HAVING A HEAD TABLE!!

AileenK18 · April 2012

I have always wanted to have a head table with my bridesmaids and my FI groomsmen! I was thinking of having a separate table for all of the bridal party's dates just during dinner. After that the bridal party can do what they want. My MOH is upset that she wont be able to sit with her date and thinks I am being rude.... Not sure what to do. This is the only situation that works for my FI and I and our families.

snuff9861 · April 2012

Have a sweet heart table. You and your new hubby sit together and then the WP can sit with their dates.

SilverLining1 · April 2012

It is rude to separate dates like that. You should sit the couples together at the head table, or seat them together somewhere else. Why is this the only situation that works for you?

littleluckypenny · April 2012

I know where your MOH is coming from. It really blows to sit apart from your SO/date. No, it's not just during the dinner as most brides think. Bridal parties are typically away from their SO most of the day; pictures, ceremony, etc. It's a day to celebrate being a couple. Why ask those who you love to watch you celebrate being a couple by separating them from their other half? Have a sweetheart table or seat SOs with the bridal party at the head table.

JaxInBlue · April 2012

Please don't separate couples; it's a wedding reception - a party celebrating love. If you want a head table, you need to include SOs there. This might mean looking at king's table set ups. You could also do a smaller version of a head table - maybe you and DH, you BM and MOH and their dates, possibly your parents. DH and I had a sweetheart table - our party and their dates/SOs were seated among the other guests, generally people they knew outside of the wedding.

pandamanda9 · April 2012

I am also seperating my bridal party from their dates because I don't want a Sweetheart table and no room for that big of a table for all their dates. I dont feel like thats rude at all. The venue even suggested to us have an "SO" table for the bridal party dates that is near. I have been to weddings with my Fiance who was in them and we seperated but after dinner, we were together because everybody does their own thing after the dances/cake cutting. I was with him the rest of the night.

I say have an SO table for the dates and have it as near to the headtable as possible so they are close.

littleluckypenny · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_having-a-head-table?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:2d6a8c17-03fb-455a-85e8-63e16295ddfcPost:640580bf-5ed6-4e0c-be4a-cb19816338c9">Re: HAVING A HEAD TABLE!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I am also seperating my bridal party from their dates because I don't want a Sweetheart table and no room for that big of a table for all their dates. <strong>I dont feel like thats rude at all. </strong>The venue even suggested to us have an "SO" table for the bridal party dates that is near. I have been to weddings with my Fiance who was in them and we seperated but after dinner, we were together because everybody does their own thing after the dances/cake cutting. I was with him the rest of the night. I say have an SO table for the dates and have it as near to the headtable as possible so they are close.
Posted by pandamanda9[/QUOTE]

YOU may not find it rude, but I'm sure a SO separated (or the members of your BP) will, even if they don't tell you to your face. The reception is about the comfort of your guests. If there isn't any space for a head table and you don't want a sweetheart table, have your BM and MOH (AND their dates) sit with you and have the rest of the BP with the rest of your guests.

I really don't get how it's <em>not</em> rude, would you like to be seated away from your husband? Why do that to those you care about (and then seat all other couples together just because they aren't in the BP)?

jessicabessica · April 2012

You are being rude. Your bridal party is supposed to be your nearest and dearest. Why would you want to do something that would take away from their enjoyment at your reception, which is supposed to be a thank you to your guests, not a "look at me" party.

Some alternatives--

- sweetheart table, sit your WP together or with people they would like to sit with

- a big head table that includes WP dates

- sit with your MOH + date and best man + date, have the rest of the WP seated wherever

AileenK18 · April 2012

Well for one thing it is MY WEDDING! Second i hate sweetheart table idea. My parents are divorced and have a hard time getting along with each other so that idea is out of the question. And it really is going to be just dinner. I do agree to have a separate table for the dates then after they all can be together. I love all of your guys ideas and I will have to think about what is the best situation for My fiance and I because it is our wedding in the end

littleluckypenny · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_having-a-head-table?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:2d6a8c17-03fb-455a-85e8-63e16295ddfcPost:3b753791-e259-4793-8c71-1427c1ec9834">Re: HAVING A HEAD TABLE!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Well for one thing it is<font color="#FF0000"> </font><strong><font color="#FF0000">a)</font> MY WEDDING</strong>! Second i hate sweetheart table idea. <strong><font color="#FF0000">b) </font>My parents are divorced and have a hard time getting along with each other so that idea is out of the question</strong>. And <strong><font color="#FF0000">c)</font> it really is going to be just dinner</strong>. I do agree to have a separate table for the dates then after they all can be together. I love all of your guys ideas and I will have to think about what is the best situation for <strong><font color="#FF0000">d)</font> My fiance and I because it is our wedding in the end</strong>
Posted by AileenK18[/QUOTE]

a) It stops being about just you and FI when you start having guests.
b) What does that have to do with your question? Divorced don't have to be seated together. My parents are divorced, they are sitting with family at separate tables.
c) Just dinner? No dancing, speeches, or cake cutting?
d) You still need to consider your guests' feelings.

