Did this kind of make anyone else angry/confused?

mirandapedigo · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_did-this-kind-of-anyone-else-angryconfused?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:7c4bcf1f-96ed-42c4-a119-90ae2916dc29Post:71e8b585-b7bd-44b2-b90b-4ff0c10ce2e2">Re: Did this kind of make anyone else angry/confused?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Did this kind of make anyone else angry/confused? : It's not really psychoanalysis to see the groom shoving cake up the bride's nose and think, "Whoa, they've got issues." Just observation. Even if the guests aren't directly involved, it's off-putting and uncomfortable to watch. Are you really suggesting you can dictate what your guests THINK? Really?
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

I don't believe that anyone shouuld feel the need to dictate their guests thoughts whatsoever, but I honestly do believe in simple courtesy, respect, etiquette, and manners. I wouldn't go to a close friend or family members wedding and think badly of them for making decisions that I personally would not make. I may not want cake smashed in my face but feeling that it's inappropriate for the rest of the world to do it or judging someone based on that is just so childish.

tenofcups4me · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_did-this-kind-of-anyone-else-angryconfused?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:7c4bcf1f-96ed-42c4-a119-90ae2916dc29Post:edb3f958-469d-4071-b15a-01eb0333be29">Re: Did this kind of make anyone else angry/confused?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Did this kind of make anyone else angry/confused? : I don't believe that anyone shouuld feel the need to dictate their guests thoughts whatsoever, but I honestly do believe in simple courtesy, respect, etiquette, and manners. I wouldn't go to a close friend or family members wedding and think badly of them for making decisions that I personally would not make. I may not want cake smashed in my face but feeling that it's inappropriate for the rest of the world to do it or judging someone based on that is just so childish.
Posted by mirandapedigo[/QUOTE]

Your post is hysterical. Someone who advocates throwing food in someone else's face is lecturing others on "simple courtesy, respect, etiquette, and manners." And telling them not to be "so childish."

You know what? You do stupid sh*t at your wedding and people will judge you for it.

MzZig2004 · July 2010

I think that cake smashing is immature and disrespectful. After spending all the time and money on the dress, hair, and makeup. Why would you do this to someone that you honor and charish?

202987 · July 2010

Butting in...
Regardless of my feelings on cake smashing, I think the key is that the couple is on board. If both people think it is cute, that is fine. When one feeds the cake nicely and ends up with a faceful of fondant, and is upset afterwards, then it isn't funny.
I think what the quotes meant was if, let's say, I specifically tell FI not to smash cake in my face, and he does anyways, then there is a lack of respect for my feelings. In that instance, this is a bigger issue than just cake, but a situation like that would indicate underlying problems.
On the other hand, if the couple enjoys it, then good for them-that is how they play, and while I may not care for the tradition, they are having fun-and in the end that is beautiful, buttercream eyelashes and all.

kmabjo · July 2010

Tasteless and classless. You pay so much money to look nice. There is nothing wrong with feeing each other cake, but smashing in into the other person's face is childish.

mirandapedigo · July 2010

Tenofcups4me

I think you misread..
"I may not want cake smashed in my face but feeling that it's inappropriate for the rest of the world to do it or judging someone based on that is just so childish."

"I may not want cake smashed in my face" Meaning I do not advocate or want cake smashed in my face or anyone elses, only that I would certainly not judge someone solely based on that. I don't think that I at any point lectured anyone, just that I expressed my feelings on the matter.

"judging someone based on that is just so childish." Meaning that I feel it's childish for people to base their feelings about someone or someones entire wedding based on their personal views on certain things like cake smashing, I feel this is a personal choice for anyone. Several of the things that I believe the term "childish" encompasses is judging someone based on preconcieved notions/prejudices(ie, a child may call someone 'fat' and not like them based on that), and thinking that all people should do things a certain way and if not they couldn't possibly just have different feelings they must just be 'stupid'(ie, "we should play softball instead of basketball because basketball is a stupid game and it's stupid to like it).

"And telling them not to be "so childish." "
I certainly never meant to/did not tell anyone "not to be "so childish". I'm sorry it came across that way.

For the record
I do not like cake smashing, but it is sososo relative. Meaning it's not childish to people that have that sort of respect for their new spouse, it's simply a game. I don't think assuming that all people are "romantic" or want to have a "romantic wedding" is correct, some people are goofy and therefore it's all in fun. Again, some people, some people may do it in a passive agressive way, but I would never assume that's the case without knowing. I think it's totally correct what 202987 said -- It is about if the couple is on board; if not then it's childish for the other peson to humiliate their new spouse in that way. But I'd like to keep in mind that everyone views there wedding in a different way.

