acknowledging a deceased loved one

JZags · July 2010

Hi Everyone!
I've looked through a couple pages of posts and didn't see this topic, but I apologize if I'm repeating a question that's already been asked. Long story short, my fiance lost his sister, his only sibling, in a car accident a few years ago and they were best friends. I never knew her but have done all that I can to learn about her. It's obviously been the single most devastating thing to happen to their family and my fiance. She was a beautiful, wonderful person and I wish so badly that I could've known her.
Anyway, I'm looking for ideas on how to honor her at our wedding. She would've been one of my bridesmaids I am sure and I can't seem to find a way that seems fitting to acknowledge that we all wish she were with us. Often times, I can tell that the thought of her not being here to join in the wedding hurts my fiance so much. I'd like to find a way to honor her that is not so overwhelming that it detracts from the happiness of the wedding and makes his family sad, but a way to acknowledge that although she's not physically here, I am sure she is spiritually with us.
I also don't want to upset anyone by making a bigger deal of his sister passing away than I do of my grandparents and others that cannot be here with us, but this was obviously sudden and unexpected and was a greater loss than I could ever imagine.
Her favorite flower was a lily so I'd like to incorporate that into the flowers but also something else. So obviously this wasn't "long story short" sorry!
Anyone been in this situation? Any ideas are welcome. Thanks ladies!

Knittibell · July 2010

You could order one of these- another bride here just got one and is THRILLED with it, put a photo of his sister in it- http://www.etsy.com/listing/51692695/bridal-photo-frame-bracelet-with-crystal?ref=sr_list_5&ga_search_query=memory+photo+bracelet&ga_search_type=handmade&ga_page=&order=&includes[]=tags&includes[]=title

I think the Lily idea is nice

Did she have a cause she was passionate about, like animal welfare? You could make a donation, in her memory, in lieu of doing favors, and then have a card at each table that reads:

In honor of our wedding, and in Memoriam of John's late sister, Lily, we have made a donation to the ASPCA in lieu of wedding favors. Lily was always passionate about animal welfare, and we wanted to honor her memory on our wedding by supporting a cause she supported in life.

ETA- was there a really, really fun song she LOVED? If so, I'd have fi say something like "I want to dedicate this next song to my late sister. I know she is with us in spirit, and would be the first person on the floor when she heard this song- we love you and miss you! (Cue fun dance song!) I do believe celebrating life is the best way to honor those we've lost.

lam11 · July 2010

We're honoring our grandparents that can't be there that day by having a table at the reception of just their pictures and candles and then a photo frame listing who they are....

My FI & I had a miscarriage not to long ago, I'm not ashamed of us being pregnant,most people don't know that we were but I have a plaque I'm putting up on the table for that.The people that are closest to us will know what it stands for and who.

I really like the Lily Idea though

_Dagney_ · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_acknowledging?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:de720696-1cfe-4841-a678-f2ed6f729294Post:1e4c3752-44f0-4a23-a537-220ef53b252d">Re: acknowledging a deceased loved one</a>:
[QUOTE]You could order one of these- another bride here just got one and is THRILLED with it, put a photo of his sister in it- <a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/51692695/bridal-photo-frame-bracelet-with-crystal?ref=sr_list_5&ga_search_query=memory+photo+bracelet&ga_search_type=handmade&ga_page=&order=" rel="nofollow">http://www.etsy.com/listing/51692695/bridal-photo-frame-bracelet-with-crystal?ref=sr_list_5&ga_search_query=memory+photo+bracelet&ga_search_type=handmade&ga_page=&order=</a> &includes[]=tags&includes[]=title I think the Lily idea is nice Did she have a cause she was passionate about, like animal welfare? You could make a donation, in her memory, in lieu of doing favors, and then have a card at each table that reads: In honor of our wedding, and in Memoriam of John's late sister, Lily, we have made a donation to the ASPCA in lieu of wedding favors. Lily was always passionate about animal welfare, and we wanted to honor her memory on our wedding by supporting a cause she supported in life. ETA- was there a really, really fun song she LOVED? If so, I'd have fi say something like "I want to dedicate this next song to my late sister. I know she is with us in spirit, and would be the first person on the floor when she heard this song- we love you and miss you! (Cue fun dance song!) I do believe celebrating life is the best way to honor those we've lost.
Posted by Knittibell[/QUOTE]

Reading these suggestions got my absolutely teary-eyed. I love every single one of them. I'd choose EITHER the song dedication OR the favor dedication in addition to the lily and/or the bracelet locket.

Knittibell · July 2010

Thanks. I'm a big believer in remembering people in the way they'd want to BE remembered. Am not a huge fan of the somber memorial candle- do something fun and/or meaningful to the deceased. She'd be so proud!

One thing I want to do, is play the wedding song each grandparent couple danced to for their first dance, as a nod to them at the reception.

MrsG2B83 · July 2010

We're having the same issue. My fiance's father committed suicide in 2002 and my mother passed away after a long illness this past January. I never knew my fiance's father but my fiance was getting really close to my mom. She was just starting to like him. He was devastated when she passed away and was a palbearer at the funeral. He even made a tribute video for our family.

My fiance is placing a picture of his dad in his pocket and I'm putting a picture of my mom in my bouquet. We're placing an "In Loving Memory" section in our programs to honor those we lost and they will be quickly mentioned in the prayer. Also, in the part of the program where it lists the parents of the bride and groom, we're placing a small cross next to the deceased parent's name. Maybe you could name the sister as an honorary bridesmaid.

