and less! (Since I figured money played into her decision since she had 4 kids)..she responded 2 weeks later saying that $50 was way too much on a dress. If you go to any bridal shop, the dresses start at $80 and go up to $200, so I don't think I'm being too expensive. So I started sending her ones from JCP, Children's Place and Sears for $35 dollars and she says even those were too expensive. WTF? As our wedding slowly approches, I am getting worried she will never get a dress in time until yesterday when she emailed me and said she found a dress on Amazon--USED for 20 bucks. Um, I don't mean to sound snotty but I don't feel like being cheap and buying used dresses is appropriate for a wedding. If you say you will be a wedding, that means you compromise with the bride and get what makes her happy. Not shop consigment because you're stingy. GRR! What do you guys think? Is she being rude or am I just overreacting?
Posted by Cole&Kailee[/QUOTE]

You're not overreacting, you're being really judgemental and snotty. If $35 or $50 is no big deal to you, then you buy the dresses. And what is the big deal with a used flower girl dress? It was worn once, I assume.

And to the bold, no.

Cole&Kailee · July 2012

She has the money. She is just cheap and she TOLD me she is. I just figured if you say "yes I will be in the wedding" means that you don't go behind the bride and get something used and cheap when I loved a dress from JCP for $35. I would pay for it but I don't have the finaces either. I guess I don't care that it's used, but ask me if it's ok rather then just buying it. I don't think it's rude at all that I'd like my little flower girls to wear something I like...my entire family and his family agrees. You make a decision to be in wedding and that means making sacrifies. Weddings cost money and so do dresses. I didn't make her pay for a $120 dress, I simply requested a $35 one from JCP. That is not that much to ask.

Girlie1030 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_mother-of-flower-girl-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7ccd0267-0add-445f-b611-d46a60c25916Post:69fdb790-fef3-4089-9861-b926596cee19">Re: Mother of Flower Girl drama</a>:
[QUOTE]She has the money. She is just cheap and she TOLD me she is. I just figured if you say "yes I will be in the wedding" means that you don't go behind the bride and get something used and cheap when I loved a dress from JCP for $35. I would pay for it but I don't have the finaces either. I guess I don't care that it's used, but ask me if it's ok rather then just buying it. I don't think it's rude at all that I'd like my little flower girls to wear something I like...my entire family and his family agrees. You make a decision to be in wedding and that means making sacrifies. Weddings cost money and so do dresses. I didn't make her pay for a $120 dress, I simply requested a $35 one from JCP. That is not that much to ask.
Posted by Cole&Kailee[/QUOTE]

According to you.

GoodLuckBear14 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_mother-of-flower-girl-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7ccd0267-0add-445f-b611-d46a60c25916Post:69fdb790-fef3-4089-9861-b926596cee19">Re: Mother of Flower Girl drama</a>:
[QUOTE]She has the money. She is just cheap and she TOLD me she is. I just figured if you say "yes I will be in the wedding" means that you don't go behind the bride and get something used and cheap when I loved a dress from JCP for $35. I would pay for it but I don't have the finaces either. I guess I don't care that it's used, but ask me if it's ok rather then just buying it. I don't think it's rude at all that I'd like my little flower girls to wear something I like...my entire family and his family agrees. You make a decision to be in wedding and that means making sacrifies. Weddings cost money and so do dresses. I didn't make her pay for a $120 dress, I simply requested a $35 one from JCP. That is not that much to ask.
Posted by Cole&Kailee[/QUOTE]

Unless you are her accountant, you do not know this for a fact. In any case, what she chooses to spend her money on is her choice, not yours. I would also distinguish between cheap and inexpensive. For the first two years of my practice of law, every single suit I wore came from a consignment or thrift shop and none of them were cheap. Inexpensive, yes but not cheap.

Maggie0829 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_mother-of-flower-girl-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7ccd0267-0add-445f-b611-d46a60c25916Post:5de59c09-4efc-440f-9f55-7f6250b10b1f">Re: Mother of Flower Girl drama</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Mother of Flower Girl drama : You are rude, as proved by not just this thread but the one below it. It is not anyone's job to just suck it up and "do what makes the bride happy." Yuck. Here's an idea: if you are so offended by ::gasp:: a used dress, why don't you pony up the cash and buy the dress you really want her to wear? If not, you don't really get a say. Did you ever even ask her what her budget was beforehand? You have no idea what her finances are like. I would feel really crappy if a friend kept sending me what she thought were cheap dresses that were still out of my price point. I really hope you did not criticize this used dress to her face. Do not say anything. Say it is fine. If you have that big of an issue with it, you buy the dress yourself.
Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]

I second this.