Tessy87 · July 2010

i dont care if its at weddings or frown upon it. However, it will not be at my wedding and my fiance agrees. Im spending a lot of money on make-up/hair/dress that i dont need it to be waisted like that. i think its cute though if something silly and light hearted happens, if it was a little frosting on the tip of the nose or something. But i think its kind of bazzar to go bat crazy smearing and all over the place cake.

poetregina · July 2010

My fiance and I have agreed not to do the cake smashing, as you call it, because that is a day that we will look our best. We don't want to mess it up by putting food on our faces. We did, however, disagree about the idea of feeding each other the cake. I say, no, it's cliche and cheesy. He thinks it's a good photo op.

mirandapedigo · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_did-this-kind-of-anyone-else-angryconfused?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:7c4bcf1f-96ed-42c4-a119-90ae2916dc29Post:c55af1e0-5a03-4fc8-affd-033d42d2fbd7">Re: Did this kind of make anyone else angry/confused?</a>:
[QUOTE]The custom is to FEED the cake, as symbolic of sharing a first meal. Sharing food and a household was an ancient "ceremony" of marriage. Someone decided smashing it was cool and fun. I'm in the tacky camp. Why begin a marriage by assaulting your beloved? My second husband (widowed once, divorced once prior to this) promised not to smash, but did anyway. I had frosting up my nose, all over my glasses, and it cost extra to get the pink rose color out of my gown. I had to laugh when i wanted to do was cry, and you can see my dad's clenched fists in the wedding photo. Small wonder I divorced the A-hole later.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

Aww, that's so sad. That sound terrible, I think I probably would cry if my fiance did that to me. I really do want it to be a sweet moment(the feeding the cake) and I definitely love the symbology of it, especially because we're very big on the symbology aspect of the wedding

cellarius · July 2010

ehh it's a little childish lol but can be sweet. no i don't expect a food smashing fiesta but i think a little smudging or feeding enough for cute pics is the norm. even if they did do a little more than usual i would never think oh they're just taking out their aggression.. that's pretty ridiculous and a crazy leap to make.. whoever jumped to that conclusion or would say that is reading wayyy too much into something and i agree probably has their own issues. and no i don't think most guests would think it anything other than an odd/corny tradition at worst..

cellarius · July 2010

totally agree with 202987!

SparrowSong · July 2010

I judge cake-smashers. At best I find it trite and already done. Not surprising. Not funny. Not cute. At worst I find it disrespectful and demeaning of a new spouse on a day when you would think two people would be most loving towards each other. I see someone grinding a handful of cake into their partner's face, I'm thinking "I give them two-years, tops."

Of all the old wedding traditions (wearing white, walking down aisle with father, bouquet tossing), when you really break them down and examine the symbolism, feeding each other a bite of cake is one of the few I really like. It's about equality and partnership and saying you will always do what you can to feed and nurture your partner. Ignoring that symbolism and instead smashing cake all over the spouse, ruining makeup, making them look disgusting... Sorry, but that's Tacky with a capital T.

knottief7f08860652a16bf · July 2010

I've always hated cake smashing and agree that it' often passive aggressive... or if it's nice it's just stupid and "cutesy"-- If you make people watch you in a ridiculous spectacle, be prepared for some of them to form opinions. it's human nature.

MyNameIsNot · July 2010

Why does this confuse you?

Cake smashing is classless and juvenile. It screams white trash. How is it confusing that people would point that out? Did you honestly believe that most people think such a tacky thing is cute?

MeaghanandMichael · July 2010

Ew.

People are not seriously defending cake smashing in this thread, right? This is a bad dream, right?

tldh · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_did-this-kind-of-anyone-else-angryconfused?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:7c4bcf1f-96ed-42c4-a119-90ae2916dc29Post:da71e53d-bdc6-44e1-a219-60c64c98b1d2">Re: Did this kind of make anyone else angry/confused?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ew. People are not seriously defending cake smashing in this thread, right? This is a bad dream, right?
Posted by MeaghanandMichael[/QUOTE]

Unfortunately M&M they are. I said earlier I have only seen it at weddings where a bookie could have been in the back of church taking bets on when the divorce would happen. I agree w/PPs that this just screams white trash and is incredibly disrespectful to your new spouse and btw, nice way to show your new inlaws how you respect him/her.

