Honeymoon Registry

demi1 · December 2009

I was wondering if anyone has a honeymoon registry and if so which one did you use?

We are having a hard time registering because we have lived together for quite a while and don't need too many things. We live in a small house and don't have room for alot of stuff either.

I wasn't sure if the honeymoon registry was common to do. We are inviting over 400 people and haven't registered for much at all. I know I have to give my guests options too.

Any input would be great. Thanks

Jazzy_belle · December 2009

I'm not sure how common it is, but Honeymoon registries are considered tacky to many people.

I personally think it's fine not to register anywhere. Many etiquette "experts" believe registering for gifts period is tacky. (Something about going out and picking out your own gifts doesn't sit well with some people.)

Registries don't offend me personally, but Honeymoon registries are tacky to me.

KJDOHERTY · December 2009

Depends on your circle, I think honeymoon registries are tacky and so do a lot of people on here, but in your circle/area they might be generally accepted. I think it's politer just to have your friends and family spread the word when guests ask where you're registered that you'd appreciate cash gifts to help make your honeymoon memorable. But to warn you, my circle thinks even asking for cash in that manner iis tacky, and that you should have at least one traditional registry.

To the pp, I'd say I'm fairly well-versed in traditional etiquette and I've never heard that registering for traditional registries iis considered tacky. It's only tacky when you put your registry info on invitations.

MyNameIsNot · December 2009

I agree that honeymoon registries are tacky.

Even those that are in favor of them will tell you that you should couple a HM registry with a traditional one.

If you don't need any physical gifts, just don't register. You can even spread the word that you are saving for your honeymoon. People that are so inclined with write you a check.

Jazzy_belle · December 2009

@ KJDOHERTY

I've heard it quite a few times. It is widely accepted, but a lot of old schoolers frown upon it. One "expert" I can think of off the top of my head would be Miss Manners.

Again, registering for wedding gifts doesn't bother me one way or the other. For the people who are bothered by it, I understand their argument.

kmt_cas · December 2009

honeymoon registry = tackerific

flutgrl1 · December 2009

I always choose to buy from the HM registry than a traditional one. Honestly it seems less lame and boring to me. I love getting my friends fun stuff! To me it also seems more personal, than say a spatula.

rebeccalynn75 · December 2009

I think you should do what works best for you and your fiance. I imagine your friends and fam already know you have a home established, and really don't need much in that way. Register for something on a traditional registry-towels, linens, things you could always use-for the more traditional folks that want to buy gifts that way, and the hm registry for those that would like to go that route. Most folks prefer a little direction on what you may need-ie registries. I don't see hm registries as any less tasteful than traditional registries. Either way-you are suggesting gifts for folks to purchase for you, which may be deemed tacky in all respects by some. It seems hm registries are getting more and more popular and will probably be the norm in a few years, and the "tacky" debate will move on to a new victim.

hoho0229 · December 2009

honestly registuring for your honeymoon isn't anyless tacky then registuring for any other store. Think about it. Regardless of where you registure you are asking your guest to buy you exactly what you want. If you really want gifts for your honeymoon then go for it. If you think people will have a problem with it you can registure at more then one place. Do a honeymoon registry and a traditional store registry. That way if anyone is uncomfortable giving you a honeymoon gift they can buy off the other list. With 400 people invited you have plenty of room for two registries.

reddie36 · December 2009

'Tacky' is really objective. If you love the idea, then do it. Who cares what others think - just like the rest of the details of your your wedding.

We are using a premium site from Honeyfund.com. I have known many people over the past few years who have used them and all their guests thought it was a really cool idea. Even the older guests who everyone says 'frown' upon it loved it! We have had many positive comments about ours how it is such a great idea and so unique. Everyone loves the fact that they get to contribute to such an important event in our lives instead of just buying us a toaster or something. We are sending a photo of us doing whatever the guest purchased for us in their thank you card upon arriving home from the honeymoon.

You might also check out TravelsJoy.com - they also have very low site fees, but HoneyFund is the least expensive of all. Good luck!

emh777 · December 2009

I don't personally like the idea - but I do find it funny that there are so many people on this site that find a HM registry "tacky" but a traditional registry "totally acceptable". It should be all or nothing. Asking or suggesting gifts should be ok with you or not. It's up to the individual. Just like "the money dance" or fake flowers or having different numbers in your wedding party - whatever. There are always going to people who turn their nose up at this, that, and the other, heck my Mom tells a story of a friend's Mom who, upon receiving a wedding invitation, would open it a first check to see it it was engraved! If you think about it - HM registries are relatively new. I'm sure when "traditional" registries came into vogue - people thought they were tacky as well. If that's what you want - go for it. People will either get stuff for you from it - or not. Although (and I'm not making any kind of assumption here) if you are having 400 guests, you could probably foot the bill for your own HM - no?

MyNameIsNot · December 2009

HM registries are tacky because they are a disguised request for cash. Registering for non-traditional items is perfectly acceptable (sports equipment, outdoor items, tools, etc.)