Again,you are more concerned about the looks of your wedding then people's feelings.

And, FYI, a lot of brides on these boards buy their wedding dresses used and look just as gorgeous as brides who buy a brand spanking new dress so I see nothing wrong with buying used FG dresses if that is all she can afford.

Maggie0829 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_mother-of-flower-girl-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7ccd0267-0add-445f-b611-d46a60c25916Post:69fdb790-fef3-4089-9861-b926596cee19">Re: Mother of Flower Girl drama</a>:
[QUOTE]She has the money. She is just cheap and she TOLD me she is. I just figured if you say "yes I will be in the wedding" means that you don't go behind the bride and get something used and cheap when I loved a dress from JCP for $35. I would pay for it but I don't have the finaces either. I guess I don't care that it's used, but ask me if it's ok rather then just buying it. I don't think it's rude at all that I'd like my little flower girls to wear something I like...my entire family and his family agrees. You make a decision to be in wedding and that means making sacrifies. Weddings cost money and so do dresses. I didn't make her pay for a $120 dress, I simply requested a $35 one from JCP. That is not that much to ask.
Posted by Cole&Kailee[/QUOTE]

But she doesn't want to spend $35, she only wants to spend $20 so that is her budget. And you find dresses that fit within her budget. Period.

Cole&Kailee · July 2012

She should have told me her budget was $20 so I could look for dresses that I like for that price. I've seen them and I reall don't like them. It's not my style and they were used more than once. I guess she should have been more considerate with picking out a dress without asking me first and telling me her budget. She admitted she bargin shops, but I didn't think she'd bargain shop on stained dresses used from Amazon. Maybe she will wash them, I don't know. I just wish I could have had a say in what the girls are walking down in. I'm buying their shoes, hair, gifts, flower baskets etc, the least she could do is run it by me.

Summer2011Bride · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_mother-of-flower-girl-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:7ccd0267-0add-445f-b611-d46a60c25916Post:b57b81b8-c411-469a-9d2b-7cdca940c6a5">Re: Mother of Flower Girl drama</a>:
[QUOTE]She should have told me her budget was $20 so I could look for dresses that I like for that price. I've seen them and I reall don't like them. It's not my style and they were used more than once. I guess she should have been more considerate with picking out a dress without asking me first and telling me her budget. She admitted she bargin shops, but I didn't think she'd bargain shop on stained dresses used from Amazon. Maybe she will wash them, I don't know. I just wish I could have had a say in what the girls are walking down in. I'm buying their shoes, hair, gifts, flower baskets etc, the least she could do is run it by me.
Posted by Cole&Kailee[/QUOTE]

You should have ASKED what her budget was before sending pics of dresses that she can't afford. I also find it funny that you're harping on this but admit you can't afford to buy the flower girl's dress either. So you need to let it go. OR you can chip in the $15 to make up the difference between this dress and the JCP one you have your heart set on.

I wouldn't want to spend a bunch of money on a dress my daughter will probably just wear once either.

Cole&Kailee · July 2012

I never really asked her her budget, but I assumed since she was soo excited for them to be flower girls that money wasn't an issue. But I guess the cheaper the better.

I told her what I was looking for and sent her numerous pictures of dresses I liked for a decent price. She got the exact opposite of what I wanted, JUST because it was the cheapest she could find. If I would have known she would have been so tight on budget, I would have set aside money to pay for them. I just wish she would have asked me if they were ok before she bought them. It says on the site they were used more than once and the bigger size has a small pink stain on the back...So I hope it comes out. I just assume being in people's weddings that I would buy any dress the bride wanted regardless of cost because it's what she wants and I'm making a commitment to her by saying "yes I will be in your wedding"

Summer2011Bride · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_mother-of-flower-girl-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:7ccd0267-0add-445f-b611-d46a60c25916Post:674ef737-b94e-4562-9648-28cd4625fa00">Re: Mother of Flower Girl drama</a>:
[QUOTE]I never really asked her her budget, but I assumed since she was soo excited for them to be flower girls that money wasn't an issue. But I guess the cheaper the better. :/ I told her what I was looking for and sent her numerous pictures of dresses I liked for a decent price. She got the exact opposite of what I wanted, JUST because it was the cheapest she could find. If I would have known she would have been so tight on budget, I would have set aside money to pay for them. I just wish she would have asked me if they were ok before she bought them. It says on the site they were used more than once and the bigger size has a small pink stain on the back...So I hope it comes out. I just assume being in people's weddings that I would buy any dress the bride wanted regardless of cost because it's what she wants and I'm making a commitment to her by saying "yes I will be in your wedding"
Posted by Cole&Kailee[/QUOTE]

