Awhile ago FI and I told his mom that we were thinking of having his nephew "P" in our wedding as RB. However, FI had 4 nephews and I have 1 so we hadn't finalized anything yet. Well this weekend FBIL (P's dad) mentioned something about a tux for P for the wedding. And I'm sitting there thinking "WTH?? We haven't even asked them yet if P would be the RB." So yeah, FMIL took it upon herself to tell FBIL and FSIL that we wanted P to be the RB. I'm soo peeved right now. FI doesn't want me to say anything to FMIL, he knows it will upset her if I call her out. Apparently I can't share any details with her until I finalize them myself. Oye, I'm just frustrated because now I feel obligated to have P has the RB and that we couldn't ask them ourselves. Ok vent over.
Re: Anyone ever had this happen?
Wow, that kinda turned into a rant, sorry! The point of my story is yes, that totally sucks. Try to remember they're probably doing it just because they are so darn excited. If I were you though (and if it's not too late) I'd tell FBIL and FSIL, "Sorry, but we haven't quite figured out the roles for all of our nephews yet". That's totally legit, they should still be giving you plenty of time to figure it out. You might want to have FI mention it kindly to FMIL also, so this doesn't keep happening. I know she's excited for you guys, but it's not too much to ask of her to let you guys do these things yourselves. GL!!
Good luck. You can't pick your family, you just can't let it get to you. I figure it will all be fine in the end.
We asked FI's cousin to be our RB and his Dad declined. So we asked my Cousin if his son would. and He said yes. My Mom then told him he wasn't the first choice. Thanks Mom, how rude. Fortunately my Cousin didn't care.
Approach it from the "you're annoyed but wanting to set the ground rules for the future" aspect.. It's setting up a boundary though you also don't want to go overboard..