Minnesota-Minneapolis and St. Paul

Anyone ever had this happen?

Awhile ago FI and I told his mom that we were thinking of having his nephew "P" in our wedding as RB.  However, FI had 4 nephews and I have 1 so we hadn't finalized anything yet.  Well this weekend FBIL (P's dad) mentioned something about a tux for P for the wedding.  And I'm sitting there thinking "WTH?? We haven't even asked them yet if P would be the RB."  So yeah, FMIL took it upon herself to tell FBIL and FSIL that we wanted P to be the RB.  I'm soo peeved right now.  FI doesn't want me to say anything to FMIL, he knows it will upset her if I call her out.  Apparently I can't share any details with her until I finalize them myself.  Oye, I'm just frustrated because now I feel obligated to have P has the RB and that we couldn't ask them ourselves.  Ok vent over. 

Hitched! 09.30.11

Re: Anyone ever had this happen?

  • chou_chouchou_chou member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Didn't happen to me, but that is tough -- I feel for you on that.  I'd be peeved too, maybe there's a way to incorporate him another way (are you doing an aisle runner at all?  I've seen it where 2 young relatives of the couple pulled the runner open....of course that would also depend on his age).  Maybe it's possible to chat with P's parents directly and say that no decisions have been made yet, and if P is interested in being part of your day perhaps there's a way to include him (programs too?  help greet guests, or pass out bubbles/rose petals if you're doing that)?  Sucks, I'm sorry for you to have to deal with that stress!
  • IzzygrimIzzygrim member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Ugh. I feel your pain! My now SIL and MIL do the same thing... it's all out of excitement that they do that, but it still irks me. I had one SIL tell the other SIL that we were asking them to be readers before we got a chance to. Same SIL (or was it MIL?) also told niece and nephews (teenagers) that we were going to have them be ushers and PA before we got a chance to. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad they were excited enough that they just couldn't help themselves, but seriously, it was our deal and they should have kept their mouths shut and let us do it ourselves.

    Wow, that kinda turned into a rant, sorry! The point of my story is yes, that totally sucks. Try to remember they're probably doing it just because they are so darn excited. If I were you though (and if it's not too late) I'd tell FBIL and FSIL, "Sorry, but we haven't quite figured out the roles for all of our nephews yet". That's totally legit, they should still be giving you plenty of time to figure it out. You might want to have FI mention it kindly to FMIL also, so this doesn't keep happening. I know she's excited for you guys, but it's not too much to ask of her to let you guys do these things yourselves. GL!!
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  • edited December 2011
    I am having this problem but with my mother! Every time she hears a detail she emails it to my whole family. I was just talking with my aunt yesterday and she mentioned that our change in date might be a problem for my cousin and his family... well I hadn't actually formally set a date until last week so I am wondering why they were all making travel arrangements and such until they heard it from me... She also emailed the link to my dress to everyone. So in front of my FI my cousin starts talking about it! I really don't want him to know the details since he has actually seen it but I don't want him to know which one I picked.

    Good luck. You can't pick your family, you just can't let it get to you. I figure it will all be fine in the end.
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  • edited December 2011
    No sorry..good luck w/ wedding!
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  • wittyschaffywittyschaffy member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Talk to your ILs NOW.  Save yourself a huge headache later.  It is awesome that they're excited for you and enthusiastic about your plan (try to remind yourself of that over and over and over when they're being pains) but they need to respect that it is your day and you need to handle details.  If you weren't going to go with that RB, undoing the damage sooner than later is critical too.  But seriously, you and your dear hubby to be need to have a chat with them.  They get to be excited but they dont' get to run the show.
  • edited December 2011
    My Mom does the same thing. I have to talk to FI and Finalize before. If its a big deal for you to be forced to have "P" as RB then I would have FI talk to his mom and say Hey its wasn't set it stone just an idea. I was just at a wedding were there were multiple RB and RG since they both have large families so there is no Law saying you can only have one. Just an Idea.

    We asked FI's cousin to be our RB and his Dad declined. So we asked my Cousin if his son would. and He said yes. My Mom then told him he wasn't the first choice. Thanks Mom, how rude. Fortunately my Cousin didn't care.
  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited December 2011
    I agree with what the PP have said already, totally SUCKS!!  But also, time to nip this one in the bud!  FI (blood talks to blood) needs to tell her that as excited as she is about details of the wedding that until things have officially been finalized with parties involved not to discuss details about the wedding as she asked people without the final decision being made..  Yes, people are excited about things, but when it comes to asking people to help, unless you specifically ask her to recruit help (aka: helping set up the hall or cleaning up the night of the reception), to please help make the details a surprise. 

    Approach it from the "you're annoyed but wanting to set the ground rules for the future" aspect..  It's setting up a boundary though you also don't want to go overboard..
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