No. I would get that mentality out of your head. Agreeing to be in a wedding doesn't mean you open your wallet for the bride to take out however much she wants. You, I'm assuming, asked people to be in your WP because they are near and dear to you and you want them standing by you on your wedding day, not because of how much they can spend on attire for your wedding. I hope you wouldn't have NOT asked someone if you knew they couldn't afford your dream outfits.

Have you seen a pic of the dress and said stain? It might be very small and almost impossible to see to the naked eye. If you can see it, I would try to get the stain out. Just remember, most guests will only be seeing the FG from afar, so unless the dress is white and there's a huge pink blob on her back, it's probably not as noticeable as you think it is. Since she already purchased the dress, there's not much else you can do.

Girlie1030 · July 2012

In Response to Re: Mother of Flower Girl drama:
[QUOTE]I never really asked her her budget, but I assumed since she was soo excited for them to be flower girls that money wasn't an issue. But I guess the cheaper the better.

I told her what I was looking for and sent her numerous pictures of dresses I liked for a decent price. She got the exact opposite of what I wanted, JUST because it was the cheapest she could find. If I would have known she would have been so tight on budget, I would have set aside money to pay for them. I just wish she would have asked me if they were ok before she bought them. It says on the site they were used more than once and the bigger size has a small pink stain on the back...So I hope it comes out. I just assume being in people's weddings that I would buy any dress the bride wanted regardless of cost because it's what she wants and I'm making a commitment to her by saying "yes I will be in your wedding"
Posted by Cole&Kailee[/QUOTE]

There's your problem. Welcome to reality - most everyone has budgets for both their money and their time and they aren't going to pitch them because you're getting married.

Cole&Kailee · July 2012

It's just I've been in 3 weddings where the bride said: I like this dress and these shoes, instead of saying" no that's too expensive I'll buy mine on Craigslist, I said sure..She is my good friend and if she likes this dress and these shoes I will get them for her instead of going against it. I don't want to be "that girl". I know it seems like I'm coming off at bridezilla-ish, but I honestly asked the people that are near and dear to us and I would never dream of MAKING people pay for something they can't afford. Heck, our BM dresses were $45 bucks--a bargain! I like saving money just like everyone else, but if I sent out 16 dresses ranging in price from $30-$60 bucks, there isn't just ONE that you'd be willing to get? I didn't go into a bridal shop and say "here buy this $120 dress, I went to JCP and Children's Place and found cute, reasonable dresses that I LOVED. So why go on Amazon and buy a cheap, used stained dress without asking. It's just a little inconsiderate. AT LEAST she finally as a dress now and there's really nothing I can do about it. I just hope that stain comes out

Mrs.B6302007 · July 2012

My niece wore a $20 Easter dress from Target. She didn't look "cheap".

What's more important to you - that the kids are in the wedding or their clothes?

You are WAY out of line.

Kate61487 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_mother-of-flower-girl-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7ccd0267-0add-445f-b611-d46a60c25916Post:b57b81b8-c411-469a-9d2b-7cdca940c6a5">Re: Mother of Flower Girl drama</a>:
[QUOTE]She should have told me her budget was $20 so I could look for dresses that I like for that price. I've seen them and I reall don't like them. It's not my style and they were used more than once. I guess she should have been more considerate with picking out a dress without asking me first and telling me her budget. She admitted she bargin shops, but I didn't think she'd bargain shop on stained dresses used from Amazon. Maybe she will wash them, I don't know. I just wish I could have had a say in what the girls are walking down in. I'm buying their shoes, hair, gifts, flower baskets etc, the least she could do is run it by me.
Posted by Cole&Kailee[/QUOTE]

To the first bolded part: it's not her job to tell you what her budget is, it's YOUR job to ASK.

To the second bolded part: the only necesary part of that is the gift; as you should thank the girls for standing up. Their hair does not have to be professionally done. They do not need matching new shoes. They do not need fancy flower baskets (and could carry bouquets or pomanders or a single flower instead).

