Averting RSVP Rudeness

jostina2010 · June 2010

So I'm about to start making my invites and I've been seeing A LOT of posts lately about people RSVPing for +1s, kids, etc and it's freakin me out a little. Here's my question(s):

1) How did you word your RSVP card or website? (maybe best answered with a PIP)
2) How did it/is it working out?
3) If it's going badly, what do you think would have helped/what would you have done differently?

I've read all the responses from the "+1s and kids are RSVPing!!" post but thought it would be interesting to get everyone's input/experiences in one place.

TIA

melissa82 · June 2010

I put "Adult Reception" on the bottom of my RSVP cards. BEST thing I ever did. An etiquette no-no for sure though. Aside from H's aunt who was gave us problems for our entire engagement, no one responded with kids or asked to bring one. We invited everyone with dates so that was a nonissue.

I've been on the boards for 2.5 years now and I've seen so many ways people try to get around this--filling in people's names on the RSVP, writing the number of guests invited, etc., and almost everyone has the same problem. I don't think it's in the wording so much as the (1) formality of the wedding and (2) etiquette of your guests, unless you address it to "The Smith Family" and leave it open to interpretation or something.

jennyann28 · June 2010

I just want to start by saying that there is no way around this. People are going to do it, no matter how explicit you are. Just be prepared to tell them no. For some reason, people are really rude about RSVPs.

1) How did you word your RSVP card or website? (maybe best answered with a PIP)

I wrote in the names of everyone invited. Below was "delighted to attend", "number attending", and "regretfully declines".

2) How did it/is it working out?

Poorly! People just write in either: extra names/numbers, or just an extra number (with no name!).

3) If it's going badly, what do you think would have helped/what would you have done differently?

Like I said above, I was pretty explicit. The outer envelope had everyone's names. The RSVP card had everyone's names. There's really no way around it.

FWIW, I chose not to do the "x seats have been reserved for you" because I didn't want people whose SOs couldn't come to just bring anyone because they had 2 seats reserved.

sarack · June 2010

I included the amount of seats that were reserved for the family, was very specific on the envelope about whose names I included, and I put adult reception on the rsvp card. (Number your rsvp cards so you know whose they are.. people will rsvp without putting their names.)

Also, if people rsvp with their children, let them know that it is an adult only function.

amandasw · June 2010

Like pp mentioned, unfortunately it has less to do with how you word it and more to do with your guests' awareness of etiquette. I made the RSVPs have a blank where we handwrote in the names of people invited and then below there was the "will attend/decline blah blah" and specified to indicate the number that would come. We didn't do name cards or anything and I don't know how you would if you need to know which people are coming. But that worked for us - only had a couple people add their kids and, as unfun as it was, we told them no.

karebear219 · June 2010

Pretty much there will always be possible rudeness. Some people just don't get it, just be ready to call and explain if you have to. One of my cousins brought her six month old baby, I didn't even know the baby was coming. Hopefully she felt embarassed with her kid being the only person there under 19.

angstocker22 · June 2010

I did what enlightened1 said. I had no problems with people adding on an extra person. good luck

Merryfj · June 2010

Now that I'm getting extra +1 and kids RSVPing I wish I would have put "due to limited space we ask that children not attend" or something along those lines on the RSVP card. We tried to do the proper etiquette of just addressing the envelope to the people invited and clearly people are choosing to ignore that. Save yourself now!!!

jennlin · June 2010

i didn't really have a problem with +1's....only two people tried it, but we allowed it because of the situations...as for kids, we wanted kids there, so that's why there was no problem there...

i had each RSVP personalized with each persons name, so there was no confusion on who was invited or not.

Averting RSVP Rudeness

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