If you don't care what these people think, they have no business being on your guest list.

erinb1025 · December 2009

I don't think a HM registry is anymore "tacky" than a traditional registry. Tradition is different now anyway. BUT, I do think it depends on your circle. My fiance and I did one for the fun of it, it doesn't cost anything online unless someone purchased something for you. In my circle, people thought it was a fun and different idea. They know they are giving cash, but it''s fun to look at and give to rather than writing a boring check. Let me know if you are still interested, I'll private message you where to look at mine.

laurening · December 2009

Asking for cash in a roundabout way is considered tackier than a asking for gifts from a store. It just is. Some of the guests will love the idea of a Honeymoon Registry, some will be indifferent, but some will find it tacky. Look how divided opinions are on here. So yeah, ask your close friends and family what they think. I'm personally not a fan.

A registry of any sort is technically an etiquette faux pas because it gives the expectation that the guest must give a gift; that somehow a gift is a type of cover charge. A gift isn't a requirement for attending a wedding. However, because 95%+ guests give gifts, many etiquette afficianados are more accepting of registries as long as you don't include the info in invites or otherwise force it on people.

monicaremedios · December 2009

I don't think its tacky at all. Many people in my area ask where the bride and groom are registered but I have noticed that oldies do not like the honeymoon registry. I think its fine. It's your wedding and if you don't need five million toasters or frames, register for the honeymoon. I think there is one on honeymoonwishes or dreams .com something like that. Anyhow, if they don't like it they don't have to do it. What is the worst that will happen? They will tell other people. . ." Can you believe so and so registered for a honeymoon?"
So what! I have done that for a couple and was excited to help them out towards something they wanted and could not afford on their own, even if it's a measly $25.00. I say, get with the new electronic age to those who think that it is tacky.

siorsolas · December 2009

I think it's fine, and FYI I have NEVER EVER EVER heard anyone say a honeymoon registry is tacky until I came on this board.

All depends on who you talk to I guess...

flamingogirl13 · December 2009

I am registering for my honeymoon because we are in a similar situation, living together, having lots of stuff etc.
I don't think it is tacky or inappropriate - if that is what you want and need then go for it! We are doing ours on honeyfund.com - it is the only free one out there. The only extra charge is if your guest pay through paypal. I say go for it!

gad7 · December 2009

Everyone I've talked with in my 20-30something peer group likes them, and I usually choose to give a gift from the HM registry if there is one. The key is to offer items like dinner, excursions, etc. that people can buy for you to minimize the "asking for cash" conundrum. I love the idea that I can give my friends memories/pictures doing fun things like beach horseback rides - and many of my friends are more established in their adult lives like you. Fewer and fewer women are just starting out in life when they get married and moving from straight from mom and dad's/college anymore.

fallbride1109 · December 2009

If you are 21 years old and don't have a pot to p*ss in, then yes, I would say registering for a honeymoon is a bad idea.

We are 34 and 40 with 2 complete households and can afford to buy all the towels and sheets we need, thank you. We set up our HM registry through Traveler's Joy and everyone loved it. No one had a problem not giving us blenders we don't need. We made sure to only register for excursions, dinners, etc.--not our room or flight.

Call it what you want but we had the HM of a lifetime and no one had a problem with it. The only ones that have a problem with it are on this board.

lyn_mello · December 2009

Tacky!! My cousin had one and our family was horrified!!

beasyouare587 · December 2009

If you need luggage or other items to go on your honeymoon, ask for them!! honeyfund.com is a great website you can use to register your honeymoon, and you can add luggage to the list or any other items you may need to travel!!

jennylove810 · December 2009

I have no problem with a honeymoon registry, I do not know anyone who DOES have a problem with a honeymoon registry, and I agree 100% with the pp's who say that a honeymoon registry is exactly the same as a traditional registry. I would actually rather give to a honeymoon reg because blenders, sheets, etc are very mundane. My bff with a modest income who dreams of spending a week in paradise but could never make it happen? I want to make a dream come true for her. So I guess it's personal preference.

CaitieC · December 2009

Ok, there seems to be a differing opinion on what a HM registry is. It looks like some believe it to be a registry to ask for items for the HM and to others it is a "registry" basically asking for a monetary gift to fund your HM. To me, a HM registry is asking for money to fund your HM. Personally, I don't like the idea and I do think it is tacky. Although, if you are one who thinks of it as asking for items to go on HM then I would say it is just like a traditional registry with not so traditional gifts and I see no problem with that. It seems like this board is very divided so I'm not sure how much help this is... I hope it helps some though!

babylizz · December 2009

Me and my FI have been living together for a while now and don't really need a ton of stuff. We registered for a few things at JCPenney and also have a honeyfund.com registry. Of the 5 gifts we've received already, they've all been from the honeyfund registry and one guest even sent me a note saying what a great idea the honeymoon registry is. People who know us know we don't need stuff and know we want to take a trip but can't afford it on our own. I also think, as a pp said, contributing to a honeymoon can seem more personal & exciting than buying a blender. It's also more personal than just handing over a check, it lets people really see where there money is going. With honeyfund the guest gets to select items off a list, just like a traditional registry, and then pay (by check or paypal) and then they can print a 'gift certificate' listing what they 'bought' and they can even add a personal message on it for you.