phut_action · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_did-this-kind-of-anyone-else-angryconfused?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:7c4bcf1f-96ed-42c4-a119-90ae2916dc29Post:3d28d7c7-1afa-47cb-ad0e-ead153249a19">Re: Did this kind of make anyone else angry/confused?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't have a problem with it, but I do think it's kind of goofy and immature.
Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>That's why I wanna do it :D </div><div>
</div><div>I think it depends on the couple, and how they get along. My fiancee and I would have a blast with this, no passive-aggressive undertones for us. We're just kinda childishly playful with each other and we're all for it. Then again when we have frustrations with each other 90% of the time we discuss it. (The other 10% are small frustrations not worth sweating over and we let it slide). </div><div>
</div><div>For the most part I think people with their own issues read too much into it. Rarely, some couples have been uncomfortable to watch for me, cuz some people you just know there was too much satisfaction in it. Then again, maybe its good to get a little frustration out right there. Then you can let it go and have fun the rest of the night, I think it can set a very fun tone. </div><div>
</div><div>p.s. - It def does not "scream white trash." I think its trashy of the PP to say that.</div><div>
</div>

tldh · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_did-this-kind-of-anyone-else-angryconfused?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:7c4bcf1f-96ed-42c4-a119-90ae2916dc29Post:de4ca089-4383-49a0-8397-543732877b84">Re: Did this kind of make anyone else angry/confused?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Did this kind of make anyone else angry/confused? : That's why I wanna do it :D I think it depends on the couple, and how they get along. My fiancee and I would have a blast with this, no passive-aggressive undertones for us. We're just kinda childishly playful with each other and we're all for it. Then again when we have frustrations with each other 90% of the time we discuss it. (The other 10% are small frustrations not worth sweating over and we let it slide). For the most part I think people with their own issues read too much into it. Rarely, some couples have been uncomfortable to watch for me, cuz some people you just know there was too much satisfaction in it. Then again, maybe its good to get a little frustration out right there. Then you can let it go and have fun the rest of the night, I think it can set a very fun tone. p.s. -<strong> It def does not "scream white trash." I think its trashy of the PP to say that.</strong>
Posted by phut_action[/QUOTE]

How is it trashy to point this out? You can call it snobbish or elitist, but trashy? Really? Let me ask you something, at whose wedding would you be more likely to have seen cake smashing: Brittney Spears or Jenna Bush? Both southern girls, one white trash, the other raised with class. Halle Berry or Snookie? Both northern girls, one raised (in Cleveland btw) with class and one who is the poster child for classless. The weddings where I have seen it, I had come to the conclusion long before that day that the couple were white trash - and some of them were relatives.

j&n3 · July 2010

Any other day, I'd be goofy and smash food in my FI face, but never on my wedding day! I'd be too embarrassed to besides, what a mess! But I think the article is looking too far into it. It's all right for some and not for others. Depends on the people.

Jax333 · July 2010

my FI wouldn't have done it anyway, but just to be perfectly positive he didn't I told him I planned on selling my wedding dress, and that it would lose its value if it got cake on it. (which was all the truth) Also telling him how much I paid for make-up helped.

LOL I enjoyed the person on this post who threatened to kick her FI in the balls if he did. hahaha I love it! It can really turn into a back and forth type food fight, which is such a waste of time. I'd rather be dancing and enjoying myself then revisiting my days of middle school style hijinks. The reason people take it so seriously and feel so strongly about it is because it really is just lame. Save the food fights for the cafeteria!!

Belle2Be · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_did-this-kind-of-anyone-else-angryconfused?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:7c4bcf1f-96ed-42c4-a119-90ae2916dc29Post:de4ca089-4383-49a0-8397-543732877b84">Re: Did this kind of make anyone else angry/confused?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Did this kind of make anyone else angry/confused? : That's why I wanna do it :D I think it depends on the couple, and how they get along. My fiancee and I would have a blast with this, no passive-aggressive undertones for us. We're just kinda childishly playful with each other and we're all for it. Then again when we have frustrations with each other 90% of the time we discuss it. (The other 10% are small frustrations not worth sweating over and we let it slide). For the most part I think people with their own issues read too much into it. Rarely, some couples have been uncomfortable to watch for me, cuz some people you just know there was too much satisfaction in it. Then again, maybe its good to get a little frustration out right there. Then you can let it go and have fun the rest of the night, I think it can set a very fun tone. p.s. - It def does not "scream white trash." I think its trashy of the PP to say that.
Posted by phut_action[/QUOTE]

This exactly.
My DF and I have marshmellow "fights" all the time, I guess letting loose and having a great time together makes us passive agressive and doomed from the start.

I saw the CUTEST cakesmash a couple weeks ago, the groom fed the bride neatly, then the "audience" egged her on and she got some on his face, then he did a full bend her backwards kiss and got the rest on her, it was FAR from tacky.