As PPs have said you make it work within her budget or buy it yourself. I have never seen a stained, worn out anything for sale on Amazon, so I kind of feel like you're adding that to try and sway some of us. The only thing you have right is that you should get SOME say in what they wear. Color, formality - those are things you should have a say in. How much she spends - not your call.

Cole&Kailee · July 2012

I'm agreeing with my family and his and all of my friends on this one, sorry TK. I think it was rude of her to get a used,stained dress on amazon to save a few bucks. She has the money, I've been to her house many of times. I should have set a budget with her, but she should have said from the getgo: Kailee, I can only afford $20 dresses. That would be totally fine, let me find one I like instead of you buying on on a website without me asking. Especially when it's not at all what I wanted AND stained. I'm all for saving money and not making people pay for anything they don't feel comfortable with, but come on? I don't care that they are $20. It bothers me she never showed them them before she got them. They will still look adorable, it's just upsetting that I didn't get to even chose my dress I wanted them to wear. After I sent her 16 dresses--cheapest ones I could find. For her. I'm not WAY out of line for wanting a say in what I want them to wear. I never told my friend (the bride): no I'm not spending $60 bucks on this dress, I'm going on Craigslist. Can you even imagine how stingy that would make me seem? I didn't have much money at the time, but I forked it over for her because it was her big day and what she wanted. Not saying the girls' mother has to "fork" over $35 for a dress, but at least ask me before buying a dress that fits your budget.

Summer2011Bride · July 2012

It doesn't matter what someone's house looks like. Unless you have seen their bank accounts, you just don't know what people's finances are like, and beyond that, it's not up to you how people spend their money. Could I afford an expensive dress right now? Yes. But do I want to? No. We're buying a house and have other more pressing expenses.

Just because you bought a BM dress before that was out of your budget doesn't mean others should too. I would have absolutely no problem telling the bride, who is probably a close friend or relative, "Sorry, my limit is $60. I can't afford a dress worth X amount." It's foolish to go into debt or have trouble paying bills over a BM dress, KWIM?

Regardless, she bought this dress, so my advice is to just go with it, see if you can get this stain out, and move forward.

Mrs.B6302007 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_mother-of-flower-girl-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:7ccd0267-0add-445f-b611-d46a60c25916Post:0d329f9f-66ea-4274-b9d6-83ff650de91e">Re: Mother of Flower Girl drama</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm agreeing with my family and his and all of my friends on this one, sorry TK. I think it was rude of her to get a used,stained dress on amazon to save a few bucks. She has the money, I've been to her house many of times. I should have set a budget with her, but she should have said from the getgo: Kailee, I can only afford $20 dresses. That would be totally fine, let me find one I like instead of you buying on on a website without me asking. Especially when it's not at all what I wanted AND stained. I'm all for saving money and not making people pay for anything they don't feel comfortable with, but come on? I don't care that they are $20. It bothers me she never showed them them before she got them. They will still look adorable, it's just upsetting that I didn't get to even chose my dress I wanted them to wear. After I sent her 16 dresses--cheapest ones I could find. For her. I'm not WAY out of line for wanting a say in what I want them to wear. I never told my friend (the bride): no I'm not spending $60 bucks on this dress, I'm going on Craigslist. Can you even imagine how stingy that would make me seem? I didn't have much money at the time, but I forked it over for her because it was her big day and what she wanted. Not saying the girls' mother has to "fork" over $35 for a dress, but at least ask me before buying a dress that fits your budget.
Posted by Cole&Kailee[/QUOTE]
Then you should have purchased them and handed them to her and said, "Here's what the kids are wearing in the wedding."

You missed the point. You're way out of line with your judgmental and snotty attitude. Her finances are none of your business. It doesn't matter what her house looks like. Maybe she decorated and bought stuff a long time ago and NOW money is tight. Maybe she was given a lot of things in her house. You were inconsiderate by not asking her budget so you shouldn't be made at her and say that she's inconsiderate by buying something within her budget regardless of where it came from. She doesn't have to let the kids be in the wedding at all, you know.

Cole&Kailee · July 2012

No, I'm not 21. A little older than that and we also own our own house and are paying for most the wedding by ourselves by saving and cutting corners. I know what it means to not have much money, trust me I'm still paying off student loans, but a wedding IS expensive. Everyone knows that.

LDubHawksFan · July 2012

You should have asked her the budget....and by the way you are fretting about $15 difference! FWIW, my FG dress is from JCP for $20. If you are set on the $35 one, you need to pay the difference. Whatever you do, don't pick a fight or remove those girls just because they aren't wearing what you want.