LeiselEB · April 2012

Your MOH has already told you that she's upset, so this ISN'T the best option for you guyes - it's making your attendants upset.

Maybe a king table would be nice. You and your FI sit at the head of a wide, long table and your wedding party with their dates sit on the side of the table. You guys would still be the focal point, but your attendants don't have to be split up.

For what it's worth - I planned on doing a king's table, but everyone in the wedding party actually asked NOT to be seated with their SO's. They liked the idea of being set apart, apparently, but we'll see. So not everyone is horrified by the idea of being split up, but since you already know that your wedding party would be upset, OP, you need to come up with an alternative to a head table.

pockysquirrel · April 2012

I'd like to weigh in as someone who's on the opposite end of this situation. My FI is going to be best man in an upcoming wedding, at which I'm not going to know anyone but FI, his parents, his sister, and the couple who are getting married. There is going to be a head table, so I can't sit with my FI. I'm friends with FI's sister, but she is also in the wedding party, so I can't sit with her either. I even wouldn't have minded so much if I was seated with FI's parents, but that's not happening either. The bride has informed me that I'm going to be sitting with her friends, who I have never met. I feel super awkward about this. Who wants to sit and eat dinner with a bunch of people they've never met and have little to nothing in common with? Would you go out to a restaurant and go sit at a table with a bunch of strangers? I frankly understand why your MOH wouldn't want to put her date in this position.

Like PPs, I don't see what your parents have to do with having a sweetheart table. A sweetheart table is just you and your groom at a small table together. Then you can seat your WP with their dates at a separate table (or more than one depending on how many people you have). If your parents can't sit together, seat each of them with members of their respective families, or their friends. If you are absolutely dead set on having a 'traditional' head table that will separate your WP from their dates, at least try to seat the dates with people they already know, if at all possible. Don't just throw them at a table together or stick them in wherever you have a spare seat.

babe915 · April 2012

We are planning on a head table too for just the bridal party, no dates. All the weddings I've been to its been like this so hearing that people seat the dates with the bridal party is weird to me. My FI is in a wedding this spring and i wont be sitting with him. It's not like I cant dance with him or anything. It's just a seat. Honestly I'm okay with it too. I'm not going to get heartbroken over not sitting next to him.

banana468 · April 2012

So let me get this right, someone already told you that your idea sucks and you're still planning to do it? And the dates can't sit with you at the head table because????

AdeleDazeem · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_having-a-head-table?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:2d6a8c17-03fb-455a-85e8-63e16295ddfcPost:3b753791-e259-4793-8c71-1427c1ec9834">Re: HAVING A HEAD TABLE!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Well for one thing it is MY WEDDING! <strong>Second i hate sweetheart table idea. My parents are divorced and have a hard time getting along with each other so that idea is out of the question</strong>.
Posted by AileenK18[/QUOTE]

Bueller? This point doesn't even make sense.

A sweetheart table is the when the bride and groom sit at their own table and all the guests sit at larger tables with their dates. Established couples sit together at the larger tables. Your parents, who are divorced, are no longer an established couple and do not need to sit together.

Using "It's MY WEDDING!" is a poor excuse for anything. You sound like a five year old at her birthday party. Sorry, but it's true. Stamping your feet and screaming it's MY WEDDING only makes you look immature. Just breathe, calm down, and think about what your MOH said. It's up to you if you want to accommodate her request, obviously, but you do have options aside from throwing your hands up and saying "We're having a head table, end of story. Too bad, so sad, MOH."