I'm sorry for the in-law's loss and Good Luck.

JZags · July 2010

Thank you ladies, these are all great ideas. I'll probably find a way to incorporate most of them into the wedding. My fiance has already chosen all of his groomsmen and I have yet to choose my party (we're a little over a year away from our date) and I am thinking I may have one less bridesmaid than he does groomsmen. That will be her spot in our bridal party.

Knittibell, I LOVE that bracelt and contacted the jewelry artist about it. It's beautiful, thanks for the heads up!

Thanks everyone!

JZags · July 2010

Retread Bride,
I agree. I would of course speak to him and his family before giving it much more thought. We do alot of things to honor and celebrate her throughout the year so this could be something that is welcomed by them, or possibly not at all. I'll keep you posted though.
If they like the idea I would get their take on whether or not we would publicly acknowledge why I have one less member of my side of the bridal party or just be silent. I just attended a wedding where the bride had one less person on her side than did her groom just because she didn't have as many people that she felt close enough to than he did.
I am so sorry for your losses, no one can understand anyone's loss, especially something so personal like a miscarriage, but you are in my thoughts, as is everyone on this board that has lost a loved one.

gschiesser · July 2010

Thank you so much for starting this post. I lost my farther 7 years ago and the whole wedding without him had been very hard on me. I want a way to make him part of my wedding without making a big deal about it and the bracelet is a perfect way for me to have him with me on my special day. If I am lucky I can find a way to make them for my sister, mom and grandma as well.

JZags · July 2010

I am so sorry for the loss of your father. My uncle passed away 7 years ago as well and when my cousin got married she placed a single red rose on the chair that he would've sat in next to her Mom. It was a subtle, beautiful way to acknowledge him and my Aunt, her Mom, was then able to hang onto the rose, which she ended up doing through much of the wedding and reception. The bracelets area a beautiful idea as well!

cad5033 · July 2010

I was just at a wedding where they released balloons at the outdoor ceremony in memory of the couples' deceased grandparents. I also went to a wedding a few years back where the MOB had passed away. They left the first seat on the bride's side vacant and laid flowers on the chair. I thought this could be a good idea for you. Maybe leave a seat at your head table empty and fill it with what would have been her bouquet. This way it's like saying "you can't be replaced as a member of our family" but without having an announcement or something that might come off as a miny memorial service which might be rough on her close friends and family.

laura_fett · July 2010

We're having a vase in the front of the church with 5 roses for our grandparents that have passed away. We will put a little note in our program about our loved ones who are not with us.

JZags · July 2010

Great ideas! Thank you ladies!

sweetpea6603 · July 2010

Our daughter was stillborn in 2008 and I am still looking for ideas for ways to include her in our wedding. I love the idea of a balloon release. I found a bouquet charm that is a small picture frame to put her picture in and I plan to do a bouquet and picture on a table in the entry way to our reception. I am still looking for ideas for the ceremony though.

monique026 · July 2010

- I've seen women carry a photo on a charm on their bouquet as a way of remembering a lost loved one, here are examples:

http://www.jenniferschumacherphotography.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/09/maribeth08.jpg

http://www.weddingwindow.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/il_fullxfull.85252968-4001.jpg

- leave a rose and a program on the seat at the ceremony where the deceased loved one would have sat (usually a grandparent)

gschiesser · July 2010

Everybody has such great ideas. My uncle is the custodian at the church where we are getting married and is going to place my dads urn somewhere in the church so he is there with me but not in a noticeable place to upset my mother. I know the urn would be to much for her to handle but something lie a rose or bracelet would be easy for her. I love the ballon idea too.

gabeminamom · July 2010

I'm in the same boat, i lost my mom 2 years ago and my brother 4 years ago today (7/22). Myhusband and I are renewing our vows in Nov. We married inLas Vegas in 2000. It was supposed to be just him and I butmy mom had surprised us and showed up so she could walk me down the aisle. We married on a Tuesday so my dad couldn't get off work. My brother and sister couldn't go. So I really love the charm idea on the bouquet. As for my brother, he was tobe a groomsmen so what we are doing is we are going to have a stool at the alter with his picture and a boutineer to include him. During the reception there will be 2 open seats and we will have his boutineer and a coursage for my mom at her table. Also we plan on playing their songs. It is very h ard for me to do this without my whole family by my side, especially my mom. We are having the Pastor who married my brother officiate our renewal so that also helped me personally:). I really hope this helps you. Please feel free to ask me anything. As I am doing this day by day myself!

best wishes!

Tiffany

cupcakecolleen · July 2010

Some great ideas on here!! My FI's sister passed away less than a year ago (it will be just over a year at the wedding)and not only were they very close, but she was also one of my best friend's. It was very unexpected and hard on all of us (right before the holidays)

I am very excited to use at least one of these ideas. Thanks so much ladies!!

jcoder001 · July 2010

this is what me and my fi are doing for our wedding- we have alot of friends and family who passed away- we are having a assortment of flowers with a large candle in middle of it that is lite during the cermony- and in the program it says the the flowers on the table at the alter is in loving memory of family and friends who passed away and unable to attend the wedding.. then at the reception we have 1 table that is set up- china and all- the napkins are on the plates, silverware set and the cups upside down- and the arrangement with candle lite again in center- and once again acknowledged of them being there.

katia87 · July 2010

My mother and sisters are overseas , they may not be able to come and , i lost my first child, so i choose to write their name on the table instead of puting numbers on the table

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