Kate61487 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_mother-of-flower-girl-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7ccd0267-0add-445f-b611-d46a60c25916Post:d5b234ee-f393-4d66-8901-0c4641ce6fc2">Re: Mother of Flower Girl drama</a>:
[QUOTE]No, I'm not 21. A little older than that and we also own our own house and are paying for most the wedding by ourselves by saving and cutting corners. I know what it means to not have much money, trust me I'm still paying off student loans, but a wedding IS expensive. Everyone knows that.
Posted by Cole&Kailee[/QUOTE]

But that's our point - a wedding doesn't HAVE to be expensive. And no one else should have to pay for what you want.

GoodLuckBear14 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_mother-of-flower-girl-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7ccd0267-0add-445f-b611-d46a60c25916Post:d5b234ee-f393-4d66-8901-0c4641ce6fc2">Re: Mother of Flower Girl drama</a>:
[QUOTE]No, I'm not 21. A little older than that and we also own our own house and are paying for most the wedding by ourselves by saving and cutting corners. I know what it means to not have much money, trust me I'm still paying off student loans, but a wedding IS expensive. Everyone knows that.
Posted by Cole&Kailee[/QUOTE]

It is. For the ones hosting it. It should not be expensive for anyone else.

andplusalso, I'm sure people thought I was doing extremely well my first few years as an attorney because, hey, lawyers have money right? Nope. Most of us don't make anywhere near what people think we do. Appearance wise, I'm sure my situation looked great also. I got an incredible deal on a gorgeous Victorian lakeside apartment (like $150 above what I was paying for my rathole Section 8 apartment while in law school) and drove a new car (because my twelve year old Ford Escort finally died and I got one hell of a deal - totalling $13,000 off the value of the car). I was still living paycheck to paycheck because of student loans and credit card debt from law school. The credit cards were used to buy food, pay for gas and car repairs and nothing else. It still racked up debt that was only paid off a couple of years ago. My mom had to buy my dress for my brother and SIL's wedding and I ate popcorn for dinner most nights.

So again, don't make any assumptions about the financial situation of anyone else.

OBX2011 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_mother-of-flower-girl-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7ccd0267-0add-445f-b611-d46a60c25916Post:4839b5cf-914f-4959-bb68-e2eb419da095">Mother of Flower Girl drama</a>:
[QUOTE]sorry guys, i have another one for you all :) Ok so the flower girls are FH's little cousins. They are 4 and 6. I had asked them and their mother about 9 months ago. I check in with her once every couple month to see how shopping is going and if she found anything she likes. She said she hasn't had time. So I took the liberty of reseraching some flower girl dresses and local stores that were only $50 and less! (Since I figured money played into her decision since she had 4 kids)..she responded 2 weeks later saying that $50 was way too much on a dress. If you go to any bridal shop, the dresses start at $80 and go up to $200, so I don't think I'm being too expensive. So I started sending her ones from JCP, Children's Place and Sears for $35 dollars and she says even those were too expensive. WTF? As our wedding slowly approches, I am getting worried she will never get a dress in time until yesterday when she emailed me and said she found a dress on Amazon--USED for 20 bucks. Um, I don't mean to sound snotty but I don't feel like being cheap and buying used dresses is appropriate for a wedding. If you say you will be a wedding, that means you compromise with the bride and get what makes her happy. Not shop consigment because you're stingy.GRR! What do you guys think? Is she being rude or am I just overreacting?
Posted by Cole&Kailee[/QUOTE]

You do sound snotty and you are overreacting. It is absolutely NONE of your business to determine what is too expensive for her or not. You aren't the one with 4 kids, where 2 of them are in a wedding and it's up to YOU to figure out what fits in the budget or not.

When you ask someone to be in a wedding, you should be considerate to your friends and ask them what IS in their budget. You committed a major faux pas by not doing so. You are not the Queen and no one should have to bow down to you just to make YOU happy. Brides that act like this drive me up a wall and need to be slapped with a reality check.....and fast!