NOLAbridealmost · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_having-a-head-table?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:2d6a8c17-03fb-455a-85e8-63e16295ddfcPost:e3653557-dc0a-4d7e-a33a-2cf32e3d66f7">HAVING A HEAD TABLE!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I have always wanted to have a head table with my bridesmaids and my FI groomsmen! I was thinking of having a separate table for all of the bridal party's dates just during dinner. After that the bridal party can do what they want<strong>. My MOH is upset that she wont be able to sit with her date and thinks I am being rude.</strong>... Not sure what to do. This is the only situation that works for my FI and I and our families.
Posted by AileenK18[/QUOTE]

<div>This pretty much eviscerates every single one of the posters who said "It's just dinner; <em>I</em> wouldn't mind being separated." </div><div>
</div><div>Clearly here, at least one member of the WP <em>does </em>mind (and rightly so). OP: sit your WP with their dates. There's absolutely no reason why not and it obviously is upsetting your MOH (who, I assume, is like your best friend in the world, right?). Do the right thing!</div>

ceh789 · April 2012

So I'm having a dinner party. Everyone EXCEPT my closest friends will be seated with their spouse or SO (including me). My closest friends will be sitting at my table because I want them all there and there's no room for their dates. I figure the dates will be fine - they all know each other, right?

Would you do it at a dinner party in your home? No? Why - because it would be weird and rude? Then why be weird and rude at your wedding?

shanliann · April 2012

Im in the same boat here! We have a very small wedding party, just a maid of honor and best man, best man just recenetly got married, maid of honor is single and will not have a date for the wedding. Maid of Honor and Best man have already made comments that lead us to beleive that they are planning on sitting at the head table with us. Persoanlly my maid of honor has been my best friend for 10+ years and has of course always looked forward to being my Maid of Honor, and sitting at the Head Table is part of something she of course looks forward too. She would be heart broken if i made her sit at a table among guests. and I'm pretty sure the best man would be too. However, he is married, and how rude would it be to sit his wife at our head table, and draw attention to the fact that she is the only single person at the table, she wil honestly look like the odd man out, and that is not fair to do to someone so important to our special day! you have to do what is best for you and your day! After all, it is just dinner, and the dates of the bridal party should expect to come in 2nd place to the bride and groom. When my fiance is in a wedding, i understand that i come 2nd to the bride, groom and wedding duties. and i respect that and wouldn't want it any other way!!!

ceh789 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_having-a-head-table?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:2d6a8c17-03fb-455a-85e8-63e16295ddfcPost:15960b6d-dcf2-4e26-9ba9-1533909efe0f">Re: HAVING A HEAD TABLE!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Im in the same boat here! We have a very small wedding party, just a maid of honor and best man, best man just recenetly got married, maid of honor is single and will not have a date for the wedding. Maid of Honor and Best man have already made comments that lead us to beleive that they are planning on sitting at the head table with us. Persoanlly my maid of honor has been my best friend for 10+ years and has of course always looked forward to being my Maid of Honor, and sitting at the Head Table is part of something she of course looks forward too. She would be heart broken if i made her sit at a table among guests. and I'm pretty sure the best man would be too. However, he is married, and how rude would it be to sit his wife at our head table, and draw attention to the fact that she is the only single person at the table, she wil honestly look like the odd man out, and that is not fair to do to someone so important to our special day! you have to do what is best for you and your day! After all, it is just dinner, and the dates of the bridal party should expect to come in 2nd place to the bride and groom. When my fiance is in a wedding, i understand that i come 2nd to the bride, groom and wedding duties. and i respect that and wouldn't want it any other way!!!
Posted by shanliann[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>WTF. You're making your BM's wife sit alone because you think people will point and stare at your poor single MOH? That's one of the stupidest things I've ever heard. Seat couples together.</div>

ShannonEM · April 2012

I thought it was standard practice to have the BP sit at the head table, separated from their guests. I have been in 3 weddings and that has always been how it was set up. However, I have hated the concept each time and now that I am planning my own wedding I hope to do something different. I always feel bad for my FI having to sit with people he doesn't know very well.

Last summer my FI was in a wedding and the couple sat the BP at their own table with all their dates. It was so much fun. Everyone focused on the couple at the head table (they had family at the head table as well) and the bridal party and their significant others all had a great time at our table.