MyNameIsNot · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_did-this-kind-of-anyone-else-angryconfused?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:7c4bcf1f-96ed-42c4-a119-90ae2916dc29Post:de4ca089-4383-49a0-8397-543732877b84">Re: Did this kind of make anyone else angry/confused?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Did this kind of make anyone else angry/confused? : That's why I wanna do it :D I think it depends on the couple, and how they get along. My fiancee and I would have a blast with this, no passive-aggressive undertones for us. We're just kinda childishly playful with each other and we're all for it. Then again when we have frustrations with each other 90% of the time we discuss it. (The other 10% are small frustrations not worth sweating over and we let it slide). For the most part I think people with their own issues read too much into it. Rarely, some couples have been uncomfortable to watch for me, cuz some people you just know there was too much satisfaction in it. Then again, maybe its good to get a little frustration out right there. Then you can let it go and have fun the rest of the night, I think it can set a very fun tone. p.s. - <strong>It def does not "scream white trash." I think its trashy of the PP to say that.</strong>
Posted by phut_action[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>You seem to be confused about what trashy means. </div><div>
</div><div>Acting like a child during an important event? Trashy. Pointing it out? Not so much. </div><div>
</div>

MeaghanandMichael · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_did-this-kind-of-anyone-else-angryconfused?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:7c4bcf1f-96ed-42c4-a119-90ae2916dc29Post:87101516-6637-42ae-ab02-cff2484f631b">Re: Did this kind of make anyone else angry/confused?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Did this kind of make anyone else angry/confused? : This exactly. My DF and I have marshmellow "fights" all the time, I guess letting loose and having a great time together makes us passive agressive and doomed from the start. I saw the CUTEST cakesmash a couple weeks ago, the groom fed the bride neatly, then<strong> the "audience" egged her on and she got some on his face,</strong> then he did a full bend her backwards kiss and got the rest on her, it was FAR from tacky.
Posted by Belle2Be[/QUOTE]

This is also trashy. What kind of wedding guests scream for a cake fight?

[Deleted User] · July 2010

We smashed lit cigarettes in each other's faces. It was romantic.

Belle2Be · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_did-this-kind-of-anyone-else-angryconfused?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:7c4bcf1f-96ed-42c4-a119-90ae2916dc29Post:ad25cf2d-dcb4-47c6-a721-deab578371c5">Re: Did this kind of make anyone else angry/confused?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Did this kind of make anyone else angry/confused? : This is also trashy. What kind of wedding guests scream for a cake fight?
Posted by MeaghanandMichael[/QUOTE]

It was an 80k wedding, far from trashy. And I didn't "screamed for a cake fight", did I.

2trumpets · July 2010

FI and I are doing it. We trust each other each to have fun with it but not make a complete mess of each other. We are not using this as a way to vent frustration and those find this a passive aggressive act are really reading into a couple unfairly. I really think that article is composed of comments that are designed to get a rise out of people. Definitely haven't seen any of that here....

alaea · July 2010

Definately not funny to me...It's one thing to be a bit playful...but to smash food in someone's face is immature and disgusting...
I actually witnessed a wedding, where the hubby was sweet and didn't smash his bride's face with cake, and her sister absoutely flipped, grabbed a handful of cake and chased, yes CHASED the bride down, tackled her, and smeared cake all over her face, hair and the upper parts of her wedding gown....THAT is disturbing... All the new husband could do is hurry over, help his poor bride to her feet, and wonder what the heck he just got himself into...
They are still married for the record...as for what on earth got into her sister? no clue...to this day it was just completely out of the blue...

phut_action · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_did-this-kind-of-anyone-else-angryconfused?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:7c4bcf1f-96ed-42c4-a119-90ae2916dc29Post:c55af1e0-5a03-4fc8-affd-033d42d2fbd7">Re: Did this kind of make anyone else angry/confused?</a>:
[QUOTE] Why begin a marriage by assaulting your beloved?
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Wow, assault? You're either being really over-dramatic or your man was and idiot (actually judging by the rest of your post he was probably an idiot). </div><div>
</div><div>Seriously, most PP need to lighten up a little. It may not be for you, and thats fine if you'd rather not have greasy icing all over your face, but don't call it an assault. </div>

jlmarks83 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_did-this-kind-of-anyone-else-angryconfused?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:7c4bcf1f-96ed-42c4-a119-90ae2916dc29Post:b81f9120-27df-4f3d-b9a0-7ea9712b2e9c">Re: Did this kind of make anyone else angry/confused?</a>:
[QUOTE]FI wanted to do it until he read somewhere that couples that cake smash have a higher rate of divorce than those that don't. I have no idea how credible that "study" was, but I'm glad he changed his mind!
Posted by lizzi97[/QUOTE]

My FI saw this article, too. We've <em>never</em> planned on doing the cake smashing. And this study only made us feel even better about our decision. We don't understand the whole cake smashing thing and prefer to be mature and just feed each other our cake.

MissSarahB · July 2010

I cannot stand cake smashing. I see it as immature. The moment is supposed to be romantic, not childish.

Now, I've seen teeny smashes...where the cake is in the Bride or Grooms mouth and they just help it in, which is playful. I've also seen the groom put a dab of icing on the brides nose and kiss it off. That was adorable. But the last thing I would want as a bride is a piece of cake smashed in my face. Just my opinion.

Did this kind of make anyone else angry/confused?

Re: Did this kind of make anyone else angry/confused?

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