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Wedding Etiquette Forum
Should I Be Offended...?
A close friend of mine from high school is getting married this summer & I have been put in a situation where I'm not sure how to respond. Her & I were best friends in high school (we graduated in 2008) and have kept in contact since then. I got an invitation to her Bridal Shower, in which there was a slip that says their wedding will be private. I read on her that it is very bad etiquette to invite someone to the bridal shower but not the wedding. (As to say "Youre not good enough to see me get married, but come & give me money anyway.")
Something that also complicates the situation is that my FH is a member of her family, meaning that he will be invited but that he wont be allowed to have a +1.
I sort of feel like seeing as how I'm not invited to her wedding, that she & her FH shouldn't be invited to mine. & I am honestly considering not going to the bridal shower because I don't feel like I should hand her my hard earned money when I wasn't invited.
Am I wrong to feel this way? Have any of you girls been put in this situation and what did you do? I am completely unsure about how to react...
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Should I Be Offended...?
If you wind up not being invited to the wedding, decline the shower invite.
If you originally wanted them both at your wedding, invite them. Not inviting them because of what they have done is not a good reason.
EDIT: extra word...good job brain
She's equally wrong in inviting your FI without a plus-one - if she actually is, though. If it's that "private" it may be immediate family only, and judging by the fact you didn't say it's his sister or something, that may not include him.
Don't not invite them because she's not inviting you, though. Circumstances differ.
I would say don't go to the shower. It's in really poor taste to invite people who aren't invited to the wedding. If they choose to have a "private" wedding then they automatically choose to have a really tiny shower.
Regarind the plus 1 thing, it's crazy that your FI won't be allowed a guest since you guys are engaged. Again, against etiquette/good sense. Wait until (and if) the wedding invite shows up and see what it says. You can always write your name in (kidding.. kind of).
I wouldn't get into the "you didn't invite me so I'm not going to invite you game" though. Be the bigger person.
OP, you don't know for sure that your FI won't be able to have you as a guest or not. If you want to go to the shower and give a gift to your friend 'just because', then go for it. If you'd rather decline because there's a possibility of not being invited to the wedding, then that's fine too.
Frankly, it is rude to invite someone to a shower and not to the wedding. But if I had a good friend (and soon to be family member) who was having a small, private wedding, yet invited me to the shower I think I would be disappointed but still feel happy to attend the shower and give a nice gift to a friend. But that's me.
Sorry to thread-jack.
[QUOTE]Oh, and Laurenpm you have the cutest puppy EVAR!!! WHat kind of dog is it? Sorry to thread-jack.
Posted by achiduck[/QUOTE]
<div>Thanks :) She's a lab/beagle/red heeler mix....basically she's a mutt. haha </div>
As for whether or not to invite her to your wedding, I'm not sure; I would go with your gut on this one. I have a similar situation going on - one of my closest friends from high school is getting married a month before me. I just found out from some mutual friends that they were invited and I was not. I was pretty hurt, especially since I was going to invite her to my wedding. Now, I'm not so sure since our friendship doesn't seem valued to her.
Dont' worry about her wedding. If your DH gets invited without you, that's pretty rude and I'd assume he woudlnt' go.
Invite her to your wedding your wedding. Sounds like you were planning on it and she's family. Be the bigger person.
[QUOTE]I can never understand why people need to ask whether or not they should be offended or not. You either are or you aren't.
Posted by LessThanZero[/QUOTE]
I think this every time I see that question as well. I don't get it.
OP, other posters alredy covered it. Do you know for sure you aren't invited to the wedding? Do you know for sure the FH is? It sounds like you don't want to go to the shower, so don't go. It is rude of her to invite you to the shower if she knows you aren't invited to the wedding, but what's done is done. It's up to you if you'd still like to attend or not. Also, I wouldn't not invite somebody to my wedding just because I wasn't invited to theirs. If you originally wanted them there, keep them on the guest list. Not inviting them just because they didn't invite you seems petty to me.
Best wishes in whatever you decide.
[QUOTE]My FH (were not engaged, but are quietly gathering wedding ideas) is her cousin. Him and I have been together for almost a year and a half & are partly together due to her encouragement. Her fiance is kinda weird ( doesn't like people...at all. & wanted to do a courthouse wedding.) They have a 6 month old son, but are planning a wedding in like 2 months. It kind of confuses my why they're rushing getting married, if the baby is already here. Alot of mine & her mutual friends will be invited, but I don't see it being a FANTASTIC time like I hope my bridal shower will be. The shower invitation says where they're registered, but they're not moving out on their own- she's moving in with him & his elderly grandmother. I'm a college student, already struggling with money as is & am unsure I'll be able to afford anything for them. I was going to have her be a bm in my wedding, but decided against that a while back. I will probably invite them, but am doubting that they come- due to her FHs lack of social skills.
Posted by KhaosBabiie[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Ok, first, you sound really judgmental. You have a boyfriend, not a "future husband". She has a FH, as they are engaged. Why does it matter when they decide to get married? Whats wrong with planning a wedding in 2 months? Whats wrong with a courthouse wedding? So what if she's moving in with him and his elderly grandma? You really shouldn't go to a shower empty-handed.
</div>
[QUOTE]I get what you're both saying Birdie & Ghoti. But whether she's officially engaged or not, they've been together long enough to be considered a social unit. I would personally decline the shower invite, invite them to your wedding, and if my FI/BF (whatever) was invited to the wedding and I wasn't? I wouldn't go and neither would my FI/BF.
Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]
Noone has been invited to the wedding yet, she's assuming her boyfriend would be invited and she wouldn't. It could very well be that the shower invite was generic, and the bride fully plans on inviting both, or neither. <div>
</div><div>And I agree Birdie, I was just peeved at the rest of her post so I threw that in there <span style="font-size:10px;" class="Apple-style-span"><img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-innocent.gif" border="0" alt="Innocent" title="Innocent" /></span></div>