NOLAbridealmost · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_having-a-head-table?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:2d6a8c17-03fb-455a-85e8-63e16295ddfcPost:15960b6d-dcf2-4e26-9ba9-1533909efe0f">Re: HAVING A HEAD TABLE!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Im in the same boat here! We have a very small wedding party, just a maid of honor and best man, best man just recenetly got married, maid of honor is single and will not have a date for the wedding. Maid of Honor and Best man have already made comments that lead us to beleive that they are planning on sitting at the head table with us. Persoanlly my maid of honor has been my best friend for 10+ years and has of course always looked forward to being my Maid of Honor, and sitting at the Head Table is part of something she of course looks forward too.<strong> She would be heart broken if i made her sit at a table among guests. and I'm pretty sure the best man would be too. However, he is married, and how rude would it be to sit his wife at our head table, and draw attention to the fact that she is the only single person at the table, she wil honestly look like the odd man out, and that is not fair to do to someone so important to our special day! </strong>you have to do what is best for you and your day! After all, it is just dinner, and the dates of the bridal party should expect to come in 2nd place to the bride and groom. When my fiance is in a wedding, i understand that i come 2nd to the bride, groom and wedding duties. and i respect that and wouldn't want it any other way!!!
Posted by shanliann[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This is one of the dumbest arguments I've ever heard. </div><div>
</div><div>If your MOH is the one who desperately wants to sit at the head table with you, then she should understand that it might mean she's the only "single one" sitting with you because it would be rude to separate the best man from his wife during the dinner. It would be simple enough to do a sweetheart table and sit your MOH and BM/wife elsewhere; but if your reason for not doing that is because MOH wants to sit next to you during the dinner, then she should also be okay with BM having his wife up there too. </div><div>
</div><div>Sheesh.

</div><div>Oh, AND PLUS ALSO, (and more importantly) there is nothing "shameful" or embarrassing about being single. So there's really nothing to "draw attention to." No one cares if your MOH is single...except of course the other hot, single people who might be interested to see that she's available. =) </div>

littleluckypenny · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_having-a-head-table?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:2d6a8c17-03fb-455a-85e8-63e16295ddfcPost:e5793afe-0e8a-486d-9c0e-18d09244e9f4">Re: HAVING A HEAD TABLE!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: HAVING A HEAD TABLE!! : This is one of the dumbest arguments I've ever heard. If your MOH is the one who desperately wants to sit at the head table with you, then she should understand that it might mean she's the only "single one" sitting with you because it would be rude to separate the best man from his wife during the dinner. It would be simple enough to do a sweetheart table and sit your MOH and BM/wife elsewhere; but if your reason for not doing that is because MOH wants to sit next to you during the dinner, then she should also be okay with BM having his wife up there too. Sheesh. Oh, AND PLUS ALSO, (and more importantly) there is nothing "shameful" or embarrassing about being single. So there's really nothing to "draw attention to." No one cares if your MOH is single...except of course the other hot, single people who might be interested to see that she's available. =)
Posted by NOLAbridealmost[/QUOTE]

Well said, NOLA. I rolled my eyes at that logic myself.

banana468 · April 2012

Thanks NOLA. That logic baffled me.

Summer2011Bride · April 2012

OP, the bottom line is your MOH (who is probably someone very close to you) said she is uncomfortable/offended by the idea of being split up during the reception. If you care about her at all (and I'm assuming you do), then you should NOT do what you have planned. There are lots of other options to head tables which PPs have suggested.

kateguess22 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_having-a-head-table?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:2d6a8c17-03fb-455a-85e8-63e16295ddfcPost:e3653557-dc0a-4d7e-a33a-2cf32e3d66f7">HAVING A HEAD TABLE!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I have always wanted to have a head table with my bridesmaids and my FI groomsmen! I was thinking of having a separate table for all of the bridal party's dates just during dinner. After that the bridal party can do what they want. My MOH is upset that she wont be able to sit with her date and thinks I am being rude.... Not sure what to do. This is the only situation that works for my FI and I and our families.
Posted by AileenK18[/QUOTE]

Wow, I am shocked that your MOH told you that she felt upset that she couldn't sit with her date. She thinks you're being rude? It is so normal and so so common to have this set-up at a wedding! Whenever I'm a bridesmaid I always sit at the head table and yeah, I admit it, it always sucks to not be able to have dinner with my fiance. When he's been a groomsmen I'm always at the 'dates-and-siblings-table" where I don't know anyone at first. But the fact is that it's up to the couple and I would never tell my friend that she was being rude or that I'm upset about it. I haven't read all the other responses yet but I wouldn't change anything if this is what you want then go for it. She is being rude to you to make you feel badly about it. It comes with the territory of being a MOH.

Having said that, personally I'm not a big fan of head tables and we're skipping it at our wedding. But the point is that is our choice to make and we'd be hurt if anyone questioned our etiquette or got upset about the seating arrangement.