I don't like your attitude.one.bit.

msuprincess04 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_mother-of-flower-girl-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7ccd0267-0add-445f-b611-d46a60c25916Post:0d329f9f-66ea-4274-b9d6-83ff650de91e">Re: Mother of Flower Girl drama</a>:
[QUOTE] I never told my friend (the bride): no I'm not spending $60 bucks on this dress, I'm going on Craigslist. Can you even imagine how stingy that would make me seem? I didn't have much money at the time, but I forked it over for her because it was her big day and what she wanted. Not saying the girls' mother has to "fork" over $35 for a dress, but at least ask me before buying a dress that fits your budget.
Posted by Cole&Kailee[/QUOTE]

Good for you. You obviously had the money to spend. But, I can tell you right now. In each wedding I've been in, I've looked for a used dress online before buying from the bridal shop. It's ridiculous to buy a dress I didn't get to pick out myself, that's not for me, but for someone else's pictures. Umm. No. I've been able to find amazing deals on dresses that were only worn once for a few hours. And that doesn't make me a bad friend, just as it doesn't make her one. You need to get over this already. Just because your family and friends think something, doesn't make it right. It makes it easy. You don't like her dress, buy her a new one. Have your friends and family buy it.

HeathenSwan · July 2012

Why didn't you say "Hey, I know you only want to spend $20. No problem. I found these $35 dresses that I love. I'll kick in the extra $15 for it. What are their sizes, by the way?" If you want what you want (which is fine), you should have asked for her budget. Then, you look at dresses in that range. If you like something more expensive and just must have it, you should offer to put in the extra money.

You're not doing them a favor by buying their baskets. That's your responsibility to pick up anyway. And why do 4 and 6 year olds need their hair done?

And I don't think the word 'rude' means what you and your family think it does. Rude is expecting someone to pay whatever you tell them, whether they want to/can afford it or not. Of course, if you've been in three weddings where brides made you do that without asking your budget first, then you're taking cues from rude people. Rude is not being on a budget (which she is entitled to be on, regardless of what you THINK she can afford).

Incidentally, bridal stores tend to be overpriced. Your $50-75 "bargains" are still high for a couple of little girls, particularly for someone who doesn't have money to throw around.

Summer2011Bride · July 2012

Weddings absolutely don't have to be expensive. You can get married for the cost of a marriage license if you are really tight up for cash. YOU are the one choosing to make your wedding expensive. That's fine; I don't judge that. But I DO judge you assuming everyone else in your wedding has to be willing to pay whatever it is you deem necessary just so YOU can have the wedding you want. Doesn't work that way.

mabrown5 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_mother-of-flower-girl-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7ccd0267-0add-445f-b611-d46a60c25916Post:d5b234ee-f393-4d66-8901-0c4641ce6fc2">Re: Mother of Flower Girl drama</a>:
[QUOTE]No, I'm not 21. A little older than that and we also own our own house and are paying for most the wedding by ourselves by saving and cutting corners. I know what it means to not have much money, trust me I'm still paying off student loans, but a wedding IS expensive. Everyone knows that.
Posted by Cole&Kailee[/QUOTE]

Yes a wedding can beexpensive for the bride and groom. It shouldn't be expensive for the people attending it or the WP. $35 per dress may not seem like a lot to you, but she has 2 dresses to buy and it adds up fast. If you really wanted those dresses you should have a) ASKED her what her budget is and b) pitched in the extra money for the dresses if those are the ones you want. It's YOUR wedding, not hers.

SB1512 · July 2012

I agree with what everyone has already stated. I am curious about one thing though. Did she have to pay shipping costs on the dresses she ordered through Amazon? If so, once those costs are added in I am guessing the price difference between the $20 dress and the $35 dress from JCP is probably so small that it's a moot point that she bought the amazon dresses to save money. I am not saying that this makes everything the OP has said as being right, but if I was in her shoes I'll admit I'd be a little ticked off that dresses were bought without running them by me, especially if price was going to work out to be the same once shipping costs are added in, and dress that the brided loved could have been purchased instead.

ems27 · July 2012

I felt a lot worse for OP on this matter before reading her Best Man "woes."

It sucks that she bought them without running them by you, but it sucks that you never asked her what her budget was. Your hint that you needed to ask was after the first round of dresses that she said were too pricey- you should have asked what would be acceptable.

Cancel the girls' hair, buy the dresses that you want them to wear with that money instead. See if the dresses the mother purchased are able to be cancelled or returned.

renegade gaucho · July 2012

Wow, quite the princess we have here. I can't believe someone who admits she doesn't have a measly $70 at her disposal would criticize a woman with four kids to raise for not having the money.

Your wedding is as expensive as you choose to make it. Your choice to spend money on a big party does not obligate others to spend beyond their means. If you want the girls to wear certain dresses and can't be bothered to ask their mother about a budget, cut $70 from your flower budget or your favor budget or your dress budget and buy the dresses you want them to wear.

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