Times change, so do people, traditions, and concepts of appropriate behaviors. There was a time when registries were considered tacky, that time was long ago and now they are the norm. A few years ago honeymoon registries didn't exist, but now suggestions for them can be found in just about every bridal mag you pick up (that's how I found out about the no-fee honeyfund.com account we're using). Another current example of 'proper etiquette' changing over time.....the checklist/timeline on here just changed and is now saying invites go out at 3 months prior instead of 2.

Just my 2 cents

jonesginny · December 2009

If you don't need anymore household items and would rather have the cash, you can always register at Bed, Bath, & Beyond. From what I understand they have a really laid back return policy and will give you cash (yes, CASH), for any item you return even without a receipt. So return all those toasters and get yourself beachside massages with the money!

MyNameIsNot · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-registry-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:1cfcf7d3-f9b2-4df0-a535-cb771fb1f333Post:c5ec8c59-e5ad-48b5-80c1-989c9b0be0a8">Re: Honeymoon Registry</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, there seems to be a differing opinion on what a HM registry is. It looks like some believe it to be a registry to ask for items for the HM and to others it is a "registry" basically asking for a monetary gift to fund your HM.
Posted by CaitieC[/QUOTE]

Well, actually it is all just asking for money. When you register for dinner on the beach, someone spends $100 or whatever to buy that. Then the registry takes a cut, and the couple gets a check for $95. They may choose to spend it on that dinner, or they may pocket the cash.

It's really not any different than doing a mortgage registry or a bank registry where you just ask for cash.

If I bought a couple some dishes from BB&B and I found out that they didn't actually get the dishes, but a check for the amount I spent, I would feel cheated. It's the same thing.

One of my cousins did one. My family was horrified at the blatent cash grab. Their response was "Oh, they don't need anything. I would have just written them a check, but apparently my check isn't good enough. They'll just be getting a card from me."

fallbride1109 · December 2009

With a HM registry you are registering for "gifts" just like a traditional registry. Yes, you ultimately get it in the form of cash--it is then your responsibility to make sure you spend the money on what you asked for. We also intend to send pictures with our thank you notes, and have set up our website detailing our honeymoon and thanking everyone there also. Personally, I don't see the difference in asking for a day of car rental instead of a place setting and no one in my circle did either.

And if someone thinks asking for a HM is tackier then asking for gifts and then returning them for the cash, then they've got a screw loose somewhere.

jennylove810 · December 2009

In Response to Re: Honeymoon Registry:
[QUOTE One of my cousins did one. My family was horrified at the blatent cash grab. Their response was "Oh, they don't need anything. I would have just written them a check, but apparently my check isn't good enough. They'll just be getting a card from me."
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

Interesting attitude. See, I have been deeply honored to attend every wedding I have ever been invited to (save, perhaps, for the weddings when I was a little kid) and as a guest, it would be unthinkable for me to show up without a gift, or a nice fat check inside that card. I was raised to believe that to attend a wedding is a privilege, and there is a special level in hell for those who eat, drink, and dance on the bride and groom's dime, and don't bring a gift. That, to me, is beyond tacky; it is deplorably rude. I don't mean to attack you or your family, so please don't take it that way. I'm simply intrigued by the number of posters on theknot who get so fired up about a honeymoon registry. If proper etiquette was born of a desire to make others feel comfortable, then, logically, having a honeymoon registry in addition to a traditional registry is quite proper as it provides your honored guests with gift giving options.

mi19shelly · December 2009

I think it's ok. My FI and I have also lived together for 3 years so we are planning to have a HM and regular registry. This way people have options to pick from.

ladybirda · December 2009

They don't always have to be cash requests. Some hotels, like Starwood Hotels, turn the gifts into vouchers that the couple can use for dinners, excursions, a bottle of champagne, etc. Although no one in my circle has done an hm registry, I would definitely buy a gift like that. But I do think it's tacky to register for flights or nights in a honeymoon suite. Everyone knows what couples do on their honeymoon nights, no one should ask their guests to pay for it.

MichelleDriscoll2 · December 2009

We used http://www.hatchmyhouse.com as our registry. We thought it was a little more what we really wanted - money towards a down payment and it was easier than the honeymoon registries I looked into. Although, I did notice that the older folks did not really 'get it' as much as the younger folks. But they did get it - that we wanted cash. So, we ended up getting a lot of cards w/ checks! Haha. Worked out for us. Friends bought us 'doors' etc and the older generation gave us checks! I don't know if anyone thought it was tacky, but I don't think they would tell me anyway. I think it much, much more common now anyways - and in this economy everyone understands.

Good luck!

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