Basically I'm just feeling bad for you that you have to deal with this issue.

littleluckypenny · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_having-a-head-table?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:2d6a8c17-03fb-455a-85e8-63e16295ddfcPost:0fe11e23-4eed-460c-aad6-3656c191f85a">Re: HAVING A HEAD TABLE!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to HAVING A HEAD TABLE!! : Wow, I am shocked that your MOH told you that she felt upset that she couldn't sit with her date. She thinks you're being rude? It is so normal and so so common to have this set-up at a wedding! <strong>Whenever I'm a bridesmaid I always sit at the head table and yeah, I admit it, it always sucks to not be able to have dinner with my fiance. When he's been a groomsmen I'm always at the 'dates-and-siblings-table" where I don't know anyone at first.</strong> But the fact is that it's up to the couple and I would never tell my friend that she was being rude or that I'm upset about it. I haven't read all the other responses yet but I wouldn't change anything if this is what you want then go for it. She is being rude to you to make you feel badly about it. It comes with the territory of being a MOH. Having said that, personally I'm not a big fan of head tables and we're skipping it at our wedding. <strong>But the point is that is our choice to make and we'd be hurt if anyone questioned our etiquette or got upset about the seating arrangement.</strong> Basically I'm just feeling bad for you that you have to deal with this issue.
Posted by kateguess22[/QUOTE]

If you KNOW firsthand that it sucks, why in the world would you encourage someone else to do that to others?!?!?? That makes absolutely no sense.

kateguess22 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_having-a-head-table?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:2d6a8c17-03fb-455a-85e8-63e16295ddfcPost:14a50b8d-4e08-4b72-9900-af1f35bc6961">Re: HAVING A HEAD TABLE!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: HAVING A HEAD TABLE!! : If you KNOW firsthand that it sucks, why in the world would you encourage someone else to do that to others?!?!?? That makes absolutely no sense.
Posted by littleluckypenny[/QUOTE]

I can honestly understand why it seems that it makes no sense. I was a MOH at my friends wedding last fall and she wanted a head table. It was her and her new husband in the middle, with bridesmaids on one side of her and groomsmen on the other. My finace sat at a date table so we couldn't have dinner together. Admittedly, yes, it's fair to say that sucked. lol. But you know what- that's what my friend wanted. I can't imagine if I had told her beforehand that was rude and that I was upset about it. Would she have changed the whole seating plan? She might have. It would have been really upsetting to her and I feel that would have been rude of me. Even at my fiance's mothers wedding five years ago he sat up with her at the head table and I sat in the back with people I didn't know. To me, it is part of weddings and very common. I've never heard before of anyone making the bride feel badly about it. The OP said that she's always wanted a head table. I don't think it's right that her MOH is making her feel badly about it. In my opinion, and obviously this is only my opinion, the bride is okay to make a call on this one and her bridesmaids should try to understand.

I totally agree that it's better for the bridesmaids to be able to eat dinner with their dates, but that's up to the bride and groom and wanting a head table is completely understandable.

banana468 · April 2012

So the bride gets to say "You know whatthe photos and what I want are far too important to me so I'm going to get what I want. That might be rude and I might be treating you like crap but it's MY WEDDING and you're supposed to be cool with being treated like crap if I get to wear the white dress mmmk?" Huh?

kateguess22 · April 2012

Yes I do think that the bride (and groom) get to choose the seating arrangement and if there is a head table, who sits there, etc. I don't think that's rude or unfair or meant to be hurtful. I also think that if you are in someone's wedding party that you should let her make this choice with her fiance and just be supportive. There's nothing wrong with a bride and groom making this choice!

banana468 · April 2012

Except that there's everything wrong with it and no good reason to do it.

trishshome23 · April 2012

I THINK THESE PEOPLE ARE BEING SILLY!!!!!!!!!!! IF YOU WANT A HEAD TABLE THE HEAD TABLE IS FOR THE WEDDING PARTY ONLY!!! HELLO PEOPLE GO TO WEDDINGS AND SEE THIS!!!!!! People should understand this when u ask them to be in the wedding party if they dont like it they dont have to be in the wedding party!!!! Plus even if the couples would be up there it would look odd. the bridesmaids are on the brides side of the table and the groomsman are on the grooms side. thats just how it is at normal weddings. I am tradition on this, but I do have the partners of my wedding party at a honors table because they are a little special. I have my 9 bridesmaids on my right and he has his 9 groomsman on his left, my personal attendent and ushers will be at a honors table and at that table will be the spouses, but I also have 3 family honor tables.

Do what you want they will go along with what you want anyways, dinner is only 30 minutes out of the night!

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