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Gift for elopement?

Bonzo2011Bonzo2011 member
First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
One for H's cousins just announced that on the 21st, she and her BF went to Reno and got married. We're very happy for them. I know normally couples don't get gifts when they elope, but had they had a wedding inviting family, we would have given them a nice gift.

Where H and I are getting a little torn is that his other cousin (older brother to the wife above) is getting married early September. Ceremony, reception, they're registered, etc. H and I had agreed on a gift budget for this couple. But, if we want to give the eloping cousin a gift, it will alter our budget.

So, my question, since these couples are siblings and are very close to H and me (groom for the Sept wedding was one of our groomsmen) should we try to gift them roughly the same? Or do our original thought for the September wedding and some small token gift for the elopement? Another option I haven't thought of?
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Re: Gift for elopement?

  • adamar15adamar15 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    If it were me I'd probably give them something roughly equal.  The fact that they eloped doesn't make them any less married, and it might be kind of a slap in the face if they somehow find out that you've given the other cousin a big gift and they just got a nice card.  Not that it's all about the gifts, but I'd still feel weird giving the one that's having the wedding something nicer just because I got to witness the wedding.
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  • TurtlesAllTheWayDownTurtlesAllTheWayDown member
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    I wouldn't NOT get the eloping couple a gift, or give them a smaller one, just because they eloped. The size of the wedding doesn't matter. The gift is to offer your congratulations and wish them well in their marriage. So get them what you can afford. If you need to take money away from the other cousin's gift budget, so be it.
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  • StephBeanWed61502StephBeanWed61502 member
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    In Response to Re:Gift for elopement?:[QUOTE]I don't see the point in making the gifts similar even if just in price. Just give either couple what you can afford. Posted by lovethebeach16[/QUOTE]

    I agree with this, but if the situation is "we have X budget to spend on both gifts," I would avoid "punishing" the couple that eloped by dividing that budget unequally. If you are equally close to both couples and would've given each a gift of similar value had they both had a wedding and reception, then continue to do so regardless of the elopment.

    If, however, you would not have given gifts of a similar value regardless of the elopment, don't feel obligated to do so just because these couples got married around the same time.
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  • willywally5willywally5 member
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    I'd give them gifts of similar value. Adjust the budget accordingly. 
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  • LDYGTR13LDYGTR13 member
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    The couple who eloped would not be getting a gift from me - specifically because IMO, if they eloped, they didn't want a big to-do and to me, gifts are part of the "to-do." 

    The other person would get a gift, however.
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  • Bonzo2011Bonzo2011 member
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    edited July 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gift-for-elopement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:00ef4de7-13ac-451f-af83-099a3e98921bPost:a2861b97-4616-4a4e-84ea-f9b81db24fd9">Re:Gift for elopement?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Gift for elopement?:

    I agree with this, but if the situation is "we have X budget to spend on both gifts," I would avoid "punishing" the couple that eloped by dividing that budget unequally. If you are equally close to both couples and would've given each a gift of similar value had they both had a wedding and reception, then continue to do so regardless of the elopment.

    If, however, you would not have given gifts of a similar value regardless of the elopment, don't feel obligated to do so just because these couples got married around the same time.
    Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]



    This was my gut feeling as well, both cousins are very close and we would have given ourselves similar gift budgets for them. The elopement, naturally, came as a surprise, so we werent expecting it as part of our budget right now, but I think with moving some money around we can give lovely gifts to both couples.

    Thanks for justifying my gut!

    ETA: typos
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  • ootmother2ootmother2 member
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    edited July 2012
    They're siblings.  I'd make the gifts equal
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  • TheSlowskysTheSlowskys member
    First Comment
    Get them what you can afford. If you feel like you wish you could have given more no one is stopping you from getting them something else later. The summer I graduated grad school I had a bunch of weddings and was broke. I was unable to give anyone the gifts I wanted due to money but I gave several couples a gift card to a nice restaurant for their one year anniversary once I was on my feet. It was so appreciated once all the wedding things are over and the couple is not the center of attention any more.
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